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| Thread: ****"AM I GAY?" SELF-EXAMINATION **** |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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sick_46_boy
Known Hero
*Lord of the bones*
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posted June 02, 2006 12:12 AM |
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****"AM I GAY?" SELF-EXAMINATION ****
"AM I GAY?"
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay; it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog, "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat, "Bun-bun, come to daddy, you beautiful girl snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be hard strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it; you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to queers when they Flame out.
And what do u all think?
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Once I used to be what you are now! And you will become what I am!"
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Lich_King
Honorable
Supreme Hero
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posted June 02, 2006 12:20 AM |
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If I have 13 cats does it mean I'm super gay, or such gay that I'm normal ? Or perhaps I'm the queen or the king ? What about if I'm normal but gay, or what about being gay and not normal with normal abilities ??? HUH ?? HUH ?? TELL ME TELL ME 
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted June 02, 2006 12:23 AM |
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Lich if you call them, they will come  .
oh was that gay too
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Lich_King
Honorable
Supreme Hero
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posted June 02, 2006 12:25 AM |
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Oh I just thought, I'm a male and I love myself... and... well if I love myself I love male... so does it mean, when you love yourself you're gay too ?
Does that counts as gay ?
*sings YMCA*....
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted June 02, 2006 12:30 AM |
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You are what you eat Lich
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russ
Promising
Supreme Hero
blah, blah, blah
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posted June 02, 2006 12:32 AM |
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Edited by russ at 00:35, 02 Jun 2006.
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This is hilarious! I think you deserve a qp!!!!!
Anyways, here are my results:
1. I am not over 30, but I plan to have a washboard stomach for the rest of my life.
2. I have a very fluffy cat and I don't like dogs.
3. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. <--- hehe
4. I don't give a f**k where I take a dump. I can take a dump anywhere, including your new car.
5. I don't drink coffee.
6. I know more than 6 colors and I sure as hell don't have any room in my head to remember the players of all the boring f*ggy games that are not played anywhere outside of USA.
7. I drive with 2 hands on the wheel. That is the only safe way of driving at 180 km/h.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to queers when they Flame out. <--- ROFL!!!
So, here are my results:
According to my answers to questions 1, 2, 6 and 7 I am a flaming queer who's about to have a spontaneous homosexual combustion.
According to my answers to questions 3, 4 and 8 I am a true macho man with a beer belly who beats his wife every day and showers once a month.
According to question 5 I am neither. (an alien?)
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Lich_King
Honorable
Supreme Hero
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posted June 02, 2006 12:33 AM |
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Quote:
You are what you eat Lich
Damn.. I'm a cup of coffee then... sorry.. I can't be gay as I'm not even human...
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kreszantas
Adventuring Hero
TOH Coordinator
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posted June 02, 2006 12:37 AM |
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just watch the movie best of show... no further comment... class is out of session
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Professional Sarcastic, never underestimate the value of truth as being only your point of view.
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TNT_Addict
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Beautiful Liar
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posted June 02, 2006 12:39 AM |
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sick_46_boy
Known Hero
*Lord of the bones*
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posted June 02, 2006 01:08 PM |
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I dont know what to say u GUYS but this I got this in my e-mail
and I delete it 
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted June 02, 2006 01:16 PM |
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1. No
2. No
3. Do Chupa-chups Count?
4. Only if the toilet is messy
5. I don't drink coffee
6. No
7. I don't have my license yet
8. The French can't make a decent film to save their lives (the nudity and sex isn't enough)
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"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 02, 2006 01:17 PM |
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I found the site which sick_boy got it from.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=33523199
Visit that, and scroll down, and you will find it all.
You didnt get it in an email, but copied it from another persons myspace, how could you 
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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sick_46_boy
Known Hero
*Lord of the bones*
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posted June 02, 2006 01:39 PM |
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NO william u are wrong I realy realy got this on my e-mail!!
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Once I used to be what you are now! And you will become what I am!"
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 02, 2006 01:43 PM |
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go to that site and you will see all of the same things here, or should i say this post at hc has all the same things as the one on the thing at myspace link.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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TitaniumAlloy
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
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posted June 02, 2006 01:59 PM |
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Did you think that the myspace guy might have got it in his email as well? 
LOL this thread reminds me of a family guy quote (read it aloud, he says it to a sailor)
"Well you look like the kind of man who likes sea men on his poop deck."
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John says to live above hell.
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sick_46_boy
Known Hero
*Lord of the bones*
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posted June 02, 2006 02:06 PM |
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Hmm in my case 2,3,4,6,7! What thet means that I am gay!! Grr luckly that I hawe girlfriend!!
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Once I used to be what you are now! And you will become what I am!"
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Lich_King
Honorable
Supreme Hero
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posted June 02, 2006 02:36 PM |
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Oh my... you are cheating your gf by being gay ? What an awful person you are... you should tell her the truth
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sick_46_boy
Known Hero
*Lord of the bones*
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posted June 02, 2006 02:45 PM |
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Hmm yap lich_king but I dont know is she understand me maybee she will be jelaousy and kick me But this way is beter.Maybee you all are gays in your soul
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Once I used to be what you are now! And you will become what I am!"
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Arvon
Hired Hero
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posted June 22, 2006 08:02 PM |
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Isn't a washboard stomach a sign of narcissism rather than queer?
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 If idiots grew on trees, this place would be an orchard.
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russ
Promising
Supreme Hero
blah, blah, blah
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posted June 23, 2006 04:27 PM |
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Edited by russ at 16:29, 23 Jun 2006.
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Quote:
Isn't a washboard stomach a sign of narcissism rather than queer?
No, IMHO it is a sign of active lifestyle and will, because you don't get a washboard stomach from watching TV and eating pop corn 24/7. It actually takes effort to get one.
Maybe I got it all wrong and you can be a fat snob who never looks after himself and expects all the girls to swarm around him just because he thinks a lot of himself, but IMHO if you have high standards when it comes to girls, you've got to match their high standards as well.
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