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| Thread: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today... | |
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Vadskye91
Promising
Supreme Hero
Back again
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posted August 13, 2004 04:12 PM |
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Things you have to believe to be a Republican today...
Things you have to believe to be a Republican
today:
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a
bad guy when Bush's daddy
made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did
business with him and a bad guy
when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden"
diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is
communist, but trade with
China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of
international harmony.
The United States should get out of the United
Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions
against Iraq.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions
affecting all mankind without
regulation.
The best way to improve military morale is to
praise the troops in speeches
while slashing veterans' benefits and combat
pay.
A good way to fight ism is to belittle
our long-time allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound
policy. Providing health care
to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best
interests of the public at heart.
A president lying about an extramarital affair
is an impeachable offense. A
president lying to enlist support for a war in
which thousands die is solid
defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers
named in the Constitution,
which include banning marriages and
censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's
cattle trades, but George
Bush's driving record is none of our business.
You support states' rights, which means
Attorney General John Ashcroft can
tell states what local voter initiatives they
have the right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital
national interest, but what
Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
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Knowledge is power...
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Khayman
Promising
Famous Hero
Underachiever
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posted August 13, 2004 04:33 PM |
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How To Be A Good Democrat
If you want to be a GOOD Democrat, you must have certain basic beliefs:
1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
6. You have to be against capital punishment (putting murderers to death) but support abortion (killing innocent unborn babies) on demand (federally funded of course.)
7. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments and unions create prosperity.
8. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature but loony activists from Seattle do.
9. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
10. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
11. You have to believe that taxes are too low but ATM fees are too high.
12. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
13. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist but racial quotas are not.
14. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
15. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.
16. You have to believe that homosexual parades should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
17. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the U.S.
18. You have to believe that gasoline priced at $1.59 per gallon is too expensive but accept bottled spring water at $1.09 per quart as reasonable.
19. You have to believe the purpose of government is to take money from people who earned it and spend it on people who did not earn it.
20. You have to believe in the Democracy but demand only Democrat victories in elections.
21. You have to believe that people who disagree with you are stupid and backward while believing people who agree with you are "progressive" and "enlightened."
22. You have to believe that a "B" average economics major from Yale University with a MBA from Harvard Business School is too stupid to be President of the United States.
23. You have to believe that a "C" average history major from Harvard University, dropout from Vanderbilt Law School and failure at Vanderbilt Divinity School is brilliant and should be President of the United States.
24. You are proud to have Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Bill Clinton in the Democratic Party.
25. You agreed with France's position on the war in Iraq until combat victory was achieved within three weeks.
26. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is really a lady.
Vote Democratic...It's easier than getting a job!
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"You must gather your party before venturing forth."
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted August 13, 2004 04:41 PM |
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Conclusion - the US of A has the lousiest politicians 
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Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
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privatehudson
Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
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posted August 13, 2004 04:51 PM |
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Everywhere has lousy politicians, the yankees just have more of them
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We're on an express elevator to Hell, goin' down!
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Draco
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted August 13, 2004 06:43 PM |
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Quote:
16. You have to believe that homosexual parades should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
thats the real kicker.
and they wonder why the world is going to hell
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Aquaman333
Famous Hero
of the seven seas
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posted August 14, 2004 06:00 AM |
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No offense Vadskye, but you got shown up.
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"Brian, look! There's a message in my Alphabits! It says,
"OOOOOOO!"."
"Peter, those are Cheerios."-Family Guy
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted August 15, 2004 08:41 AM |
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Quote:
Everywhere has lousy politicians, the yankees just have more of them
I didn't know Bush was ten people.
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"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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privatehudson
Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
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posted August 15, 2004 01:57 PM |
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Simple mathematics old chap, all politicians are scum, if my country has only 60 million, and the USA has 250 odd million, it's very likely that you have more of them...
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We're on an express elevator to Hell, goin' down!
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drlucifer
Adventuring Hero
The Surgeon of Death
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posted August 15, 2004 02:56 PM |
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Democrat vs. Republican
Q: How should government spend tax money?
Democrat: On important federal projects, such as an artificial rainforest in Iowa.
Republican: By giving it back to the people- especially the billionaires.
Q: How much power should the President have?
Democrat: The President has the right to have sex with anybody he wants.
Republican: The President has the right to erase the Bill of Rights.
Q: Did Saddam Hussein have weapons of mass destruction?
Democrat: Of course not. And even if he did, he wouldn't have used them on
America- just the Shi'ites and Kurds!
Republican: Of course he did! We gave them to him!
Q: Was 9/11 America's fault?
Democrat: Of course it was! Thousands of Muslims hate us because those Republicans dare to treat Israel like it's a country!
Republican: Of course it was! We should have been locking up Muslims in jail for years before that!
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Doctors are not necessarily your friends.
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Vadskye91
Promising
Supreme Hero
Back again
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posted August 15, 2004 09:18 PM |
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Quote:
25. You agreed with France's position on the war in Iraq until combat victory was achieved within three weeks.
Well I disagree with the other ones too, but this one I really hate. "combat victory"? We haven't attained combat victory yet! That is really ridiculous, US troops are dying by the day! Absolutely loony...
Aquaman- Yeah, I guess so. Oh well.
Drlucifer- Lol! I like it! 
just because I'm anti-Bush doesn't mean I'm pro-Kerry, you know. I'm a liberal independant!
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Knowledge is power...
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