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| Thread: Blond jokes. |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
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posted May 19, 2004 03:34 AM |
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Blond jokes.
Okay, I think we should start a collection of blond jokes.
I know there will be blonds out there who will disagree, but I'm one of them and I don't care,
I'll start us off then I will invite you to post your own blond jokes. Here goes:
A blond was driving down the freeway when her mobile phone rings. It's her husband on the phone and he says 'Honey are you driving on the freeway?'
'Yeah' she says, 'what's wrong?'
'Honey please be careful I just heard on the radio that there's some maniac driving down the wrong side of the freeway'.
'Just one?' she says. 'There's hundreds!!'
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To err is human, to arr is pirate.
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gorman
Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
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posted May 19, 2004 05:41 AM |
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How do u sink a submarine full of blondes?
*waits for answer*
Knock on the door! 
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When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case
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vicu
Tavern Dweller
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posted May 19, 2004 10:06 AM |
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but do you know how the blond jokes are created?
brunettes don't have anything else to do in weekends...
i know, i'm brunette...;-)
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Shirastro
Famous Hero
Happy happy joy joy
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posted May 19, 2004 09:05 PM |
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What doas a blond say when she wakes up under a cow?
"Guys, you'r still here!"......
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And now to the next post.
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frostwolf
Famous Hero
livin' in a bottle of vodka
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posted May 19, 2004 09:24 PM |
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The international worl wide contest to prove that blondes are not stupid is beeing held on a stadium. The smartest blonde comes down from the stand and goes to the judge( a guy).
Judge: 'What's 4*4?'
Blonde: '22'.
Blonde crowd on stadium:'Give her another chance,give her another chance!'
Judge:'What's 2*2?'
Blonde:'18.'
Blonde Crowd:'Give her another cvhance, give her another chance!!'
Judge:'Ok. What's 1*1?'
Blonde:'1.'
Blonde crowd:'Give her another chance, give her another chance!'
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What can you expect from a world where everybody lives because they're too afraid to commit suicide?
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vicu
Tavern Dweller
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posted May 20, 2004 03:36 PM |
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two alligators meet and one says: i ate a blond today!
second asks: and how was it? tasty?
first: well yes, but her head was so empty that i still can't dive...
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Sir_Stiven
Honorable
Legendary Hero
banned
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posted May 20, 2004 03:50 PM |
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hehe the best blonde joke ive heard is actually about the blonde guys.. not the girls.
It goes like this:
do you know why blondes have bruisemarks all around their bellybutton?
- because blonde guys isnt very clever either...
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ratmonky
Famous Hero
Abu Hur Ibn Rashka
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posted May 20, 2004 05:55 PM |
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Here's a very good one:
BLONDE DEODORANT
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."
and one more to come:
BANK ROBBERY
Two blondes, Trisha and Robin decided to rob a bank together.
The first blonde, Trisha plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Robin, in great detail.
The robbery begins. Trisha drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Robin, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan.
You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," said Robin.
Robin goes in the bank while Trisha waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes . . .
Two minutes pass . . .
Seven minutes pass . . . and Trisha is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Robin. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Trisha says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Robin said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," said Trish. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
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malkia
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted May 21, 2004 12:25 AM |
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Q: Why all blond-jokes are short?
A: Cause, brunnettes have short memories.
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Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
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posted May 21, 2004 02:01 AM |
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A few more 4 you all. Keep em comin'
Did you hear about the blonde mom who kept an icepack on her chest to keep the milk fresh?
A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they just don't remember who with.
BLONDE: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
BLONDE: (puzzled look on her face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups. The doctor asked the red head"In what position was the baby conceived ?"
"He was on top ", she replied.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The brunette was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl." said the doctor.
With this, the blond, burst into tears.
"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....
More tomorrow
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To err is human, to arr is pirate.
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Dingo
Responsible
Legendary Hero
God of Dark SPAM
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posted May 21, 2004 02:13 AM |
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Q: How do you know if a Blond was masturbating in a car?
A: Theres a condom on the stick shift.
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The Above Post/Thread/Idea Is CopyRighted by, The Dingo Corp.
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BountyHunter97
Famous Hero
King of all that is Chicken
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posted May 21, 2004 07:02 AM |
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Heres 1-
A blonde a burrnet and redhead all jumped off a cliff, why did the blonde hit the ground last?
Answer)The blonde had to stop for directions.
Another one-
Q)How do u drown a blonde?
A)Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted May 21, 2004 07:22 AM |
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something about turtles, and theres a bed attached to a blondes back.
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What are you up to
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted May 21, 2004 11:55 AM |
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Why a blonde joke section?
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"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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LordZXZX
Famous Hero
Overfished
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posted May 21, 2004 02:14 PM |
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Why, Trogdor, are you blonde?
A ventriloquist was performing on stage with his dummy, telling some blonde jokes. Everyone was laughing, but a blonde among the audience was not amused. Finally, she could not stand it anymore, and said:"Listen here, you. Why do you discriminate against people because of their hair colour?! It's people like you who are the reason why people like me aren't respected at work!"
The ventriloquist then said:" OK, no more blonde jokes."
The blonde then replied:"You stay out of this. I'm talking to the guy on your lap!"
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Svarog
Honorable
Supreme Hero
statue-loving necrophiliac
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posted May 22, 2004 02:29 AM |
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Here, some good ones i found
A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping."
A blond, brunette, and redhead were caught on enemy territory, and were put on trial. They were found guilty, and were sentenced to death by a firing squad.The next day, the three women were lined up.
The redhead was up first.The leader yelled "READY... AIM........", but just then, the Redhead yelled "TORNADO!!" and when they all looked, she ran away.
Next was the brunette. The leader yelled "READY... AIM.....", but just then, she yelled "FLOOD!!" and when they all turned to look, she ran away.
Last was the blond. The leader yelled, "READY... AIM....." and the blond, seeing the pattern, yelled "FIRE!!".
A blonde is driving the wrong way down a one-way street late at night. There is a cop sitting across the street, and he sees this, so he pulls her over. He walks up to the window and bends down to ask for her driver's license.
She looks at him stupidly and says, "Driver's license? What's that??"
He tells her "It's the little rectangular thing with your picture on it, that says you can drive a car."
"OH DUH!!! OK... Here ya go!"
He looks at it and then asks if he can see her proof of insurance.
She looks at him, even more confused than before, and says, "Insurance? What's that?"
He rolls his eyes and tells her, "It's the little piece of paper that says if you have a wreck, that someone is going to pay for the damage.
"OH DUH!!! OK... I know what that is now... Here ya go!"
He starts thinking how dumb this woman is, and glances around to see if anyone else is around or might see what's going on, but no one is, so he unzip his pants, and pulls it out. She looks at him, looks at it, and exclaims, "OH NO! Not another breathalyzer test!"
What's the difference between a blond and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.
A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts."
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."
Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted May 22, 2004 02:45 AM |
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spranged fingers probably a joke unforgettable.
Whats 4 blondes at a 4way stop? eternity
fek iwish i knew more of the jokes i heard
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ratmonky
Famous Hero
Abu Hur Ibn Rashka
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posted May 22, 2004 07:40 PM |
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SHE WAS SO BLONDE, THAT...
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.
When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, "Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!".
She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
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Dies illa, dies irae,
Calamitatis et miseriae.
Requiem aeternum
Dona eis, dona eis Domine.
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LordZXZX
Famous Hero
Overfished
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posted May 22, 2004 11:56 PM |
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Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
A: Tell her a joke on Monday
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Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
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posted May 23, 2004 02:03 AM |
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A few more for ya
A blond man frantically calls 911 and says, "Help...my wife has gone into labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart".
The 911 operator asks, "is this her first child?"
To which the blond replies, "Of course not, you idiot...this is her husband".
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A blonde dials 999 to report that her car has been broken into.She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher."They'vestolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries.
The 999 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes."
Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time,and the same blonde is on the line again "Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
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The blond called up the airline ticket counter and asked, “How long are your flights from Los Angeles to Phoenix?”
The counterman answered, “Just a minute.”
At which, the blond thanked him and hung up.
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A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object. She asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos."
The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps keeps cold things cold."
The blonde says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, she walks into work with her new thermos. Her blonde boss sees her and asks, "What is that shiny object you have?"
She said, "It's a thermos."
The boss then says, "What does it do?"
She replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The blonde replies, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
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To err is human, to arr is pirate.
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