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| Thread: ICTC III: The Brotherhood of Equity | |
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Kazragan
Tavern Dweller
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posted March 19, 2008 08:41 PM |
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Edited by Kazragan at 23:08, 24 Mar 2008.
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ICTC3: The Brotherhood of Equity
The Brotherhood of Equity
Welcome, this is my due to the „International Create a Town“-Contest. I’m going to present a faction, different to the normal factions. The biggest difference is that his faction isn’t a faction. Other factions are holding together, because of their races, their believes, and their equality. The faction, I want to present to you, shall be different. Driven away, excluded from the “normal” factions, because of differences, they bond together, to survive. And to seek revenge, from their time of oppression as outsiders.
Everything took it’s beginning a few years ago, when a few humans, demons, elves, dwarves, representatives of all races, united, and launched “The Call”. The Call is the attempt, to build up a place, where everybody is equal, no-one gets valued different. The Call reached all edges of the known world. Everybody, being different, being unaccepted, heared the message, of a state being built for everyone. And many followed The Call. Soon a new might rose, under the fair and wise guidance, of its founders. They, called “The Collective”, dropped all identity, leading their comrades into a new aeon of peace, into a new era of life, under the banner of the wolf, showing the brotherhoods loyalty, like the loyalty of the wolfpack, hunting together, showing their conhesion, like the one of the wolves, hunting the deer. And, last but not least, showing the power, the power of a community, sticking together, until death and further, united by the lack of an unification, which is now born.
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Thanks for reading the introduction. I’m going to write two texts (I hope my English is good enough for understanding my thoughts, which I want to impart you). One, like the one above, shall give you a feeling for the faction, the creatures, and all the things I’m writing about, the other one is more businesslike, and contains annotations, and background knowledge. Now, the first background knowledge, about my whole concept, as first the creature line up. It’s based on five levels of creatures. Every level contains two creatures you can recruit. But you mustn’t choose one of both alternatives, you can recruit both, although you can’t use both alternatives in one army. I think, this would be reasonable, because I don’t like the way they chose in Heroes V. Often everyone has got just one army, you’ve got one big fight, and then it’s over. With at least two armies, this problem would be lessened. I haven't got a real world, I think, this faction would fit in many fantasy worlds, so it isn't based on one especial world.
The Faction
Faction name: The Brotherhood of Equity
Also known as: Disciples of the Collective
Worships: none God, they’re just paying tribute to their leaders, the Collective
Racial Colors: Grey
Racial Symbols: The White Wolf before the Grey Moon
Capital: There isn’t a certain capital, the Brotherhood is still badly organised.
Good, Neutral or Evil: Fanatically convinced by their own good.
Ensign:
The Heroes
The Heroes, fighting for the Brotherhood, are from all races, and contain all types of lost livelihoods. They are mostly called Venturers, searching for fame and honor, searching for better lifes, than the ones, they lived in their old society. Their special skill is Inducement, the ability to influence the masses. Someone who doesn’t follow the brotherhood, would say, that it’s propaganda. This skill allows the Venturers to moralize their unit’s, and to manipulate them, until they are as powerless as a rabbit, entwined by an anaconda. The effect is, that the units deal more damage against enemies, and can bear more damage from them, if they belong to an enemies fraction (first level of Inducement works on adverse units level 1+2, second Inducement level against enemies level 3+4 units, and the third Inducement level against level 5+6 creatures). Also, there are three subskills, in which some of the venturers improve their Inducement. The first one is the Diatribe, which lets your units deal more damage against one enemy unit type. The second, the Power of Persuasion, works on enemy units, and you’ve got a chance, that this unit condemns it’s instruction, and, e.g., attacks another of your units, than the enemy wants. The third one of the subskills, is the rethoric, which grants you diplomatic bonuses with neutral units. They are (especially Thieves, Robbers, Trolls, etc.) more likely, to affiliate to you. Then, there’s, of course, an ultimate subskill. It’s called Consiliation, and it grants you, to use both alternative units of one level in one army. That’s a very strong skill, but, of course, it is very hard to reach. These are the basic infos, let's have a look at a hero, I've designed as example:
Kandros Background
We are in the city of Shel-Kutar. It's hot, the city is built subterranea, as all the dark elve's cities are. Here, you can see the assassines, training their agility. This is Kandros. His moves are smooth, he's brought all the techniques and course of motions to perfection. Assassines need to be fast, need to be agile, and need to be heart- and conscienceless. Kandros is the fastest one, the one who's most agile, and is the most large-hearted, conscience-stricken elf, the world has ever seen. He wouldn't even kill a fly. It was his final examination to kill five people, living all over the town, which were rebellious against the authority.
There you can see Vell Veiland, he's scholar in duty of the authority. He knows the controlling company, he knows the politics of them. All day, he's working for them, steadying their authority. By night, he's member of the rebels, which want to overthrow the ruling government. Here, you can see him, coming home from work. He opens the door, enters the domicile, and closes the door behind him. He wonders. Why doesn't his family welcome him, as usual? He approaches the next room. And has got a knife held to his throat. He doesn't moves. "Vell Veiland, you are sentenced to death penaty for rebelling against the authority." Vell closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and turns around. It's an assassin. They have found out. Everything was over. Kandros looks into his eyes. He doesn't see fear, only sureness of death. He looks around. Thinks about the family, enchained in the bedroom. He is going to kill, to rend the family. The kids are going to grow up without a father. To grow up in the street. He decides, what he's going to do. He hits Vell, who kisses the dust. Then Kandros writes a small notice. "Take flight, leave. Tell the others to do so, too. They have found out about us." Then, Kandros leaves. He saddles his horse, and relinquishes the city. They will follow him, he will have to be fast.
A few miles from the city, the instructor, who watched his work, catches up. Kandros views him approaching. He stops, waits for his enemy. Checks his weapons for fight. "So, you've followed me." - "You know everything about the assassines. Your knowledge would be too dangerous in enemies hands. Oh, and the guy, who spared getting killed by you, is dead. He hasn't even reached the city walls." - "Welll, but it isn't me, who shed his blood." - "Oh, you are so cute. You won't kill me. I know it. You are too weak. You wouldn't even fight me. Follow me back, and you will get a fair court case. Or should I say a fair death penalty?" - "I won't follow you. Not without a fight." - "Oooohh... Don't start crying, girle." - "Stop mocking me. If you want to bring me back, you will have to kill me." - "Pah, you won't do anything. You're a weakling. You will follow me." - "I won't. I tell you the last time." - "You will." Kandros has got his in hands. He knifes him. Looks into the instructor's surprised face. Then, he mounts his horse again. He knows, where to go. He heard of a place, he could take refuge. The escape made him resolute. The escape taught him, how to kill. Him, the former ringleader of the dark elven rebels. Now, he would continue the fight, exposed, and under the banner of the brotherhood.
Later, his specialty was, to teach his creatures in agility. They should be able to act quickly, and accomplish his commands faster.
The City
Here’s the City’s build-tree. I’m still reconsidering, if I should add a few more buildings, but I think, it’s okay, by now.
The Creatures
Well, here are the creatures. They’re introduced with an in-game text, which could be used for message boxes in the game, shown after building the buildings for the creature, or after hiring the first units of every type. There are five levels of creatures, you can hire. But you mustn’t choose one of both alternatives, you can hire both, but you can’t put two alternatives of one level into one army, without one alternative, to desert after a time. Then, there’s a level 6 creature, which is very mighty, but which you can just hire once per Game. Buldings are red, creatures blue, and skills/abilities are green (by their first emerging). And generally, all creature names, skills etc. are wrote with a capital.
Level one: Outlaws
Thieves
“Well, here we are. Welcome, in our hideout. We are the Thieves. We are driven out of society, because of crimes, they made us commit. They never gave us a chance, to earn the things, needed for a lawful life. So we began to take what take these things. We tried to survive, without work, without a home, without food. But they hate us, for the crimes we commit. For the “normal” people, we’re just mean villains, without any honour. They made us loose our honour, making us steal, so we will take our revenge. Without an honest fight. We’re going to attack from the shadows. Living at the society’s edge, always hiding, always fearing their justice, makes you silent. Silent enough for not being discovered until your enemy has got a knife in his back. With these my own words, I pledge loyalty for The Call, for The Collective, and for the banner, under which we’ll fight.”
Robbers
“Good day. You’re most welcome to us, this is our hidden camp, we, robbers, from all over the world, welcome you to our camp. We followed The Call, searching for adventures, for gold, for gathering glory. We’re criminals, but we’re honest man. We will fight, but only in fair fights. Although we’re living on robbery, we’ve got our code of honor. We’re fighting fair, and we’re just taking from the dead, what we earned in fight. So we won’t fight together with thieves, these honorless bastards. Obey our rules, and we will pledge loyalty to you.”
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Although thieves and robbers might seem pretty similar, they are quite different.
The thieves are fast units, but they’re weak, and can’t hold out very much damage. Their biggest benefit is their ability Assassination, which lets them deal extra damage, attacking enemies from their back. It’s an passive ability. Attacking enemy from behind, it’s automatically activated.
The robbers are stronger, but also slower. Their ability Robbery gives you gold and resources, in relation to the damage the [color=blue]robbers[/color] dealt to an enemy stack. It’s an active ability, so you’ve got to activate it, and select an hostile corps, which gets plundered by the robbers (they approach the corps, and you get the resources and gold).
Level two: The Trolls
Troll Warriors
”G’day. Come in. These are our Caves. We are the caste of the Troll Warriors. For a long time, humans, demons, elves, all other races hunted us, because of our raw lifestyle, based on old tradition, reaching into the oldest times. Based our brute instincts, reaching back to the time, when the first trolls entered the world. We are almost extinct, living in the edges of the world, nobody would search us voluntary. But now we are here, here we’ve found a asylum, and from here, we will plan the downfall of humans, demons, elves, and all the others, which searched our extermination. Then, the trolls will rise again, and will live free, without fearing the hunter’s arrow anymore.”
Troll Shamans
”There you are! I welcome you to our catacombs. This is the places, used for our rituals, for the laying out of our most potent brethren. We’re the Troll Shamanes, we came here with the warriors, for the new rise of trolls. Our castes needed each other, until now, and so I’m begging you, separate us from these barbarians. We will fight for you, you can count on our rituals.”
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The trolls are parted into two castes, the one of the warriors, and the one of the shamans. Although they need each other, they’re divided, valuing the other caste as primitive barbarians or stuck-up snobs.
The warriors are good fighters, average in attack, defense, and speed. They’re a good standard-fighter, without big pros and cons.
The Shamanes are more specific, they are slow, and can’t handle much damage, but they’ve got a, quite useful, although weak, shot, and are able of a few useful magic rituals. Their Ritual of Blood can boost allied melee fighters. Bringing their blood to a boil, the shamans can strengthen their allies to incredible attainments. The Ritual of Mind can strengthen allies mental affinity, boosting their magical skills by lengths.
Level three: The Irrepressible
The Dream Dancers
“Step in, step in, into our haven. These are our sanctums, surrounded by pure magic, the Halls of Dreams. Here we’re seeking sanctuary, from ourselves. Born under the sign of magic, we’re cursed. We are combined with the Mana, the magical breath, the world itself breathes, it floats through our blood. But we can’t control it. We never had a chance, to learn controlling our unintended powers. Then, when we aren’t attentive, it breaks out. While we’re sleeping. Therefore you know us as Dream Dancers The magic bursts out, in every shape, without boundaries, as the human dreams haven’t, too. We’re here, searching for cover, searching for acceptance. And we will fight for you, fight for a world, in which we can live in peace and quiet.”
The Bloodwarriors
“Welcome. Welcome to our Halls, the Halls of Blood. We’re living with the magic surrounding us. An incredible affinity to the magic makes us soak the magic up, everywhere we go. Until we’re loaded, like a sponge, which needs to get pressed out. And so the magic does. Loaded up, a gigantic burst of magic can break out, at all times. We are the Bloodwarriors. And we will fight for you, giving us sanctuary, giving us a place to live, giving us hope, hope for a better life, somewhere along the way, when we have won against the humans, which expelled us out of their society.”
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The Irrepressible are weak, but their magic abilities countervail their bad fighting skills.
The Dream Dancers’ ability, the Oneiric Magic is incalculable, in random intervals, it causes random effects. These could be, that one of your own units turns into ice, and is stunned for a few rounds, until it melts. It could also be an effect, that a gigantic volley of meteorites kills even the strongest units of your enemy.
The Bloodwarriors are also weak fighters, but at least they can brave much Damage, and have got a strong defense. Their ability, the Magic Bloodburst is activated automatically at regular intervals, and causes a big explosion around the Bloodwarriors.
Both abilities can be activated with the Troll Shamanes’ Ritual of Mind. So you can also control their activation, and it boosts both abilities. The Magic Bloodburst causes more damage this way, and the Dream Dancers Oneiric Magic can’t harm or weaken your own creatures, when it’s activated per ritual.
Level four: The Different
Blackhorns
”Good day, would you please follow me, hero? I want to show you something. It’s important, you’ll want to see it. Here, we’ve got to go through the woods, but it isn’t far. On the way, I can introduce myself. I’m, as you might see, an elf. I’ve been a big shot. I’ve been responsible for the whole education, of the elves biggest hauteur, the unicorns. But only the least people know about the unicorns, which aren’t born with a white coat. Their coat is black, like melted lead. The Blackhornes. They aren’t as noble as the white ones, but they are wild fighters, ready for every fight. The wood elves think, that a Aura of Calamity surrounds them. And they aren’t wrong, but the animals can control it. I’ve raised a few, against elven tradition, which demands their immediate death. I’ve never had bad luck, but the elves, which caught me with my little ones. I was able to flee with them. Ahhhh... Here we are. This is the Dark Grove, they are living in the moment. By now, the population is growing, and soon the first Blackhornes will be fighting for you.”
The Extinguished
”Ah, welcome, mister. Follow me, I’ll show you our haven. We are demons, driven out of demon society. You might ask, why. Well, you should know, that demons are raw creatures. They aren’t dumb, okay, most are, but their whole society is based on strength and bestiality. And, of course, on their addiction to fire and chaos. We are the Extinguisheds. Extinguished, because we’re born without the affinity to fire, therefore, with a big mental talent. Here, we are trying to find accenptance. And we will place our intellect and mental abilities into your service.”
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The Blackhornes are a very good good cavalry, fast and strong, their defense is average, in relation to their level. Their Aura of calamity lowers the luck of nearby enemies.
The Extinguished are good shooters, based on their talent, to construct very effective crossbows, and other shooting weapons. Also, their mental abilities, might be very useful. To the one hand, they can move objects on the battlefield with Levitation (they can move units and obstacles around the battlefield, in relation to the obstacle’s/unit’s size and level). Also, they can manipulate other creatures thinking, which can be used, to devolve units thinking to another one. So, with this Manipulation of Mind one unit can move or attack together with another one, if it’s in range.
Level five: Chimaeras
Glatisants
Here you are. You are at the shore of a small Mountain Lake, near to the brotherhood’s town. You’re alone, your companions have left you alone. You don’t care about, braver man have already refused of going to here. At the other shore of the lake, you are supposing for some of the mightiest creatures, the world knows. They are old creatures, so old, that even an old legend, about a wise and mighty king, written in old times, mentions these Creatures, the Glatisants. Now you’re near enough, to catch details. Their snakelike head, the leopard-like body, the hind legs of a lion. These creatures are fast fighters, their bite is set, long before their prey can react. And you’re near enough, to hear the sound. The Glatisants are making the noise of fifty hunted dogs, everywhere, everytime.
You’re standing in front of them, the biggest one approaches you. You don’t think about the deadly bite, which could cost your life, you don’t think about the claws, which could easily lacerate you. You just think about, how they will fight in your army. Then, there’s the attack, you can’t do anything, your reaction is too slow. But it isn’t your reaction, it’s instinct, which saves your head. You can dodge, a millisecond, before you would have died. The Glatisant didn’t expect anything like this. The next time, you’re faster. It’s just the hint of an coming attack, but you dodge already, and this time, you’ve been fast enough. You can dodge, jumping sidewards, and the Glatisant, which hasn’t expect this, once again, has got your knife at its throat. Then, it accepts your victory. You’ve tamed the beasts, your army will get new troops soon.
Manticors
Well, you’re alone, in the aloof parts of the woods. Here, you can’t hear any sounds, except the trees, rustling in the wind. The animals fell silent here, before long times. This is the right place, here you can find, what you’re searching for. The legendary manticors. You advance through the woods, until you reach a crevice. You step down, into the earth’s abyss, until you reach a narrow, winding system of lodes. You’re invading the earth’s subsurface, deeper and deeper. Than, you reach a gigantic grotto. In front of you, there’s a gigantic beast, the pack’s top dog. You can’t see the rear part of the grotto, but there’s enough you can see, at the manticor. You see his scorpion-like tail, raised up for a menacing gesture. At the spike, you can see drop a of poison, oozing out of the poison vesica. His body, the one of a lion. And the wings. Like a second skin, his back is covered with two enormous, bat-like wings.
Then, he attacks, you hear a buzzing sound, and jump aside. The manticor is still standing at the same place, he hasn’t even moved. But his deadly spike disappeared. It’s sticking in the grotto’s wall, directly, where you stood just before. His deadly, poisonous shot missed you. Then, he spreads his wings, and starts, to fly. He fills half of the complete Grotto, he wants to awe you. But you’re just standing there, looking into his face. Then, there’s the next attack, out of the air. He approaches you, his mouth rip open. You still stand there, without any movement. Then, he reaches you. You grab his forelegs. Although, you feel his claws in your arm, you don’t care about. You cockle yourself to the ground, jerking your leg into his stomach. You’re throwing him over yourself. Headfirst, he hits the hard ground. You jump up, turn around, and see him standing in front of you. Then, slowly, he bends his forelegs, taking a bow before you, accrediting you, as the new top dog. Behind you, athe whole pack accredits you, as their new leader, You’ve found strong auxiliary.
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The Glatisants are a fast unit, which can accomplish a fast and strong first strike, although they can’t bear up much damage (of course in relation to their level, they can still hold out much more than, e.g., Troll Shamanes). Their Attacking Finesse let’s them ignore a part of enemies defense, because they’ve attacked, long before, e.g., a swordsman could rise his shield.
The Manticors are not very strong, and fast, but they can handle much damage. Their ability Spikeshot can be used, to deal ranged damage, and poison an enemy unit for once per battle, and their Air Attack can be used, to approach the enemy over long distances, but it doesn’t deal the whole damage, a normal attack would.
Level six: The Giant
You’re in your apartment. It’s night, the sky is dark, the animals are quiet. You’ve woken up, you don’t know why. You try to sleep in again, but you can’t. There’s something, a misgiving, you’ve got a bad feeling, as if you would await something bad. Then you get it. The earth quakes. It’s just a minimal quake, but you can feel it. And it’s getting stronger. You jump out of bed, dress quickly, and run out of the house. You go to the other houses, you warn the other people. Five minutes later, everyone is on the plaza, in the middle of the city. To stay in the houses would be too dangerous, they could collapse every moment. In the distant, you see the horizon. There it must be the epicenter of the earthquake, you see the mountains, they are deforming, you can see their silhouette jiggling. Stop, what, if this wasn’t a mountain, hit by the earthquake, what, if this was the causer of the earthquake? But it can’t be, even the biggest giants aren’t as big as this one. Behemoths and colossus are smaller, too. This is a dream, this can’t be true. You order the others, to stay outside, saddle your horse, and sweep towards the giant. On the ride, you think, what you would do, if the giant would be aggressive, against you, but you don’t have a clue, how you should stop him, if he started attacking the city. Now you’re in front of him. He looks like a human, but more coarse, and wild. In his Hand, he’s got a gigantic tree, used as a club. He looks over you, you can’t see, if he likes you or not. He could either kill you, easily, the impact of his club wouldn’t leave at least a piece over. Then, he lifts his club, a gigantic shout pervades the whole valley. Your last thought is, that the Brotherhood must live on, after your death, after demolition of the city. Your last thought, before the giant suddenly kneels down, kneels down, in front of you. You’ve earned a new ally, mightier, than any ally before. But keep an eye on him, you won’t get another chance, in the case he dies.
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The Giant is a mighty creature, but he can still get mightier. He is an unpolished jewel, it’s your task, to grind this jewel. In this for, the giant is mighty, but he’s average in all areas, he would be more effective, when he is specialized. Some buildings can give extra vantages, depending on the way, you lead the giant. The Apprenticeship needs one week, of course you can change his training, and he will change the class, but it always needs one full week, the giant is a docile learner, but he can’t remember old things, when gets taught new things. Ventages after the apprenticeship are added immediately. If you, e.g., build pits, after
Apprenticeship: The Way of the Warrior
You can see the giant in the valley, although he’s far away, he seems to stand directly in front of you, because of his pure bigness. He’s training, training for battle. He’s still using his tree, but soon this will change. The Robbers are working, since almost one week. Many of them were miners, before they got robbers. And they are mining again. They wrest the ore from earth, more and more, without break, the mines never were empty, the forge was handled, without interrupts. And they were forging. Forging the biggest weapon, anybody ever saw. It wouldn’t be very sharp, and it wouldn’t be high quality, but it would be better than a tree. Also, the Troll Warriors are working. You couldn’t find any leather in the whole city, they had taken everything. Even so, they were hunting, day and night, and the woods became silent, since last week. But soon, it would be accomplished. The Giant would be armed with a sword and equipped with the leather armor. Then, your enemies won’t fight him voluntarily.
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The Way of the Warrior turns your giant into a (how surprising) warrior. The Troll Warrior’s Caves enhances his defense, shown in the leather armor, the hidden camp boosts his attack, shown in the sword, displacing the tree.
Apprenticeship: The Way of the Marksman
The Giant is standing in the hills. You can see him, carving new arrows, out of thirty feet high oaks. His Bow is gigantic, but soon, he will be equipped more deadly. The Extinguished are constructing. It’s going to be a gigantic crossbow, more likely a ballista, which will be able to strike through every armor, as strong as it might be. Later, you see him training with the Bolas. These are a weapon, made of a rope with a few weights on end. They are mostly used of the thieves, which are also training the Giant in using them. A practised user can use them, to enchain enemies, which can’t move for a time. The Giant, trained as Marksman, will be a good reinforcement for your army, and will be good for decimating your enemies, before they can reach you.
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The Way of the Marksman is the best way for a defensive tactic, because your Giant gets a strong shooter, and can bar an enemy unit from approaching you with his Bolas. His attack strength gets enhanced if Pits are built in you’re city, shown by the change from a bow to a crossbow.
Apprenticeship: The Way of the Mage
Down there, he stands. The Giant, he’s training. Training, to control the elements, to manipulate the magical flows, streaming through the earth. His whole body is painted, with runes, magic signs, connecting him with the streams of magic energy, pulsing through the earth’s veins. Then, he rises his hands, spreads his arms, and gathers energy. His Body seems to levitate above the ground. His body paintings begin to glow, he is surrounded by a magic shine. It gets stronger and stronger, the whole valley is enlightened. Than it happens. The Giant hits his hands together, he seems to explode, the flare is too strong, to identify him anymore. Than, the whole world seems to explode. The valley burns, everywhere are flames, fire consumes the woods, the buildings, everything. The Giant looks at the demolition he has caused. Then he rises his arms again. Five minutes later, everything is as it was before. You’ve created something, beyond every imagination. Pray, that he will never turns against you.
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The Way of the Mage makes a strong sorcerer out of the Giant. After this Apprenticeship, he’s weak, and slow, but he can cast strong spells, which can deal out horrible destruction. In the Council of Elders he can learn the Ritual of Blood from the Troll Shamans, with which he can boost an allies attack to such an intensity, that they can do unbelievable damages. In the Libraries he can learn the Control over Magic. With this, he can gather pure magic energies, and bring them to explosion, where he wants, dealing big area damages. Then, last but not least, he can learn the Subjugation of the Psyche. With this mighty ability, he learns in the Council of Magi, he can take over the complete control over an adverse unit, for a while.
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Kazragor
![Kazragor]()
Disgraceful
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posted March 23, 2008 10:20 PM |
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Edited by Kazragor at 23:14, 23 Mar 2008.
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So, I've found my mistake, it won't happen again, and by now, my due to the ICTC III, is done. Now, I'm going to delete this account (if i can, if i can't, could this be done by somebody?). Okay, I can't. If this account gets deleted, it's okay, if not, it will be deleted after a time of inactivity, i think.
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Momo
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted March 25, 2008 02:36 AM |
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Edited by Momo at 17:38, 27 Mar 2008.
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My review of this faction:
Cohesiveness: 7/10 Ironically, this deserves a good mark for cohesiveness in my opinion. The theme is sort of a "melting pot", so the fact that every creature feels different and unrelated to the other doesn't make it seem uncoherent; plus, most creatures seem peaceful in aspect (even the enxtinguished!) which kinda points out a bond among them. This mark could have been higher if the first unit wasn't a thief, something that completely fails to link with the theme of the faction - community, equity, etc. Why not having wolves? They're even in the banner!
Imagination: 11/15 The inspiration is there, and it's a great idea - the botherhood etc, but just after it grew wings it fails to fly. You follow your initial intuition -let's make a community that it's not held together by race- and add nothing more on the road, nor in flavor nor in gameplay (exceptions: the giant's developement, the hero's skill). The initial intuition is good enough to carry ten points on its shoulders alone, but not more than that. Then, you get 1 point more for the hero's skill of "propaganda", which sadly isn't developed as well as it could and ends up being similar to a mix of the old "specialization: creature XYZ" of Heroes 3.
Back story: 6/10 hardly a backstory at all; we get the overture of a story, and almost nothing else. Still, the fundation of the Brotherhood is sort of a backstory, so once again it's your basic idea that makes up for a sufficient vote.
Battle facets: 5/10 except the giant's developement, which is very interesting and has lot to do with the theme (the giant being educated by other races, and such), all your faction has no distinctive fighting style holding it altogether. Whenever you make a theme, that theme should be reflected in gameplay - expecially a great, interesting theme like equity and interdipendence. You could have tried many different roads, like for example making each unit rely on the other to trigger a particular power - but you didn't.
Discretionary: 5/5 once again, I give a max discretionary mark on this one. This was posted quickly and has all the essential traits to judge a faction, plus a interesting theme. Mostly I base my "discretionary" mark on A) how much I like the theme and B) how much effort the work shows, so by having both you get a 5/5.
Overall: 33/50
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Mytical
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Chaos seeking Harmony
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posted March 25, 2008 09:11 AM |
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Edited by Mytical at 11:34, 25 Mar 2008.
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Cohesiveness: 5/10 This town has a good idea, but since this score is about cohesiveness I am going to have to mark it down (sorry!). It is a wonderful town, nonetheless.
Imagination: 15/15 As I said, a great idea for a town. I love just about everything about it. Very creative. Two thumbs up.
Back story: 8/10 Though not fully developed, it does lay the foundation. Has amazing potential. 
Battle facets: 5/10 Have to agree with Momo here. The idea you have is awesome, and them relying on each other would be an interesting tactic.
Discretionary: 3/5 A great idea, the implimentation needs work. With a little 'polish' I could easily see this in h6.  .
Total score : 36
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Message received.
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Snatch
Promising
Known Hero
Proud Kappa
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posted March 25, 2008 05:53 PM |
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Cohesiveness: 6/10 (a rough diamond, has to be polished a bit)
Imagination: 15/15 (I'm very fond of this kind of more mixed factions)
Back story: 4/10 (is not really there but the aspects of tolerance on the one hand and some kind of fanatism on the other has much potential)
Battle facets: 9/10 (flexibility without the restrictions of Heroes 4, but I'm not really sure how it will work out in the end)
Discretionary: 4/5 (for the idea, the two army aspect and the giant development)
38/50
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 25, 2008 10:11 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 22:06, 29 Mar 2008.
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Cohesiveness: 5/10 An utopia lol. The faction is based on equality, but there is a government and a kind of policy police (lol?) also some creatures can't work together, weird vision of equality. well, it's true an utopia isn't possible anyway.
also the melting-pot looks like a too easy way to make a faction coherent, won't some humans fear those demons and blackhorns for example?
Imagination: 10/15 for the "together we are strong" theme and some original creatures.
Back story: 8/10 I see how it fits in the homm universe, and you spent quite a long time writing all those small stories. I already blamed you on cohesiveness.
Battle facets: 5/10 I was under the impression to have few informations about gameplay.
The shamans may give a too big advantages.
The giant idea is interesting.
Quote:
Momo wrote :
all your faction has no distinctive fighting style holding it altogether
thanks, I was thinking that way but didn't know how to say it 
Discretionary: 4/5 For bringing it alive through those different little stories.
32/50
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Kazragan
Tavern Dweller
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posted March 26, 2008 01:41 AM |
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Edited by Kazragan at 01:54, 26 Mar 2008.
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Momo:
Quote:
My review of this faction:
Cohesiveness: 7/10 Ironically, this deserves a good mark for cohesiveness in my opinion. The theme is sort of a "melting pot", so the fact that every creature feels different and unrelated to the other doesn't make it seem uncoherent; plus, most creatures seem peaceful in aspect (even the enxtinguished!) which kinda points out a bond among them. This mark could have been higher if the first unit wasn't a thief, something that completely fails to link with the theme of the faction - community, equity, etc. Why not having wolves? They're even in the banner!
Battle facets: 5/10 except the giant's developement, which is very interesting and has lot to do with the theme (the giant being educated by other races, and such), all your faction has no distinctive fighting style holding it altogether. Whenever you make a theme, that theme should be reflected in gameplay - expecially a great, interesting theme like equity and interdipendence. You could have tried many different roads, like for example making each unit rely on the other to trigger a particular power - but you didn't.
Yes, wolves would be a good idea, but, now I can't change it anymore. But in my opinion, theves aren't so bad. They get outlawed, everybody could kill them. Nobody stands up for outlaws. Why shouldn't they fit into a faction of outsiders?
I can't understand your rating for battle factors, but I can't change it. But you might have overlooked the ritual of mind, used by the troll shamans, which can get used for activating the irrepressibles abilities. You can find it at the annotations, related to the irrepressibles.
I quote myself:
Both abilities can be activated with the Troll Shamanes’ Ritual of Mind. So you can also control their activation, and it boosts both abilities. The Magic Bloodburst causes more damage this way, and the Dream Dancers Oneiric Magic can’t harm or weaken your own creatures, when it’s activated per ritual.
Fauch:
Quote:
Cohesiveness: 4/10 An utopia lol. The faction is based on equality, but there is a government and a kind of policy police (lol?) also some creatures can't work together, weird vision of equality. well, it's true an utopia isn't possible anyway.
also the melting-pot looks like a too easy way to make a faction coherent, won't some humans fear those demons and blackhorns for example?
Battle facets: 5/10 I was under the impression to have few informations about gameplay.
The shamans may give a too big advantages.
The giant idea is interesting.
Quote:
Momo wrote :
all your faction has no distinctive fighting style holding it altogether
thanks, I was thinking that way but didn't know how to say it
29/50
About Cohesiveness. There is of course the dream of a society without differences, but they haven't reached the goals at all. The first settlements of the brotherhood just got founded, they are just at the beginning. Of course there is a government, the Collective is ruling, as founders of the first settlement and because of iniciating the brotherhood. It's a totalitarian system, which is aiming for pure equality. It might be a big antagonism, but it's that, what shall characterize the faction.
But I don't know, which policy police you're talking about. Maybe you're talking about my text, which tells about Kandros. But this text completely plays in the dark elven society. Kandros is a dark elf, and so, he lives in a dark elven city, and gets instructed as assassin there (and they are getting used for political purposes by their government). Then, he shirks his duties, and joins the botherhood.
Your point, if some of the humans wouldn't fear the demons, for example, is, as I've got to admit, a point, I can't refute, you are right. But it's the system behind the creature lineup. It shall prevent creating one big army, which might lead to one big battle, and then your enemy is beaten. The ultimate skill might be contradictory, but it's the ultimate, and I think, it fits well into the concept, and it's as mighty, as an ultimate should be.
The fighting style might be a problem, but I don't think it's so bad. I think, I've diversified it not bad, and I wanted to afford a big variety. The troll shamanes might have a strong skill, but the balancing would have to be made proportional to the other races, and the whole game, it would get implemented into, but I haven't implemented it into one of the games, so I've just devised the skills etc. themselves, balancing would be useless, in this status of development.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 26, 2008 12:14 PM |
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those guys are weird, reaching equality by totalitarism 
or maybe it seems weird to us because we know the history?
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Kazragan
Tavern Dweller
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posted March 26, 2008 12:37 PM |
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Edited by Kazragan at 12:45, 26 Mar 2008.
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Quote:
those guys are weird, reaching equality by totalitarism
or maybe it seems weird to us because we know the history?
It is weird, of course, but.. ok, how shall I explain. Maybe I'll write a little text about the history:
The Collective founded the first settlement, and iniciated the brotherhood. Then, they started the Call, the rumor of a better place reached thousands of outsiders, in all factions, all over the world. Many followed the call, and so, they needed a leader, or a few leaders. What would have made more sense, than give the might to the founders of the whole faction. They are venerated, deified, as the new chance, for all the outsiders, waiting for better times. Their idea meant hope, and it meant a new chance for all the ones, which followed the call. So they took the command, as a start. But it didn't remain as a start. They did their work well, the brotherhood grew, the times were good. They sustained their might, by propaganda, brain washs, and so they still are the totalitarian leaders of the brotherhood. And the brotherhood's followers don't want another command. They adore the collective, they are totally fanatic for the brotherhood. They are totally brainwashed.
The collective itself... Maybe it's also aspiring equality, maybe they are also dreaming for total equality, and are just thinking of themselves as the ones, who will lead the brotherhood into this time of sameness. But maybe, they are also having an own agenda. But, nobody knows. At least, until I'd write a campaign for the faction, in which this would get disclosed, but in the moment, I'm not going to proceed, until the time for the judges has passed, and the ratings are over.
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sith_of_ziost
Promising
Supreme Hero
Scouting the Multiverse
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posted March 30, 2008 12:25 AM |
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Cohesiveness - 6/10 - Don't worry, this is the only area that you've lost a lot of points in. Although you tried your hardest to pull this inherently broken faction, you still left holes and inconsistencies in the faciton.
Wow Factors - 14/15. Yes, a near perfect score. I liked everything you did with this faction, and your ideas were firmly stated with great explanations.
Back Story - 8/10. Again, due to the racially diverse members of this faction, your back story was kind of fragmented. However, your specialized descriptions of each unit made up for this.
Battle Facets - 10/10. You get every point for this one. Controlling your opponents every move, making them doubt themselve, makes this an extremely fun faction to think about in battle.
Discretionary - 4/5. You didn't get full points for this because of the little holes that existed in your faction. I little more explanation of the history and the founding of the Collective would've help the story along and grounded it into the Heroes universe.
Total Score: 42 points
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted March 30, 2008 01:22 AM |
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Tobius's rating
The Brotherhood of Equity
Cohesiveness(4+1)=5 It simply lacks compatibility with the offical story
Imagination(4+3+2)=9 Well, put some evil creatures in one faction - not that original
Back Story(1+2)=3 Your introduction is nice, but it doesn\'t tie well with any HoMM universe
Battle Facets(4+2)=6 Interesting mixture, but not very original (except the giant\'s development)
Discretionary: +3 for interesting racial skill, build-tree, the creature\'s anecdotes
Total Score=26
How I graded these:
Cohesiveness (Internal Coherence [1-5]+HoMM Compatibility [1-5])
Imagination (Creativity [1-5]+Innovations [1-5]+Originality[1-5])
Back Story (How well it expands on one of the HoMM universes [1-5]+How interesting it was to me [1-5])
Battle Facets (Variety [1-5]+Inventive Aspects [1-5])
Discretionary (Bonus for exceptional efforts[1-5])
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uhuh
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The_Mentat
Tavern Dweller
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posted April 02, 2008 10:24 PM |
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Cohesiveness: 7/10
Imagination: 13/15 – for the giant developement and the possibility to choose between quite different creatures (for every army)
Back Story: 7/10 – I consider the small stories in the description of the creatures here.
Battle Facetts: 5/10 – There are no explanations of tactical options
Discretionary: 5/5 – original idea
Total Score: 37/50
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted April 12, 2008 05:58 AM |
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The Brotherhood of Equity:
FriendofGunnar
Cohesiveness: 5/10 Even though this is supposed to be a motley crew I can't see all these groups co-existing or working together. And the exclusion principles don't seem to make sense in regards to each tier of creatures.
Imagination:13/15 An original idea
Back story: 7/10 No real explanation of how they all came together.
Battle facets:10/10 The "no two same level creatures in the same army" is an interesting idea
"The effect is, that the units deal more damage against enemies, and can bear more damage from them, if they belong to an enemies fraction ". This is an interesting twist also.
hmmm, battlewarriors accidentally torching your own soldiers, I think I know who I wouldn't want in my army.
Training your top level creature in different ways sounds fun, and useful too.
Discretionary:5/5 lots of supporting pixels and intriguing gameplay.
This would be fun to play although the premise doesn't seem to live up to it's potential story-wise.
40
Kookastar
Cohesiveness: 7 points – mismatch…
Imagination/creativity/originality/wow factor: 13 points – imaginative and fun! Back story: 6 points
Battle facets: 8: sexy troops uhuh, pretty well balanced.
Discretionary: 4: loved the way you introduced your troops, a good snapshot of the town, interesting and fun.
Total: 38
TDL
Cohesiveness(max 10) : 7
Creativity (max 10): 8
Backstory (max 10): 7
Battle Facets (max 15): 10
additional (max 5): 1
nice pictures, uninteresting ideas, completely incoherent to homm and not really interesting to play with… unfinished
Total (max 50):33
Guest Judge's Score : 34.86 (Judges grades are weighed differently depending on how many factions they graded)
Judges Score: (40 + 38 + 33) / 3 = 37.00
Final Score: 35.93
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