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| Thread: Hell Contest |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · NEXT» |
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted June 26, 2007 03:30 PM |
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Edited by baklava at 16:27, 27 Aug 2007.
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Hell Contest
More and more these days, I see people (rightfully) pissed off about injustice in the world. Thinking about that myself, I thought how it would be great if Hell really existed, so that scum of the world can have a place to BURN and SUFFER for ALL ETERNITY (yay!  ). Then I started thinking about what I would put there and how I'd design it so that everyone gets what they deserves etc. The next conclusion in my insanity-blessed mind of course was that it would be great to make a hell-designing contest in HC.
You can use Dante's circular form of Hell, or make your own order, everything is up to you. Imagine you're Satan; what would you do in free time between convincing people to murder, rape, torture, steal, vote republican etc?
Rules are simple - there are only three:
1) No racism. Satan hates everyone equally.
2) No radically anti-homosexual stuff. Don't forget that Satan is gay himself 
3) John Travolta. This isn't a rule really, I just felt like mentioning John Travolta.
The judge is me (muhaha). I'll use grades from 1 to 10 to mark the following aspects:
-organization (how your Hell is put together and organized overall; for example if you upgraded Dante's 10 circles or made them worse or invented a new, original system, whom you put where etc; level of detail taken into account too)
-celebrities you honourably mentioned (speaking shortly about what original things you did to Hitler or Charles Manson or what you've got prepared for Brooke Shields, Daniel Craig, George Bush etc can bring you bonus points; depending on the mentioned celebrity and the cruelness itself)
-how many sacks of peanuts you promised me if I give you the first place (oh alright I won't mark this... goddamn conscience...)
I'd put more judges in, but then I have to chase them around to mark stuff when they forget about this and spread around, and that gets boring and tiresome; this way it's way faster and easier. Me on the top and others... down there somewhere. All hail democracy.
Perhaps I can even convince the mods to award the winner with a QP 
Hokay.
<puts the AC/DC record in the player and plays Highway to Hell>
...livin' easy, livin' free, season ticket on a one-way ride...
Ready, set, GO!
Current contestants: Bixie, VokialBG, Daystar, GenieLord, FOG, William, Azagal, Kookastar, contest of course open for more contestants
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bixie
Promising
Legendary Hero
my common sense is tingling!
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posted June 26, 2007 06:07 PM |
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cool!
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Love, Laugh, Learn, Live.
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted June 26, 2007 06:40 PM |
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...askin' nothing, leave me be, taking everything in my stride...
So I'll take it you're in?
Just sign here, below this pentagram 
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bixie
Promising
Legendary Hero
my common sense is tingling!
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posted June 26, 2007 08:28 PM |
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fine, i'll give you a soul...
not my soul, of course! its worth too much. i'll sell you serpent2's soul, being evil, he won't miss it.
shall i put my demon name "BYKZIBUB" or my fallen angel name "Bixifer"?
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Love, Laugh, Learn, Live.
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baklava
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posted June 26, 2007 08:40 PM |
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...don't need reason, don't need rhyme, ain't nothing I would rather do...
OOOooooooh a soul! Yummy yummy yummy...
Bykzibub's ok. Now get to work dude, we need to get this competition going...
Alright people, waiting for other contestants...
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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VokialBG
Honorable
Legendary Hero
First in line
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posted June 26, 2007 11:35 PM |
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Where we must post our "hells"?
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baklava
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posted June 26, 2007 11:38 PM |
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...going down for the time, my friends are gonna be there too...
Well, here...
One more thing - this thread may get moved to the Tavern so don't be surprised if you don't find it here next time you log on or something
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Daystar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Back from the Dead
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posted June 27, 2007 12:54 AM |
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Dude, I'll play!
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How exactly is luck a skill?
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baklava
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posted June 27, 2007 01:15 AM |
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...i'm on the HIIIIGHWAAAY TO HELL...
Cool, we're getting going... Come on people, in Hell there's room for everyone...
There HAS to be room for everyone
And remember the old Dungeon Keeper franchise:
"It's good to be bad"
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Evil_Warrior
Famous Hero
Duke of Demon
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posted June 27, 2007 05:11 AM |
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Quote:
Thinking about that myself, I thought how it would be great if Hell really existed
The Hell is REALLY existed.
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baklava
Honorable
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posted June 27, 2007 11:46 AM |
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...no stop signs, speedin' limit, nobody's gonna slow me down...
Yup. Right here
Anyways, we're not here to debate whether it exists or not, it's just about how YOUR Hell would look like.
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted June 28, 2007 07:00 AM |
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hell:
;0 ;o ;0 ;0 ;0 ;o ;0;0 ;0 ;o ;0 ;0 ;0
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baklava
Honorable
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posted June 29, 2007 12:46 PM |
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...like a wheel, gonna spin it, nobody's gonna mess me around...
FoG, does that mean you're in or what?
How's the construction going, guys?
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Daystar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Back from the Dead
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posted June 29, 2007 01:40 PM |
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great, but when is it over.
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How exactly is luck a skill?
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baklava
Honorable
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posted June 29, 2007 01:50 PM |
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...hey Satan, paid my dues, playin' in a rockin' band...
The contest?
It ain't over till it's over
Take your time, there's no clocks in Hell
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted June 29, 2007 02:05 PM |
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A great idea, baklava. I'll probably compete.
People, remember to follow the rules. Especially the third one.
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baklava
Honorable
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Mostly harmless
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posted June 29, 2007 11:39 PM |
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...hey mama, look at me, I'm on my way to the promised land...
Quote:
A great idea, baklava.
Yea I know, this guy told me the same:
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted July 02, 2007 05:58 PM |
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...and I'm goin' doooooooooowwwwwwwn aaaall the waaaaaay... on the highway to hell...
*bump*
Ok, you can start posting your hells now... When I said take your time I didn't mean "let the thread die"
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted July 23, 2007 09:41 PM |
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You wake up like you wake up every day, listening to Madonna's "Holiday" on your clock radio. It's not your choice really, you're in Hell. That's right, Hell with a capitol H. You lean over and shut off the radio, there's no point in listening really. There's only 16 radio stations in Hell, and each one's playlist consists of one of Madonna's albums.
After struggling out of bed you go to get some breakfast. There's only one breakfast cereal available in Hell. Shredded wheat. Not the frosted kind, it's the grannie version with big choking clusters.
After pouring a bowl you go to the fridge and open it. No milk. One morning, about a week after you first got to hell, you saw a nice frosty pitcher of milk waiting for you. This is when you learned one of the principles around which hell was built. Opening the refrigerator for the next two weeks afterwards and having your tiny bit of hope crushed to grit when there's no milk is a lot more tortuous than knowing for a fact that there will never be any milk in the fridge.
Once you noticed this principle you started seeing it everywhere. For example, after taking your shower (that cuts off as soon as you've lathered up) you get dressed in your work uniform and go to your car. It doesn't start. That's not strange though, it only starts about once every 13 tries. Just often enough to make you try. Just often enough to give you a tiny sliver of hope that you won't have to walk 5 kilometers to work in 90 degree heat. This morning it appears, you'll be taking the journey.
The entire 5 kilometers consists of strip malls, car washes, and fast food restaurants. You breathe in deeply of car fumes and road dust as you plod towards your destination. Yes, this particular plane of Hell you've been assigned was modeled on the suburbs. This is maybe the 200th time you've walked this road. One time, just for fun, you jumped in front of a car. What you found out was that it hurt. Then afterwords you woke up the next morning to Madonna's "Holiday". That was the last time you tried that.
It's always 90 degrees in hell and Satan comes by every morning and personally breaks the air-conditioning at the fast food restaurant you work at. Except sometimes he forgets. It's the principle again. One day you did some math in your head and realized that about once in every 4 years you will have milk for breakfast, your car will start, and the air conditioning will be working at work. You contemplate this as the sweat drips off your face and sizzles in the fry vat.
5000 baskets of fries later you get a break. You go outside the building to get some fresh air and walk into a cloud of cigarette smoke. It's funny , all the smokers got sent to Hell. That sounded like a fantastic idea back when you were on earth but now that you're in Hell you wish they'd been sent to heaven instead. There's only one brand of cigarettes in Hell, specially formulated to smell like a mixture of piss, feces, and vomit. Exactly like you remember from earth.
You walk away from the cloud of smoke and contemplate your existance. You could quit your job, but the only jobs available are fast food and washing cars, so you see, you're stuck. Once again you're struck by Satan's craftiness. You have to keep working or you'll get a job even worse. You could quit and starve yourself to death, however you'd just suffer miserably from malnutrition until you died and then you'd wake up good as new. This is perhaps the cleverest part of Hell, the part that makes so all encompassingly horrible. There's no way out. There's no promotion to a different plane of hell. There's no vacations. If you take that highway and keep going past your work, 10 hours later it just comes by your place again. The worst part of hell is that it never, ever, ever ends.
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baklava
Honorable
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posted July 24, 2007 10:19 AM |
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* plays Motorhead's "Born to Raise Hell" *
Great, I can't mark you yet until I see other hells but this is a rather cool one 
Hopefully it'll serve as a motivation for other people who seemingly forgot about this 
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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