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| Thread: I may just be the worst neighbour ever. |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted October 23, 2011 10:26 PM |
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I may just be the worst neighbour ever.
So I recently moved in a new place in my university town and I'm on top floor with right next to my room a Chinese speaker, named Shuntchuh or something and it's fitting that he shares it with the dude that invented war, because he's always the gosh-darned epitome of politeness to me, but I know he's plotting my murder. The first rule of war is deception, is it not? Crafty snow isn't he?
"Now, Dagoth," you might say, "why would he want to kill you? That's preposterous." You may think it's preposterous, but I have good reason to believe my neighbour wants to kill me. I will list them here for your convenience.:
Note that the walls at my place are paper thin. I can hear a guy sniffing from the room right next to me.
1. Okay, so I have my rig at my room and occasionally I play games. usually that is very late and with my old rig. My old rig is about as loud as a vacuum cleaner, but apparently that's okay, but what isn't okay is that I routinely forget to put on my headphones and that I wake up poor Sun Tzu at the middle of the night at the sound of a Roman cavalry charge into the flanks of my Scythian infantry and me laughing manically as they do it.
He politely knocks on my door and asks me to cut it out.
2. I recently have a romantic interest. This interest is in my room for quite some stretches of time, usually again, late into the night and sometimes we tend to be on the loud side for some reason, whether it's because we're talking about Zamyatin's novels or because we're playing a vigorous game of scrabble. We are loud is what I'm saying, especially my woman.
He politely knocks on my door and asks us to cut it out.
3. I have recently gotten a cold. Well, "recently" is "two weeks ago and still going strong," but whatever. You know, usually a cold is accompanied with sneezing and projecting snot into issues and other unsavoury sounds. When I have a cold it's pretty much that and I sound like a sea lion. I cough like a sea lion and I wretch. I have no heating in my room. the isolation is crap and the walls are paper thing. Every day I expulse a metric ton of snot from my nostrils and I make barking noises every other minute that are about as loud as a moderate shout.
And he has the gall to politely ask how I'm doing.
How can he not be plotting my murder, right now?
I would want to murder me, right now and I think I have evidence he does too, but no one is going to believe me.
I think he's trying to get at my sanity. I'm pretty sure he quickly figured out that was my one weak spot, so every morning around seven he brushes his teeth, in between violent throat noises. I don't know how or why, but he makes the most awful throat noises very early in the morning, as if he's expelling a kilo of black tar from his lungs every morning.
Secondly, he throws mud in my shower. I'm convinced this guy is doing it to mess with me. He knows I get up obscenely late, so after everyone else takes a shower he fills it with sand. I know that's what he does because why else is there a pile of muck every morning when I enter the shower stall to take a shower. Also, there's a fistful of hair, too and there's only two long-haired people on my floor, including me and I always pick up my hairs, so SOMEHOW he must be getting long hairs from somewhere and drop them in my shower.
And that's exactly how he's going to take me down and it's working.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted October 23, 2011 10:38 PM |
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Hmm... Mind-Ninja, he'll assassinate your sanity.
Want me to comfort you and say it's gonna be alright?
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted October 23, 2011 10:40 PM |
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I'm partly convinced the rest of the world is in on this, because no one thinks having muck in your shower is weird, except me, so no.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
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posted October 23, 2011 10:45 PM |
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He wants something from you, hell the easiest way is to ask him what, but you'd have to be a real badass like Ad to do that  . By the way I ain't kidding, it's snow serious how easily your problems can be clarified with a direct confrontation.
Some people gain huge insult from something you wouldn't notice, either that or the unlikely alternative.
Edit: I don't know where you live or whom you've asked but here getting muck in the shower before you actually shower is wierd to put it lightly .
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"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted October 23, 2011 10:59 PM |
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WHY SHOULD THERE EVER BE MUCK IN YOUR SHOWER, IF YOU'RE NOT A MUD GOLEM?
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Keksimaton
Promising
Supreme Hero
Talk to the hand
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posted October 23, 2011 11:04 PM |
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What if there's a guy who takes mud baths and then showers off at your place? Or a nude miner.
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Noone shall pass, but no one besides him shall pass.
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted October 23, 2011 11:07 PM |
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Maybe he's an alien and that muck is residue from the material he uses to reform his human face every morning.
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted October 23, 2011 11:11 PM |
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Which is all perfectly possible, because I suspect Shunchzu doesn't speak a real language.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted October 23, 2011 11:30 PM |
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Well regardless of how thin the walls are (which he is just going to have to get used to), he should be cleaning the shower out after himself. Yuk what a filth monkey!!!
If all of you guys are using the bathroom, people should clean up after themselves.
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Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted October 23, 2011 11:37 PM |
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Well... yeah, your neighbor shows the stereotypical signs of evil that cause psychotic breaks. The key indicator was when he asked you how you were doing.
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted October 23, 2011 11:45 PM |
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I'm glad I have this world of fictional characters that support my madness.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted October 23, 2011 11:50 PM |
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Loud noises is obviously its weakness, it's like Venom from Spiderman. Sneak into his room at night and put headphones on him, and then Total War the **** out of his ears and watch the human clay mask evaporate right off his face and reveal his alien mandibles and 7 eyes.
...
Not really sure what you should do after that. Scream maybe. That seems like the proper course of action.
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted October 23, 2011 11:51 PM |
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Well one of the upsides at having such thin walls is that you will hear any evil chanting.
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Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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Carcity
Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
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posted October 23, 2011 11:53 PM |
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I think you should kill him before he gets the chance to kill you, for safety reasons, you know.
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Why can't you save anybody?
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted October 24, 2011 12:05 AM |
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Quote:
I think you should kill him before he gets the chance to kill you, for safety reasons, you know.
Pre-emptive strike like a proper american, YEAH!
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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Carcity
Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
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posted October 24, 2011 12:13 AM |
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"they might attack us, let's nuke the **** out of them!"
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Why can't you save anybody?
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted October 24, 2011 12:31 AM |
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No! Wait for him to get over-confident, then (when he begins to ask things like, "Hey man, want to hang out this afternoon" in a bid to gain your confidence...) napalm his @**.
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted October 24, 2011 12:36 AM |
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Quote:
"Hey man, want to hang out this afternoon"
This does not sound very Schuntszun.
Know your enemy Gnomes.
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Smithey
Promising
Supreme Hero
Yes im red, choke on it !!!
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posted October 24, 2011 03:27 AM |
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When you fear someone is plotting to kill you, hook him up with a girl, if it goes well you are forever his "boy", if it goes bad, they will kill eachother and you are in the clear....
Keep in mind that everything can be resolved with love.. laughs sarcastically and pukes a bit inside his mouth 
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted October 24, 2011 03:36 AM |
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No Smith, the quote is, "There is nothing in the world that cannot be solved with either Bacon or Duct tape."
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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