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| Thread: The Love of a Parent | |
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ruby
Promising
Known Hero
crazed swede
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posted November 22, 2006 05:55 AM |
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The Love of a Parent
It is late fall and winter is already stepping on our heels, which are raw with allergies from the chilled seasons. I myself, am a very sickly child, weak from annual hospital visits and being forcefed through tubes. So for this season, I was prepared with vaccinations. Even as I was done with vaccinations, my doctor decided to give me two extra sets of pills that fight against the flu. Due to my many allergies to various cold and flu medications, I hesitated, but took them anyways. That proved to be a mistake.
I took my medication like a good little girl would, and I was hoping to overcome the constant cold that I had been tortured with for the past few months. The only problem was, that he gave me the wrong medication.
The medication I was given was called Tamiflu, a medication that was overprescribed since two years ago, but has now, one some terms, been found dangerous to some people. Some of the new results of the more serious side effects of taking this medication include vomiting, stomach pain, bronchitis, headache, convulsions...etc. It has gone as far as psychiatric problems due to heavy seizures.
It began the third night of taking this medication. I began throwing up around dinner time and couldn't seem to stop after the fourth time even though I had not eaten more than a little bite of fish. My parents thought nothing of it, but once the shivers began, they grew worried. I was suddenly ice cold. They laid me down next to the fireplace because I couldn't walk anymore. Even as I lied next to the fire, my hands, feet, and nose were ice cold, and I had now slipped into convulsions. A sudden fever sprang up to a 103 F and my mother realized that this was it. We had to get me immediate help.
But it was then, as I lied freezing on the floor, weeping by now due to the demonic pains that stabbed against my temple, that my dad decided to take control of this invisible cold. Lying down on the floor next to me, he wrapped his arms around me and with his chest pressed against my back, he lied there, warming me with his own body as the doctors were on their way.
Now some of you may think, "Oh any parent would do that." Well, if you knew my parents, you wouldn't think so. I already in physical shock to my current inability to control my shaking, so I didn't react much at the time, but for the first time in a very long time, I think I heard my dad's pietous voice telling me that everything was going to be okay.
I don't remember much of what happened after that because my mind slipped out of existance to visit the dream world, where my headaches were gone and my body had stopped shaking. When I woke up I was already on my way home from getting my symptoms checked out and having a new load of medications in the stead of the old ones. I had stopped shivering but due to my loss of fluids, I was technically not allowed to walk around.
I've now been lying in bed for the past week and I can't say it's been too bad, except for the fact that I still can't keep food down and I've lost quite a lot of weight. My sudden fevers are becoming a bother as well, but I'm managing.
What I really can't get over is the way that my parents both cared for me when the rabid attack of my health came down on me. I really can't.
When I sat down to think of things I've said in the past of my parents, and just things I've said to them in genreal, I felt myself begin to cry. Here are these people...that one the outside look like normal people but appear to be so cold-hearted. Their attitudes are negative and their moods are overall bittersweet, but even as their opinions, their rules, and their looks on what's important are so distasteful to me, I have found that little beautiful side of the haughty bitterness I've established between my parents and I. That anger I once had every time I would mention them, has simmered a little bit. I think a little bit of the wall that has been put between my parents and the little respect I have for them has been breached. I don't really understand how I can be saying this through the troubles, but I find myself being sort of glad that I went through what I did.
The memory of having my dad, the president of a highly respected company that gets paid more each month then I'll ever make in a life time, lying behind me and clutching me for dear life, as if he was on the brink of losing me...really means a lot to me. My mother, the daughter of a detective and policeman, the shallow one who even admits to not liking affection because it clouds her vision, has said that she loved me this week. This sudden love I feel for my parents bothers me, but I guess in a good, fickle way.
And I who had no hope in them. I feel rather ashamed for not giving them a good, solid chance to prove me wrong, but I guess they found their chance and took it.
It's nice to know the people you thought hated you, carries the love a parent should carry for a child...only, it's wrapped up and hidden for the times they need it the most.
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The Darker the Sky--
The Brighter the Stars-
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Lith-Maethor
Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
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posted November 22, 2006 06:19 AM |
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i may be missing something...
but ...are you shocked because your parents decided to act like normal human beings for a change? ...or am i missing something here?
dunno about others, but even though my father can't really stand me and i can't really stand him, when it comes down to either of us needing help, there is no hint of a doubt the other one will be there... this is normal... this is to be expected from family, even more so from parents
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You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.
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ruby
Promising
Known Hero
crazed swede
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posted November 22, 2006 03:15 PM |
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Quote:
but ...are you shocked because your parents decided to act like normal human beings for a change? ...or am i missing something here?
dunno about others, but even though my father can't really stand me and i can't really stand him, when it comes down to either of us needing help, there is no hint of a doubt the other one will be there... this is normal... this is to be expected from family, even more so from parents
I am extremely shocked actually. My parent's always act as if they are close to me, but I know that they're not stupid. They know how far our relationship as parent to child really is from the norm, but now that I see them, I think differently.
Before when I have been in trouble, including my stay at the psychiatric ward and my problems with manic depression, they were the ones that caused it and proudly stayed away from me. I recieved countless of help from the people that worked at the ward, and I recieved help from friends, but the only thing my parents did was dump me at the ward with a few scriptures. That's why I am in shock that they would worry so much at this time.
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The Darker the Sky--
The Brighter the Stars-
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted November 22, 2006 03:21 PM |
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It happens to me sometimes, that the people you think hate you, suddeny love you and all that.
But often after a little while that wears away and the hate begins to come again.
I do hope you are alright though, damn doctor though, he should atleast check the medication he is giving BEFORE he actually gives it.
But I am glad you are alright I guess, 
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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ruby
Promising
Known Hero
crazed swede
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posted November 22, 2006 03:48 PM |
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Quote:
It happens to me sometimes, that the people you think hate you, suddeny love you and all that.
But often after a little while that wears away and the hate begins to come again.
I do hope you are alright though, damn doctor though, he should atleast check the medication he is giving BEFORE he actually gives it.
But I am glad you are alright I guess,
Yeah I can already see the bitterness slowly begin to seep back in that door I opened a little bit for them. It's better I close it again and fast. I don't want them to really get a hold of who I am.
This isn't the first time I've had a very bad reaction to medication my doctor has given me, but it's actually the first time he gave me the wrong medication. I was in fear of not waking up, but I did and I'm getting better. What I really have to worry about is gaining back the weight that I lost, which is hard because I'm still vomiting most of it.
But I'm very glad to hear that someone cares that I'm still alive and breathing.
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The Darker the Sky--
The Brighter the Stars-
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted November 22, 2006 05:38 PM |
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Edited by Consis at 17:39, 22 Nov 2006.
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Ruby,
I think I speak all of us when I say, We here at Heroes Community care about you very much. I am not the only one who enjoys reading your posts. What ever you do, Where ever you go, please don't forget that we hope you are doing well. The content of your posts thus far aren't even .0001% of what's going on in your real life. There truly isn't much we can do for you except tell you how much we care about you.
I am very glad for your company here. I can't say I understand because there is so little that I really know about the relationship between you and your parents. All I can do is listen intently. And so . . . that's what I'm doing for now. And . . . hoping and wondering what is going on in your life. I am sorry for what little you have told us about your parents. I wish (as do many other people here of many different nationalities) I could simply go right up to your parents and talk them through all the problems they're trying to solve with you.
I'm simply going to hope and pray for you. I am thinking good thoughts, happy thoughts, thoughts of you conquering your personal life's struggles. I believe you can do this even with what little I know of you. I have faith in you.
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Roses Are Red And So Am I
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted November 23, 2006 07:10 AM |
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Quote:
But I'm very glad to hear that someone cares that I'm still alive and breathing.
Ofcourse, I am glad that you still are breathing and living, I would be worried if any member here gets sick.
I have been concerned about members (friends) saying they are sick, quite concerned.
I care alot for the community and it's members.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted November 23, 2006 04:33 PM |
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After reading this post, I feel badly that I judged your parents so harshly from the first. The fact that you have been as you say "a sickly child" throughout your life, made me see your parents in a whole new way.
When a child is sick, and there's nothing you can do to take it away - it is the worst feeling in the world for that parent. You're helpless, all you can do is watch as your child is passed around through different hospitals and doctors while they try to do something - but all you can do is stand aside and wring your hands. You feel like you've failed as a parent - its your job to protect the child, and yet you cannot. Of course you know it's not your fault, but that feeling that maybe if you had only done, or hadn't done {something} then maybe your son or daughter would be fine and happy and playing with the other kids.
Your parents' over protectiveness probably doesn't come from Religious Fervour, or any particular dislike for your art - its because they see something they actually can protect you from. You hear stories in the news about kids gone wrong, about kids who like Goth stuff or whatever... in example that one young man who opened fire in a Montreal University was a frequenter of a Goth blogsite. Obviously I'm not saying that anyone Goth is bad, but what I am saying is it gives them something they can protect you from.
I don't believe that you need to be protected - but I can see how your parents might be looking for something/anything they can find to feel as if they have a hand in your well being. Of course they love you - if a few people you've only known online for a short time can see that you're an awesome young woman - you really think that the people who've spent your whole life with you can't see it?
Maybe part of the reason that you have so much trouble getting on with them has just been lack of communication...You see their actions as being unkind and not loving , to them they likely think that all they do is try to protect you and yet you push them away and get angry with them.
Try to keep this new understanding that they do love you close to you, don't let yourself forget it. Work on trying to understand that what they want is to keep you safe, and try to find ways to show them that you are responsible and that they have done a good job in raising you. Maybe once they see that they'll start to ease up on you and become a little less strict.
Of course, having never met you or your parents in real life, I'm obviously not the best qualified to offer advice - this is just one mom's opinion 
____________
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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ruby
Promising
Known Hero
crazed swede
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posted November 23, 2006 07:44 PM |
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Consis-
Your encouragement is always appreciated Consis, and I must say, it is nice to hear that I have people that, even though they barely know me, care for me on opposites sides of the world.
You know a little more about my situation than you think, and as we go on you will probably know more, but I agree that you will never fully know what goes and what I see from my parents each day, and hopefully, it'll be kept that way.
william-
I am glad to hear you care. It brings a smile to my face.
pandora-
I have never thought of my parents in that direction. When I say sickly, I mean in the fact that I am often found anemic and I break down a lot. My parents fear that I am on the verge of breast cancer due to the fact that one of my grandmothers have died from it and the other one is very sick from it. The doctors told me I have a 90% chance of getting it very early, so I can see why my parents would be careful.
I still don't understand why they would send me away to a ward though. They were forced to at first, because by law, I was forced to go, but they didn't stop the treatment and I felt very disrespected and alone. I know that they worry and may feel guilty for not being able to help me when I am in pain, but I still feel such bitterness towards them...because they do not make it better. They ruin my mental state while my physical state is already being run to the ground.
I really do thank you for giving me a mom's opinion! I can obviously not see one myself, so I'm always glad to hear from you.
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The Darker the Sky--
The Brighter the Stars-
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted November 23, 2006 08:23 PM |
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Let Us Not Forget
. . . That I am a father of one son and two daughters. That would mean you've gotten a word from two parents now. This might help you to compare our opinions to those of your own parents' opinions and philosophies. In the end it all helps you to discover your true self. You get to pick and choose which ideas best suit your personality and where you want to go in life. This is your life, your identity, and you get to decide whom you wish to be and become. Where we end up may not always be entirely up to us but who we are is entirely dependent on ourselves.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted November 23, 2006 08:26 PM |
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Well, as I said - since I haven't met you or them it's hard to offer any real insights as to why your parents do as they do. But there's usually more than one reason why we do anything, so try not to assume the very worst reason why your parents do as they do.
The best way to find out would be to ask them, but I don't suppose you're ready to do that just yet.
I think you've matured a lot. I can remember you quite well from when you first posted at Tosser's Tavern The difference is immense and really wonderful to see, but its easier for me to see because you went away for a while and then returned a whole new girl. For them, they see you ever day, so it might be harder to notice the change - just trust that in time they will.
I would try to talk to them more often, not as parents but as people. The more you show them that you respect them that way, the easier it will be for them to see you as you are.
I know that you still have a lot of hurt, but sometimes the only way to stop it - is just to let it go and push forward. Holding on to bitterness about the things you cannot change can affect your health just as much as any other physical illness.
Just remember your first obligation is to yourself and your own happiness, focus on the things that make you feel good about you
____________
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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ruby
Promising
Known Hero
crazed swede
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posted November 25, 2006 05:01 AM |
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I would hope that I've matured a lot. Sadly, I remember the posts I used to make and I still cower in shame, especially from those in the downtown tavern. I'll have to admit I do miss RD and Shai though. I thought I saw RD around here somewhere a while ago, and I did talk to Shai on MSN a few weeks back. It sure brings back some childish spam stories.
Back to the subject..
I do talk to my parents, quite often actually, because they force me into saying a lot of things for their "benefit." For example, for Thanksgiving dinner the subject of rights of homosexuals came up. I am the only semi-liberal in my family so obviously, I stood up for what I believed in. I have many gay friends, but my parents find that a problem due to the fact that they are both homophobic and whenever they meet someone that walks down that path, they say very cruel things to them, things that I am ashamed to say. It's the same thing with different races. It's embarassing.
So the argument was that Mike Rogers, our Michigan representative, came to talk to the 11th and 12th graders at my school. During that assembly, someone asked him what the state of gay marriage was for Michigan and he blabbered off some facts, and then all of a sudden, went into a rant about how he believed that homosexuality in general was wrong. He continued this rant for almost ten minutes and I was very fired up by his speech. Some of the things he brought up were outrageous, cruel, and off topic, everything being based on his "moral" opinion, so that's an example I brought up during the dinner, but my parents, being homophobic, supported him all the way, ignoring the many kids that were very hurt by the things he spoke of, pointing fingers at the gay community of the school. It was then my mother asked me if I had gay friends and I didn't lie. My best friend happens to be a lesbian, but of course my mom shouldn't know this, so I refused to tell her who my gay friends were.
Now, the point of me saying this was because I want to show you how it turns out when I am honest with my parents. They were born with two very unique manipulation talents. My father will lash out at me, either physically or mentally, screw with my mind and throw me down verbally until I can't stand it anymore. My mother on the other hand will try to use sneaky tactics like crying and stating that I am hurting her or other people by not doing what she tells me to. Most of the time, they win.
So what happened was that I was forced into telling them about a few people. I didn't tell them about my best friend because they hate her enough for being a "gothic arabian," but either way, my point is this-
Whenever I talk to my parents about something that means something, they will twist my words and my mind into believing what they think is right. That is why I stay away from too much chat. I want them to think I am the person they've raised me to be, not the one that I choose to be.
I know it must sound absurd to a parent but I want to stay sane, to put it straight out there.
____________
The Darker the Sky--
The Brighter the Stars-
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted November 25, 2006 05:44 AM |
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Edited by Consis at 05:44, 25 Nov 2006.
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Knowledge Is Freedom
Please feel free to run your arguments with your parents by myself, Pandora, and the other Heroes Community parents. We are an unbiased source of objectivity concerning parenting as a position of power. She and I have had a handful of discussions on the matter and I must say that she is very wise. I would also recommend running it by Binabik. I don't think he has any children but he is very consistent in offering good healthy objective criticism on a great many things. I know they would gladly help you if you asked for it.
Heroes Community offers you a unique tool. I think children often find they are being buried by an onslaught of greater vocabulary skills. I think they often feel intimidated and don't have anyone to act as a trusted 3rd party for mediation and consultation. This rare opportunity for children to reach out for wisdom has never been available until the internet became affordable and accessable. We do indeed live in some very interesting times, escpecially for the teenage children with access to the internet. It can be both empowering and quite liberating if used in this way. Knowledge is freedom.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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ruby
Promising
Known Hero
crazed swede
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posted November 25, 2006 06:13 AM |
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Quote:
Please feel free to run your arguments with your parents by myself, Pandora, and the other Heroes Community parents.
It's nice to know that I have Heroes Community parents.
Someday I'll log in and start calling you dad if you don't watch out.
I do like unbiased views, I'll have to admit, but you still have to understand that it's not the same thing as talking to your actual parents. I can't log in on HC when I am drenched in tears, trying to relieve my pain and expect everyone here to be there for me with positive things to say. In true honesty, I don't know anyone of you and it's not personal enough. When it comes to debates and arguments, then yes, but when it gets deeper, all I can do is tell the stories and get what I can from the criticism, and sometimes that isn't good enough.
But I'm glad to know that I have HC parents that are there for me when the world in general isn't.
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The Darker the Sky--
The Brighter the Stars-
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted November 25, 2006 07:47 AM |
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Connecting With Human Beings Through A Strange New Medium
We want to try and help. In all the world! . . . What else can we do?! We are human; we have our limits. This internet is still very new to us all. There are good people here in this place . . . people with fears, and stories, and tears all the same. I've got mine and you have yours. We have real people with real hearts and they care about you in the only way this cold internet will let them. I've told Pandora before that I'll be here to listen for many years to come. I hope she stays also; and Binabik as well.
Human beings have a psychology of basic nature. I ought to know it well what with all the 2yr olds running around my house! You might not think it but let me tell you something! A 2yr old is as pure and raw as it gets when it comes to emotions. You know how some people withhold their feelings for whatever reason? Not a 2yr old! /~~/ Did you take that toy from me? excuse me while I thrash you with my iron toy train! It's ok if you cry because I got my toy back. Hey why are you yelling at me?! She took my toy! /~~/ WHAT?! HEY! WHY ARE YOU SITTING ON MY MOTHER'S LAP! THAT'S MY MOTHER NOT YOURS! GET AWAY FROM HER! NO? YOU DON'T MIND IF I BITE YOU ON THE LEG DO YOU? GET OFF GET OFF! /~~/ Hey look a puppy! Come over here you guys, look at the puppy! Let's gauge its eyes out, pull the ears, and yank the tail!
It's the same for me. Do the people in this place really know me enough to care about me? Well no, ofcourse not but a person's heart is a strange and wonderful thing you know . . . sometimes you feel it has its own sense of what is right and wrong. Some people live by their heart, some their mind, and some with both. It's a big world out there and we shouldn't have to face it alone.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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