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| Thread: Fiction: An Erathian Necromancer in the Dark Queen’s Army | |
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TheUltimateM...
Promising
Known Hero
Male Escort
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posted March 02, 2005 06:56 PM |
bonus applied. |
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Fiction: An Erathian Necromancer in the Dark Queen’s Army
An Erathian Necromancer in the Dark Queen’s Army
PART 1: In the Service of the Dark Queen
“Sandro. Oh, Sandro. Come hither, my pet.”
The words of the Dark Queen rang distastefully in Sandro’s hollow ear sockets. He pretended not to hear his undead queen’s beckoning, as he continued to methodically plan his busy evening in preparation for the upcoming war against the living. If he was able to spend more time drawing up battle plans and rehearsing necromantic rituals instead of catering to the pleasures of a hedonistic female ruler, then the living would stand no chance against the growing army of darkness. Unfortunately, Sandro was always getting pulled away from his work, which was making his task of organizing the undead forces for battle even more difficult than expected.
“Sandro, I know you hear me, my love. Stop what you’re doing right now and bring those cute little bones up here,” echoed the Dark Queen’s voice from her upstairs office.
To Sandro’s dismay, he reluctantly powered down his laptop, quickly gathered his battle plans, and hurried up the stone staircase to the Dark Queen’s business chambers. On the way there, Sandro was wondering what frustrated him more these days, 21st century technology or being subservient to the whims of an insatiable and utterly incompetent queen of the undead. As a result, Sandro vowed to do away with all forms of computer technology once the undead had regained control of the lands of the living. He could not wait to throw away his laptop and revert back to his infallible blood-red quill pens and bone tablets. He made it a personal goal to instruct the Power Lichen to elevate the pain level a few notches for the infamous software mogul, William Fates, once the Necromancers had possession of his body. Unfortunately, Sandro would have to wait until the Heretics were done with him. You see, Mr. Fates had struck a deal with the devils of the Inferno back in the late 20th century. In exchange for his soul, the devils granted him a monopoly in the software market and promised to have his operating system, MicroChasm Portals, installed on every computer network in both the land of the living and the land of the dead. Since that day, Sandro had been keeping track of the amount of time he had wasted rebooting his laptop after every single installation or minor update. He longed to subject Mr. Fates to precisely that same amount of time in the Necromancer’s torture chambers prior to turning him over to the Power Lichen, only tenfold.
Sandro’s sadistic, yet pleasurable daydreaming was once again interrupted by the unrelenting cries of the Dark Queen. “Sandro, don’t make me come down there to get you again. You remember what happened last time, my little Sex-O-Skeleton, don’t you?”
Unfortunately, Sandro remembered his last encounter with the Dark Queen all too well. Six continuous hours of administering body massages, beauty cream, and shoulder rubs to Her Royal Hideousness (as he secretly referred to her), all the while being instructed to tell the repugnant Queen of Darkness that she was more beautiful than the famous undead movie star, Ghoulia Roberts. It killed Sandro to be forced to speak untruths in such a manner; however, a little white lie here-or-there was well worth avoiding additional tortures by the Dark Queen, such as clipping her toenails or rubbing her feet.
When Sandro finally made it up the winding stone staircase to her chambers, he was immediately greeted by the repulsive sight of the Dark Queen lounging seductively on her couch, the middle of its frame bending beneath her massive weight.
“Come over here, my sweet Sandro. Tell me, what do you have on your schedule today?”
“Well, my queen, in addition to observing the pre-war Necromantic rituals being performed by the Vampire Lords, I was planning on going over some battle plans with the generals. Then after that, I…”
“You’re going to have to put your plans on hold for right now, sweetheart. Your Queen has some very important matters that require your immediate and personal attention,” interrupted the Dark Queen. “Unfortunately, the matters at hand do not involve pleasuring your queen. I understand that you are most likely disappointed at this news, but I am sure we will have plenty of time later to take care of that kind of business. I have two important errands for you to run for me in the land of the living, my love.”
Sandro almost fell over at the sound of those words. My love? Hearing that phrase was almost as repulsive as the thought of seeing the Dark Queen naked. Hell forbid! Fortunately, his repulsion was overshadowed by the fact that today’s errands included being outside of the Dark Queen’s visage, in the land of the living. Before he could begin to imagine what adventures lie before him today, his queen once again interrupted his planning.
“Sando, I have two jobs for you. First, I need you to take Goreville and Wilburn to the salon for a manicure. They have an important presentation that they must make to the Dark Lord tomorrow.”
“Yes, I am aware of this, my queen,” interjected Sandro, “the Wight brothers are presenting their idea for a flying necropolis to the Dark Lord at tomorrow evening’s ceremonies.”
“That’s right, my sweet. I want them to get a full manicure with the extra-long tips. Their nails need to look dazzling. Spare no expense,” instructed the Dark Queen.
“Yes, my queen,” responded Sandro.
“Then I want you to take the soon-to-be-crowned Lich Queen, Princess Anastasia, to the spa so she can have her bones bleached. It is a very important night for her tomorrow. She will be inheriting the vacant throne once occupied by her late uncle, Lich King Malachai Nurisht. May the devil unrest his soul! Are you familiar with her, my pretty bones?” the Dark Queen asked, as Sandro detected a hint of jealousy in her voice.
“Yes, my queen, I have heard of the Lich Princess, Anastasia Rexia, before, although we have never been formally introduced. I will track her down and make sure that she is prepared to the best of my ability for the tomorrow evening's ceremonies,” Sandro replied matter-of-factly, making sure he masked any hint of excitement.
“Very well then,” responded the Dark Queen, “now get those cute little bony buns moving. You have a long day ahead of you. I expect a full back rub, I mean, a full back brief once you have completed my tasks,” the Dark Queen instructed, as Sandro thought he had caught a quick wink of her sunken black eyes.
“Yes, my queen, consider it done,” Sandro replied, as he hurried out of the Dark Queen’s office faster and with more intensity than a Vampire at an All-You-Can-Drink blood bar. Freedom from his queen, at least for a day, was his once again at last.
End PART 1
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Don't hate me because I am beautiful.
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted March 02, 2005 07:06 PM |
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Um....
Are we forgetting Veronica Boobinski and her pet pomeranian Phil Splinton?
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Roses Are Red And So Am I
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted March 02, 2005 07:16 PM |
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I'm going to run out of red stars at this rate 
I'm looking forward to reading more, Your Great Sexiness.
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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terje_the_ma...
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Disciple of Herodotus
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posted March 02, 2005 07:47 PM |
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So, Tum is writing fan fiction now...
And I who thought that no more nerdy hobby existed! 
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"Sometimes I think everyone's just pretending to be brave, and none of us really are. Maybe pretending to be brave is how you get brave, I don't know."
- Grenn, A Storm of Swords.
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Vadskye91
Promising
Supreme Hero
Back again
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posted March 02, 2005 08:28 PM |
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SHH! He might stop!
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Knowledge is power...
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2XtremeToTake
Promising
Supreme Hero
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posted March 02, 2005 10:07 PM |
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Ah TUM has embraced his Cybergeek side
And how come i wasnt awarded a QP for my fan fiction posts?
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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terje_the_ma...
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Disciple of Herodotus
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posted March 02, 2005 10:11 PM |
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Because yours wasn't funny.
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"Sometimes I think everyone's just pretending to be brave, and none of us really are. Maybe pretending to be brave is how you get brave, I don't know."
- Grenn, A Storm of Swords.
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TheRealDeal
Promising
Supreme Hero
Foobum* of Justice!
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posted March 02, 2005 10:15 PM |
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He has gotten a QP, you guys are slow
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*We all know the that Foobum is the class of all that is Cake.
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terje_the_ma...
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Disciple of Herodotus
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posted March 02, 2005 10:24 PM |
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Well, I wouldn't know, since I don't read fan fiction.
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"Sometimes I think everyone's just pretending to be brave, and none of us really are. Maybe pretending to be brave is how you get brave, I don't know."
- Grenn, A Storm of Swords.
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