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| Thread: My name is LichKing and I am an alcoholic | |
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LichKing
Honorable
Known Hero
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posted December 10, 2006 09:22 AM |
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Edited by LichKing at 20:09, 13 Dec 2006.
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My name is Tim and I am an alcoholic
I want to take a few minutes to explain my 'disappearance' to those who might have been wondering. I know that many of you could care less and I can't blame you for that.
In the past I've treated a lot of people here very poorly and for that I apologize. I owe huge apologies to a great many of you. Consis, ShaMan, Killa, and LastPlace come to mind, but there are many others.
I think the title of this thread begins to explain why I'm such a SOB, but there are a great many more things I need to say by way of explanation and apology and I hope that in time I will manage to do so.
More to come later. I'm not thinking too clearly at the moment but I wanted to at least make a start.
Edit: In sincere gratitude and from the bottom of my heart--THANKS to each and every one of you. I am deeply touched.
When I created this thread I was alone at home and very drunk. Imagine that.
All of those voices living inside my head (Oh yes, there really ARE voices in my noggin. I know I've often joked about them and acted as if they were just another one of Old Lichy's wacky creations, but I assure you they are quite real) just would not shut up.
My thoughts were running wild. I couldn't concentrate on what I was trying to say long enough to translate it to type. My emotions were chaotic. I felt like I was losing my mind.
A short while ago I thought I'd finally hit bottom so I did what any good drunk who think he's reached the end of the line would do and I got myself a bottle, caught a respectable buzz, shoved my ego to the side, swallowed by pride and contacted Alcoholics Anonymous. Not because I wanted to, of course. I did it because I knew if I didn't do something I was going to end up losing my job, my home and my family.
I finally admitted that when it came to drinking I had no hope of ever being able to control myself. I am utterly enslaved by and defensless against alcohol.
I hate it and what it has done to me.
I hated myself and what I have become because of my weakness to it.
If there was one thing I was sure of it was that I never, EVER wanted to take another drink again.
Oddly enough, all I really and truly wanted to do was to drink some more.
And more.
And more.
Because I really can control drinking if I want to. If you don't believe me just ask me.
I don't have a problem.
Get the picture?
Anyway, I just wanted to say that your kind words and expressions of concern are unexpected and very heartwarming.
I'm doing my best to regain my sanity and control of my life.
Gootch, you mentioned that you might like to hear about my experiences. I'm inclined to write them down. As much for my own sake as for any other reason.
You see, I'm totally lost. I have to find myself again and I'm running out of time. I know in my heart that I am NOT the same person who so recently sat watching my wife and children sleeping in front of the tv on the living room floor while calmly swallowing a bottle of narcotic pain relievers, chasing it down with a bottle of whiskey, writing a farewell and I'm so sorry letter, and waiting to fall asleep and die.
The real me is still here--somewhere. I have to find him. Hopefully between AA, counseling, support from my family and friends, medical treatment and some honest soul searching I will be able to find myself before I get stupid enough to try something like that again and actually succeed.
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted December 10, 2006 05:50 PM |
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Anytime you need an ear or a shoulder, I happen to have both available Lichy 
It takes a lot of strength and courage to do what you're doing, I'm really proud of you. You've got my support 100%
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted December 10, 2006 05:50 PM |
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Edited by Consis at 17:51, 10 Dec 2006.
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LichKing,
If this is true . . . if you truly do have a real problem with alcohol . . . then you have shown a great deal of courage and humility by posting this to a worldwide audience here in this place for all to see. It is no small thing to admit when you are wrong or when you have a problem that is consuming your life and trying to steal your life from you.
I have not held a grudge against you. I understand what being an alcoholic can do to you. I think you are a brave man. Don't worry about what we think of you. You are obviously struggling to regain control of your identity and it is very likely that you have caused deep wounding scars of pain to your closest family and friends. This is what happens to a person when alcohol takes your life from you.
I think you have taken a very difficult and important step in healing. My thoughts are with you. I pray for you to have strength. Don't let the bottle steal your life from you. I know your family and friends must miss you very much when you're absent in drink.
Here is something I carry with me in my wallet everywhere I go:
~IN MY DARKEST HOUR~
GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
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Roses Are Red And So Am I
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted December 10, 2006 06:13 PM |
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My dad's an alcoholic 
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Nidhgrin
Honorable
Famous Hero
baking cookies from stardust
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posted December 10, 2006 07:32 PM |
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There are some demons you can't slay just on your own...
Get all the help you can to help beat this addiction, and if that includes us listening to your story or help with what little advice we have to offer, you're still welcome here Lich
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ChEsHiReKaT
Known Hero
Madness Controls Me
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posted December 10, 2006 08:26 PM |
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Lichy you took the biggest step and movement to help your problem by admitting it. You were there when Gangrail and I split, and besides my thing with Manuel, beer was the other factor of my leaving him. I may have never been able to actually talk to anyone about our home situation cause it was too hard but Lich Im here for you, as being someone who has lived through it and as a friend most of all and a fellow west virginian Anyways Lich you have alot of support and i know many people who will stand behind you and be there for you,
Love Kitten
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted December 10, 2006 08:30 PM |
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I thought liches didn't drink Anyway welcome back!(Even though I hardly know you ) Just the fact that you started a thread to explain yourself,tell your problem and apologise sais a lot.
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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the_gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted December 10, 2006 08:54 PM |
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!?
Working your 8th and 9th step already? Good on you.
My mom was 37 when she went in for treatment and with the help of her higher power and meetings has kept her sobriety for 27 years now.
I just want you to know how big a fan I have been of your work here and man would it be awesome should you ever decide to share your experience, strength, and hope with the rest of us.
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antipaladin
Promising
Legendary Hero
of Ooohs and Aaahs
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posted December 10, 2006 09:36 PM |
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im fighting my smoke addiction,thought i know not whats worse,i think that its hard both nonetheless.
if you need any good converdtion im there
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types in obscure english
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted December 11, 2006 12:01 AM |
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Hey Lich better to get help now then never.
Change is usually a good thang & why not.
Apologising is the second step to getting better to those you were mean to.
First step is realising you even have a problem.
If you cant get past step one then you can go through the rest.
Even though I can think of one who needs to be talked down.
Killa deserved alot that came to him.
He was a bully & he needed to be put in his place more times then normal.
Cant blame yourself for that one.
Otherwise good luck in all of that
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted December 13, 2006 09:54 PM |
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Hmm . . .
Checking yourself into a rehab facility is the only thing will save you now. Some people often say, "I can't! I'll lose my job!" The answer to this is: "If you don't check in then your friends and family will lose you forever." 3 months is a long time but I'd rather take 3 months of poverty than end up dead.
Even if you do go to rehab . . . does it mean you'll come out cured? No. After that . . . you do what everybody else on this mudball of a planet does . . . you take every day . . . day by day . . . one day at a time.
At the end of the day, you tell yourself you did a good thing, go to sleep, the sun comes out, you wake up, and give it a go.
We're with you LichKing. Hang in there buddy.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted December 17, 2006 10:11 PM |
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I agree with Consis, a rehab facility would be the best place for you. It wouldn't be easy, but it'd be somewhere that you can focus on you, and getting better.
You have a lot of people that care about you here, please make sure you keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. Keep writing everything down, its an excellent outlet... if you don't choose to do it all here, still do it for yourself on notebooks - it will really help you.
When you're better - I'm still waiting for the stories of the Mood Kilt 
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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tewilligar
Famous Hero
Just another willigar
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posted December 22, 2006 02:10 PM |
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You know Lich,I respect you a great deal. Always have. I respect you even more after reading this. We all have demons,obstacles and other not so charming things to go through in life,its nice to see you tackle this one head on,not many have the courage to do so.
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ZZZZzzzzZZZZzzzz
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sphere
Supreme Hero
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posted December 26, 2006 08:50 PM |
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Hey,
- After reading your post Lichking, I can't help but to have the outmost and deepest respect for your words ( and I assume RL actions too ). As other ppl mention in their posts, keep posting to get the load of your shoulders mate.
- I really hope you make it through the hard times to come - No point in beating around the bush - And comes out a changed man !
- A piece of advice from my part of the globe, if you need it ; I can Read, allowed but I will not !
- Respect -
- Guz
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Who is this General Failure, and why is he looking at my disk ?
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