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Thread: My English Essay | This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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zamfir
Promising
Supreme Hero
Allez allez allez
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posted October 31, 2009 11:58 AM |
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Edited by zamfir at 12:15, 31 Oct 2009.
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My English Essay
While getting rid of the old notebooks, I stumbled upon an English essay I wrote some time ago. It's a silly text, but at least it's cute, and some might want to read it. Anyway, here it is:
The Television - An Essay
Mankind lived peacefully on it's tiny, distant planet. Luckily, that tiny globe of joy was pretty close to a star, but not too close. It was spinning fast, but not too fast. The climate was relatively warm, but not too warm.
As a consequence, the planet could maintain life forms, but not too smart life forms, the humans.
It would be a lie to claim all humans were stupid. In fact, the first humans were pretty smart (smart enough to light fires in deep caves, full of charcoal). The only problem was that mankind's total intelligence level is constant, but the population grows fast.
To analyze mankind's stupidity as a whole is a mighty task, so we will present you only the biggest of them all: the television.
First of all, what is this television? It is, what can we say, mankind's attempt to reach the Ultimate Stupidity perk by researching from distance the mistakes of even stupider creatures: the celebrities.
Because this sublime notion's name is kinda long, humans prefer to use idioms (idioms =/= idiots, many make the confusion) like TV, telly or Life. For technical reasons (INK LEVEL CRITICALLY LOW!!!), we shall use the TV idiom from now on.
Now, that we know what television is and how to mispell it, let's enter the average human habitat in order to watch TV in action.
The dominant male returns to it's shelter after a long day spent staring at the wakk (humans call this action "office job"). He is tired and hungry, since union rules forbid eating your boss (another typical stupidity, since the boss is always fat and has no apparent use), and other potential meals seldom enter the office.
The male hopes to eat the gorgeous dinner his female cooked, but apparently she spent all day watching Oprah and/or Portuguese soap operas. Additionally, the little humanlings brought a slimy green composite inside and ate it. There's no food left for the male.
Right now, he has two alternatives: clean after his children, go and fry veggies and feed his wife in an intravenous way to prevent her upcoming death. However, our hero chooses the easy way: he beats his wife, sends his kids to bed (And to not open the wardrobe!) and watches a lame soccer match between Otopeni and Fortuna Covaci whilst eating a home-delivered pizza. Meanwhile, the wife accidentally fall into the composite's remains. In her desperate efforts to preserve her vertical coordinates, he just broke daddy's bowling trophies.
The kids took advantage of the situation to dress with mummy's wedding clothes (alas, she still keeps the ancient artifacts), and went to drink from the toilet. And all thanks to the TV. Mankind will not survive the next generation...
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5 Times TV
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Drakon-Deus
Undefeatable Hero
Qapla'
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posted October 31, 2009 12:10 PM |
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It's nice
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kipshasz
Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's Darkside
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posted November 01, 2009 07:32 PM |
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I really enjoyed reading this.
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"Kip is the Gavin McInnes of HC" - Salamandre
"Ashan to the Trashcan", "I got PTSD from H7. " - LizardWarrior
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted November 01, 2009 07:36 PM |
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LMAO
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The above post is subject to SIRIOUSness.
No jokes were harmed during the making of this signature.
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted November 01, 2009 08:01 PM |
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no no, english essays are about homer simpson
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Asgar
Tavern Dweller
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posted November 02, 2009 06:07 PM |
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Raisa_Mahon
Tavern Dweller
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posted April 13, 2020 03:27 PM |
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It's very cool! I really liked!
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Drakon-Deus
Undefeatable Hero
Qapla'
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posted April 14, 2020 06:38 PM |
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2009, huh? Time flies.
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Horses don't die on a dog's wish.
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Collmezi
Tavern Dweller
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posted July 02, 2020 02:50 PM |
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Quite interesting essay. As I can see nowadays many students prefer to order such work in internet. It is bad as for me...
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Naali
Tavern Dweller
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posted August 06, 2020 10:57 AM |
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Very cool, nice to read
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PandaTar
Responsible
Legendary Hero
Celestial Heavens Mascot
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posted September 15, 2020 05:57 PM |
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OMG, the bots.
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"Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster."
GlaDOS – Portal 2
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted September 15, 2020 06:13 PM |
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they're coming outta the goddamn walls! game over, man! game over!
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RosalynBargema
Tavern Dweller
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posted April 06, 2021 01:02 PM |
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Lith-Maethor
Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
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posted April 06, 2021 01:30 PM |
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted April 06, 2021 10:14 PM |
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I like the writing style from the beginning. I wish this we're longer.
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What are you up to
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dawnbailey1974
Tavern Dweller
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posted April 09, 2021 10:10 AM |
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greys
Tavern Dweller
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posted May 05, 2021 12:34 PM |
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Edited by greys at 10:48, 07 May 2021.
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jeremyellis
Tavern Dweller
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posted May 08, 2021 03:12 PM |
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So cool! You need to keep writing, you definitely have a talent for it. What a pity that now is a pandemic and I need to spend more time at my work, since I work as a nurse. Now I don't even have time to play my favorite Heroes. Although even the writing of important documents is not enough time and effort. It's good that now you can just write in Google "[url=http://essaylab.co.uk/]statement of purpose nurse practitioner[/url]" and he will find good sites where you can order such services inexpensively.
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swipka777
Tavern Dweller
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posted May 20, 2021 05:21 PM |
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danamartin
Tavern Dweller
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posted June 01, 2021 01:28 PM |
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