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| Thread: Just when you think… |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted December 25, 2016 12:23 AM |
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Just when you think…
"it can't get any worse."
I “intend” this update about battling my ever-flaming dragon to be lighthearted and hopefully amusing.
During the passing of over a decade of years, I have lost all my health and wealth in “fighting the good fight” against the world of chronic-pain; as I not long ago described in “If Pain was Purple.”
Since then, days, weeks and months have passed and new challenges surfaced.
However, the last one was one quite unexpected and I soon discovered I was not prepared to face this dreadful monster.
But first; due to the fact that I have not carried money on my person for 4-5 years and reserve all income to remaining fed and under a roof, there exists no thought nor means of improving my old homestead. For the record I chose to be living in an old house in a tiny mid-west USA town because it was half the expense of renting apartments etc. in the city. Once here, I thought I could use my past talents and abilities and a small amount of money to keep this home sound. However, my Dragon deemed otherwise and spewed; “You have more unpleasantness to come.” Muahaha 
Last year, a support column on my front porch collapsed. Being an old veteran of the war with nature that we humans impose of this Earth, behind our lawns and fences while making a neighborhood amid the wild countryside, I planned to pick a time when I could gather a few dollars together and few days of less-pain, where I could manage the needed repair. Instead, money grew even more scarce and my health further declined.
A couple of weeks back, in our typically very quiet house, (we read a lot) began both soft & loud sounds of "clawed-creeping" and construction or digging of some sort. This soon became our nightly non-entertainment and this ruckus intruded into the wee-hours. (when I am in my most painful and vulnerable condition)
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“You want WAR?! You shall have it! Whatever you are!”
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{Some random thoughts for the flavor of this tragic comedy tale}
“Why me?”
“If only I had the money last year”
“If only I had felt like messing with heavy-construction”
“I should have addressed it then”
“If I could find a spear!”
“Well it is very cold outside and critters try to survive too”
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I am not alone.
I have a Wife
She has cats
She has a dog
And all have their own fears.
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The cats smell what we cannot and began acting strangely.
My wife thinks “What if "IT" claws into the unused rooms upstairs?”
She fears; “What if our old cat stumbles into IT'S FANGS?”
I’m thinking “Sounds like the thing is trying to get past the siding into the walls”
I pick up my cane and “Tap the inside walls where it is digging.”
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We both have repeatedly went outside to the front-porch but can never see the monster.
“It can’t be those squirrels, the sound of "IT" is too large”
We had a possum this summer. "IT must be that possum” Bruno, our dog agreed.
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One night arriving home, my wife parks our truck in the drive and sees a large raccoon coming down a post.
“Aha...it’s a Raccoon.” my wife informs me.
I ponder this development.
This knowledge makes little difference to me - the wind-chill is -30F.
I decide to try and scare it off by going outside and caning the roof of my porch under the spots were it digs.
It scampers to another spot
It makes “scared raccoon sounds”
It is silent...so are we.
We listen.
It begins the endless digging again.
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Numerous times I go out and nearly destroy the ceiling of my front porch by giving strong forceful blows with my deadly cane.
Who cares about the black-marks!
I am saving the walls of our old Castle.
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Later, my spine informs me; “You are quite MAD. Kinda forgot you will feel every blow later on tonight? <chuckle, pity, chuckle>
Later, I start thinking about long sharp weapons and blood oozing out of stab-holes into plaster walls. Damn, Spine’s right I am bloodthirsty-mad.
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My wife is out and I am alone lying in bed while I hear the Raccoon steadily assaulting our fortress.
I get-up and go find a relic from my past...a crow-bar. I wear a savage drooling grin behind glazed blood-shot eyes.
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Standing and balancing on a thin metal-table, after a few attempts, I pry down and off, one of the boards that forms the ceiling of this old porch.
ONE, short, thin, board...and wait.
?
??
???
Silence.
Wifey comes home and comes inside the house, looking at me in such a way, that I realized at once; that after she saw the board, the shredded foam and the greater mess on the porch floor...she is afraid I have completely snapped.
I smiled.
I am not sure if the smile aided or hindered my cause.
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Silence reigns again...the Raccoon has fled our castle-walls.
Victory.
My wife, the cats, the dog and myself are all quiet and content again.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...no matter the Dragon. 
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"Do your own research"
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted December 25, 2016 10:34 AM |
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Edited by Elvin at 10:38, 25 Dec 2016.
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markkur said:
{Some random thoughts for the flavor of this tragic comedy tale}
“Why me?”
“If only I had the money last year”
“If only I had felt like messing with heavy-construction”
“I should have addressed it then”
“If I could find a spear!”
How well I know those kind of thoughts.. It must have been quite distressing.
Anyways, VICTORY! Cheers and merry Christmas friend.
Have to ask though, isn't there something whose smell raccoons avoid? Awaiting with a crowbar does not seem very efficient ^^
This thread also involuntarily brought to mind something else. What with pain being purple and dragons..
lol, doesn't look so intimidating now does it?
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted December 25, 2016 03:41 PM |
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Edited by markkur at 15:43, 25 Dec 2016.
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Elvin said:
How well I know those kind of thoughts.. It must have been quite distressing.
Anyways, VICTORY! Cheers and merry Christmas friend.
Have to ask though, isn't there something whose smell raccoons avoid? Awaiting with a crowbar does not seem very efficient ^^
This thread also involuntarily brought to mind something else. What with pain being purple and dragons..
lol, doesn't look so intimidating now does it?
Thank you my good friend. And you are so clever, the dragon works! You see mine is partly tame because it does not always have the mastery of me.
About the smell. I don't know...smell's cost money or long walks.
Btw, I did leave out one important colorizing bit.
I went to youtube and played growling, barking dogs.
The idea worked but the Coon would start right back again.
However, the vicious dogs sent our cats packing upstairs. Oh, the terrible price of a war with a raccoon.
Merry Christmas Elvin and I hope you can take a bite of some fresh baklava.
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artu
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
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posted December 25, 2016 04:03 PM |
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markkur said:
About the smell. I don't know...smell's cost money or long walks.
Not if you have some mint or ammonia in the house. You should learn to use the internet wnen it counts, old friend: Link
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Are you pretty? This is my occasion. - Ghost
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted December 25, 2016 05:27 PM |
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artu said:
markkur said:
About the smell. I don't know...smell's cost money or long walks.
Not if you have some mint or ammonia in the house. You should learn to use the internet wnen it counts, old friend: Link
If it comes back, you'll have to take a vacation, sail across the Atlantic and take care of that business for me.
And I do "sometimes" think to use the Internet...that was not our Rotz barking.<L>
Truth is, my pain-levels are thru the roof and I have trouble navigating my chair, let alone caring to fight or fix anything.<LOL>
All in fun Artu
Whatever you are doing...make it great!
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shashank16997
Tavern Dweller
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posted January 28, 2018 03:03 AM |
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However, the vicious dogs sent our cats packing upstairs. Oh, the terrible price of a war with a raccoon.[url=http://www.crazyhealthplan.com/]link[/url]
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artu
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
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posted January 28, 2018 03:36 AM |
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Crap, for a moment, I thought Markkur was back. We had quite a few ol' timers in the past few days, joonas, dagothgares...
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Are you pretty? This is my occasion. - Ghost
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 28, 2018 03:37 AM |
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i thought he was, too. this newcomer stepped on some toes with his very first post. 
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Ranger_Gelu
Adventuring Hero
Looking for Armageddon's Blade
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posted January 28, 2018 03:48 AM |
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So you have a wife, cats and a dog? That sounds like a calm and nice life. It's a bit of shame I'm too young for it yet.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 28, 2018 04:21 AM |
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markkur left hc a while back. we're all hoping he'll visit us again.
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artu
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
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posted January 28, 2018 04:24 AM |
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fred79 said:
i thought he was, too. this newcomer stepped on some toes with his very first post.
Remember the time when I told him you had to drink your own piss in Iraq in order to survive and how he took it for real and apologized and thanked you for your service I miss the old man sometimes...
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Are you pretty? This is my occasion. - Ghost
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 28, 2018 04:28 AM |
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yeah, fun times. i miss the dude. i really hope he's doing well.
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted January 29, 2018 10:33 PM |
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Quote:
Crap, for a moment, I thought Markkur was back. We had quite a few ol' timers in the past few days, joonas, dagothgares...
markkur left hc a while back. we're all hoping he'll visit us again.
Remember the time when I told him you had to drink your own piss in Iraq in order to survive and how he took it for real and apologized and thanked you for your service I miss the old man sometimes...
yeah, fun times. i miss the dude. i really hope he's doing well.
A low-whirring hum begins
The wrinkled-skin of my right-hand and on the right-side of my face, is suddenly pulled by a very strong vaccuum that is not visible in my room.
My long silver-beard also rigidly points towards the right.
Then my entire aged-body slides in the same direction and smacks the right-arm of my chair
The pull continues to increase, making my mouth appear to contain an entire box of jaw-breakers...without the box.
My eyes are pulled to thin-slivers - then stretched shut
Arrgh! The right arm of my chair breaks and instantly my body tumbles like a rag-doll through the air into...the vortex.
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Thankfully, this bent old mage and his gnarly-staff survived your powerful Summoning-Spell.
Putting me to work in the Tavern eh. What's up my rowdy brothers?
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"Do your own research"
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Galaad
Hero of Order
Li mort as morz, li vif as vis
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posted January 29, 2018 11:19 PM |
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markkur said:
My long silver-beard
So much awesomness in these words.
Nice to see you man.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 29, 2018 11:39 PM |
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dude, it's awesome to see you! how have you been, man?
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NoobX
Undefeatable Hero
Now, this is a paradox...
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posted January 29, 2018 11:47 PM |
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Hi, Mark, check your PM.
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Ghost said:
Door knob resembles anus tap.
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Drakon-Deus
Undefeatable Hero
Qapla'
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posted January 30, 2018 01:24 AM |
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Wow, wishes really do come true! 
How have you been, Markkur?
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Horses don't die on a dog's wish.
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artu
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
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posted January 30, 2018 04:17 AM |
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I did miss you, this dump ain’t the same without you
It’s not a dump and you won’t be the same
But you know what I mean.
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Are you pretty? This is my occasion. - Ghost
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted January 30, 2018 04:44 PM |
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Greetings to each of you!<hugz each one>
I have to wait a bit to reply...explain soon
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"Do your own research"
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted January 30, 2018 04:56 PM |
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Markkur the man, I come back to HC to run an RP and not long after, he appears, we keep meeting the weirdest routes my friend.
If you happen to make another AAR, be sure to ping me somewhere
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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