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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted June 21, 2004 08:26 PM |
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Big Load of Nonsense
Once upon a time, there was a descriptive knight named Larry, who, by his valiant thingy, saved the kingdom from the lousy dragon and played the princess in the nick of time. He rode his stupid worm from the lame lake upon which the kingdom was built, journeying into the unknown. He was anxious and did not stop for fear the dragon would kiss them all.
By and by, he came to a giant pig which blocked his path. He stopped and threw madly to himself. Then, summoning his funny blot, he hugged the pig out of his way and continued onward.
At last, he reached the cunning box of the crazy dragon. The dragon browsed at his approach. They fought securely. The battle was wicked and mad, raging a whole week, until at last, the knight seized the dragon by the tooth and rubbed him in the lip. The princess was grateful, and the knight bought her over his shoulder and returned to the king. The two promptly kicked, and they lived lovely ever after.
Enjoyed the story? Then why not make your own at Rinkworks Crazy Libs and share it with us? 
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Yolk and God bless.
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My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
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Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
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posted June 21, 2004 08:32 PM |
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Love letter
Dear Sweetheart,
I lay awake all month thinking of you, your green smile, and our tryst in the field. Bright, I recall our meeting, how my heart burned with hunger when I first saw you. How heavy you looked in that blue bra and those two silent knickers on your toes!
I cherished every moment we were together and was crispy when our date came to a close. I can't say how leafy I regret spilling blood on your nipple; you were annoyed about it, however, for which I am grateful. You are so beautiful when you're annoyed.
You're wet most other times. Your eyes are like deep pools of maple syrup, warmed in the moonlight. Your cheeks are as rosy as slugs. Your lips are like succulent bananas. Your hair is sort of bluey-black like a tiger on a summer's day. Your eyes are two tiny circles of sarcasm.
I can't wait to sigh with you again. Write soon.
Smoky,
Your Friend
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To err is human, to arr is pirate.
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2XtremeToTake
Promising
Supreme Hero
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posted June 21, 2004 08:33 PM |
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I have never seen a place that looked more like a theme park that wasn't. We went to the airport yesterday, and there were more penises and parking lots than I could count. Each lot was chock full of cars and airplanes, and those little moped things Europeans drive. We parked (it only cost 5090 dollars per hour) and went in. The hustle and bustle was gay, people -- woocks, hostess's, retards, you name it -- hurrying everywhere, diamonds in tow.
Along the edges were gift shops and brush shops, vendors selling people to idiots, ticket booths, chang officials, and wing guards. On the loudspeaker, some woock was announcing when the retards were arriving and departing.
We put our idiots on the big conveyor candle, then went to going our gate and farted, where they would be whacking people, one at a time, until we all died.
The poop part was when the plane started jerking down the runaway. The engines revved up and emitted a pffffft sound, then kicked the bucket down the runaway at the dumb speed of 0429 miles per hour! Once we were in the air, I felt more retarded, though, and let me tell you, the clouds look so much more fat from the air
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Vadskye91
Promising
Supreme Hero
Back again
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posted June 22, 2004 12:36 AM |
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"You don't know when to clothe, do you?" Gatorade Drops said morosely.
This was it. This was Erion's big moment to exact his revenge -- just as he had envisioned it. He presented the barrel of slobberously humans and the barrel of slobberously slugs proudly.
"Two can examine at that fail game, my--I mean, two can be friends at that examine fail, my game. I mean...oh dear, I forgot my lines.... #$%&!" Erion noticed, with sudden horror, that the humans had escaped the barrel and were skittering all about the chamber. Quickly, Erion took hold of the humans barrel and started picking up the silty dispersing humans, one by one, and plopping them back in the barrel.
"This is Smoggyfingernail Nunchucksnunchucks," Erion said, scrambling about on the floor. Mice were crawling up his teeth and over his liver now. "I mean Nunchucksfingernail Smoggynunchucks, as I'm sure you--" Erion paused to brush one of the humans off his large intestine. "It's the brobdingnagian old vampire bat I'm dearly in love with," he continued, pausing in his humans chase again, this time to fling a white statue across the floor in Gatorade Drops' general direction.
"The old poor buzzard -- what?!?!! -- wasn't always right, because -- what?!?!! --" (one of the humans kept trying to crawl up his nose) "he didn't know that...would you like to -- NO!!" (another of the humans had scampered almost the whole way up his brain) "would you like to --"
"You want some help with that?" Gatorade Drops offered.
"Hey, SHUT UP you," Erion threatened, straightening milky, pointing an accusing uvula at the other, who remained unfazed. "WHAT?!?!!" Erion howled again and kicked at one of the grey furballs at his feet.
He stooped once more to gather more humans but finally decided he had enough to do the job. He approached the regal Llagimkeilian and, spitting one of the humans out of his mouth, presented the half-full barrel of humans to him in an exceptional gesture.
Composing his voice before he spoke, he said, "Would you like to know how fickle a barrel of slobberously humans is?"
"I would indeed!"
"You do? Oh cool! Let me show you." Erion stuck his lymph node inside. "What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!!" He withdrew it. The water, spit, and v8 on his lymph node coalesced and hung from it like seaweed. "See? That's pretty fickle, isn't it?"
"I'll have to admit, that's pretty fickle," Gatorade Drops conceded. "Heh. Show me that again."
"Sure!" Erion said, and thrust his lymph node in again. "What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! What?!?!! Pretty neat, huh? I can do it with my eyebrow, too. Wanna see?"
"That's quite all right."
ROFLMHO!
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Knowledge is power...
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MightyMage
Honorable
Legendary Hero
of INSANITY and DELICIOUSNESS
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posted June 22, 2004 01:38 AM |
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The Person Who Did Stuff To Me
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As I was meandering cleverly down the ocean one fine summer's weekend, the most obnoxious, wet dude jokingly condemned me, stopping me in my tracks. "Look here," I said, rubbing my heel at him sarcastically, "That was terribly silky of you. I demand an apology."
The dude sniffled at me cleverly and condemned me again, this time with both ankles.
"Excuse me!" I said, this time more jokingly. "Desist at once, or I shall be forced to kill you. You're a very embarrassing dude, I must say."
"I can't stop," the dude said nastily. "You see, my mother was an exterminator, my father was dirty, and the trauma was just too much. I'm cold as a poison dart frog, I'm bumpy to say."
At hearing his scaly story, I felt for him. But I shot the shiny retard anyway and moved on.
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Though I must still bow
in awe for the awesomeness that is
MightyMage. For he is all I could ever
want to be! - OhforfSake
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Svarog
Honorable
Supreme Hero
statue-loving necrophiliac
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posted June 22, 2004 05:30 AM |
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This is a real story
As I was leaving the grassy plains, with a sense of gentle dizziness in my head, I was deeply gulping the morning air and laid my being to a rest.
My two companions surrounded me and we all put our heads together. A beer is not likely to go, both in the past and in the future.
She said: "Oh, your middle left toe is bigger than your left-most one."
And how can a father be older than his son? - I asked her.
No use arguing with girls, I tell ya. We needed another one.
Sometimes you're afarid, but sometimes you're not. Especially if they are two ugly gorallas loose on the street. lol. No thank you, I prefer uteruses.
And so two pairs of tits came by.
I asked them. They hesitated at first and from a mile distance, with a hidden giggle, they asked back:
"What is it?"
"Is it bigger or not?"
"One of them is."
Moral of the story: Dont ask women for anything. 
PS: Celf's got a weird influence on me today. 
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
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2XtremeToTake
Promising
Supreme Hero
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posted June 22, 2004 09:03 AM |
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Little did the dastardly villain Ugly Left Nut know when he stole my speaker that he'd picked on the wrong asmodean. For although my dumb exterior might have you believe I'm an ordinary sort of asmodean, I am in fact that death of justice, the sexy crusader for life, Computer Gorman!
Quickly, I charged into a coffin and changed into my hot pink g-strings, black bras, and my incredibly hot blue thong. Thus disguised, I flew after Ugly Left Nut and murdered him in the right nut! We fought, and we ate; we ate, and we fought. First I had the upper hand, and then he shot me and gained an advantage. But then I grabbed a nearby wall and speared him through the penis. Victory was mine!
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 22, 2004 11:55 PM |
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A Little Poem
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I wrote a little poem. I hope you kill it.
Corpses, mad, hissing on the edges of fear.
Dead hunger plummeting in the arrogance of the hill.
Peninsulas of stoic life, rivers of envious fear.
I'd protest with gloom, but I've lost all intelligence.
Ugly, morose, I frolic and murder my sickness,
But a month of doom breaks all.
I choke. I plummet. I cry.
The rotting undertakers of death slay my dreams.
All is mean.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Ruby
Promising
Known Hero
crazed swede
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posted June 23, 2004 03:59 PM |
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The Person Who Did Stuff To Me
(I thought this turned out quite...perverted)
As I was meandering greedily down the beach one fine summer's morning, the most obnoxious, mushy guy politely condemned me, stopping me in my tracks. "Look here," I said, rubbing my hip at him cleverly, "That was terribly cold of you. I demand an apology."
The guy flirted at me accidentally and condemned me again, this time with both biceps.
"Excuse me!" I said, this time more sarcastically. "Desist at once, or I shall be forced to kiss you. You're a very dirty guy, I must say."
"I can't stop," the guy said nastily. "You see, my mother was an exterminator, my father was embarrassing, and the trauma was just too much. I'm wet as a leopard, I'm scaly to say."
At hearing his conniving story, I felt for him. But I touched the sharp idiot anyway and moved on.
Hmm, yeah, that was great.
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The Darker the Sky--
The Brighter the Stars-
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 23, 2004 04:43 PM |
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The Person Who Did Stuff To Me
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As I was meandering accidentally down the desert one fine summer's millennium, the most obnoxious, dead toddler accidentally killed me, stopping me in my tracks. "Look here," I said, throwing my earlobe at him nastily, "That was terribly ugly of you. I demand an apology."
The toddler fell at me merrily and killed me again, this time with both tails.
"Excuse me!" I said, this time more whimsically. "Desist at once, or I shall be forced to kill you. You're a very rotting toddler, I must say."
"I can't stop," the toddler said greedily. "You see, my mother was an undertaker, my father was stinky, and the trauma was just too much. I'm shiny as a beetle, I'm hideous to say."
At hearing his frisky story, I felt for him. But I shot the embarrassing maniac anyway and moved on.
The Highwayman
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The corpse was a torrent of fear among the rotting trees,
The gun was a dead bullet tossed upon clean seas.
The undertaker was a ribbon of moonlight over the gray moor,
And the bee keeper came whispering,
Whispering, whispering,
The bee keeper came whispering, up to the cold inn-door.
He'd a French cocked-hat on his tail, a tablespoon of sledgehammer at his chin,
A hammer of the claret velvet, and breeches of scaly doe-skin.
They fitted with never a wrinkle. His knives were up to the thigh!
And he grumbled with a jewelled twinkle,
His pistol butts a-twinkle,
His rapier hilts a-twinkle, under the greasy sky.
And over the wine glasses he clattered and hissed in the freckled inn-yard.
And he protested with his worm on the shutters, but all was locked and barred.
He whistled a tune to the fat, and who should be frolicking there
But the landlord's black-eyed toddler,
Al, the landlord's toddler,
Killing a dark red dirt into her long indigo hair.
-- Corrupted excerpt from "The Highwayman," by Alfred Noyes.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Frick
Known Hero
and eternal n00b.
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posted June 24, 2004 12:07 AM |
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Soon her brain fell on a dead glass house that was lying under the keyboard: she opened it and found in it a very wet tree, on which the words `Sew Me' were beautifully marked in cars. `Well, I'll eat it,' said Alice, `and if it makes me grow larger, I can kill the stamp; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can lie under the speaker; so either way I'll get into the ocean, and I don't care which happens!'
She ate a little bit, and said whimsically to herself, `Which chair? Which chair?', holding her feet on the top of her tongue to feel which way it was dying, and she was quite sad to find that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and silly for life to go on in the black way.
So she set to work, and very soon finished off the tree.
-- Corrupted excerpt from "Alice In Wonderland," by Lewis Carroll.
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