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| Thread: friendship? |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · «PREV |
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted March 03, 2005 11:00 PM |
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Pandora,
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In my own experience I have been hurt pretty bad a few times by trusting too much, but if I were to have closed myself off and not trusted people because of that I would have missed out on some of the best friendships that I have in my life. And those people are the ones who have seen all of me, lol, the ugliest most neurotic, sometimes nasty, sometimes whiney, sometimes weepy me - and they still stick around in spite of it - and they know that I love them for it.
I hope I haven't let you down. I'm still very new here but I'm looking to be a better friend of those people whom I consider to be of honorable character. Please let me know if I treat you badly. You have honor in your heart. I respect that. It doesn't mean I agree with all of your opinions but real-life friends aren't clones either. In the future, when we further disagree, I will be more considerate of your feelings. It's important to me.
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Roses Are Red And So Am I
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Khaelo
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Underwater
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posted March 04, 2005 01:55 AM |
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Edited By: Khaelo on 3 Mar 2005
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 Pandora
Quote:
The thing about internet friendships that I find the most difficult, is the helplessness when you know your friend is in need. I've had too many times when friends have lost loved ones, or just been a full on ****** situation and it's felt as though it would be everything if for just once you could reach out and hold the person's hand, or give them a hug or just be there. However to some extent you can pick up a telephone and give a ring, which helps a bit 
Doesn't listening help, too? Even if that means reading a chat screen and making reassuring noises by means of typing " " and "aw" a lot, it lets the other person sort out their feelings, put them into words, and know that someone out there cares. I don't know. I've been there, making those noises and trying to reach through the monitor to touch, to help, to heal, anything. But I couldn't tell if it affected the person crying at the keyboard (not HC). They were only using me as a sounding board anyway, so my sympathy wasn't meaningful in a longterm relationship, either. Maybe that makes a difference? Fear of burdening others with my problems is part of why I stay closed up, as well as the getting burned aspect you mentioned. But these are both issues in real life, too. So online stuff reflects face-to-face in that way.
When people are in a bad way, does it help to hear from internet friends? Even if it's not the same human contact? I guess I'd like to think that the attempt to extend human sympathies across the electronic medium is not totally useless. It sounds like it works in good times, so shouldn't it work in bad as well? (thinking out loud, here  ).
Edit: When I wrote the above, I had private communication in mind. But the Downhill Times thread seems to have some relevance insofar as public communication and sharing.
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 Cleverly
disguised as a responsible adult
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted March 04, 2005 03:04 AM |
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Ya Debs sure can talk on & on for a bit & you know the kind that will accidently cut you off everytime you talk, except when you say "now hear me out for a sec" lol.
Shes got a cute accent yea but she never called me hun  .
Kitten never called me hun either .
No one has I must be loved .
Luckily i have deals on my cell phone because wow last time i looked it's been 2 hrs then 4  .
I love talking to her, & Doc too, hes got that really deep voice that makes me sound like a 9 yr old girl lol.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted October 06, 2005 09:41 PM |
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~revived~
Moved to Otherside, as it relates to a new topic posted there
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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Jebus
Promising
Supreme Hero
TheJester akaJeebs akaJebfoo
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posted October 08, 2005 03:24 AM |
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Edited By: Jebus on 7 Oct 2005
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I think the only expectation I have with my friends is
to be yourself... I want to get to know you for who you are, not to be deceived down the line. If you can't be yourself around me, can we ever really be close friends? Just like I want to be around those who accept me for who I am. If I can't be myself, then it'll never be true friendship.
on the flip side of that, my friends know that if I cross the line, they'd better tell me. I don't want to find out 3 years later that I offended them way back when and they've been holding a grudge. You can't move forward in a relationship until you deal with those little things that get to you.
I can only hope that I convey enough trust to my friends so that they know that no matter what the case may be, Im there, always. They've been there in the past to pull me out of a rut or two, and I pray they feel that they can call on me to get them out when the time comes.
Online is quite different... all we can do is lend an ear (or an eye I guess). For some, knowing that someone is there to hear them out is sometimes all they need. Wouldn't it be great if we could help everyone just by listening?
J
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"You went over my helmet??"
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted January 04, 2007 08:48 PM |
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Is it possible to have real friends online? What differences, if any, are there between online friendships and real life ones?
I'd say yes it is possible, for sure
There are many similarities in that trust needs to be gained - and that is harder on line because it is easier to hide who you are. There are also people that you just 'click' with instantly, and those that you tend to avoid.
I think for some people chatting online can allow you to articulate your thought better, although you have to rely on all the s which is not the same as flesh.
Time wise it feels less strenuous to catch up and leave messages for friends rather than organising RL meetings, or the dreaded phone calls {on a daily basis}.
I think thought that distance does limit some of the benefits of friendship. Sometimes you need that closeness that pixels just can't provide.
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What makes someone a friend? Is it someone whose posts you like? Someone you exchange posts with in a thread? Exchange IMs? Exchange e-mails? Meet in person? How do you distinguish a friend from an acquaintence?
A friend is someone you trust and can rely on.
Someone who you have shared laughter and tears with
Someone who knows the blech of you as well as the ok parts
A friend hangs around when you need support and tries to make things better.
It doesn't matter really where or how this happens.
An aquaintance is someone who doesn't really know you, but that you like talking to on a superficial level {duhr }
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How much contact is required to maintain a friendship?
I have friends that know me inside and out and that I would stop a bullet for that I see maybe once every 6 months... We have been friends for manymany years though.
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Are people supposed to acknowledge friendships publically?
heehee that is interesting! I wonder what prompted you to ask that question? I guess if you have to hide a friendship then  , but I don't think you necessarily need to announce it, or by the T-Shirt
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If someone attacks a friend, are you supposed to jump in to support them?
If it is needed yes.
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What if they're just in an argument?
aparently people don't like it when you shower butterflies all over them during a flame war
I guess I am writing here because I met Iris, and it was cool to see her in RL. She was the same friend I chat to here, and it kind of makes it seem more real. ALthough, I think we still have a lot of fun just in pixels
I really think the people on HC are some of the coolest people around - I guess Heroes 2/3 attracted a special kind of breed of people huh I would be proud to call most of you my friends
{awwww }
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uhuh
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted January 04, 2007 11:12 PM |
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* Kooka Iz Koo *
Love you to Kookastar! I have enjoyed your clay-mation puppetry ever since you began it. I particularly enjoyed your sandy expression of HC. I know that was your idea and Rinoa being the polite & friendly person that she is just went along with it. When I saw it I knew it was your idea. So thanks! It was neat and brought a smile to my face. You seem like a very friendly person Kookastar.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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Binabik
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted January 05, 2007 10:14 AM |
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hmmm
Initially I was going to respond after reading only a few posts, but ended up reading the entire thread. Now I have too many ideas to put in one post. I'll start by answering the questions. Then maybe respond to some other posts.
<<<Is it possible to have real friends online?>>>
Absolutely! There's no doubt in my mind about this. People have mentioned all kind of things that make up a friendship. But bottom line is that friendships just happen. That certain chemistry is there and it just happens. And it can happen online as well as face-to-face. But only if both people allow it to happen.
<<<What differences, if any, are there between online friendships and real life ones?>>>
I think people can become very good friends online, but I also think there is a point where it can't go beyond. And I think even that point can be crossed, but it takes much longer than it would face-to-face. (I don't like using "RL" because to me online *IS* RL)
For some reason people always think of online as being somehow different. It's nothing more than another medium for communication. There are people who have become good friends talking only on the phone. It used to be common for "pen pals" to become lifelong friends.
Just out of HS I met a girl while on vacation. I think I only talked to her for a couple hours, but we exchanged addresses, neither really expecting the other to write. But we ended up quickly developing a relationship by snail mail. Writing letters has been considered a legitimate form of communication and a way to develop friendships for centuries. Why is the internet suddenly different?
<<<What makes someone a friend? Is it someone whose posts you like? Someone you exchange posts with in a thread? Exchange IMs? Exchange e-mails? Meet in person? How do you distinguish a friend from an acquaintence?>>>
I think I'll refer back to my first answer....friendship just happens and I don't think there is any one formula or definition for it.
As far as distinguishing a friendship from an acquaintance, to me it's simple. If I consider them a friend then they are a friend. People have different ideas of what a friend is, but no matter what, if you consider them a friend then they are a friend.
I don't feel there should be any other criteria. There are people whom I couldn't trust, but considered a friend. People whom I wouldn't lend money to, but they were a friend. People whom I wouldn't tell secrets to, but considered a friend. Regardless of all this, there was "something" there, and that "something" feels like friendship. It's something I simply recognize when it's there.
<<<How much contact is required to maintain a friendship?>>>
Not much. 3 out of 4 of my best friends I've known for over 45 years. I've gone more than 5-7 years without any contact with a couple of them, and their friendship was never doubted. And I'm sure they will be friends the rest of my life. Maybe there is a certain ratio here. If you've been friends for six months, going 5-7 years with no contact might be meaningful.
<<<Are people supposed to acknowledge friendships publically?>>>
ahem, *cough cough*, um, well.....no comment
<<<If someone attacks a friend, are you supposed to jump in to support them?>>>
Hell yea, why let your friend have all the fun!!!
<<<What if they're just in an argument?>>>>
Only if I thought they needed it, which isn't likely.
<<<What is expected of a friend? Just talking?>>>
Hmmm, interesting question. I think by definition I would accept them for who they are. I think to expect more from them than who they are is selfish.
But wait, that's pure idealism. I'm sorry, I'm not perfect, I'm a bit selfish, and I do expect things from people and friends. In friendships, disappointments happen. They are not the perfect friend we expect or want them to be. They didn't react the way we thought they should. Or they hurt us in some way. The important question isn't what we expect from a friend. The important question is can we get past it, when they aren't the perfect person we want them to be? Can we acknowledge their flaws and still call them friends?
I had a gf who was an alcoholic. I thought she would quit drinking some day. So I waited. And I waited. And I waited. I waited 18 years for her to quit drinking. She never did. See, I never accepted her for who she was. I only accepted her "IF".
Well, it doesn't work that way. I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said many times before. But we can't expect people to change. We have to accept them for who they are. If we can't, we can walk the other way. To do otherwise, is not fair to them or to ourselves.
Friendship isn't something to be defined. It's something to be recognized. And when we recognize it, we have to ask ourselves, "do we accept them for who they are?"
I think for most people, we get something different out of every relationship. We prefer one friend for one thing, and a different friend for something else. One friend might be for having fun at the club, another for intelectual discussions, and another to cry on their shoulder. Every friend plays a different role in our lives, and they are all important. One very important thing about a friend is that they are a part of the plural "friends". And it's up to us to recognize who is who.
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted January 06, 2007 02:38 AM |
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Binabik,
You remind me too much of my friend from highschool. Maybe I'll tell you about him someday. Until then, count me in as one of your friends. That means internet or otherwise ok? I don't know what I could do for someone who lives so far away but I sure as hell would put my mind to the task if it ever came to it.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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