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| Thread: Heroes 5 Faction Lessons |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 · «PREV / NEXT» |
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demonking
Hired Hero
Who says demons ain't awesome?
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posted October 24, 2009 01:47 AM |
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valid point, eden, but it was getting late over here in the land downunder, so I skiped most of the good stuff
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first use your common sence, and if that doesn't work, USE YER IMAGINATION!
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Rubycus
Known Hero
-student of the mind-
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posted October 24, 2009 12:38 PM |
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 "Ale, ale, wonderful ale" This is how the Dwarven Racial anthem starts. The drarwes is a fat, ale drinking race, and appearently proud of it!
The Dwarfes are not against racial discrimination. You see, almost all of the Dwarfen force consists of dwarfes. The Magma, Lava and Fire dragons are of course not dwarfes (according to the dwarfes), but the dragons themselves, on the other hand, consider themselves as a little outburnt female dwarfes, which is why the dwarfes love and adore them so much. Therefore the dragons have the best millitary rank! Join the Dwarfen Military, become a dragon (or a proper dwarf) and get some ale and start the party!
You can even become a priest here in the Dwarfen Military! Yes, you heard right, a priest. The dwarfes are not very theological, which is why even the Rune Priests drink ale. So don't be afraid of going the divine ways; you will be allowed some ale!
Do you like horse riding? Then this is no place for you! Horses are for flamin' Ckikins! We ride White and Black Bears. As if that weren't good enough, our battle commanders ride fat, hairy mammoths!
Our homes are within the grounds with lots of lava in the middle. If you fall down there you'll loose your retirement ale, so beware!
Come and have a seat at the daily Ale Table, cause we usually don't get involved in many fights. the Humans and elves say it's because we're drunkards and no one bothers because we're no threat, but we dwarfes are proud to say we think it's because we have a prettier look!
Are there now any reason for NOT joining the Dwarven Military?
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A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.
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demonking
Hired Hero
Who says demons ain't awesome?
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posted October 28, 2009 07:13 AM |
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Great work rubycus! you the man!!!!!
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first use your common sence, and if that doesn't work, USE YER IMAGINATION!
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lvsoad22
Tavern Dweller
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posted November 04, 2009 01:04 AM |
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:O
you guys seem so smart about all this stuff even though ive been playing heroes for years? what am i missing?
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demonking
Hired Hero
Who says demons ain't awesome?
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posted November 06, 2009 10:15 AM |
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define "years" my lizard friend
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Night_Heaven
Adventuring Hero
Lonely star in heaven dream
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posted November 10, 2009 01:02 AM |
bonus applied by Elvin on 10 Nov 2009. |
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I am baaaaaaaaaaaack
Lets see: Sex Faction lesson academy  by pretty me
The academy...the purest magic from all..one of the oldest races..Awww....The mages and archmages,followers of Michelangelo,with some loving for males bodies ,created the titans...Big guys, big muscles big peni...Sorry i got carried away...mmm..imagine that in chocolate. New spell please..TRUE SEEING!! As much pervert as they are...archmages belived that titans will eventualy get tired and they created golems..Golems are amazing machines like vibrators and with the proper spell they can last forever and forever...and forever...Use blessing avoid haste.
A transgender unit...rasha,is one hot woman if you ignore the face but who those days look at face anyway.Cover it baby and get in the exotic place.Used spell on rasha:Stone spikes for lubrifiation.
The last but not the least...genies...hard to see actualy those guys have no uses do to the fact that they don't have lower body neither mouth...
My dear,lesson ends here...but next is Haven...
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted November 10, 2009 02:01 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 14:03, 10 Nov 2009.
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I have never been struck by the size of the "thing" of the titan 
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted November 10, 2009 02:19 PM |
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HAHA that was awesome  
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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lucky_dwarf
Promising
Supreme Hero
Visiting
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posted November 11, 2009 06:13 PM |
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awwww i have to join this! i will post a entry very soon, you will never guess who i will ask you to join!
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So much has changed in my absence.
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alcibiades
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
of Gold Dragons
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posted November 11, 2009 07:04 PM |
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Indeed, that was ... unexpected.
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What will happen now?
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Rubycus
Known Hero
-student of the mind-
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posted November 11, 2009 07:50 PM |
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Great Night_Haeven!
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A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.
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El_Chita
Known Hero
Actually, my name is El Chita
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posted November 11, 2009 10:05 PM |
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I don't have to do some 'recruiting stuff' if I don't want to, is that right ? Because at the beginning of this thread, the schema is different than it is now.
(Yes it IS bad English, never mind ^^)
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Berny-Mac
Promising
Legendary Hero
Lord Vader
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posted November 13, 2009 03:05 AM |
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Huh...talk about revive...
Ever got tired of being constantly spammed at the enemy before?
Got kicked out of Heresh because of you heretical ways?
Never liked how those damn wraiths took your rightful spot?
Then you should join THE DEATH KNIGHTS!
We are a happy, fun-loving, ridiculous damage dealing group of misunderstood knights that never got their true credit ever since the Necromancers kicked us out of their military when we clearly deserved to have replaced those useless Bone Dragons! We have group meetings in the random refuge camp on mondays, bingo on wednesdays, and being kicked into Markal's army randomly on fridays! There is no charge for joining our group and no hidden fees! Of course there is the occasional chance that you may be killed by a bloodthirty hero who thinks that killing you makes him smarter, but at least you'll put a good fight!
Join THE DEATH KNIGHTS now!
Warning: May infringe upon World of Warcraft and Blizzard copyrights, violators will be violated.
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Skyrim RP? YES!
Here it is!
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lucky_dwarf
Promising
Supreme Hero
Visiting
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posted November 13, 2009 04:48 AM |
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Soundtrack, break at 0:35
*Image provided by Peys Delight show*
Ooooh Yeah, aren't you the prettiest thing that ever came along? You got all the curves in the right places I just want to... Erh what? YOU PERVERTS! I wasnt talking about her, I was talking about HER.
Aint she a beauty! All 16 ounces of her. With a fine glass handle and with flavor so balanced that if you filled a bathtub with this you could literally walk on it. Wouldn't you like to just take one of these and drink it? WELL TO BAD! Only dwarves in the Shield Halls get to have beer like this!
You know what would happen if you came to the Shield Halls and ask for beer? We would say:
NO BEER FOR YOU!
But that can be easily solved, all you have to do is join today!
To understand what the Shield Guard are all about we have prepared this little info graphic.
If you get this you have passed our first test, if not GO DRINK WINE WITH ALL THOSE SISSY ELVES IN IROLAND(Iroland is being said in a silly manner)!
Drinks are meant to be made from good, mountain spring water. Not rotten sissy Elf grapes!
Thats where YOU come in. You go find those sissy elves and theyre sissy grapes and BURN THEM TO SISSY HELL!
You also go and find, good fresh, mountain spring water! And after you've found it, you bring it back, where it is mixed with a secret combination ingredients, to make beer. Not just beer, but BEER!
But its not safe then either, Noooo! Because those snow elves in them stink 'oles they call caves try to steal it! But those 'Arse holes they call “Demons” try to come over to steal it too! They want it more than anyone else, so you best look carefully for any demons you find!
Even then The Beer is not safe! There are all kinds of competitors who make second rate beer! They're called humans! They make slaves like the orcs make they're beer.
So...
DO YOU WANT BEER?
YES!!!
DO YOU WANT GOOD DWARVEN BEER?
YES!!!!!!
DO YOU WANT SISSY ELF WINE!?!?
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(i would add a sign but photobucket is being a ***** atm)
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So much has changed in my absence.
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Berny-Mac
Promising
Legendary Hero
Lord Vader
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posted November 13, 2009 04:51 AM |
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Lucky, I'm beginning to think you're groveling for another QP.
Hahahaha, good job.
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Skyrim RP? YES!
Here it is!
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Wolfsburg
Promising
Known Hero
... the Vampire Doc
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posted November 25, 2009 02:58 AM |
bonus applied by Elvin on 25 Nov 2009. |
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Greetings, fledglings. Prepare your hearts for the cold hands of death.
When you first read the philosophy of NECROPOLIS there is a brief moment of skepticism. You think that death worshipping can only be the product of sick/ unnatural/ deranged mindsets, for no one in their sane minds would find death amusing. Right? Wrong. Damn wrong. Potential necromancer candidates are everywhere to be seen in our modern day society.
So I invite you. Follow me through the dark path towards enlightenment. Thats the only chance you will ever get in this life-time to be tutored by a lvl 32 vampire lord of the highest cast.
The principles
"Life is change, chaos, filth and suffering. Death is peace, order, everlasting beauty."
The first step to understand necropolis is to read through this sentence. Then think for some seconds and read it again. Then conclude the obvious. Its full of s***. Death is everlasting beauty?? To whom? Go tell that to those fat piles of walking rotting flesh, squirting green anaerobic gases that make even the sulfurous pits of inferno smell good. Thats a disease zombie by the way, and those poor rotting meatballs are just as beautiful as they are swift and hasty.
Thats when you learn lesson number one. You dont want to be joining necropolises ranks under regular terms. You want to be a vampire or a hero. You dont want to end up as a lumbering corpse or a skellie,you want everlasting beauty you emo.
You dont worship death,hell no. You worship the idea of riding a ghost stallion with your pale face glowing under the full moon and wearing those long robes that swirl with the winds of Heresh while you gallop at full speed...
But thats good enough for us. Thats the kind of raw material we work with. We will take those candidates. After all, if your dream is to end up as a berserk rotting meatball throughout eternity, you belong in a psychiatric hospital not in necropolis.
The two sorts of necromancers.
There are two sorts of people who make potentially decent necros. Goths and emos. Goths make the best necros. They know their stuff, they look good in black, excel as dark casters and are really obsessed with dead stuff. Emos on the other hand rarely make good necros, mostly they end up as banshees, whining for ever because they actually wanted the "angels in haven" everlasting kind of thing. Not the smelly decaying everlasting kind of thing.
The rupture
Necromancers are ungrateful dissidents. Get used to it. They have turned their backs on their original masters and colleagues of the silver cities to develop their own perturbations and fetishes. You HAVE to keep the tradition of rupture. Be a rebel, turn your back on your parents. Hate them, hate school and this world. In other words, be a goth, or, if you are too soft-core for it, be emo.
Good is BAD
"Necromancers believe that pleasures are sensual (linked to our five senses) and that each pleasure leads to pain (being sick from eating too much, grieving the death of one's beloved, etc...) The solution is to embrace death, which is perfection through sensory deprivation"
Sex, alcohol, chocolate and drugs are useless when you have no blood flow, no living gustative papillae on your tongue, no stomach absorption (or sometimes no stomach at all) nor blood flow on your genitals. As a necromancer you will have no sex, no beer and no pills. You shall get wiser through pleasure deprivation. Sounds appealing? I dont think so. My advice is: do them NOW. ALL OF THEM. The sooner the better. This will not only satisfy your hunger for pleasure before you die, but it will take you to your grave much quicker! Its a win win situation for everyone. You know what we vampires say: die young and beautiful.
Dark casting
Dont think for a second that you will come to Necropolis and just go around waving your hands as toxic green clouds emerge from you. Its just not that simple. Dark casting is a talent that comes from within. Mind twisting is a LIFESTYLE. Only exhausting practice will grant you the best results. So, what can you do to ensure you will be fit for the time when you join our ranks? Follow these steps.
Sorrow: Make peoples lives miserable. Never skip the opportunity to say how ugly people are, or how bad they do things. Never thank a favor, always laugh at good intentions that end up wrong. Make your boyfriend/ girlfriend pay dearly for having chosen you. We have some bright recruits that already come with advanced level on this one.
Confusion: The next time some idiot calls you to offer: credit cards, magazines, or whatever, make their life a living hell. Pretend you are interested and then give 'em all sorts of misleading/ crazy information. Cry on the telephone, say you have a fetish for hiccups, demand to be called weird nicknames, say you are not male/female anymore since the sex change operation, give them three false addresses of delivery and hang up the phone just when they are about to finish the deal. Another good practicing is to: set dates you wont attend, seduce people you will never date and give people hopes you will never concretize. In the end tell them you didn't say or do any of that and that they are to blame for misunderstanding you.
Frenzy: If you follow the above steps correctly you will eventually get the desired effect. Careful, though, for you might end up getting beat. The secret is to get people mad at each other, not at you! Pick preferably Haven-style cheerleaders and their football captains as your victims. Poison relationships, spread lies, come up with false quotes, sit back and enjoy the results. Life is miserable by itself; all you got to do is give it a small push.
Puppet master: if you get through with all of those and still have friends, than you've done it. They are your puppets. Rejoice.
The Golden Rule
Necropolis is about dead things. Get used to them. Buy skulls, collect bones, study dead animals, visit autopsies, work as a health professional, or worse, as a doctor. This last one offers you the advantage of a swift stressful death.
Get into the mood of necropolis
This is the kind of car you want to drive:
This is the kind of bedroom you want to set up:
If at the end of your life you excel in mind twisting, have used and abused of all pleasures to the brim of destruction, have got deeply familiar with the dead and has heard enough gothic metal, I might come to pick you up on the afterlife. If you sucked at it all though, you better ask to be cremated because I might bring you back as 11.076-B, the fat brainless zombie with a limp.
Necromancer fledglings on the HC
Keep on resurrecting those threads! Great job with this one Demonking, a true gravedigger lies beneath that demon hide of yours.
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted November 25, 2009 12:32 PM |
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You've got the attitude as expected from a professional vampire doc
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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Wolfsburg
Promising
Known Hero
... the Vampire Doc
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posted November 25, 2009 02:07 PM |
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Hehehe, thanks, bud.
I felt I had to give some contribution to this exquisite thread. Hope you guys enjoy it.
I just noticed today there was a couple of character-incompatibility errors along the text. I corrected those now.
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lucky_dwarf
Promising
Supreme Hero
Visiting
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posted November 25, 2009 03:22 PM |
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Quote:
EDIT: Previous post
Finally got to make stupid photo bucket to post the pic.
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So much has changed in my absence.
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted November 25, 2009 05:59 PM |
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And why exactly did you have to quote the whole thing again? That is considered spamming.
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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