|
| Thread: Women's Personal ads. |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
|
Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
|
posted May 21, 2004 12:19 AM |
|
|
Women's Personal ads.
You know when you see those funny ads to the side when your looking through the buy & sell section of the paper? Well this is the personal ads section. Generally it's a place where ugly people can advertise to meet other ugly people. But what do all those terms they use actually mean. Here for your enjoyment is a breakdown of said terms.
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish.............................................49
Adventurous.................Slept with all your mates
Athletic......................................No tits
Average looking...............Has a face like an arse
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills
Educated.............Was f****d to bits at University
Emotionally Secure......................On medication
Feminist..................Bad hair and no dress sense
Free spirit....................................Junkie
Friendship first..........................Former snow
Fun..........................................Annoying
Gentle...........................................Dull
Good Listener................................Autistic
New-Age............................Body hair problems
Old-fashioned..........................No BJs or anal
Open-minded.................................Desperate
Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk
Poet.......................................Depressive
Professional....................................B****
Romantic.......................................Frigid
Social.....................Fanny like a clowns pocket
Cuddly............................................Fat
Voluptuous...................................Very Fat
Large lady.................................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker
Widow........................................Murderer
____________
To err is human, to arr is pirate.
|
|
Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
|
|
posted May 21, 2004 01:22 AM |
|
|
I dont get it lol.
____________
Dreaming of a Better World
|
|
Dingo
Responsible
Legendary Hero
God of Dark SPAM
|
posted May 21, 2004 01:26 AM |
|
|
I get it.
I think it's funny.
haha.
____________
The Above Post/Thread/Idea Is CopyRighted by, The Dingo Corp.
|
|
Svarog
Honorable
Supreme Hero
statue-loving necrophiliac
|
posted May 21, 2004 01:47 AM |
|
|
Ahh, the art of... "the opposite of hyperbole". How do you women call it? Hippobole?!
Anyway, funny stuff. 
____________
The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
|
|
gorman
Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
|
|
posted May 21, 2004 03:18 AM |
|
|
LOL that was great asmodean! Where'd u find that? LOL
____________
When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case
|
|
Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
|
|
posted May 21, 2004 03:22 AM |
|
|
Was e-mailed a shorter version of it. But I added a few of my own touches.
Men's one coming soon!
____________
To err is human, to arr is pirate.
|
|
khayman
Promising
Famous Hero
Underachiever
|
posted May 21, 2004 04:20 AM |
|
|
Couldn't Resist...
Quote:
I dont get it lol.
Aculias, if you "dont get it," then most likely, "you ain't gettin' it." 
Couldn't resist...love ya, man!
____________
"You must gather your party before venturing forth."
|
|
Dingo
Responsible
Legendary Hero
God of Dark SPAM
|
|
posted May 21, 2004 04:22 AM |
|
|
Quote:
Aculias, if you "dont get it," then most likely, "you ain't gettin' it."
OH BURN!!!
____________
The Above Post/Thread/Idea Is CopyRighted by, The Dingo Corp.
|
|
IYY
Responsible
Supreme Hero
REDACTED
|
|
posted May 21, 2004 04:28 AM |
|
|
Quote:
Ahh, the art of... "the opposite of hyperbole". How do you women call it? Hippobole?!
Anyway, funny stuff.
The opposite of hyperbole is called litotes.
I also found it quite funny.
____________
|
|
Dragon_Slayer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
toss toss toss
|
|
posted May 21, 2004 05:09 AM |
|
|
Hehehe,im at school and allmyfriends are having a laugh about this. Good work!
____________
|
|
Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
|
|
posted May 21, 2004 12:04 PM |
|
|
ROTFLOL THIS IS HILARIOUS SPAM!
____________
"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
|
|
frostwolf
Famous Hero
livin' in a bottle of vodka
|
|
posted May 21, 2004 10:28 PM |
|
|
Lol, very funny!
____________
What can you expect from a world where everybody lives because they're too afraid to commit suicide?
|
|
Sir_Stiven
Honorable
Legendary Hero
banned
|
|
posted May 21, 2004 11:19 PM |
|
|
Quote:
Quote:
I dont get it lol.
Aculias, if you "dont get it," then most likely, "you ain't gettin' it."
Couldn't resist...love ya, man!
hehe ya funny thread.
Though khayman, you shouldnt judge everyone as people who look through women personalads just because you seem to be an expert on it
|
|
Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
|
|
posted May 21, 2004 11:28 PM |
|
|
Men's personal ads
40-ish.................. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic................ Sits on the couch and watches sports all day
Average looking......... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated................ Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit............. Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first........ As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun..................... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking............ Arrogant
Honest.................. Pathological Liar
Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle.......... Insecure, overly dependent
Mature.................. Until you get to know him
Open-minded............. Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
Physically fit.......... I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself
Poet.................... Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual............... Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
Stable.................. Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful.............. Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Good Fashion sense...... Screaming homo in denial
Financially secure...... Tight bastard who won't even buy deodorant
Adventurous............. Will try to convince you to have a threesome with your best mate
When He Says He Really Means
------------ ---------------
Do you have the time? to go to bed
Hello Let's cut the talk and go have sex.
How are you? in bed, I mean.
I'd like a discreet relationship. I want sex, but I'm married.
I'll be out of town for a few days. I'll be spending time with the wife.
I'm a novelist. I have 10 unpublished books.
I'm coming off a long relationship. My wife is divorcing me.
I'm consulting. I'm looking for a job.
I'm divorced. I just slipped off my wedding ring.
I'm in television. I fix them.
I'm involved in banking. I'm a bank guard.
I'm self-employed. I just got fired.
I'm sorry I flirted with your sister. I'm sorry I got caught.
I'm thinking of relocating. I can't find a job locally in this town.
I enjoy reading. Playboy and Penthouse.
I like a woman who is intelligent. As long as she acts like I'm smarter.
I love opera. I want sex, but I've seen an opera once.
I play the market. Safeway
I work high up in an executive office. I'm a window washer.
I work with computers. I'm a cashier at a gas station.
Looking for a satisfying relationship. I want sex.
My business is really hot right now! I hand out towels in a steam room.
My job keeps me running. I'm a messenger.
My wife and I are separated. She's at home and I'm here at the bar.
____________
To err is human, to arr is pirate.
|
|
Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
|
|
posted May 23, 2004 02:09 AM |
|
|
The difference between men and women!!
Her side of the story:
He was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a pub for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised.
But he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was very slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk a bit more privately.
We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure.
So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know, he didn't say it back or anything, this is really worrying me.
We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV, and sat with a distant look in his eyes that seemed to say it's all over between us.
Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, he responded to my advances and we made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him but I just cried myself to sleep.
I just don't know what to do any more. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else and that my life is a disaster.
His side of the story:
Man Utd lost. Got a shag though.
_____________________________________
A woman placed an ad in the paper for the perfect man. She wanted a man that would not beat her, would not run out on her, and is good in bed.
One day the doorbell rings. She goes to answer the door and there's a man with no arms or legs! She asks 'What are you doing here?' He says that he's responding to her ad, 'I have no arms so I cannot beat you, I have no legs so I cannot run out on you.' She then asks him 'But are you good in bed?' He replies 'How do you think I rang the doorbell?'
____________
To err is human, to arr is pirate.
|
|
TitaniumAlloy
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
|
|
posted December 15, 2004 10:27 AM |
|
|
Haha nice one Asmo.
____________
John says to live above hell.
|
|
Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
|
|
posted December 15, 2004 01:02 PM |
|
|
LMAO the truth is too hard to swallow.
____________
"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
|
|
russ
Promising
Supreme Hero
blah, blah, blah
|
|
posted August 29, 2006 05:11 PM |
|
|
|
TnT_Addict
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Beautiful Liar
|
|
posted August 29, 2006 05:50 PM |
|
|
Taken from "Maariv" newspaper, Israel
Hello ladies, my name is TnT and I am a mature, good looking guy  I also have a good fashion sense  and I am definately an adventurous free spirit that is not bound to anything...
I am curently looking for an adventurous open minded type of girl, but she has also got to be social and who doesn't like curves, she should be valoptous too .
What? I like my women well fed 
____________
Please
click and help me out!! Thanks!!
|
|
russ
Promising
Supreme Hero
blah, blah, blah
|
|
posted August 29, 2006 06:13 PM |
|
|
Quote:
I also have a good fashion sense
We know, we know...
|
|
|
|
