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| Thread: When Forbidden Love Gets Too Much... |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted July 14, 2003 01:35 PM |
bonus applied. |
Edited By: Cat on 14 Jul 2003
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When Forbidden Love Gets Too Much...
Oh it is a terrible thing indeed oin the plains of Erathia (and later Axeoth) when warring factions tear appart the truest of lovers... and results in tradgedy.
Six households, all alike in dignity (well, mostly. If you sweep the barbarians under the rug or make them bathe and wear clothes), in fair Axeoth, where we lay our scene, two star-cross'd lovers take their armies...
"Juuuulllliiieettttt!!!" Vidomina belowed for her adopted daughter. "Jullliiieeetttt!!". Where was that girl? Never around when you needed her, always picking at fairy rings or some such... what was wrong with that Cerberus she had given her? Okay, it was bad tempered and slightly sulphuric but sulphur is wonderful for the complexion.
"Madame, I am here" Juliet, a pretty girl of elven descent, appeared in the doorway, followed by Muttley, the cerberus, who appeared to be attempting to eat one of the guards. Well, it was a skeleton.
"Ah, Juliet... today is going to be a good day.." Vidomena grinned. Being a lich, it was all she could do, anyway. "I have arranged for you to marry a great sorcerer.. very eligable".
Juliet peered at the picture in her hand "But mother... he's not of the same species... I'm not sure it would work". Vidomena glared "NUUURRSSEEE!!" she bellowed. A rather overfed and guilty looking vampire shuffled into the room.
The upshot of events was that Juilet was now scheduled to be married to the demon, end of story. However, Juliet had a secret... she had met someone else, an elf named Romeo. He had charmed her with his advanced summoning, and things had progressed quickly, and they had been married in a circle of stones.
"Oh Romeo, Romeo..." Intoned Juliet
"Yes?" Mumbled Romeo, who had been asleep next to her at the time and did not welcome the interuption.
"We have a problem darling"
"Well I know Muttley's a bit smelly but..."
"No, not Muttley. Mother wants me to marry a sorcerer but I can't, I'm already married to you"
Romeo considered this in a thoughtfull way.
"Hmmm... I know! Let's find a monolith one way and go through it? And we will be free"
"Can we take muttley?"
Romeo sighed and glared at the Cerberus.
"Yes... we can take Muttley"
Muttley grinned and started to chew his own leg with his third head, the one which had been starved of oxygen at birth.
TBC>>>>>>>> **
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 Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted July 14, 2003 08:33 PM |
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Later...
"NURRRSSSEEEE!!!"
Nurse Bathory was woken by what appeared to be a foghorn, despite not being anywhere near the coast. Ah. On closer inspection, it appeard to be a bellowing Vidomina.
"NUUURRSSSSEEEEEEE!!!!!"
Nurse Bathory sighed and lifted up her bat-shaped sleeping mask experimentally, emitting a half-hearted "blah?" and stumbled out of bed to meet her mistress.
"What is it deary? Lawks!" Asked nurse Bathory, confused. However, this was Vidomina's turn to look agast.
"Arrgghh, what in the name of Necropolis is that?"
"My negligee," Said Nurse Bathory cheerfully. She had had it several hundred years ever since before she had been turned into a vampire. I was revealing even then, but now she had gained around 200 pounds, it revealed a lot more but in perhaps a less appealing way. You could no longer see where her neck was.
Vidomina collected herself, which is always fairly impressive when you are a lich, and often literal. When residents of the Necropolis claimed that they "absolutely went to pieces" you could believe it all too well.
"Juliet is missing!! And on the eve of her wedding! Oh, this is a diplomatic tradgedy! She's taken everything, even those mecano things she was always playing with"
Nurse Bathory considered this. "Lawks?" she ventured.
"Indeed." answered Vidomina. "At any rate, somebody has to find her." She pointed a boney finger at nurse Bathory "and that somebody is you, unless you want to be demoted to mucking out the imps?"
Nuse Bathory nodded glumly. All said and done, life was wasted on the living.
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Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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privatehudson
Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
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posted July 14, 2003 08:51 PM |
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Now that was funny  Cat once again proving why she has so many QP's 
Muttley huh? *reminisces*
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We're on an express elevator to Hell, goin' down!
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted July 15, 2003 09:28 PM |
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Romeo and Juliet had made their flight that night, to the monolith next to the local starbucks (everywhere has a starbucks, even cursed ground. Especially cursed ground). Muttley followed along, wagging his tail and with several bones in each mouth. One of the bones was sure that it had been part of a lich a minute ago....
"Muttley, please put uncle Sandro DOWN, you know he doesn't like tooth marks in his femer" warned Juliet
Muttley dropped the bone reluctantly and took his pertulant temper out on the counter assistant in Starbucks, by walking through him (ghosts hate that).
After their last moccachino, they were ready to step through the monolith.
"This is it, O light of mine eyes" intoned Romeo as the stepped through. There was a 'whoosh' noise and they were on the other side.
"Oh drat," muttered Romeo "It looks like they closed the circle line today without telling us. I don't think we were meant to go anywhere this snowy...
******
Meanwhile
Nurse Bathory was grumpliy attempting to get on a horse. Despite being a Nightmare and Bringer of Doom, the horse had done a quick calculation about the density of it's spine versus Nurse Bathory's weight and was having absolutely none of it.
Nurse Bathory, it had soon discovered, was immune to fear and also to the majority of the rules of polite society. Vampires were meant to wear evening dress all the time. They did not wear hats with corks on them and T-shirts which informed you that they were a souveneer of enroth.
Nurse Bathory eventually mounted the nightmare, which plodded along at a fairly docile pace, worried that any sudden movements might possibly be hasta-la-vista time.
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Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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2Xtremetotake
Promising
Supreme Hero
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posted July 15, 2003 09:40 PM |
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May i comment that Vidomina is still human, just a necromancer.......Sorta like my RPG character in guardians grove.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted July 27, 2003 12:56 PM |
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(I knew that but all the other liches seemed kinds forgetful.. will you allow me artistic license?)
Meanwhile, at the necropolis...
Vidomina sat her cheif counciller down, and motioned for a servant to bring him a cushion for his head. A small tressle table had been errected so that he ould look Vidomia directly in the eyes without his arms getting tired from holding hs head up there.
"Lord Ghastly, I fail to see why we cannot send an army after them... the diplomatic relations of my kingdom are hanging by a thread here, which I can assure you is not very helpful!"
Lord Ghastly reached accross the divide from chair to table and mopped his ethereal brow.
"Well madam, the thing is, this young Romeo... he himself has some... errr.. powerful friends we wouldn't really want to run into. Errrr.... that is.... death ward friends..."
Vidomina banged her fist down on the table, causing blue sparks to fly off everywhere.
"I don't care, dammit! Send Lord Paris' Asylum armies after them!"
"Buuttt... a di-di-di-pplomattic incident, your Hideousness"
stuttered Ghastly "They are famously uncouth.."
"I know." Replyed Vidomina "So that is why you are going with them"
Ghastly's head jiggled up and down uncomfortably. This was no a good day.
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Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted August 01, 2003 12:08 AM |
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Round about the same time, Nurse Bathory was attempting to negotiate with a disgruntled innkeep who was firmly of the belief that vampires, easpecially fat ones, were likely very bad for business indeed.
"I'm sorry love, but we eally don't have anything at all" he lied, pushing the regester under the desk in one swift movement. Unfortuneately for him, Nurse Bathory had one trick up her sleve:- the art of seduction.
"I'm sure you can find something for little old me and my dear little pony," she simpered, rememberig to add "lawks" as an afterthought.
15 minutes later, she was firmly esconsced in a tower room, owing not to her seductive manner, but more to the fact that anybody faced with 110 pounds of bosom is likely to coply with what the owner wishes fairly quickly for fear of sufforcation (well that would explain a lot about why people keep letting Jordan into partes).
The nightmare was unhappily sitting in a stall in the stables, wearing a pink blanket embroidered with the name of "Mr. Happy". It wasn't particularly happyabout this, especially as it had a seaking suspicion that the nanny goat in the stall opposite was laughing at it. The nightmare now known as Mr. Happy wasn't really at all. And the hay kept catching fire. Mr Happy tried to alivate his dissatisfaction by attempting to cast terror on the goat. Anybody who knows goats will acknowledge their natural stoicism and know that "terrifyed" and "goat" do not go together, along with "indegestion" and "goat" and "not hungry" and "goat".
Nurse Bathory at least passed a comfotable night. It was so nice to be away from that horrible drafty castle and not to have to sleepi a coffin and suchlike. Oh, to say nothing of Vidomina's taste in decor. Being a necromancer is no reason to let your sense of style die, as far as Nurse Bathory was concerned. And having a skull of some long undead ancestor staring down at you from the wall (not portraits, the acual ancestor. The were a begger to dust but so much cheaper than employing an artist) did tend to put you off your food. Travelling, thought Nurse Bathory, might not be so bad after all...
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Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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Romana
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Thx :D
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posted August 01, 2003 12:17 AM |
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ROTF
Mr. Happy!!!!
*where does she get them from LOL*
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DoddTheSlayer
Promising
Famous Hero
Banned from opening threads
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posted August 01, 2003 05:36 AM |
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Just to keep it going cat. Here is a challenge.
What does your signiture mean and can you incorperate it into your story.
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Retaliation is for the foolish. Silence is wisdom
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted August 01, 2003 11:08 AM |
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Basically it means "welsh and proud". I don't think I can, you don't get many Taffs in Axeoth lol
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Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted August 01, 2003 11:29 AM |
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Lord Ghastly, meanwhile, was jiggling his head up and down on his knee with a tensio ot often seen in the undead. He has already had four axes, a platter of cold cuts and an orc thrown through him (a disadvcantage of being undead) and wasn't feeling particularly chipper. Lord Paris, Sorcerer Extraordinare, was not very good at diplomacy and therefore the "negotiations" seemed to involve Lord Paris shouting a lot untill Ghastly gave in with resignation.
"I don't care for "major diplomatic incidents" you transparent buffoon!! When I've killed every man jack of them, there wont be anybody to have an incident with. There, problem solved" Lord Paris drained the last of his glass and absentmindedly threw the tumbler through Ghastly, who shifted uncomfortably.
"The thing is, sire, tigers are pretty much an endangered species right now..." he was interrupted by two daggers flying through him
"Nonsense!! They will make very handsome throw rugs... along with that ruffian who made off with my bride! We ride at dawn, Ghastly. I will lead one army, and you will lead the other, with Commander Dastardly (NB:_ for PH )" Lord Paris idicated a man in aviation gear who was intenently trying to catch a pidgeon which was wandering around the windowsill.
Lord Ghastly wondered if it was possible to get an ulcer even if you no longer technically had a stomatch....
Meanwhile, near the Starbucks Monolith(TM)
Nurse Bathory and Mr. Happy the Bringer of Doom were enjoying breakfast of a takeaway moccachino and chocolate crossiants, although Mr. Happy's enjoyment of his pain au chocolait was slighly sullied by the fact he had woken up twice in the night to discover that wretched goat chewing on his tail. He was going to make some powerful friends, and one day that goat was going to pay.
Nurse Bathory, meanwhile, having no opinion regarding goat revenge, was attempting to interrorgate the locals, which is never difficult if you're a vampire built like a behemoth.
"... small girl, yay high. Lawks" finished Nurse Bathory. The sales clerk looked at her in the kind of awe people reserve for anyone who looks like a prize fighter.
"Um... couple of days ago... went through the 'lith, like. Y'know"
"Lawks" muttered Nurse Bathory, ordering a Vanilla Frappe to go. This was proving to be a lot more difficult than she'd anticipated to retrive one wayward teenager.
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Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted August 02, 2003 11:29 AM |
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Lord Ghastly was by now almost entirely convinced of his phantom stomach ulcer. He was sitting rather uncomfortably on his necromatic horse next to Commander Dastardly, at he head of the second army.
"You chase them directly, we'll go by boat straight to the homeland!" shouted Lord Paris as he sped off on his firey charger
Commander Dastardly's one talent seemed to be a certain element of speed and deviousness, although he rather tended to obsess about pidgeons. I'm a diplomat, thought Lord Ghastly Not a warrior. I don't deserve this.... Ghastly looked behind him, and then rather wished he hadn't. He could cope with bandits in his ranks, but Orcs had a habit of grunting and hunting for truffles everywhere when they camped, medusas kept stoning each other in various fits of pique, the efreet kept setting fire to the underbrush and black dragons would not know disgrecion if it jumped up nd bit them. Also one of them had gout, alhough that didn't worry Ghastly too much, as being undead he wasn't really effected by it much.
Ghastly's immediate problem was Commander Dastardly. To call the man an idiot would have been gracious. The man was a fool. He had spent half an hour telling Ghastly about how they would win at any cost. Ghastly had never liked the phase "at any cost", it seemed to him a bit pricey really. He then moved on to show Ghastly his meddal collection. Travelling with somebody who has won the Kamekazie cross doesn't usually make you feel very secure.
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Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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frostwolf
Famous Hero
livin' in a bottle of vodka
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posted August 05, 2003 12:15 AM |
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this is brilliant.keep em' comin'.I especially like mr. happy and muttley...
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What can you expect from a world where everybody lives because they're too afraid to commit suicide?
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted August 08, 2003 04:27 PM |
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In the realm of order, at Castle Philosophia...
"That should do it," said Romeo, letting loose his messenger pigeon. "Many thanks for letting us stay here Lord Astral, as soon as the pigeon reaches my homeland with our co-ordinates, we'll be out of your hair."
The old man smiled and absentmindedly patted one of Muttley's heads.
"Nonsense dear boy, always happy to extend our hospitality. Most happy indeed. Jolly good, jolly good.. would you care for some snuff? No..? Well, neither would I. come, come now, lets see what your little lady is getting upto, why don't we?"
Romeo and Lord Astral left the room for the courtyard , where Lord Astrel was testing his brand new golems ("terrible trouble to make without a rabbi, what?"), hich were pretty good provided one remembered to wind them.
Muttley was left alone in the throne room. He scratched an ear, and then another. And then another. By all accounts, Castle Philosophia wasn't nearly as much fun as the Necropolis had been. For one thing, there were no skeletons to put appart. In an attempt to compensate, Muttley had stolen a mage's stick. The after affects lasted three days and he still had an urge to catch flies with his tounges. As for genies, he didn't rustanything he couldn't bite.
Muttley had already decided that the safest and most dignifyed thing to do would be to stay in the throne room. It was big and he had his own cushion, which as still only slightly scorched (mostly due to the fact that he had been a three headed frog for most of his time here). Muttley sat down and sulked.
By the Starbucks monolith, realm of Order side...
Mr. Happy the Bringer of Doom once again was not. It is hard to retain what dignity one has left as a large firey horse when every step into the snow put a hoof out. At the moment he was standing by the side of the path while Nurse Bathory was sitting o the ground fanning herself with a paper bag.
"Lawks!" Groaned Nurse Bathory "It's criminal making me do this when she knows I get monolith motion sickness. Oh Lawks!" She brightened somewhat when she realised that her paper bag still contained oe chocolate crossiant, after the consumption of which she felt revived enough to at least make it to the next inn.
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Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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zilonite
Famous Hero
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posted August 08, 2003 09:17 PM |
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ohahahahaha.....
*sweeps tears of unstopable laughing with trunk*
I'm in Cat`s fun club now. Where can i get T-shirts with Cats photo or at least some with Muttley`s?
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Elephants commonly have a bad eyesight. Yet with their bulk this is not a major problem for them.
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted August 15, 2003 08:29 PM |
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A day's journey from the starbucks Monolith(TM)...
Lord Ghastly was sitting by the camp fire, dabbing his face absentmindedly with a cloth while simulataneously jiggling it up and down on his knee (his face, that is, not the cloth). He was reflecting on his time with Commander Dastardly. Although the man was uncouth and undiplomatic, Dastardly was an excellent scout. Unfortunately, any benefit from this skill was negligable as Dastardly spet 90% of his time attempting to catch pigeons. So far, they hadn't seen a single one, although they had managed to seriously upset a Harpy in an embarassing case of mistaken identity.
Added to that, the goat in the barn opposite was definately giving Ghastly some seriously funny looks, and he had already awoken once to find it attempting to eat his ear, which is highly disconcering when the ear in question is incorpereal....
Just then, Ghastly heard a flurry of excitement from the other side of the camp... followed by the sound of Dastardly yelling excitedly...
In Castle Philosophia...
Muttley was now resigned to the fact that his situation was unlikely to improve in the sense that he'd find a skeleton to play with, so he'd made a collective decision (exculding the thrd head which was mentally challenged) to bravely make the best of what he had. Unfortuneately, chewing one's ow leg can get boring after four days and Muttley stopped making th best of what he had and made a semi-concious (that third head again) decision to find a new passtime.
To his delight, he discovered that widdling on a dwarf was not only simple, but great fun too. And if he just sat down quietly burning for a few hours, he could easily smoke out any one group of halflings. Potentially, life really wasn't sooo bad....
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Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted September 30, 2003 05:50 PM |
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Meanwhile....
Mr. Happy The Bringer of Doom was sitting under a lean-to next to the road and refusing point blank to come out. It was snowing again and not even the pink horse blanket was making him feel any warmer. He had attempted to terrify Nurse Bathory, only to discover that since the overwieght undead had the horrifying task of looking in the mirror every day, any secondary fear was peanuts in comparison. The only alternative available to Mr Happy was to go on strike, which he did with extreame promptness, causing Nurse Bathory to plunge head first into a snowdrift.
This lacked the satisfaction it should have had for the Nightmare, as Mr. Happy found himself subjected to the sight of Nurse Bathory's inexplicably frilly underwear, which would have been even more traumatic had he not been of the equine persauasion. As it was, it merely gave him a phobia of moulded jelly for several days afterwards.
Nurse Bathory had attempted to cajole Mr. happy out of the lean-to with various combinations of he words "lawks" and "dearie". Upon the discovery that this did not work, she leaned over and whispered in Mr. Happy's ear. The nighmare's eye widened and it was spectacualrly galvinsied into action.
Nurse Bathory grinned and tucked a book called "Dressage For Beginners" which she had been reading aloud from back into her pocket, along with several meters of pink ribbon.
At Ghastly's Camp...
"I've caught it!!" roared commander Dastardly excitedly.
"Errr... caught what exactly?" asked Ghastly, cautiously. He'd heard about things like this... wilderness fever or some such... he felt something butting it's head through his leg, and cautiously backed away from the rather entusiastic goat once again.
"I've caught the pidgeon, dagnamit!!" Yelled Dastardly.
"Err... to what end?" Asked Ghaslty, poking the goat with a stick.
"Well.... it's a messenger pidgeon, isnt it?" answered Dastardly. He removed the tube from the creature's leg. "We read this it tells us where they are". He read it. "Oh drat" He intoned
"What is it?" asked Ghastly, attempting to construct a small minefeild between himself and the goat, since the poking had blatantly failed and this problem obviously required serious hardware.
"Err... seems I've got the wrong pidgeon" Admitted Dastardly, handing the message to Ghastly.
Ghastly read it out loud. "No milk next tuesday please".
"Drat" Said Dastardly.
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Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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Draco
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted September 30, 2003 07:35 PM |
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very well done so far
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted April 01, 2004 04:43 PM |
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This thread has Cat's last post.
Disclamer: This is SPAM.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Sir_Stiven
Honorable
Legendary Hero
banned
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posted April 01, 2004 05:02 PM |
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Quote:
This thread has Cat's last post.
no wonder she left then with stalkers like you
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