|
| Thread: "Put the knife down!" |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · NEXT» |
|
GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
|
posted April 25, 2008 07:46 PM |
bonus applied by Shadowcaster on 30 Apr 2008. |
|
"Put the knife down!" I shouted at Paul. The room suddenly became silent. Ron stopped shouting and Lucy stopped screaming. Everyone noticed that big kitchen knife that Paul was holding. I didn't think that this small fight would go so far. I really don't want Lucy to see all this. She's only 9 years old. What was Paul thinking? I've been married to Paul for 15 years, and I've never seen him so furious. I know he blames me for what had happened, I just know it. He thinks that I'm a bad mother, that I gave the children wrong education. At the beginning, I didn't even want to tell Paul about that marijuana. I found it at Ron's drawer. After I had found it, I became so terrified. How we're going to deal with this? What's going to happen now? Ron is only 14! All I wanted is a normal house, quiet life with my loving family... But then... I knew that it will never be like that. I knew that if I tell Paul he would kill me.
I hate you! I hate you all! You're a screwed up family! Everyone here cares about themselves, and that's the way we live. Those parents, that can't even stop fighting! They noticed that I exist when they found the marijuana. I didn't even take it. I got it from a friend and put it in the drawer. But I didn't tell them that. Lucy is the same, she's just like them! Their favorite girl. She also lives in this illusion they gave her, that everything is just fine with us, those two spychoes. And now what, he draw that knife! Like he would dare to use it. Just trying to keep us 'under control', like he always says. Every time he comes back from the army, he likes to get things 'under control'. He wants us to be zombies who serve him, that's what he wants!
Now they're listening! Now, when I'm holding a knife. It that the only way they can be under control? For the rest of the time, I'm nothing. They don't see my hard work at the army, how I risk my life protecting people like them, for what? I get less than a secretary! And Susan, who works at her designing office, always likes to show me how much she gets for what she does, likes to show me that I'm a nobody. That I'm worth nothing, and that the world would be a better place without me. What does she do? Where did she lead the children to? Since when did we have drugs in our house? I know she didn't even want to tell me about the marijuana. Good that I had noticed that something is wrong, and had questioned her until she told me.
I wish he would put that knife down. That everyone would stop the fight, and say they're sorry. I have no problem saying to Ron that I'm sorry, although I don't understand what I have done wrong. I'm willing to say that, and I wish that dad and Ron were too, only to make things alright again. I know that mom agrees with me. I know that she doesn't care to do anything to make things peaceful, like they had used to be. I hate it when everybody fights, like it was when dad heard about the... The drugs. How much they fought, for almost a week the fighting lasted. Ron is just abusing them. He wanted them to see. He showed me when he got it and put it in that drawer. He whispered to me "They will find it and they will never forgive themselves." But he's right. They will never forgive themselves. To be honest, I think that dad will never forgive mom. I don't understand why can't they just get along. Mom told me that things are complicated, but I don't understand.
He's looking at me with that knife in his hand. I took a step back, but I bumped into a closet, and a crystal vase fell from the top and crashed onto the floor. There was a great shattering noise. Ron and Lucy looked at me, confused. Paul wants to kill me. He would have killed me long time ago, if he had discovered about the affair. I cheated on him. It happened twice, when Paul was in the army for over a month. I didn't know when he's going to come back, but I knew he's doing this on purpose, trying to escape the troubles of the house. It was with Gary, a guy from the office. Paul always hated him, and maybe it was to revenge him, to sleep with the one he hates the most, although he hates all the office workers. "Please stop, Paul. Please put the knife down."
Yes, kill her. And then kill yourself. The world would be a better place without you two, and you can put an end to all this, Dad! Why not? Lucy and I will be able to start new lives, to forget you two forever, and to finally be that happy family you always wanted! When you two die, I'll get a dog. A poodle dog, what Mom hates the most. But she won't be here to complain. I pray every time he leaves to the army. When I was younger, I prayed that he'd come back safe, and wouldn't get hurt. In the last couple of months, I've been praying that he'll get killed. That we won't have to see him again. Actually, Mom is alright, compared to him. She wouldn't have told him about the marijuana if he hadn't pressed her to. Mom is humane and sometimes even nice to us, but Dad is an officer, he treats us like his soldiers. Wants us to be 'under control'.
The silent is broken. Lucy was the one that broke it. "Please stop, Daddy," she said "I'm scared." I took a look at her, and she really looked frightened. Susan used this opportunity to speak as well. "Paul..." she said in her calming voice "Please... Enough." I looked in her eyes, but she quickly looked at something else, avoiding eye contact with me. "You weren't here," she said, and I noticed a single tear falling on the floor. "You were never here..." she said and started crying. "What happened?" I asked her "What's going on?!" Her face was already covered with tears. "Please put the knife down first" she asked. I put it down. "I..." she started. "You what?" "I... It was Gary... From the office... He started the entire thing... and" but before she had finished, I grabbed the knife again and...
It was last summer, when Daddy killed Mom. Daddy was taken to a prison. The prison is far away. We haven't visited him even once there, although we could have done. Ron and I were sent to a foster family. They are nice. We left the city, we left the place where all the people ask annoying questions. I don't think that Ron will be able to forgive himself. He hadn't let himself cry before it happened. Now he cries almost every night. And I... I'm already 10 years old. Sometimes I dream. In my dreams my mom is still with us, and Daddy is out of prison, and also Ron is nice like he was when we were young, all of us in the old house, living quiet lives. A loving family.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Second chapter added. Click here.
It's the first story of mine that I post in HC... I hope it's good enough. 
|
|
Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
|
|
posted April 25, 2008 08:20 PM |
|
Edited by Lexxan at 20:20, 25 Apr 2008.
|
So sad, it touched me  (i guess it was meant to be touching )
How will it end ??
<*Very eagerly, as if nothing happened*> I'm LONGING to read more... 
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!
|
|
Lord_Evil
Famous Hero
Evil lolcat
|
|
posted April 25, 2008 09:17 PM |
|
|
Interesting story, i kinda like it.
____________
|
|
Spectrum
Famous Hero
Plan B
|
|
posted April 25, 2008 09:54 PM |
|
|
Interesting, GL, interesting...
Though at first I got the wrong impression when you wrote that you were married to Paul.
Go ahead, kid. Finish the story. (I can't believe I 'kid'-ed GL. Well he is younger than me, I think.)
____________
Aculias is like the male nipple of HC, TNT being the other one -Baklava
|
|
GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 01:30 AM |
|
|
Thank you very much for the replies.
@Lexxan: I'm glad to hear that. I'm not so sure about the end. It might be a good end afterall, but I can't tell.
@Lord_Evil: Thank you.
@Spectrum: LOL. I'll finish it soon. I just need a bit of inspiration to come up with an interesting ending.
|
|
Daystar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Back from the Dead
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 01:40 AM |
|
|
Ooh, dark! But very good!
____________
How exactly is luck a skill?
|
|
GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 01:51 AM |
|
|
Dark? I tried to stay realistic. Okay, maybe pessimist-realistic.
And thank you. It's ice to hear a compliment from a writter like you.
|
|
baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 02:20 AM |
|
|
Hey, this is great, man. You could write a whole book in that fashion. Seriously. I for one would read it
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
|
|
Daystar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Back from the Dead
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 02:49 AM |
|
|
Quote:
Dark? I tried to stay realistic. Okay, maybe pessimist-realistic.
I watch Torchwood. Reality is dark!
Quote:
And thank you. It's ice to hear a compliment from a writter like you.
Ex-writer. I haven't written anything for like a month! Gwah, I need to go do some writing.
____________
How exactly is luck a skill?
|
|
radar
Responsible
Legendary Hero
Castle/Haven player
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 08:33 AM |
|
|
who's Lucy 
____________
|
|
GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 11:52 AM |
|
|
@Baklava: Thank you! 
Quote:
I watch Torchwood. Reality is dark!
For who?
Quote:
Ex-writer. I haven't written anything for like a month! Gwah, I need to go do some writing.
Call yourself ex-writer when you decide to quit writing, not when you didn't get to write for a period of time.
Quote:
who's Lucy
The little sister. She's 9 years old.
|
|
Mytical
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Chaos seeking Harmony
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 12:03 PM |
|
|
I love the innovative style, you should write more of this. It is gritty and dark, like reality. Look forward to the continuation of it, and to learn what is going to happen. You've taken the axiom "Always leave them wanting more" to a whole new level.
____________
Message received.
|
|
GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 01:11 PM |
|
|
Thank you Mytical. After reading your reply, I decided it's the time to finish it.
I wrote the last two paragraphs, starting with The silent is broken.
|
|
baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 01:16 PM |
|
|
Maybe it was over too soon... It could've started with the scene, then revert to their memories, and flashbacks, while everyone remembers something, a bit more detailed and stuff. This way, it reminds of a biography for some possible Prison Break character
But it's great anyway.
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
|
|
GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 01:19 PM |
|
|
Quote:
Maybe it was over too soon...
I'm taking this in the other meaning. I'll continue it.
|
|
Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 02:08 PM |
|
|
QP to GL ! We still own him one !
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!
|
|
emilsn
Legendary Hero
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 08:15 PM |
|
|
My god GL
I was so close to crying. The darkness was shrouding the whole story making you stop breathing and gasping for air. The intensity was huge and the way you wrote it, awesome.
Please, no need to continue it, it ended drastic and with great dispair. It was great. A+ / 12(danish grade scale highest)! A truly Masterpiece
____________
Don't walk behind me; I may not
lead. Don't walk in front of me;
I may not follow. Just walk
beside me and be my friend.
|
|
GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 08:23 PM |
|
|
Wow, thank you very much, emilsn. That's so great to hear that from you.
And if I continue it, it will be about opening a new story out of it. Like a second chapter.
|
|
emilsn
Legendary Hero
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 11:29 PM |
|
Edited by emilsn at 23:29, 26 Apr 2008.
|
Ahh alright, so it wont like continue the story that you ended but maybe more follow up on the story, if you get the difference?
and you are truly welcome, there is a lack of great stories in the world..
____________
Don't walk behind me; I may not
lead. Don't walk in front of me;
I may not follow. Just walk
beside me and be my friend.
|
|
GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
|
|
posted April 26, 2008 11:40 PM |
|
|
Quote:
Ahh alright, so it wont like continue the story that you ended but maybe more follow up on the story, if you get the difference?
That's exaclty what I meant. The story had a good ending, so there's no need to dig with its end. Still, a new story based on the same family might be interesting, don't you think?
|
| |
|
|
