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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted August 22, 2008 07:29 PM |
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Edited by Celfious at 20:50, 22 Aug 2008.
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Poll Question:
A new way out
dont read if your worried about religion
Quote:
have something new to say
I wish to reveal a new way
I've been down other paths before,
I prayed on my knees and I knocked on that door
Never an answer not a flicker of light
God never answered me on any single night
I even shed some tears to find what was devine
Then the rhythm of their music turned me to fright
Was I gonna die and go to hades?
If I wouldn't accept their christian like ways?
Well I'm telling you now after investigation
that the new born path is uprising in this nation
I will reap no spoils
I will not sleep through the nights
I will implant the coils
the seeds of delight
Your turn to move into the great unknown
You may never piece together whats already torn
Your turn to find the something in the nothingness
I already did and the answer is wordless
The truth brings out words
but words don't form this truth
nothing in this universe will educate the youth
You've gotta listen to the hidden lures and the cures
You've got to take a step forward, quit fearing the burns
After all, I have something to say
You think your always gonna stay the same,
but I assure that you willll change
Its your turn now to follow the ail to ignorance
Everyone I've met is plagued with innocence
They don't know
They cant see
Whats it gonna be
Go below
whats inside of reality
Your turn, make your move into the great unknown
You may actually piece together whats already torn
Your turn to find the something out of nothingness
I already did and the answer is nothing man can guess
into
the wastelands of the mind
what sense did I have when I took all this junk inside
Elements, protons, and a gravitated world
The center of the earth is a burning fiery pearl
Spin spin
around the sun we go
the edge of the universe is the center of all we know
Did you like it?
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What are you up to
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted August 22, 2008 10:21 PM |
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Am I so black balled no one wants to play a revolutionary statisticle based RPG challenging realities great questions, and not a single viewer reads the song I wrote?
Am I that ******* blackballed?!!!
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What are you up to
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted August 23, 2008 01:12 AM |
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Edited by baklava at 01:15, 23 Aug 2008.
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You're not blackballed dude, you're just... well the word that springs to my mind right now is "weird". Note that this is not a bad thing. Mostly. But sometimes you have to actually give people some time to read what you write, instead of yelling "I'M BLACKBALLED ARGH MUST KILL CHILDREN" after two hours. See, with different timezones and people actually having lives, you have to be rather patient. Especially about philosophical content in a computer game forum.
Besides, the problem may be in the "don't read if you're worried about religion" part  People do tend to be worried about religion in this way or another.
The song has its good moments ("the truth brings out words but words don't form this truth", to name one of them), and I like your views (which is basically the reason I'm actually paying some attention to your works around here, contrary to everyone else ), but I, though not much of an experienced critic, suggest you stick to prose. I think most of those phrases would fit better in a text, a column, a novel maybe, than a poem.
I voted the third option, I found it strangely... fitting.
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted August 23, 2008 05:01 PM |
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Thanks for the critiqe baklava... I only said the thing about being black balled because there was 28 views and no votes. I was sensitive because this is potentialy the best thing I've ever written and I posted it where everyone on the net could see it and steal it...
Its more of a rap than a poem.
I hope no one steals it.
Thanks again
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