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| Thread: Talk About Your Father |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · «PREV / NEXT» |
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Leo_Lion
Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
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posted June 17, 2005 01:38 AM |
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Makes you just want to go out there and throw a huge Father's Day party for your dad, eh guitarguy?! 
As for me, I think that I will be getting my dad an MP3 player for Father's Day. He likes to go jogging and taking the dogs for walks, so maybe this will give him even more reasons to continue doing so. 
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*The end to no beginning...
*Take care, Leo
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TheAsgard
Adventuring Hero
Wise and helpful being
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posted September 03, 2005 01:55 PM |
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Well i have to say that my relationship with my dad is not a good one. My father has never been one that i could get along with. When I was 5 my parents devoiced and it been that way for 14 years. I still remember the last fight they had, my father had forced tmy mum out of the house yelling and screaming at her. He later pushed her to the ground then picked up a steel framed chair and threw it at her, luckily it missed.
I lived with my mum until I was 12, we were always moving for fear of him finding us and the visitations made us nervous. I later moved in with my dad due to some problems with my mum and I felt that I had to punish myself by living with him. Im still living with him.
The whole time that I have been with him I have come to realise that I am nothing like him and have done everything that I could to ensure that Im nothing like him. He has violent tendancys and is impacient, I on the other hand am very peace loving, I hate anger and have great pacients.
Im not afraid to say that I am a gay man and when I told my father I hope he would be moost understanding, but he has looked at me as thought I have some kind of disease and tried to get me to see a 'Specialist' to help me understand, but I do. I later found out that he has been going behind my back to a group called "White Flag" [it is a group in Sydney, Australia] that trys to 'help' Parents come to terms with their childs homosexual choice. I understand that he just wanted to find some meaning but he did not have to hide it from me.
I don't think that we could have as good a relationship that I have now developed with my Mum. I have forgiven him but the pain will be there for a long time.
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted September 03, 2005 07:13 PM |
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TheAsgard,
Thankyou for sharing your story with us. Thankyou for your openness and candor. Sometimes it's not easy to let strangers into your life by telling them something about your past.
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Roses Are Red And So Am I
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Jebus
Promising
Supreme Hero
TheJester akaJeebs akaJebfoo
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posted September 03, 2005 08:34 PM |
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You had to know I'd use a Star Wars analogy here...
How do you think Luke felt when his whole life beliving that his father was one man, to later find out, he knew nothing about him... how does he feel when he then finds out that his dad was a great and powerfull Jedi that was then betrayed and murdered.... how did he feel when he then found out that his father lives.... but IS the one person he had grown to hate...
I'll tell you...
I was raised of a single mom with an elder brother, this had been the case since I was about 3 1/2. As a child that young it is natural to cling to the thought and belief that your mother is the world, therefor of course, she was the victim, she was living a difficult life as a single mom trying to provide for her 2 sons while her ex is the one that is cheap on child support... I grew up believing that my father was the one that had abandonned the marriage and that HE was the cause of all our deprivation.
Growing up I'd always seen my dad but he was always angry, always bitter. He was always taking shots at my mom in front of us and I slowly and secretly started to hate him... he was to blame, he left. He use to do indirect things that affected my mom financially and I always thought he was cheap. Ironic how at Christmas he always had the best gifts and was always happy to share with us.
Over the years I'd never really got close to him... we'd go over spend the weekend with gijoe or a movie and then go home... when he got remarried, it got worse... the kids were an inconvenience to their parties...
Only when i hit my teen years did I start breaching the conversations with my grandmother and slowly started to learn the truth about my parents... one day, like hitting a brick wall, my grandmother told me that my mother (and not my father) wanted the divorce... she is the one that did NOT want to go to councilling... she is the one that gave up. Not because he miss treated her... not because of any serious issue... but because she was in love with some other man.... my fater, not her, went to court every session to fight for custody of us.... but in the end, in the early 80's, a judge would never seperate young children from their mother. That's why my mother didn't go to court... she knew this.... she knew she'd win hands down.... that's when I realized that it was MY fault he didn't get us.... I was that young child. i was only 3. So I grew up with her hating the one person that ever fought for us.. for me.
Finally because of this (and the fact that I was now of age to drink) did my father and I start talking... we'd go to the bars, have a few, watch a game and talk about breasts. Slowly that led to us going to the cottage together, fishing, talking.... one night (with the aid of our musical differences... we were sharring our favorites) we got really drunk and started talking about how our family lives had come to be.... I never reached out to him like that and he'd never openned up to me like that either... Since that day, things have changed...
My dad, to this day, is no walk in the park... but he's not the monster I was led to believe that he was... sure he has problems communicating, what 50 year old male these days doesn't? And sure we have our differences but I feel that maybe one day he'll be able to let the carring emmotional man he is inside shine out, withough fear of reprisal or whithout shame.... that day may only come when he's the grandfather to my kids... and maybe he'll be a better grand dad than he was a father for us. But at least he'll be around.... sure, probably complanning about women, his job, or how we don't appreciate him, but at least he's there. At least my kids will have a grandfather to know and to love... unlike me...
but that's an entirely different thread.
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"You went over my helmet??"
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted September 04, 2005 05:58 AM |
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Jebus,
Your father sounds like he is as human as any one of us. I think it's good that you tried to be objective in learning the truth. Remember that we don't get to choose our parents. They are who they are and learning to accept them into your life is no simple matter. I think it's good to see you have a good understanding of this concept.
I give your father all the best wishes. He may not know it, but he has a son who is very special. There is nothing better than a child who loves you.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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Jebus
Promising
Supreme Hero
TheJester akaJeebs akaJebfoo
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posted September 04, 2005 06:03 AM |
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Quote:
Your father sounds like he is as human as any one of us. I think it's good that you tried to be objective in learning the truth. Remember that we don't get to choose our parents. They are who they are and learning to accept them into your life is no simple matter. I think it's good to see you have a good understanding of this concept.
I can't exactly say I was very objective. The obstacle now is learning to accept and to live witht the one that kept the truth hidden for all these years...
I guess I'll just sit and wait for a "talk about your mother" thread. 
thanks.
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"You went over my helmet??"
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Conan
Responsible
Supreme Hero
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posted September 06, 2005 03:32 AM |
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Quote:
I guess I'll just sit and wait for a "talk about your mother" thread.
Or, you could go and create one. I think you'd get a good response!
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Your life as it has been is over. From this time forward, you will service.... us. - Star Trek TNG
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted May 08, 2006 12:42 AM |
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My dad has failed as a parent. His dad has failed as a parent. My mom's dad has quite a few problems of his own. Things don't look too good. The question is, what will I be like when I reach their age(s). Will I follow in their footsteps and repeat their wrongs, or will I set out in a new direction and attempt to initiate positive changes? I'm learning a great deal from what I observe nowadays, so I certainly hope it's the latter.
-Guitarguy
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted May 08, 2006 01:18 AM |
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I love my dad. He's got to be the greatest dad in the world, if not one of the greatest men. IMO, of course.
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Iris
Responsible
Supreme Hero
of Typos
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posted June 07, 2006 10:17 PM |
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My dad is like my big brother. We get along great and we do a lot of silly things. I’ll give a few examples to give you an idea of what we’re like.
Just a few months ago, my dad came home from a business trip, and I decided to greet him with a headbutt to the chest. I ran away when he started to chase me. A few minutes later, I snuck up behind him and headbutted him in the back. Once again, I ran away when he started chasing me. A little after that, I tried to sneak up to headbutt again, but he held out his fist and I ended up slamming my forehead into his fist. I headbutt hard. 
Another thing that I sometimes to do my dad is to shake his arm when he’s eating, so that he can’t aim for his mouth. For whatever reason, I find it highly amusing when he gets food all over his face. 
A few years ago, while walking around some supermarket, I picked up a cucumber and aimed it at my dad. He then picked up a carrot and we started dueling with vegetables until my mom said that we were embarrassing her. ^_^
However, my relationship with my dad hasn’t always been very consistent. When I was about 15, for a period of about 5 to 6 years, I absolutely hated my parents, and they treated me like I was a stranger. Once in a heated argument, my dad went as far as to tell me that I was the biggest mistake of his life.
I don’t want to go into details, but to summarize, I came out of a very bad relationship that made me reevaluate my life. I talked to my parents and told them why I thought things happened the way they did and pretty much gave them an analysis of the whole situation. I guess they realized that I’m not as socially immature and naïve as they thought I was. It sounds silly, but I’m also leaving out a big chunk of stuff.
Either way, my situation with my parents returned to the way it was when I was little (and in a way, since we all act so childish, it felt like we just picked up where we left off ). I really enjoy spending time with them now, and they even come to me for advice. Which I think is really cool. ^_^
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted June 08, 2006 06:21 AM |
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Iris,
Thankyou for sharing your experiences with all of us. It made me laugh to think of how the food was stuck to your Father's face. My daughter (2.5yrs old) headbutts me as well. And . . . I honestly don't mind. I think it's kinda funny.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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Iris
Responsible
Supreme Hero
of Typos
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posted June 09, 2006 08:11 PM |
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Hehehehe, I act the same as a 2.5 year old.
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted January 17, 2007 10:43 AM |
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My dad almost hit two pedestrians last week. My dad was driving me up to church last week when we came upon an intersection where we had to make a left turn. When the green light flashed, my dad pushed on the gas and turned left even though there was an elderly woman and a young girl crossing right in front of us! The car didn't slow down. My eyes grew wide and my dad finally hit on the break just before hitting them. I turned to him and sternly asked him if he was even aware that they were there, to which he calmly said he did. That's the crazy thing about my dad; you often wonder whether he's all there or not. Let's just say that I often feel uncomfortable cruising around with him because of his...peculiar driving habits.
Ladies and gentlemen, my father. 
-Guitarguy
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted January 17, 2007 05:06 PM |
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You just helped me sum up most of my thought control on an issue.
Thx Huitar dude
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Dreaming of a Better World
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violent_flower
Promising
Supreme Hero
Almost there.
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posted January 18, 2007 07:30 PM |
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My father was an only child, one that his parents wanted to be a girl. They wanted this so much that they dressed him like one for the first year of his life. I actually have the pink outfit that he wore on his way home from the hospital and the first candles that were pink on his cake. Ok so the meds were not as available as they are now or that family would have had one name after them.
My parents were divorced when I was two, so I have no real memories of that time. He was to take us every other weekend and he did for the most part. Then he decided one day that we were too much to handle together and my visitation went down to once a month. I can’t remember any real words of encouragement or too much of feeling of love. He was remarried and she never wanted children so we could not go live with him, which is really what we needed. To not be to long winded my mother was a drug addict and alcoholic and my father drank as well. Update, my father has been sober eight years. My mother just got sober again and has been for a few months.
When we were abused he knew about it and still would not attempt custody. When we were taken out of school and forced to live in a tent with my mother he did nothing. There were times when I just wanted him to take us out of the hell we were in but he was always too worried about himself.
Today my father has told me that he loves me but he feels guilt and so our relationship is built upon making his guilt go away.
I don’t know how much this plays in my life today as far as the decisions I make. I do know that once you become a parent it is not just about you anymore. You give up your right to be crazy and you need to make sure when you walk down a path that it is not covered in ****. I parent just the opposite as my father and my mother and for this I thank them.
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Learn how to duck and weave because I will throw truth at you all day!
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted January 18, 2007 08:01 PM |
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Violent_Flower,
Thankyou for sharing your story with us all. I believe you. I don't know with any facts, but I choose to believe you anyway.
Thankyou
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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Khaelo
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Underwater
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posted January 19, 2007 06:10 AM |
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Edited by Khaelo at 06:13, 19 Jan 2007.
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FYI
A year and a half ago, I posted in this thread. The post was long and contained a lot of detail about my dad and his situation. Unfortunately, that detail was painful and compromising, so I subsequently decided it should not be left on the Internet for any and all to find. It was shared with those who participated in the discussion at the time (Consis and Leo and others) but not "posterity." I was afraid of Google picking it up and some freak of fate allowing that information to be connected to my RL identity and thereby my father's RL identity. Paranoid, maybe. But I deleted it.
I did not save a copy of that post before I hit the "delete" button. That was a serious mistake. I miss that post. I wish I'd kept a copy as a record of how I felt about my father at that time. There were a lot of complex things going on -- there still are -- and posting was a way of sorting them out and putting them into a comprehensible framework. My father's situation hasn't changed much since May 2005, but I miss that post, and the regret will only get more pointed when the situation does change. I wish had that essay to see what changes and what doesn't, to remember more truly my relationship with my father in these difficult times. But it's gone, off into the digital void.
To others who have shared their stories, their feelings, their memories: KEEP THAT WRITING! This thread is more than an Internet discussion. It's a place to store personal histories. And even if you decide you're no longer comfortable with sharing those histories on HC, DO NOT DESTROY THEM. Keep them for your own sake. Even if you think they're stupid, or embarrassing, or lacking in some way, or they make you mad... Someday, you will want them.
Just my two cents earned from unhappy experience.
edit: grammar
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 Cleverly
disguised as a responsible adult
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted January 19, 2007 02:57 PM |
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Khaelo,
I recall some of what you said and some of what I said. I can recount what I remember if the time should ever arise for you to want to talk about it again.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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Setitetart
Known Hero
Reality check....
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posted July 22, 2007 06:48 AM |
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I don't cry.
But I did the night before last, and the night before that.
I cried like a baby, and pretty much cried myself to sleep.
An overload, a glitch in my system…too many things on my mind, and all of them currently revolving around my Dad, and my relationship with him.
Regrets.
Knowing that even my best efforts to bridge the gaps between us all these years, simply weren't enough.
That I turned around and wrote him off.
But that doesn't stop you from opening yourself completely to me.
I am moved by your courage.
I appreciate the bravado and your humor.
But I know that deep down,
you are terrified.
You have been smacked in the face with the realization that you did this.
You admitted as much,
In so little words.
I don't know if you do this display of bravado for my benefit...
If for some reason you think I am strong enough to handle the truths o this and so much more...
Or intelligent enough to see through your act.
What choked me was that you were sorry.
Since those 2 words, I have smoked so much I swear I am green.
No. Not THAT you potheads...
I have seriously smoked so many cigarettes that I think I made myself physically sick. Ill.
There are small words and phrases in my vocabulary that are absolutely profound. Attention getting and taken very seriously.
They do powerful things to me; evoke strong feelings and thus strong reactions.
Things like:
I love you.
Thank you.
Please.
STOP!
No.
I hate you.
I understand...
Yes.
And...I am sorry.
Those words can fix A LOT.
But "I am sorry.", said with sincerity and true remorse is the queen mother in my world.
I have a short list of things that are "No-no's", things you should not do or say.
For instance, it is NOT acceptable for you to kill people and ask me to hide a body. You shouldn't borrow money from me if you don't intend to repay it in some way, you don't say or do things that would put me into positions where my personal code of conduct would be in question.
Doing something like that will cause me to reconsider, if not completely cut off, our friendship. Maybe without further warning.
And if after I have questioned and confronted you...
You could apologize
And 9 times out of 10...
I will forgive you.
My dad, for the last 17 years, almost without trying, single-handedly shut me out of his life.
And I, for the last 17 years have set myself to trying to make contact and keep contact.
It has been hard to do.
The last infraction when he blew me off when he married his new wife.
The 1st for fracturing not only my ribs, but my heart as well.
My parents divorced when I was 2 years old. By all accounts, my dad was abusive, irresponsible, a known drug abuser, and a bad habit of procrastinating.
He even went A.W.O.L. in the Army.
I have heard so many bad accounts on this man; it makes me sick to think about it.
I question why I continue to reach out to him knowing that he will let me down.
Why do I even bother trying?
Because I have to believe that all it takes is one more try...
Better late than never.
You see...NO ONE believes that his or her time here on this earth is limited. That you are born, and eventually you WILL die...
But I am here to tell you that time runs out...eventually...for everyone.
While circumstances are individual...the common thread is that no one lives forever.
I know, I know...Tay you are such a blowhard.
I am going to live forever.
Okay.
I'd like that too.
Find some vamp to bite me, or some magic elixir to grant me that immortal lifestyle.
Lovely, sign me up.
Maybe my dad thought that it would never come to this...he knows my propensity for forgiveness. Maybe he figured we had time.
I don't know what he thought or what he is thinking now.
I can't imagine the gravity of such realizations, he or anyone in his situation, must be wrestling with.
All I DO know, is that in very short order...I WILL lose my dad.
Regardless or whether or not we have put our differences to rest.
Time stops for no one....
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"Do you think we should drive a stake through his heart, just in case?"
~ Peter Lorre to Vincent Price at Bela Lugosi's funeral
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted September 29, 2010 07:29 AM |
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Alright, so maybe I haven't had the most ideal father-son relationship with my dad. Things haven't changed a whole lot since my previous posts, but I seem to have developed a new mindset of late. Spending time catching up with a few friends made me realize something; a simple blessing that probably adds up to more than first meets the eye.
Praise Jesus, my dad isn't a minister.
-Guitarguy
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