|
| Thread: the yankee test |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
|
arachnid
Promising
Famous Hero
|
posted September 21, 2003 12:53 AM |
|
|
the yankee test
1. You decide that the relationship with your partner is over. How do you break the news you are leaving?
(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip quietly away
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for your decision
© Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up inbreds on national television.
2. You and your mates decide to have a game of football in the park.What do you need to take?
(a) A ball
(b) A ball and 2 coats
© A ball 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour,20 cheerleaders, a marching sousaphone band with a grand piano on a trolley, and a team of orthopaedic surgeons specialising in spinal injuries.
3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a rabbit. What do you do?
(a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is still alive
(b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or if not, that it died quickly
© Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering, whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.
4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an awkward position. What do you do?
(a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses
(b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
© Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faith healer in an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on your head, whilst screaming about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering inbreds.
5. What do you have for breakfast?
(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of tea
(b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee
© A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer.
6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What sort of ceremony do you have?
(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office
(b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel
© A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in LasVegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.
7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What do you do?
(a) Don't worry. Its just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join a youth club.
© Take him to an armoury and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.
8. You fancy a night in watching something funny on TV. What kind of comedy do you choose?
(a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted
(b) A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or the Fast show
© A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive lounge where the audience whoop for ten minutes every time an overpaid actor with a superglued grin on his face makes an entrance to deliver a lightweight wisecrack.
9. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your wife's dressing table. What do you do?
(a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt
(b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn't happen again
© Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown reputation, and sue your wife's ass.
10. You are responsible for the USA's presidential electoral process. Do you:
(a) Count all votes and declare a winner
(b) Count all votes and declare a winner
© Let the press declare who's won before the votes are counted; then count only the votes which have been handed in by a deadline whilst not checking if Bud, the hillbilly sheriff of nowheres-ville, has left several thousand votes in the trunk of his Chevy 'by mistake', then force a recount of only some of the votes within just one state and allow only 12 seconds for the recount to take place; then be amazed that the recount hasn't finished by the deadline and increase the deadline by another 3.2 seconds; then ignore all votes and let 4 judges decide the result, making sure the judges all support the same candidate; then ponce around the world telling other countries how to run their own elections.
Answers... If you answered: Mostly (a)'s & (b)'s then you are a normal well-balanced individual. Mostly ©'s then do the world a favour and shoot yourself with the anti-tank weapon you carry in the glove-box of your pick-up truck.
____________
|
|
privatehudson
Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
|
posted September 21, 2003 01:06 AM |
|
|
Hahahahahahahaha can't wait to see what Celfious makes of this  Very funny 
____________
We're on an express elevator to Hell, goin' down!
|
|
Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
|
|
posted September 21, 2003 01:28 AM |
|
|
yea sure its funny.
(no one read this i guess.. buit if you do tell me what I am pls)
since the beggining of civilizations, war has unfortunately been a fator. And military strength was the key to a peacful land for free men. Unfortunately there used to be room for uprisings and emergences of new powers. Killing off barbantuans, or good ppl for their own mmilitant conquest expansions.
We've evolved and have a strong military. Perhaps the world (besides usamas) have civalty now, but tryants and terrorists are the concern, aslong as Germany, japan, USA, Europe, ect dosnt try to establish a NWO..
I agree with a NWO, an entire new world actualy. Democracy in a new way, for the ppl by the ppl.. Stop incorporations from robbing us, start focusing on the prime elements that created civilization 1 formed in the agricultural revolution. (we learned how to livestock and use seeds in aprox 10000bc which caused nomads, to drift/form into civilizations)
Destroy all men with in mind to control, harbor, and claim land and its ppl. Eliminate the need, and desire for war. Establish a better systematc evolution of the childeren. Cancel out the public school systems, all these childeren are selfish and disobedient. Teach them how to use required energies to learn and work. Teach them the way to become an aspiring individual (think spartans without slaves)
Law breakers should be infront of the whip, cleaning out sewage systems, and sweeping every street. Cleaning the rivers, and ocean sides, seperating trash ect..
More government establishments for the ppl, examples: providing internet, phone, and cable. Government workers are trained, and contracted, and the incorporations robbing the communities like AOL, Yahoo, MSN, comcast, AT&T ect will go down. Not only taking away their work, but providing the entire community with services and establishing more regulations on the packaging of foods. Conserving resources, laying fines to the public who is caught with plasit, paper, metals, & glass with 2 warnings then a $20 fine. Of course, scraps under the size & weight of # # arent a big deal at all.. and filthy paper is worthless
The prisioners will seperate & clean the resource, and haul it to the resource centers. Civilians only have a green, and blue/black dumpster, cuz the prisioners seperate.
Food would and should be much cheaper.
of course there are fallacies in my aproach.. As a logician I could construct a better puzzle, but I would have to think about the other pieces, which I wont do right now for this game.
____________
What are you up to
|
|
privatehudson
Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
|
|
posted September 21, 2003 01:31 AM |
|
|
Why is it whenever he posts I get the impression it was supposed to be in another thread entirely?
____________
We're on an express elevator to Hell, goin' down!
|
|
Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
|
|
posted September 21, 2003 01:34 AM |
|
|
Arachnid posted somethin about war mongers..
ok heres the normal on topic post:
I picked A's and B's
and um... LoL
Yankees are northern, north americans I am pretty sure. Somethin about NYC, or that general area. Whats a yankee again?
____________
What are you up to
|
|
privatehudson
Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
|
|
posted September 21, 2003 02:47 AM |
|
|
Yankee was a term some of the Native American tribes of East and North Eastern america (maybe Canada too, dunno) used for the English settlers when they met them (and were still alive to call them anything). It got adopted into use as a slang term for an american eventually.
Sometime later the term reffered to the North during the civil war, they were known sometimes as "billy yank" to the south's "johnny reb", so yes now, it's more used for the northern states, though for people outside of the US and here in england especially, everyone from the USA is a yank
____________
We're on an express elevator to Hell, goin' down!
|
|
Saruman
Famous Hero
On academic leave
|
|
posted September 21, 2003 02:58 AM |
|
|
Mostly b's
REAL definitions:
Mostly a's: You're from Britain or a British-influenced place
Mostly b's: You're Canadian.
Mostly c's: You're a yank.
All c's: You're a menace to society who should be cut off from the gene pool (i.e., Neutered.).
____________
Thank god I'm an atheist.
|
|
Aquaman333
Famous Hero
of the seven seas
|
|
posted September 22, 2003 10:27 PM |
|
|
Derogative statements. What do you guys have against the US? It's MY opinion that you're all just jealous of the US. You insult us just to make yourselves feel better, then you try to justify your offensive remarks by saying,"It's just a joke!"(glares at Hudson). So why don't you guys just just back off?
____________
"Brian, look! There's a message in my Alphabits! It says,
"OOOOOOO!"."
"Peter, those are Cheerios."-Family Guy
|
|
privatehudson
Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
|
|
posted September 22, 2003 10:44 PM |
|
|
You just don't understand the nature of British humour do you? We make fun of anyone and everyone by exaggerating their most extreme aspects, and yes we do this to ourselves also, just look at spitting image, Dad's Army, Red Dwarf, Blackadder and so on.
And before you get on your soapbox, let's look at some american humour shall we? Starting with South Park, one of the movies for which spent a long time deriding Canada... ("It's not even a real country anyway" I believe was a line from the song "blame canada"). Or take Friends, the London episode of which was an utter load of unrealistic rubbish to us, but each to their own.
Or how about the consistent humour your country seems to get out of the french? Remarks about them surrendering seem legion, and yet I don't recall too many american people leaping from their seats to defend french pride.
Be consistent or not at all. Here most of us make fun of everyone, including and especially ourselves. We're supposed to stop that because it might hurt your precious feelings that we made a joke about you? Childish....
____________
We're on an express elevator to Hell, goin' down!
|
|
LichKing
Honorable
Known Hero
|
posted September 22, 2003 10:50 PM |
|
|
ah, don't mind 'im, Aquaman
ee's ad is knickers in knots since that long ago day in 3rd grade when ee first eard bout what happened in Boston arbor
|
|
privatehudson
Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
|
|
posted September 22, 2003 10:54 PM |
|
|
We got our revenge, we sent you the Duchess of York, AKA Fergie, AKA Sarah Fergeson
Now that's fitting revenge, she's evil
Oh and we don't have "grades" in that phrase, but they did teach us one thing, france (aka the surrender kings to you) won that war, not you
____________
We're on an express elevator to Hell, goin' down!
|
|
Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
|
|
posted September 22, 2003 11:01 PM |
|
|
LOL!!!!
Celfious, I'm not sure what you were trying to say, why you were trying to say it in this thread, or for that matter what your native tongue might be.
The rest of you offended-ones-in-the-name-of-political-correctness: ferchrissake lighten up. This is the land of free speech, isn't it? And besides, can't you see the truth behind the hyperbole and laugh along?
Thanks, Arachnid, for perpetrating an hilarious post, that was probably written by an American to begin with. Unless you wrote it yourself???
(BTW: given the obvious, utter lack of a sense of humonr amongst many of your respondents, I wouldn't blame you if you relinquished credit even if you DID write it.)
-- PEACEMAKER THE AMERICAN
(As my user-defined status says, "Trust me; I work for the government.")
____________
I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
|
|
LichKing
Honorable
Known Hero
|
posted September 22, 2003 11:04 PM |
|
|
British Economical Subversion, I say!!!!!
From BBCi, Thursday 15 Nov, 2001: Weight Watchers has more than one million members who pay $10 a week to attend meetings where they receive exercise advice, nutrition counselling and study the example of figurehead Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York.
1 million members x $10 a week = American Economical Downfall!!!!
I tell you, Bush isn't the one trying to bankrupt the US. It's those bloody Redcoats and their insidious schemes!!!
btw, good one Hudson
____________
SOUND THE CHARGE!! INTO GLORY RIDE!!!
|
|
privatehudson
Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
|
|
posted September 22, 2003 11:10 PM |
|
|
 FOILED!!!! DAMNIT!!!
First they refuse to accept our god-given right to own their land, then they foil our plans for world domination through the royals... whatever next? They'll be demanding we all drink coffee!
____________
We're on an express elevator to Hell, goin' down!
|
|
Aquaman333
Famous Hero
of the seven seas
|
|
posted September 22, 2003 11:10 PM |
|
|
Quote:
You just don't understand the nature of British humour do you? We make fun of anyone and everyone by exaggerating their most extreme aspects, and yes we do this to ourselves also, just look at spitting image, Dad's Army, Red Dwarf, Blackadder and so on.
And before you get on your soapbox, let's look at some american humour shall we? Starting with South Park, one of the movies for which spent a long time deriding Canada... ("It's not even a real country anyway" I believe was a line from the song "blame canada"). Or take Friends, the London episode of which was an utter load of unrealistic rubbish to us, but each to their own.
Or how about the consistent humour your country seems to get out of the french? Remarks about them surrendering seem legion, and yet I don't recall too many american people leaping from their seats to defend french pride.
Be consistent or not at all. Here most of us make fun of everyone, including and especially ourselves. We're supposed to stop that because it might hurt your precious feelings that we made a joke about you? Childish....
"If an insult begins to offend someone, then it's time to stop"
-my dear mother
____________
"Brian, look! There's a message in my Alphabits! It says,
"OOOOOOO!"."
"Peter, those are Cheerios."-Family Guy
|
|
privatehudson
Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
|
|
posted September 22, 2003 11:12 PM |
|
|
Grow up and learn to have a sense of humour
____________
We're on an express elevator to Hell, goin' down!
|
|
Aquaman333
Famous Hero
of the seven seas
|
|
posted September 22, 2003 11:18 PM |
|
|
You're like a broken record. Is that all you know how to say?
____________
"Brian, look! There's a message in my Alphabits! It says,
"OOOOOOO!"."
"Peter, those are Cheerios."-Family Guy
|
|
privatehudson
Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
|
|
posted September 22, 2003 11:20 PM |
|
|
I can say more, but since it doesn't sink in it seems kinda pointless. I'm guessing you find it offensive simply because you fit too many C's
____________
We're on an express elevator to Hell, goin' down!
|
|
Aquaman333
Famous Hero
of the seven seas
|
|
posted September 22, 2003 11:21 PM |
|
|
Mostly B's, actually.
____________
"Brian, look! There's a message in my Alphabits! It says,
"OOOOOOO!"."
"Peter, those are Cheerios."-Family Guy
|
|
privatehudson
Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
|
|
posted September 22, 2003 11:22 PM |
|
|
Maybe there's hope for you yet, here have some Earl Grey Tea
____________
We're on an express elevator to Hell, goin' down!
|
| |
|
|
