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| Thread: Lowest Form of Humanity (Poll) |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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bort
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Discarded foreskin of morality
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posted April 18, 2005 03:28 PM |
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Poll Question:
Lowest Form of Humanity (Poll)
I come to you to ask to age old question -- when the Earth is taken over by giant 12 legged super squirrels, and we do not have room in the underground shelters for everyone and we have to leave some above ground to slave away in acorn farms until their arms fall off, who do we leave behind?
Lawyers -- My personal argument is that, scum though they may be, they get off because, unfortunately, lawyers is better than the alternative - all disputes settled with clubs or all disputes settled by decree of the squirrel overlord. In other words, don't hate the playa, hate the game.
Telemarketers -- Well, although they have finally broken the final barrier and started calling my cell phone, I suppose they are more deserving of pity than hatred. After all, I assume that they didn't want to go into this field.
Local TV News Reporters -- These are the one's I'm leaving behind. Although honestly, they're not worth the air they'll breath while they toil at the acorn harvest. These people actually purposely decided that their job was going to be to be annoying, self centered, reckless and holier than thou. There was this report by my local "Problem Solvers" about the long discredited "link" between autism and vacinations. People have searched for a link and found none. And yet, their evidence was they brought a bunch of parents into a room and asked them if they thought vaccines caused their kid's autism. Of course, they all raised their hands so, hey, case closed. Don't get kids vaccinated, lets go back to the days of epidemics of mumps, measles and small pox. These people are taints. I don't just mean in terms of "stains" I mean taints, the region between your balls and your snow.
People whose opinions differ from yours -- 'nuff said.
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Drive by posting.
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Shiva
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted April 18, 2005 03:54 PM |
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Personally, I would leave behind that jerk in the Hummer
who cut me off while talking on his cell phone. Although
he doesn't belong to any particular profession, it is a
definite sub-genus of humanity that deserves to be neutered
. I could forgive him if it was a telemarketer who called
him and he picked up unknowingly, but if he was conversing
with his lawyer about the accident he caused while driving
and talking on his cell phone to his stock broker, well,
there is no need to show mercy.
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TitaniumAlloy
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
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posted April 18, 2005 05:10 PM |
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Everyone is entitled to their opinion, right?
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John says to live above hell.
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Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted April 18, 2005 05:27 PM |
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You forgot SUV owners, bort.
Oh, and if I could vote twice, I'd have to throw in these yayhoos from the "Judeo-Christian Council for Constitutional Restoration" that are fuelling the current extremist "black-robe" hatred movement and trying to force a constitutional crisis by impeaching any judge that doesn't find to their right-wing fundamentalist liking.
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I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
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Vadskye91
Promising
Supreme Hero
Back again
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posted April 18, 2005 05:31 PM |
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I would say that we should leave behind all those who in their demented heads said that we should cut off the gifted children from anything better than the ordinary. Whoever it is that says that every child is the same, that you can't show signs of smartness because that would be "elitist" to presume that your child is better than someone else's. After all, everyone knows that every child is the exact same thing and they all are equally smart right?
Whoever said that all classes should be the same, whoever said that levelling was unfair to the poor 7th graders who still can't read yet, whoever decided that school should be so mindlessly boring, they will be left behind...
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Knowledge is power...
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terje_the_ma...
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Disciple of Herodotus
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posted April 18, 2005 06:42 PM |
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Others...
EDIT: This post originally cosisted of a rather long and tedious list. For the benefit of our American posters, I decided to simplify it somewhat:
Anyone who doesn't agree with me.
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"Sometimes I think everyone's just pretending to be brave, and none of us really are. Maybe pretending to be brave is how you get brave, I don't know."
- Grenn, A Storm of Swords.
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bort
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Discarded foreskin of morality
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posted April 19, 2005 05:54 PM |
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I appreciate and agree with the generalized dislike of SUV owners, but I would like to point out that I specifically said that this will become an issue when the giant squirrels take over, not before. As we all know, SUV owners will have long since been lined up against the wall and shot during the glorious bortian revolution. The basic timeline of the future is:
2006 : Glorious bortian revolution
2007 : SUV owners lined up against wall and shot
2008 : Bort goes mad with power, goes to far, is overthrown and replaced by learned council of duly elected officials who rule fairly and justly
2010 : 2nd glorious bortian revolution, fair and just rule ends, replaced by whimsical and randomized rule.
2011 : Learned council lined up against wall and shot
2015 : Invasion of Earth by the diabetic aliens of Fatius IV, Earth's defense adequately planned and carried out by bort
2018 : Invasion of Earth by giant squirrels. Bort proves remarkably incompetent at defending Earth against the rodent menace.
2019 : Humanity flees underground except for group of people to be determined by this poll.
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Drive by posting.
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Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted April 19, 2005 06:26 PM |
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Well done. I guess my "Other" vote will have to default to the aforementioned JCCCS.
As you know, I'm a lawyer though. When I voted I was thankful to see no one had voted for lawyers as yet. Nonetheless, I'm still nervous that I'm on the list.
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I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted April 19, 2005 06:54 PM |
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My Vote:
I vote to leave drug dealers on the surface. Those ******** can rot in hell.
But you should all realise that we may lose our eyesight after generations of living underground. *cough* Braille porn might become more popular.
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Roses Are Red And So Am I
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terje_the_ma...
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Disciple of Herodotus
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posted April 20, 2005 01:14 AM |
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EDIT: See my above post for details.
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"Sometimes I think everyone's just pretending to be brave, and none of us really are. Maybe pretending to be brave is how you get brave, I don't know."
- Grenn, A Storm of Swords.
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Svarog
Honorable
Supreme Hero
statue-loving necrophiliac
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posted April 20, 2005 01:27 AM |
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Edited By: Svarog on 19 Apr 2005
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bort, if I was to overthrow you, I'd lined you up aginst that wall (as lined as you can get) and shot u. No 2nd bortian revolution, the entire course of the future is changed, no giant squirls and the land surface is free. Then naturally, I'll volunteer to stay on the surface and you all go down to the 7th underground level, with the gate of Tartarus sealed forever. 
So, I vote me to be left behind.
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
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Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
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posted April 20, 2005 03:47 PM |
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Telemarketers.
Scum of the earth.
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To err is human, to arr is pirate.
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bort
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Discarded foreskin of morality
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posted April 20, 2005 04:12 PM |
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Fortunately, I am able to learn and adapt, given the new information:
2006 : Glorious bortian revolution
2007 : SUV owners lined up against wall and shot
2007(second half) : Bort arbitrarily divides all of Eastern Europe and Asia Minor into territories whose borders have neither rhyme nor reason. Bort renames these new territories "Macedonia Prime" and "Lesser Macedonia 1-99." Bort then informs the residents of these territories that the only way to move up the Macedonian leaderboard, until one can obtain the title "The One True Macedonia" is to destroy all the other Macedonias. Svarog is caught in the crossfire. Unfortunately, he survives.
2007 (December) : Bort sends gift of aardvark with a carefully located poisoned needle to Svarog. Svarog is dead 2 days later. His last words, "It was worth it."
2008 : Bort goes mad with power, goes to far, is overthrown and replaced by learned council of duly elected officials who rule fairly and justly Bort survives due to lack of Svarog
2010 : 2nd glorious bortian revolution, fair and just rule ends, replaced by whimsical and randomized rule.
2011 : Learned council lined up against wall and shot
2015 : Invasion of Earth by the diabetic aliens of Fatius IV, Earth's defense adequately planned and carried out by bort
2018 : Invasion of Earth by giant squirrels. Bort proves remarkably incompetent at defending Earth against the rodent menace.
2019 : Humanity flees underground except for group of people to be determined by this poll.
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Drive by posting.
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Svarog
Honorable
Supreme Hero
statue-loving necrophiliac
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posted April 22, 2005 02:46 AM |
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Quote:
Bort survives due to lack of Svarog
There is no "lack of Svarog". Svarog uses needle-proof condoms, for your information. They are not in sale though, but I have specialized factories in Kuwait that have developed an advanced contraception technology to protect me from such clever assasination attempts. Here's a pic of the factory, whose exact location is a carefully guarded secret:
See that chimney there? Well, thats actually not a chimney. Its a cast.
Now, adapting to the new (future) circumstances, my plans have altered a bit. After I will have killed the residents of the other part of Macedonia, I will establish myself king of the One True Macedonia. I will demand from the US to hand over their national under the codename "bort" for trial in front of the ICC. Naturally, they refuse, I declare war, and bort is retrieved, after which, the by this time experienced aardvark is sent in bort's cell, where he rapes bort to his death. The world is saved! Yay
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
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Shiva
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted April 22, 2005 03:14 AM |
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Quote:
Now, adapting to the new (future) circumstances, my plans have altered a bit. After I will have killed the residents of the other part of Macedonia, I will establish myself king of the One True Macedonia. I will demand from the US to hand over their national under the codename "bort" for trial in front of the ICC. Naturally, they refuse, I declare war, and bort is retrieved, after which, the by this time experienced aardvark is sent in bort's cell, where he rapes bort to his death. The world is saved! Yay
King? Socialist fraud!
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bort
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Discarded foreskin of morality
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posted April 22, 2005 02:20 PM |
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Wow, people really don't like telemarketers.
Svarog, the needle isn't going to be located there. We all know that when you're with an aardvark you're the catcher, not the pitcher, so your needle-proof jimmy hats won't help you in the slightest.
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Drive by posting.
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Svarog
Honorable
Supreme Hero
statue-loving necrophiliac
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posted April 23, 2005 02:29 AM |
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Oh no! All hope is lost then. The world will be doomed by 12-legged giant squirls. 
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
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tigris
Supreme Hero
Supreme Noobolator
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posted April 23, 2005 07:40 AM |
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Well i guess i'll back Svarog up with this one!
As the Holly Bible sais, only those who have no sins can pick up the rock and throw it towards the siner.I wouldn't be that hasty on pointing fingers, even if it's towards drug dealers 
Who knows..maybe in some people's eyes i am the one who should be left behind.
Anyways accepting such a crazy scenario, i don't think the decision would be for the people to take.Prolly Bush will alredy have nominated half the 3rd world countries for the task 
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Lith-Maethor
Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
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posted April 27, 2005 01:03 PM |
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the ones i'd leave behind...
*********
EDIT: bort and his mom are excluded
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You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.
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bort
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Discarded foreskin of morality
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posted April 27, 2005 11:40 PM |
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**** you! My mom happens to be a ********! How dare you threaten to leave her behind you ******* ****. Why don't you go ***** yourself in the **** with a ***** before jamming it in your *****?
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Drive by posting.
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