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| Thread: For male heroes! |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted October 23, 2001 06:51 PM |
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For male heroes!
Sorry Hexa, but I believe in equal opportunity jokes!
Q: What's the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
A: I'll spend an hour and a half looking for a golf ball.
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Q: How many women on PMS does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: ONE, AND THAT'S NOT FUNNY, BUSTER!
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Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing--you already told her twice.
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Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she comes home from a battered woman's shelter?
A: The dishes--if she knows what's good for her.
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Q: What do you get when you have a woman with PMS and ESP?
A: A b**** who thinks she knows everything.
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Five reasons why beer is better than women...
5. Beer labels come off without a fight.
4. Beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
3. A cold beer is a good beer.
2. With beer you'll always get a good head.
1. You can leave beer in the fridge and play HOMM.
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And finally... I don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die!!!!
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Heh! Now I feel more secure in my manhood. LOL
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Lith-Maethor
Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
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posted October 23, 2001 06:56 PM |
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SP, b, l, & u...
Quote:
And finally... I don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die!!!!
....MKAAAY kids?
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You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted October 23, 2001 06:57 PM |
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Well, I have to say I liked the other set more. ;-P
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 Milena
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Slava14
Promising
Famous Hero
I am 16 now....
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posted October 23, 2001 06:59 PM |
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Quote:
And finally... I don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die!!!!
I saw Southpark too   
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I'm always happy to help.. unless I'm helping myself.
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Hexa
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted October 23, 2001 10:59 PM |
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The_Gootch
I've got a lenghty one of males to ... I'll look it up!
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If you want to realize your dreams >>> you have to wake up!@
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RMS
Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
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posted October 24, 2001 01:19 AM |
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Add It Up: Relationship Guide
For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system.
Simple Duties:
You make the bed..+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pllows..0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..-1
You leave the toilet seat up..-5
You leave the toilet lid down..-10 after the lights are out..-30
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings..+5
But return with beer ..-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night ...0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something..+5
You pummel it with a six iron..+10
It's her father..-10
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party..0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy..-2
Named Tiffany..-4
Tiffany is a dancer..-6
Tiffany has implants..-8
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner..0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
Okay, it is a sports bar..-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night..-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..-10
A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal ..-5
And the pal is happily married ..-4
Or frighteningly single ..-7
And he drives a Mustang..-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ..-15
A Night Out:
You take her to a movie..+2
You take her to a movie she likes..+4
You take her to a movie you hate..+6
You take her to a movie you like..-2
It's called DeathCop 3..-3
Which features cyborgs having sex..-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans .........-15
Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly..-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ..-30
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"...-800
The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" ..-5
You hesitate in responding..-10
You reply, "Where?"..-35
Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression ..0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..-20
***
Hopefully after you count up your points, it comes out to a positive number
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This space for rent.
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Lith-Maethor
Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
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posted October 24, 2001 01:25 AM |
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LOL RMS!!!
...my niece had a Cosmo with that exact test....
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You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.
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thunderknight
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted October 24, 2001 05:59 AM |
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Oh, damn, I nearly make every mistake possible mentioned in RMS relationship guide test except this one
Quote:
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"...-800
It must be luck (or love ???) that I still not got dropped away by my gf
Here comes the question for all male heroes:-
One day, your girlfriend/wife came back home earlier than you expected and guess what she saw ? Yes, she saw you lying on the bed.......naked.........with one or more girls, also naked lying beside you.
What would you say or do then???
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Choose what you love
and love what you choose.
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rogue
Promising
Famous Hero
Prosecutors Will Be Shoplifted
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posted October 24, 2001 07:09 AM |
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Ah! What happened? Who are these strange women?
they must have drugged me and then had sex with me for the last 6 hours! Oh my god! Get them out of here!
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Answers to Everything
http://help.paulinetown.com
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Sha_Men
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Jack-Of-No-Trades
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posted October 24, 2001 08:04 AM |
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LOL
RMS...
I laughed really hard.
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Catch the vigorous horse of your mind.
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted October 24, 2001 04:14 PM |
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I'm not a guy
but I would say:
have you ever thought of having a triple? ;-)
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Milena
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Hexa
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted October 24, 2001 04:51 PM |
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Just convince here she's hallucinating/dreaming and do what Milena suggested!
A DIRTY MIND IS A JOY FOREVER!@
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If you want to realize your dreams >>> you have to wake up!@
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted October 24, 2001 05:05 PM |
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Hexa!!
Quote:
Just convince here she's hallucinating/dreaming and do what Milena suggested!
A DIRTY MIND IS A JOY FOREVER!@
Do you know you are hilarious? LoL
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Milena
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RMS
Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
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posted October 25, 2001 12:35 AM |
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Edited By: RMS on 24 Oct 2001
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...well I would run for my life...normally, I can't even get "unstrange" (or whatever its called) women/girls to approach me and stay there, so I'de proably be frightened that they were in my house! ...and I'de be even moreso if I happenned to be in bed naked...since when have I even slept like that?!
...hmm, yep I'de probably probably lunge for the kitchen knife...
Wait! I just realized something. Since when have I had a girlfriend?? lol
***
Devil In The Church
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
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This space for rent.
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The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted October 25, 2001 06:00 PM |
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I can't believe I forgot this one...
Q: Why do women wear jockstraps when they go skydiving?
A: So they won't whistle on the way down!
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wiggy_wam
Promising
Famous Hero
local pirate
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posted October 25, 2001 08:15 PM |
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LOL this is great!
thanks RMS.
about the situation with the naked woman in bed, I think I'd agree with Milena and Hexa ... hallucination is your ONLY scape-goat there
Tell her she overdosed on prozac again!
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doomnezeu
Supreme Hero
Miaumiaumiau
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posted June 01, 2004 12:12 PM |
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@revived!
Lol, nice stuff in here.
read it b&g!
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Medusa
Famous Hero
Yeah, right
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posted June 03, 2004 12:18 PM |
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Lol!
LMAO! Those were really funny, RMS  And the satan thingie too
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Marelt_Ekiran
Promising
Famous Hero
Watcher of All
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posted June 03, 2004 07:52 PM |
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That was almost three years ago. I wonder if he matured somewhat in the meantime.
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Perception is everything.
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted June 04, 2004 12:03 PM |
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LMAO Funny jokes.
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"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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