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| Thread: improved creature descriptions |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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roy-algriffin
Supreme Hero
Chocolate ice cream zealot
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posted September 02, 2007 02:44 PM |
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improved creature descriptions
Because of the current state of the creature descriptions is absoloutly terrible ive decided to "improve" Upon them to better reflect the accuracy Of the creatures. Looking for descriptions for Archer, Djinni vizier rhakasha raja/rani zombie/plague zombie and wright/wraith in particular. if you feel like you dont know a specific area where to add a description those would be good
Btw both of the descriptions will be kept. in case someone wants to look upon them for reference
Haven-Putting emphasis on inebriation
Peasent- Oh yes the fat lazy peasents,bringing food to battle and using pitchforks. these guys are just asking for something big to start sitting on them or using them as target practice
Conscript- Idiots intent on being generally confused and stupid. the noise they make when they die only makes it more satisfying to Omgwtfbbq them with a fireball
Archer-With a total lack of percision regard for hitting friends and family and actually looking interesting these "so called archers" are a force to be reckoned with. Once you get them out of the hangover
Marksment- Interesting combination. Lack of talent ,lack of srength dextertity or speed .. but a nice weapon. Gief titan to squish plx
Footmen-Peasents who did some excersive. Because of the Alchohol consumption neccasary here they all have shields to make sure noone sees theyre drunk
Squires- Footmen who use a bigger shield and the excuse theyre helping people to consume even more alchohol. need i say more?
Griffins- Rabid beasts caused by a eagle interbreeding with a dog sick with multiple diseases(some of them from lambs)This creature is sacred to haven and theyre named after it (holy griffin empire)
Imperial Griffin- When the eagle is sick with 90% of all diseased possible to its species along with others (like the dog) The most sacred of creatures to the griffin empire is born, and outfitted with cheap armor. Oh and unlike every other creature in existance with wings apparantly they actually know how to fly instead of just jump a bit
Priest-When a peasent gets Really really drunk they become a priest and start wearing funny hats and train in the arcane arts and learn how to conjure alchohol.Unfortunatly for them they also instantly have to go to war..but bring their beer just like any peasent does (havent you ever wondered why the blue beam of light curves like it does)
Inquisiotrs- Bald men who turned into Uber-peasents they represent the ultimate force of beer brewing/drinking/vomiting and the blessing it can give to others.. BEER ETERNAL!
Cavliars-Peasents are the staple of warriors for haven, when one decides hes taken drugs to the point of where a horse steers much better then him and he can just hold a lance,a cavaliar is born
Paladin-Cavaliars who like throwing beer at people to rejuvinate them . but particularly dousing their hands with water and pushing them into their targets mouth (lay on hands...)Noone can just sit there and die when that happens!
Angel-you might ask "who leads haven then" the answer is the angels, Arguing women who turned into arguing angels who just keep screaming at everyone and everything and cant handle a sword properly
Archangel-The pinnacle of arguing women these rare beings have a kind of perverted ability to scream at something so much that its afraid to stay dead,Elrath seems to like these
Academy[ Masterminded by the tier 1/font]Gremlins- The intellegent part of acedemy they actually function as the leaders,using a gun thats worse then a bow(huh) and ugly clothes they are the "real" leaders of this faction
Master gremlins- The masters of the masters who also know how to put scrap metal together. even from a distance, Their illogical powers are staggering!
Gargoyles-Disgusting flying tombstones.when a pink necromancer digs out a corpse its always because acedemy have stolen the tombstone and made it into a enchanted Barely flying/sentient/coherent rock
Obsidian gargoyles- Same thing but coated with cheap obsidian,this creature is primarily used to make people wonder why acedemy even exists (A tactical move used by the gremlins, which fails for the simple reason that noone cares)
Iron golem- Enchanted scrap metal, when someone throws out a paladins armor they use it to create golems, which are then used as the ultimate fodder (Hmm do i attack that stack of gremlins or the pile of trash which is called golems ..Most people think theyre being fooled into thinking the gremlins are important,which theyre not so the pile of scrap metal must be the answer...)
Steel golem- You know youve gone too far when your using the imperial(rabid) griffins armor. No wonder these guys look like a turtle ,move like a turtle and attack like a cow
Mages- The gremlins slaves these poor mages are forced to create stuff for them, and use giant magical fists to pound stuff into the ground (think peasents!)
Archmages - mages who are skilled in blowing stuff up to pieces turn into archmages, Walking fireball makers who always end up hurting their own friends more then anyone else (especially the gremliens somehow)
Djinnis- This would have been the most durable units the gremlins had, if not for the fact that mages are terrible at making stuff correctly, and ended up using a special incantation to make them involving cotton a jug and a bannana
Djinni vizier-Same thing. but with a hat (Hats really seem to define a tier 5 dont they?especially the wierd ones)
Rhakasha rana-Impossible to spell properly these paradoxes are just the usual kind of thing the mages get up to in their spare time,The perverts of course had to make it look female despite the paradox the name offers
Rhakasha raja-\many handed monsters created by mentally handicapped wizards who wanted a desert naga but messed up the incantation and made it prettier (not that they were happy! they wanted a naga!)
Collusus- When you take 20 golems and add them together you expect to get a bigger scrap pile right? but nope actually you get a collusus. A giant squishing machine which you need to sacrifice a mage to make (not that anyone is supposed to care,apart from the mages)
Titans-Collususes (what in gods name is the plural! another mystery of spelling)are collosi imbured with the power of lightning, arguably the only interesting looking creature in the game,until you take a closer look and see theyre hair from up close (talk about a bad hair day!)
Necropolis-Not Emotionless,just depressed
Skeletons- Misunderstood chronically depressed dead people. Just because theyre dead doesnt mean that theyre not people too! The necromancer is just taking all of them to the toy store
Skeleton archers-just chronically depressed. they went to the toy store but it was closed so they want to kill everything
Zombies- Peasents who lost their wives turn into zombies, set on hugging people and kissing them, they have feelings too you know.they only carry that sword for the looking cool(at least in their opinion)
Plague zombies- Yes well they might be infected with the plague but that doesnt mean they dont want to have interaction with other people.theyre just green peasents after all!
Ghosts- Angry dead (usually female)Who want revenge for overpriced souvenier stores they went to and want to stomp out all signs of life from those stores
Spectres- Angry spirits of the dead who died in shopping malls screaming that everything was too expensive and that they didnt have any space for them in the house at the same time
Vampires- People who watched television too long slowly had their mind eaten away and were turned into vampires who wanted colorful T-shirts but the necromancers werent nice enough to let them have any
Vampire lord- People with plasma TVs
Lichs- Undead mages who want revenge on all gremlins and want to steal their shirts!see http://heroescommunity.com/viewthread.php3?TID=22828&pagenumber=7 (thanks to blackhunter 92 for the pic)
Archlichs- Those who have succeeded in their revenge turn into archlichs with a permenant craving for lettuce and apple pie which the shopkeepers dont let them have (which makes them quite angry and they kill the shopkeepers. but all the food ruins their clothes!)
Wraith - Those who want to understand the way the opposite genders mind works will always fail, those brave men and women who tried to understand always died because of a rampaging horde of people stomping all over on them when they publicly said why and turned into wraiths
Wright- Those who died in persuit of trying to understand why anyone would ever want to get married turn into wrights,Mad beings who found the answer but couldnt comprehend it.
Bone dragons- Dragons who thought they werent colorful enough turn into bone dragons and lead a sad misreable life biting and biting and biting anything that isnt exactly the same color as them
Spectral dragons- Dragons whos misreable existance was too sad turn into spectral dragons, angry at the entire world for denying them the chance to turn into a combination of the colors red white and yellow
Syvlan(pixies by daystar)Pixies are a perfect example of why one should not forget the saftey word during BDSM. They never figured out how to get the vines off, and thus are stuck that way.
Dungeon- A touch too many addictions
Scouts- Those who love to roll in the dirt become scouts, and do so some more..and more and barely any live because of the geeneral diseases involved in this(low growth rate)
Assasins- Have long developed immunities to being dirty. in fact they are so dirty they look black.. The very proximity to them near their arrows causes people to be sick
Blood maidens- Too much sugar.. In fact these furies haev consumed so much sugar they cant stop shacking they are called blood maidens because of their high sugar blood levels, of course you wil stay a maiden if you cant keep still..
Blood fury - Permenantly stuck with the terrible addiction for sugar these are the highest speed creatures in the game overall .in fact they move so fast they usually hit the enemy at such speeds they bounce back to their original position (boing!)
Minautars- Enslaved peoples who actually seem to like it. In fact it seems they are ingrained to being slaves then revolt then become slaves again
Minautor guards- Those who revolted a teeny bit less became minautor guards . instead theyre trained to like banging axes together. in fact theres really no point to them . except they never feel too strongly about anything except banging stuff together in the same way a 2 year old does.
Dark raider- The tree-hugger equivalant of the dark elves who still like animals. strangely they like giant lizards and hugging giant mushrooms. Now i wonder why i feel why they dont really relate to syvlan all that much
Grim raider- Those who have probably taken some kind of drug to affect their mental state they dont really realize theyre underground. they seem to think theyre riding a unicorn and the enemies are lovely trees. of course when the lizard bites them they think it must be the horn. Oh and the trees are just shy and have a lot of "branches" that hit you
Hydras- These things have a serious addiction to junk food. they eat it with all three heads all day and all night. theyre not really all that slow actually. they just spend a lot of time eating mcdonalds in liberal amounts
Deep hydras- "deep" as in deep in the amount of junk food they bring to battle. They eat it to regenerate health . their pudgy legs can barely walk. And whenever you try to hit them you hit the junk food cartons around them instead
Shadow mistress- Love is when you see a women you want to spend an eternity with
Marriage is when you want to spend time with her and your children
Lust is when you see a shadow mistress...
Shadow matriarch (reserved. Will work on it later unless someone else does first)
Shadow dragons - Intensive smoking dragons who have taken it to a serious point. soot covers their whole bodies and they can breathe flames because of the hundreds of still smoldering cigar butts inside of them
Black dragons- More of a sooty lung that grew and grew then a dragon really. Not much of its vital organs is left. It usually tells itself it can stop at any time at all yep. and theyre not going to die soon .. and those 500 drunken paladins dont REALLY pose a threat
Hope you enjoyed it. im open to suggestions. will do some other factions later btw this is supposed to be a master post. if you have any descriptions of your own youd like to add ill make it next to my own one (like Peasents description B-Delightful jumping cannon fodder who are the best unit in havens army cause of taxpayer)
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"Am i a demon? No im a priest of the light! THE BLOODY RED LIGHT"
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted September 02, 2007 02:55 PM |
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Some are funny but your tone is too negative for me to smile. You do not have to be overly critical or excessive to achieve your purpose 
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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roy-algriffin
Supreme Hero
Chocolate ice cream zealot
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posted September 02, 2007 03:00 PM |
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Lol maybe. I guess im just trying to make "everything is terrible!" kind of view as opposed to the normal creature descriptions
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"Am i a demon? No im a priest of the light! THE BLOODY RED LIGHT"
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted September 02, 2007 03:01 PM |
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Edited by Elvin at 15:02, 02 Sep 2007.
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Unexpected from a haven fanatic  I wonder if the rest will get a worse treatment!
Edit: typos.
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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roy-algriffin
Supreme Hero
Chocolate ice cream zealot
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posted September 02, 2007 03:02 PM |
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Haven was just easiest. im trying to make my view sort of semi-neutral but biased towards making them all seem like wimps (including other factions once i get round to them)
Academy- haven but masterminded by the tier 1 unit 
Im also trying to make it into a visual aspect. try imaging what you read, like titans sitting on peasents
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"Am i a demon? No im a priest of the light! THE BLOODY RED LIGHT"
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted September 02, 2007 03:35 PM |
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Quote:
Gargoyles-Disgusting flying tombstones.when a pink necromancer digs out a corpse its always because acedemy have stolen the tombstone and made it into a enchanted Barely flying/sentient/coherent rock
QFE
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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Azagal
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Smooth Snake
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posted September 02, 2007 03:36 PM |
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Duude that was nice actually made me smile^^... Priest: A peasent that gets really really drunk^^ heheee. And about the "too hard" thing I don't see where you overdid it (I mean you ment to "overdo" it so there is no problem for me). But that really depends on taste. I personally love black-humor and as I've watched all South Park, Futurama and Family Guy episodes I can take a lot of "bad" jokes.. anybody who knows Cartmen understands me^^.
Keep it up
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GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted September 02, 2007 03:39 PM |
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Quote:
Some are funny but your tone is too negative for me to smile. You do not have to be overly critical or excessive to achieve your purpose
I basicly agree with that. There are some funny things there, though.
Try to write it about a faction you like, it will be much funnier. 
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roy-algriffin
Supreme Hero
Chocolate ice cream zealot
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posted September 02, 2007 04:02 PM |
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Yeah a pink necromancer ,Thats the approach you probably already guessed id take for necro
Skeleton army -Take us to the toy store! TOY STORE!
Yeah im going to try and do the other factions from a less critical side. but its really a matter of taste.
Btw the reference to the golems is from the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy (moves like a fish ,looks like a fish, handles like a cow)
And the Lettuce eating undead to terry pratchett (well about the vampires)
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"Am i a demon? No im a priest of the light! THE BLOODY RED LIGHT"
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GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted September 02, 2007 05:34 PM |
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The new Necropolis "descriptions" are really funnier. Some of them made me smile and laugh a bit. Turning the Undead troops to the "depressed Emoes" army is a nice idea.
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Daystar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Back from the Dead
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posted September 02, 2007 05:39 PM |
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were'nt they already?
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How exactly is luck a skill?
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted September 02, 2007 05:41 PM |
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Except 5/7 units have a pink joke in them.
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Map also hosted on Moddb
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roy-algriffin
Supreme Hero
Chocolate ice cream zealot
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posted September 02, 2007 05:43 PM |
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I was grinning and snorting throughout making them
Need i mention anyone elses descriptions will get edited into the master post.
Ill make the next faction have a distinct craving for peanuts and red stars (joking!)Edit: Hmm elvin do you dislike the color pink?
Thanks for the constructive critiscism anyway. PINK-HATER!
Its more like 2 and a half(unupgraded unit) pink jokes and the rest are about colorful things in general. Id have to say my favorite was the spectre hehe. one of my favorite all-time jokes is one that goes about a husband saying: my wife has only two complaints, Nothing to wear and not enough closet space
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"Am i a demon? No im a priest of the light! THE BLOODY RED LIGHT"
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted September 02, 2007 05:46 PM |
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Baklava might have liked that.
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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roy-algriffin
Supreme Hero
Chocolate ice cream zealot
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posted September 02, 2007 06:03 PM |
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Hehe im wondering if i should go for a "high on drugs" appraoch for dungeon a well to be frank "gay idiot" approach for syvlan or a "fluffy anarchist" approach for inferno . Dont really have any inspiration for fortress yet. Cowards maybe
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"Am i a demon? No im a priest of the light! THE BLOODY RED LIGHT"
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted September 02, 2007 06:07 PM |
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You could try what you see in the units as individuals.
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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emilsn
Legendary Hero
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posted September 02, 2007 06:12 PM |
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The one about the griffin was good stuff.. Most of Academy was good.. But i drowned in lousy Pink jokes, sorry.. Though good way to taunt Nival..
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Don't walk behind me; I may not
lead. Don't walk in front of me;
I may not follow. Just walk
beside me and be my friend.
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roy-algriffin
Supreme Hero
Chocolate ice cream zealot
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posted September 02, 2007 06:38 PM |
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yeah everyone to their taste. I was personally rolling on the floor laughing at the necropolis but i thought the acedemy ones were less good and yeah individual units is the basic idea but when i look at the blood furys and hydras i think "too much sugar.."'
Edit: removed all trace of pink jokes . but not the color ones
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"Am i a demon? No im a priest of the light! THE BLOODY RED LIGHT"
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Daystar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Back from the Dead
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posted September 02, 2007 10:20 PM |
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Pixies are a perfect example of why one should not forget the saftey word during BDSM. They never figured out how to get the vines off, and thus are stuck that way.
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How exactly is luck a skill?
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roy-algriffin
Supreme Hero
Chocolate ice cream zealot
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posted September 02, 2007 10:54 PM |
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nice one daystar. although i dont know what the BDSM stands for.
Remember the main point of this thread is everyone contributing , Im generally modest and wont take all the credit unless theres a Quality point peanut involved
And yes you can do creatures that have already been done.
I wonder when baklava will see this thread
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"Am i a demon? No im a priest of the light! THE BLOODY RED LIGHT"
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