Ted
Promising
Supreme Hero
Peanut Exterminator
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posted July 27, 2007 01:47 PM |
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Edited by Ted at 14:07, 27 Jul 2007.
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A Ted's Life
9:00AM: Downtown San Fran Mod Squad. I sat down on my favourite chair thats made of leather and twurls. I'm hungry. I look at my desk and open the 2nd draw to the right, i look in the find an empty packet of MMs Super Sunday's and a phone. It rings. I answer. "Hello. I am you. You are me. We will do things as one, and as one tells you to. First, open your safe with the key in the envelop." I look at today's mail to find said envelop. "Good. Now look inside the safe." I open the safe to find 1 gun and another packet of Super Sunday's. "Your first task is simple. After you complete it, you must travel to lands unseen since the beginning of time to find what you seek. Begin".
I am cautious but nieve. I open the packet of sweets to find a picture of Christ."Chirst?". I look outside for clues, then it hits me. Bang, those kids are never going to get that frisbe back again, now where was I, a yes. Outside, its raining, i see Burger Dougals Deep fried Whale Lard and Alciabiades' Chapel. Bingo.
9:09AM: I travel across the road without being hit by the lorries and trucks that pollute this world. Ding Dong. No one answer, i enter. Alciabiades approchs, "Yes, what can i do for you?". "Suck on this". I fire my whole clip into his upper chest. He's dead. Great, my only lead and i kill him. Something catchs my eye, I see a bikers hair pin on the floor. It must mean something, i am just leaving when a biker called Homer, drives by. "My Target!"
9:34AM: Bixie's hopeless repair shop. I enter, i see my bike. I leave, with $200 and a new hot rod. Time passes quickly on the road, so i didn't write anything for it. At a stop light i see Homer, he's inches away, but theres people, lots of people. Green. I gun it. The stop light changes but i can't stop now, Elvin's oil truck cross' the road. I shot. Miss. The Entire truck goes up in flames and i miss my target, i escape by going under the famling vechiles shassy and road off into the sunset moring sun.
10:02AM: The sun is hot, and so is my coffee. The local dinner supplies me with enough booze and pie for a lifetime. But i must continue. Twnety minutes later, i find Homer, he's in a Geny's Gay Biker Bar, there are at least 15 armed men inside with enough drunkeness to make Bob Dool have babies. Instead, i borrow a RPG and blow a hole in the wall. Homer's dead, my mission complete. At the bar, i find he's having some Weed. Its smells like Pakistany and i know who my target is. Osama Baklava.
12:00PM: Noon. By now the terrerist's at Florida's airport have already blown up a bus and taken a teddy bear named Cuddles hostage. Luckily i make it past airport security... that is until i walk through the metal detector. The alarm sounds. I am asked to take off my coat, i say "Suck on this!" i pull out my AK-47 and kill 5 unarmed people, what? They had it coming. With the cop dead and an electric chair with my name on it, i decide to run. Bad call. The SWAT team have surroneded the building, i find a bum and blow his brains out. With the bums bum cloths i make it to the plane. And its gone. I need a plane, there is no where else to go. I break into the airports control tower and blast the 4 guys in there to hell.
13:07PM: The situation is critical. All planes but one have left or in police hands. I steal the some dead guys rolex. I have at most 4 minutes till they get the plane. Boom! Somewhere in the airport an explosion just happened. I find five dead people and a lamp. I put it in my pocket. I see the plane, but its taking off. I use... "MATIX POWER". I now fly over to the plane and break down the door. Instanly i retread it, its 50,000 meters above sea level, the planes venting atmosphere. Fast.
13:23PM: I make it to the cockpit. The Pilots are dead and everythings flashing. I must get the plane airbourne! "Ahh screw it". I blow a whole in the window in the plane. I have somehow arrived in Pakistan and outside Osama Baklava's house. Ding Dong. Door opens, i enter to find him siting on his bed looking at a box. I say "hello", he says "GFNJIAFNFJDSAOPFKJLSAKFLJKNL". I say in return "Suck on this". His brains spill onto the floor on the room, i look at the box, on the side it says. Pandora's box. My target. I take one of Baklava's tanks and i'm on my way.
To be continued...
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