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| Thread: Love is playing tricks with me. |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 · NEXT» |
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emilsn
Legendary Hero
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posted March 11, 2012 11:02 PM |
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Love is playing tricks with me.
After 3 years I took the tough decision of breking up my girlfriend. A thought I had played with for a really long time and this february I did it.
Being 20 years old I can say this was the hardest thing I have done so far in my life. I did this sitting in her bedroom, crying like a girl, trying not to look at her, my voice studdering - saying those words that wouldn''t come out - "I don't love you anymore" - that was almost impossible to say, but I did it and saw her Glasseyes - no tears - just glass eyes.
Silence.
Deafening silence.
Heavy breathing.
Me weaping.
Time passing and I get up -
"Are you leaving already?"
"You want me to stay?"
"We can watch a show or something"
Never having broken up, I thought - what the .. - "Sure"
We saw a few episodes of a show and I calmed down, but the awkwardness and I just felt awful. 3 years thrown away. I left soon after, just waving goodbye to her mother.
I walked back to the bus, crying, for some reason, I was ruined. In the bus, I sat, sniffering, the mobilephone vibrated.
"Are you tired of me? Are we still friends?"
I was like, I don't hate you, I just don't love you anymore.
"Friends."
Coming home. Totally bummed out. Telling my mother what I did and she was like, why do you cry so much, are you sure you did the right thing.
I repeated my reason in my head. I have not missed her for 6 months. I am not turned on by her anymore. I do not love her anymore.
Time went on, I was busy the first 1,5 week and then I went to the USA with a friend of mine for two weeks. Not talking to anyone about this break up - have never discussed my realtionship really. but Awesome trip. Everything fresh and fly. Actully on this trip I was thinking about other girls and not her. But me and friend returned two weeks later. Feeling relieved, fresh and ready to sieze the world.
I am unemployed right now, and just sitting home. DOING NOTHING. Made my thoughts wonder. I started playing WoW again, loving it. I started looking for jobs. Nothing.
Then she writes me. Saying how are you - bla bla- the usual. "I'm fine bla bla bla". Then she tells me that she has been to a concert with two new guys she JUST MET two weeks ago - the time I went to the states - I was like, aha, okay - she even wrote the names - I felt that feeling, you know it, Jealousi. okay, fair enough, a little fast I thought.
Then these like guys kept keeping up in conversations I had with her. And I felt the feeling growing bigger. Who are this Daniel! (yeah, he was mentioned the most). I started talking a friend of mine because I needed to get stuff of my chest - this friend told me that she was just trying make me jealous and I was like - She wouldn't! She a really good person. no way.
My friend kept telling me. Suggestions to get over this feeling was: Time. Okay. cool. time.
Now I have lost track of my days because I do nothing but this Friday - snow went crazy.
I thought: We are friends. Friends do stuff.
"wanna go to the movies?"
"No, can't, I need to go home to a lucas"
A lucas that one is new :S Who the snow is Lucas. and I was like: facebook, searching - looking. I check this Daniel, found his friend Lucas. what the ...
I wanted her to check a picture on my facebook, and then she wrote this:
"Okay, I'll check it tomorrow because I won't be coming home before tomorrow" - this is friday, so she will be staying at someone until saturday.
I felt it boiling.
I was home alone friday and this happened: I starting seeing pictures of guys taking her, having SEX with my LADY - former lady - no way - a month has passed and you are staying home with new ******* guys!
I did something I do not regret - I logged into her facebook - I NEEDED TO KNOW! is she with someone.
Read her messages - confirmed - A message to a friend
"I have met a new guy - Daniel - and he is really sweet."
I went ...
I took the car keys and drove. First thought was I'll go home to big brother and yell out my feelings there - then I thought no I'll head to the beach - I ended up at her house, stalking her - and I followed her down to the guy.
I drove home - devestated. But inside there was a voice saying - now you know that is better then not knowing. Agree. I calmed down. really calmed down. Called my friend and she agreed that it was stupid, but I was calm now. I did something I knew would help me. I wrote my ex and email saying how I felt.
I went to bed - I didn't sleep all night. I kept seeing her having sex with another guy.
I told my parents the following morning (saturday) that she was moving on. and my dad said:
"Emil, there is nothing you can do. If the shining knight comes by, there is nothing stopping it" I agreed not willingly.
Satuday I did nothing but check my e-mail to see her response. I talked to brother aswell and he said the same as my father, but with one more thing.
"You gotta decide - You want her back or not? if yes, then you gotta do something now!"
But I haven't missed her for 6 months. She doesnt turn me on. I do not love her. but she is mine! and I demand more then a month to get over.
Later that day I got my answer and what relief - she explained everything - more or less - and I felt calm. had a good day. Now it is Sunday. I feel average. Talked to one of my friends - a new one - and doubt came back. Jealousy.
I had pointed out in my mail how I felt about all the new boys and that I don't wanna hear about them. She then wrote that her new friends were not love interest. My friend then said to me:
"Emil, she is sparing you the truth because she you knows it will hurt you"
And I read that message - she has something with this Daniel.
The irony of this story of mine is why do I feel this? Why do I feel jealoux? Do I love her? Do I really need her back in my life or do I just want her for myself?
Here I am - Monday soon and I think she is playing games with me. I wanna have her as a friend, but I can't handle a new guy already. I cannot handle the truth, but I want the truth to move on. I demand the truth.
But she is not mine anymore, I can't demand anything.
I think love is playing tricks with me.
____________
Don't walk behind me; I may not
lead. Don't walk in front of me;
I may not follow. Just walk
beside me and be my friend.
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Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
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posted March 11, 2012 11:17 PM |
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Quote:
I think love is playing tricks with me.
I see tripping yourself up is your main pass-time. So you don't care about her, but your jealous to the point of stalking?
What made you think that you didn't love her?
____________
"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted March 11, 2012 11:21 PM |
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Edited by Adrius at 23:23, 11 Mar 2012.
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"What made you think that you didn't love her?"
Quote:
I repeated my reason in my head. I have not missed her for 6 months. I am not turned on by her anymore. I do not love her anymore.
There's no real solution to this kinda stuff I guess... despite you not loving her anymore you'll still have the feeling of "owning" her... it's a human thing, don't want others to touch our stuff even though we don't like it.
Sounds a bit wrong I know, like her being an object that you just need to possess, but that's kinda the way it is. Feelings aren't rational.
I'd say do things similar to your USA trip... keep your mind occupied on other, fun stuff. It'll get better.
____________
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shyranis
Promising
Supreme Hero
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posted March 11, 2012 11:23 PM |
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Edited by shyranis at 23:24, 11 Mar 2012.
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You should be able to get over it when you find somebody else. I think men are built at a subconscious level to feel that they own anybody they have been with, mostly because that's how it used to work before modern times.
Things will get better, just do things to keep your mind off it.
Try Adrius' game in the other games forum for one thing!
____________
Youtube has terminated my account without reason.
Please express why it should be reinstated on
Twitter.
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted March 11, 2012 11:29 PM |
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Quote:
There's no real solution to this kinda stuff I guess... despite you not loving her anymore you'll still have the feeling of "owning" her... it's a human thing, don't want others to touch our stuff even though we don't like it.
Sounds a bit wrong I know, like her being an object that you just need to possess, but that's kinda the way it is. Feelings aren't rational.
It's a Nietzschean thing and we are Nietzschean creatures, even though most of us don't like it. 
____________
If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Drakon-Deus
Undefeatable Hero
Qapla'
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posted March 12, 2012 12:09 AM |
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Emil, i could say i know what you're talking about, but I haven't been with any girl for 3 years like you have...
Shyranis, that's not true for me. If anything, she owns me...
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 12, 2012 12:10 AM |
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Either you still feel something for her or you don't. It's that simple. If you no longer love her, then you shouldn't feel jealous. If you feel jealous, you need to sit down and sort your feelings out. Are you sure you no longer love her? If you don't, then why does it matter whom she's with? If you still value her as a friend, it's understandable that you'd want whatever relations she has to be good for her, but that and jealousy are very different.
My advice to you is this. Stop worrying about what she's doing. She is no longer your girlfriend and you don't have any claim over her. Take a deep breath, and understand that it doesn't matter whom she's with. Then go on with your life.
____________
Eccentric Opinion
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Shares
Supreme Hero
I am. Thusly I am.
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posted March 12, 2012 12:15 AM |
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Sounds like you need to disconnect with her, if only for a while. If she's a decent person she'll understand the turmoil. Just tell her that you can't really see her for a few months or so, at all. Try to cut off as many connection options as possible. Remove her from your friendslist on facebook for a while, no mailing, if you have access to her passwords ask her to change them etc. Getting on a diet is easy once you get used to it, but it's hard when you start off if you have to walk by the candystore all the time.
And not having anything to do can also make a human go a bit eccentric. Try looking for a rewarding and practically productive and progressive hobby. Didn't you have a band that wasn't half bad, or is my memory betraying me again? Try making some music, writing, drawing or something. I guess WoW is progressive and productive to itself, but it's kind of light weight. Just try and start a long term project of some sort. Everybody needs a day to day activity to rely on and while a job is the most obvious today, it may not be the best or most available for everyone.
Try to find a place or a person to really vent your feelings out. Breaking up a serious, longterm relationship can be a HUGE change in a persons life, and such a complex relation is bound to have some mixed feelings. Know that if you're mad, sad or frustrated that's completely ok and if you need to shout,, cry or even break some stuff that's also completely ok. As long as you don't hurt yourself or somebody else, obviously. Get a close friend and cause some ruccus! Watch a bad movie and shout at some lamp posts or something! There really is no way you are SUPPOSED to feel! All that matters is how you actually feel, not the expectations of your feelings.
____________
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted March 12, 2012 12:24 AM |
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Quote:
Remove her from your friendslist on facebook for a while
Whoa whoa, take it easy there. Don't wanna go too far.
____________
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted March 12, 2012 12:42 AM |
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Quote:
Quote:
Remove her from your friendslist on facebook for a while
Whoa whoa, take it easy there. Don't wanna go too far.
Indeed, this would look like you not only don't want to talk to her but that you are angry with her and reject any contact with her (basically, you would be insulting her). From what I've read you still are friends with her and you still would like to spend time with her, but you just aren't over the feeling of mutual ownership that comes when two people are extremely intimate with one another (Yes, it goes both ways). She must have gotten over that feeling much faster than you. This both sucks and shows a little bit of your true nature. (Loyal guy who gets emotionally invested, etc...)
I would suggest finding a hobby, hanging out with friends and finding a new job (you are unemployed still, right?) Write a poem or short story or something, just distract yourself. Your friend is right, you just need more time.
____________
Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted March 12, 2012 12:48 AM |
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I like how Adrius was ironic and the American took it at face value.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 12, 2012 12:48 AM |
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Quote:
I repeated my reason in my head. I have not missed her for 6 months. I am not turned on by her anymore. I do not love her anymore.
and what makes you think that this is love? there are probably many things that can cause similar feelings, and you don't call them love.
I see nothing wrong here, you could see the good side of things, you can have a more emotionnally stable relationship. seriously, what's good in missing someone? better to not get obsessed about anyone. that doesn't mean you don't like her anymore.
you should try to figure out why you feel jealousy. when you think about her, what do you think? and how do you call her?
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Shares
Supreme Hero
I am. Thusly I am.
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posted March 12, 2012 01:45 AM |
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Remove her from your friendslist on facebook for a while
Whoa whoa, take it easy there. Don't wanna go too far.
Indeed, this would look like you not only don't want to talk to her but that you are angry with her and reject any contact with her (basically, you would be insulting her). From what I've read you still are friends with her and you still would like to spend time with her, but you just aren't over the feeling of mutual ownership that comes when two people are extremely intimate with one another (Yes, it goes both ways). She must have gotten over that feeling much faster than you. This both sucks and shows a little bit of your true nature. (Loyal guy who gets emotionally invested, etc...)
Quote:
If she's a decent person she'll understand the turmoil. Just tell her that you can't really see her for a few months or so, at all.
Proper communication and just a bit of lacking complete and utter stupid can prevent all insults... unless they're intentional.
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blizzardboy
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Nerf Herder
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posted March 12, 2012 05:13 AM |
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I'm sorry you're in such a tough situation right now. Break-ups and unemployment can really break your well-being in half. Drains your energy and makes it hard to get back on your feet again. I think you have a lot of reason to be upset right now.
____________
"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us."
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VOKIALBG
Honorable
Legendary Hero
First in line
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posted March 12, 2012 07:32 AM |
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Edited by VOKIALBG at 07:36, 12 Mar 2012.
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Are you sure? "I have not missed her for 6 months. I am not turned on by her anymore." is no argument to me... Know what? You'll never find someone to be always with you... and I mean always with you and you... to feel always happy about it. We need to be alone, with friends or whatever from time to time.
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Nocturnal
Promising
Supreme Hero
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posted March 12, 2012 12:00 PM |
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Your biggest mistake, which many people keep doing, was trying to stay friends with her INSTANTLY after the break up. The pain of seperation must be gone through alone, not with the person that causes that pain. It is like giving up an addiction. You can't give up smoking and keep on smoking once or twice a day. You have to give up altogether first. And when you don't feel its need constantly, that would mean the addiction is over and only after that you can smoke once in a while as that wouldn't return your addiction. You cannot adjust to her absence when she is still present.
It is only normal that you were sad this much after a 3 years of relationship. That relationship was something you were very used to having and now it stops to exist. It doesn't matter if you were the one to break up or you didn't love her anymore. I became sick after breaking up with my ex bf because I didn't love him. Now, I think it was the hardest but the best decision I've made. I've saved myself. But, damn, was I crying my eyes out for weeks. And gone sick like I said.
The only strange thing is she didn't suffer like you. Maybe she also wanted that break up but couldn't say it. But that must not matter to you now, you are broken up now.
You must cease all the communication with her at once and go down that road without her. Only after you have some other love and not a shred of this relationship remains that you can become friends.
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted March 12, 2012 12:31 PM |
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Quote:
My advice to you is this. Stop worrying about what she's doing. She is no longer your girlfriend and you don't have any claim over her. Take a deep breath, and understand that it doesn't matter whom she's with. Then go on with your life.
What a load of rubbish. You've never been in a relationship so really, it's easier said than done.
What I would do may not necessarily work for others and what you said doesn't work unless it was a relationship that lasted a month or so. He had a relationship for 3 years for goodness sake. Think about it.
From what I've read, Adrius gave the best advice imo. Just try to occupy yourself. Go out with friends. Get pissed, go to the movies, do anything. In time, you'll get better. 3 years is a long time mate, but you'll be right in the long run.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 12, 2012 03:51 PM |
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Quote:
Your biggest mistake, which many people keep doing, was trying to stay friends with her INSTANTLY after the break up. The pain of seperation must be gone through alone, not with the person that causes that pain. It is like giving up an addiction. You can't give up smoking and keep on smoking once or twice a day. You have to give up altogether first. And when you don't feel its need constantly, that would mean the addiction is over and only after that you can smoke once in a while as that wouldn't return your addiction. You cannot adjust to her absence when she is still present.
it's quite a violent solution.
you could try to define what's really important for you in your relationship with her, then you could take the best decision, instead of a hasty, radical decision.
and try not calling her (in your thoughts) in a way that suggests that she is yours, because it may influence all your thoughts in that direction. try to be neutral if you can.
oh and do not force pain on yourself, there is no point I think, and it makes it harder to think, though it may be already too late with what you did.
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted March 12, 2012 04:57 PM |
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Someone who has been going out for a long time will very rarely be able to be "just friends". You will be jealous when she finds someone and so will she once you find someone else. That's just the way relationships are, and if I were in your situation I would simply cut contact as it seems to be the proper thing to do. Then rebound like hell.
If it hurts you knowing the stuff then remove her from facebook and other places. It doesn't make you a bad person or anything.
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted March 12, 2012 06:10 PM |
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Sounds to me that your male ego has been a little bruised. I don't mean that sarcastically either. There is something in all of us that wants others to pine and miss us. Breaking up is a horrible thing and as it was the first time for you, it was doubly so. But also you were subconsciously expecting your girlfriend to pine for you (not date anyone for a long time because she missed you/still holds a torch for you/maybe even beg you to come back). But instead she (as appears to you) moved on immediately - and that has hurt your ego/feelings. Its not so much that you want your girlfriend back. As you have said, you no longer love her/find her sexually attractive. The relationship is over.
However, being friends with ex-partners is really a falacy. Sure you can be friendly towards each other if you occasionally bump into each other but anything else is really only something seen in 'Friends'/tv soaps etc. So I would forget about spending a great deal of time with each other, because you won't find it easy.
Sometimes you just need to sever all ties. But if you are feeling low I suggest you keep yourself ultra busy. Time is a great healer and its true. And for the love of God, keep off Facebook!!!
The truth is Emil, is that you are going to feel quite rotten for a while. You've spent three years with this girl, you can't just shake that off as though it never happened. Which is why you currently feel this jealousy and possessiveness. (As I mentioned before), she appears to be moving on with her life, having fun etc and you are feeling a little lost and her actions make you feel like you're no longer important.
The truth is we have no idea what your ex-girlfriend is feeling either. Maybe she is just throwing herself into meeting new people to get over the pain herself. But she (on the surface) hasn't pined for you, which has hurt your pride.
You will get over it. It sounds to me that you definitely did the right thing, you broke up for the right reason. If you cannot find employment right now, do some volunteering. It will get you out of the rut you are currently in.
I wish you the best.
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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