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| Thread: "Virtuality creates, reality kills" | |
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted November 26, 2001 09:32 AM |
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Edited By: Milena on 26 Nov 2001
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This is silly rant, so feel free to skip it... or maybe someone else said this before in the personality thread? Or whatever.
"We are here to play games" The good old 3do logo. We gather in the HC because a game unites us. But are we really here to PLAY games? And if yes, what's the true game we play?
I often wonder what makes me come here and waste my time, trying to be cerebral when I can go out with friends and talk to the instead. What makes me abandon my true self, the one always serious and never smiling? What makes me come here and giggle like a little teen girl in love? What makes YOU abandon your RL selves and talk to strangers who you have never met and will never meet?
As you have already heard, my true and online selves are very different. And I wonder, why would I prefer to do this at all? Spend 30 bucks every month to come and talk about a single game I play... or maybe about something more?
I wonder how virtual virtuality is. We are all strangers but at some point we get together and share private stuff with each other. Ain't this weird? Shouldn't be first confess to our best RL friends and families and then to the strangers we will never really meet? Is it safer this way? Or maybe these guys are already a part of our LIVES? No matter how different and distant they are. At one point I myself discovered that for me the online world is as real and important and the real life. This is why I changed my nick and now use my RL name... to try to make both ends come closer.
And what makes me dizzy is the thought I think I am in love with a person I have never met. Do you think this is credible? The more I think about it, the less I am able to believe it. After all, imagination seems to be the lover's ultimate weapon. What a person has of the others is his own view at the stuff... and I'm afraid that in a month the reality will come and the virtuality will go away... as never before. Real life and the virtual world are never meant to meet. They just neutralize each other. The imagination of the virtuality creates images we WANT to see, people we WANT to talk to and worlds we WANT to live in.
While we don't.
Is it that we don't like ourselves and create a different character here, with a different name and stuff? Is this that we don't like our true selves enough? Or maybe we are missing out sth in RL... and again, what's the game we play?
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Hexa
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted November 26, 2001 09:53 AM |
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Well Milena I don’t think you should be calling this a game … in one way or the other it can be serious stuff.
Of course we play a bit with our RL image once we get on HC but the things that people say to you will effect you in some way. I truly don’t think that there’s anybody here that will leave here depressed by what someone at HC has said to him or her (in the flame thread or wherever)……
What it will do is change your perspective a bit … people will think about what other people (online or in RL) say about them. I’m the kind of guy that can take loads of crap in RL and in Virtuality (don’t think it’s a real word). But still you will find yourself thinking about what other people have said or have done online.
There are a few people here on HC that have seen another side of me.
Why would I want those people to know my problems/fears/joy’s in life ….. I don’t know.
Perhaps it is easier to talk frankly with someone that isn’t close and you probably won’t ever meet in RL.
So from this one could conclude that is doesn’t matter what people online think about you ……
well it does ….. it is not so important as people in RL of course but there is a response (emotional or otherwise).
And whether you are aware of it or not this will effect everybody in RL too (yes also those that say I doesn’t – they will probably be effected the most because there ego needs them to say otherwise).
I know its very easy to punch some holes in this little post of mine ….. and go right ahead and do so.
…. there is however a core of truth in here …. If one is willing to see it…..!@
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If you want to realize your dreams >>> you have to wake up!@
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted November 26, 2001 10:15 AM |
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Edited By: Milena on 26 Nov 2001
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I take more crap
and I have had nervous crises because of what's happened on the boards. Not here but before. I didn't believe it was all virtual anyway.
P.S. WHere on earth is my rose signature?? What's going on?
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Charissa
Hired Hero
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posted November 26, 2001 10:58 AM |
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hmmm about your signsature...
is the box checked which says: show signature? I sometimes have the same on ezboards...You know how it goes.
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"No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up."
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RMS
Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
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posted November 26, 2001 12:49 PM |
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...if you check out your profile without actually changing anything, you have to click the ok butotn or whatever it is to change it to what you had before anyway...otherwise, whatever your signature was, it disappears...
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This space for rent.
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted November 26, 2001 06:43 PM |
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Thank you, RMS
Point taken, rose is back.
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 Milena
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Shae_Trielle
Honorable
Famous Hero
of Heroes
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posted November 27, 2001 11:46 AM |
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I get the feeling that I've already covered my impressions on this already, lol. Sometimes I feel deja vu when I do these things. Have I spoken that much garbage already?
I came here to discuss a game that I love. To learn about a game that I love. What's more, I found that this place was for me, an access door to those players that I could only dream of saying hello to. People like Tamanrasset, Vesuvius, Mocara, JTL, Lichking, Pandora, Mel, Frank, JB and all the 'up there' ToH players who weren't likely at all to give me a game in the Zone EVER. At least here, if I couldn't play them, I could discuss tactics with them and learn a little bit.
This place is just a board. Full of words. We create what we want out of it, some of us come here for interaction and attention, others come for laughs, others come for darker reasons. I don't think that we come here with a different set of personalities in mind. I know I sure didn't come here with the idea of creating a perfect image of myself. If you do come here with the intention of creating a 'false character' that's just plain lying to yourself and lying to others.
You are who you are Milena. I don't see the need to hide who you are by creating a 'false Milena'. If you feel the need to hide, don't give away too much about yourself. Simple.
Those of us who create online personas that are deliberately different from our real selves are lacking in self confidence. Some would say that I lack this one trait too, but in real life, I don't. I just avoid placing myself upon any sort of pedestal because being humble and knowing where your limits are and where your personality bound extends to, is a virtue.
One very close online friend calls me the grittiest and most determined person he's ever met. I'll be damned if I'm going to argue with him because I know it's true. I never give up, no matter what the odds, Heroes or real life. Some people translate this to sheer stubbornness, but it's gotten me this far in life and I'm sure it's going to get me a lot further.
On this board, my determination translates to arrogance, maybe even aloofness. Dig a little deeper and you'll see what lies underneath the shell...
I try not to separate the shell from the egg. For me, my shell is my outward self, my social self, the side I show to people to get along and have fun with them. I am not about to run around with no shell, blurting my inner doubts and turmoils to people I meet off the street. There is a time and a place for that.
People say that I am different in posting to what I am in IM. They take the two impressions and completely rip them apart and forget that although what they see of me in IM is part of me, so is the posting side.
I am not comfortable with who I am, I am young and have too much to learn for me to be at ease with my own naiivity. I am comfortable in what I choose to do. My choices and my actions are all I have to believe in and if someone points out an error in my behaviour, I am wise enough to pull up and shut up. But I don't try and cover it up. Talk to me in IM and you will see the discomfort. Of course I will not discuss these sorts of things in posts all the time, lest I look like nothing more than a bleeding heart, lol. I may be a girl, but I sure am no spineless, brainless moron who is easily influenced by other people and led around like a donkey
I try and treat people on how much I know of the real life selves. My perception of their real life selves is of course a combination of fortunate discussions in IM and what I read in their posts. If I cannot merge the shell with the egg, then I feel as if I am talking to somebody who is not entirely whole or not entirely honest with me. Milena if you have something to hide and are willing to create false characters to cover those flaws then how can I look beyond the virtual you? Is the real life you just a virtual you?
You need to be who you are. That is the only way you will grow and learn. Being someone else will get you nowhere. Except for maybe an even more screwed up perception of yourself.
If you do not like who you are, then try and look at this place as a free psychologist appointment. The psychologist can't get to the root of your troubles if you don't tell the psychologist the truth!
*smile*
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rychenroller
Promising
Supreme Hero
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posted November 27, 2001 01:39 PM |
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Niavete...
Shae u dont have a prob with niavete, for your age, u are one of the more intelligent people I have chatted to, and I think you already know the ways of the world better than many many people double your age.
except when u spell niavete wrong (I did too, but my comp cant put the accent on the last "e" lol)
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Myctteakyshd
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rychenroller
Promising
Supreme Hero
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posted November 27, 2001 01:42 PM |
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And u would be a great mod (and u arent 12 yrs old) pity u turned that down already
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Myctteakyshd
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Shae_Trielle
Honorable
Famous Hero
of Heroes
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posted November 27, 2001 01:45 PM |
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*nervous look*
erm... ahhh... ummm...
Me no speak English!
LMAO!
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Hexa
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted November 27, 2001 01:46 PM |
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Yeah she is.. but she doesn't look a day over 11,5 
Have to suck up a bit you know..always a delicate subject...age and all ..!@
LMAO
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If you want to realize your dreams >>> you have to wake up!@
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted November 28, 2001 09:18 AM |
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To Shae_Trielle
<<This place is just a board.>>
Well, is this place a board ONLY? I spend here several hours a day. More than I do with my RL friends.
<<If you do come here with the intention of creating a 'false character' that's just plain lying to yourself and lying to others.>>
As long as one knows where the line is and keeps to it, there are no lies, dear Shae.
<<You are who you are Milena. I don't see the need to hide who you are by creating a 'false Milena'. If you feel the need to hide, don't give away too much about yourself. Simple.>>
You never got me right, did you? The online Milena is not a fake. She's just a part of me but in RL she's latent and there is no call for her. For me it's like putting on a dress. I can wear black jeans or a white nightgown and I am the same person who just looks different. But maybe I think the white nightgown is not a garment everyone should see, so I usually wear black jeans. If you get my drift.
<<Those of us who create online personas that are deliberately different from our real selves are lacking in self confidence.>>
This may as well be this.
<<I just avoid placing myself upon any sort of pedestal because being humble and knowing where your limits are and where your personality bound extends to, is a virtue.>>
*Laughs* Here we have a saying. Modesry is for those who don't have other qualities. LoL. But I'm not talking about you, of course.
<<Dig a little deeper and you'll see what lies underneath the shell...>>
It's not so hard to see. *rolls eyes* If one wants to see, he will. I don't admire you for your black eyes, goddamn it.
<<I try not to separate the shell from the egg.>>
The question is if you can separate the actor and the character.
<<Milena if you have something to hide and are willing to create false characters to cover those flaws then how can I look beyond the virtual you? Is the real life you just a virtual you?>>
I have to admit you hit my weak point with the last question. My issue at all was about the virtual selves becoming RL ones. In the beginning it was my RL self who influenced the online persona. Now it's the online milena to speak up the rules of RL. This is troubling me. I wondered if anyone else had the same feelings.
You can look beyond the vitual me if you have the eyes. Many have them but they won't use them. I consider-both online and in RL- a honor for those who know my true self. Take Lith as an example. I bet he can already explain to you what I mean. I want my friends to feel chosen and unique by that sense. If I talk like best buddies and show my inner self to everyone, it just won't be honor any more. And I will just not know where the public and where my true, inner self stands. I want my friends and close people to be happy to know I'm not the merry flirtous girl or the extra-hyper serious one who is never satisfied. It's not matter of where the shell and the egg is. It's the problem of the shell, the yellow and the white.
<<If you do not like who you are, then try and look at this place as a free psychologist appointment. The psychologist can't get to the root of your troubles if you don't tell the psychologist the truth!>>
LoL. I have been to psychologists more times than you can imagine. But that's not the point. I made a statement about myself and asked question. The thread wasn't about me. It was about the clash of RL and the online world. The clash of the world you live in and the one you WANT to live in. Don't you feel bitter that every day you can dip into a world you like but tomorrow morning you will wake up in the rough reality? Where no wizards and knights walk around trying to save you and have fun with it?I find it disappointing.
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Milena
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rychenroller
Promising
Supreme Hero
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posted November 28, 2001 11:11 AM |
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Milena...
I dont know u, after all I'm online to play heroes, not talk or post in forums. But sometimes I am drawn to comment on things that are maybe beyond my power to understand and this is one of those times. I think that u take this whole thing far too serious. Its sad u say that u spend more time online, or here than u do with your friends, Thats a worry, because in 5 years, you are going to look at this and say "what a waste of time that was" Take a break, do something else for a while and stop living this like it was reality.
Cheers
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Myctteakyshd
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Sha_Men
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Jack-Of-No-Trades
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posted November 28, 2001 01:58 PM |
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Exactly...
Quote:
"what a waste of time that was"
And playing HoMM online can be waste of time too.
You shouldn't take HoMM or TOH so seriously.
And I agree with Rychen...
Relax people...we are all going to die anyway so why to worry?
Ultimately it's your choice to decide where you use your time and what is real for you and what is not in your life.
I have made my choice and can live with it and I'm sure I will never regret it as I never regret anything.
But that just me talking.
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Catch the vigorous horse of your mind.
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Defreni
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted November 28, 2001 02:14 PM |
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Just wondering Sha_Men.
U still considering pros and conns against signing up in TOH?
Especially since u find ur self in a position to tell us how we should feel towards TOH ;P
My point is that TOH is like any other sport, cept u get a beer tummy instead of some firm muscles.
Some do it for fun, and some do it to get better and be number 1.
I aint saying whats right and wrong in this. Just that if u do spend 4-5 hours playing a game against me, u better take it serious, coz ill be pissed if u drop out after 4 hours because u decide it would be more fun to go out in ur garden.
This should not be mistaking as to not having fun, in my world u can take something extremely serious and still have loads of fun. I actually allmost allways have the most fun when Im doing something Im serious about aswell.
And about the thing about RL persona and online persona, I must admit I dont make that distinction.
Talking on the phone and talking over the internet is not that different for me, cept u gotta remember them smileys when ur joking  Or ppl might misunderstand u 
Defreni
Who is serious about playing TOH, and still have loads of fun doing it. Guess thats why Im still here.
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Sha_Men
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Jack-Of-No-Trades
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posted November 28, 2001 02:27 PM |
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Softspot...
I was just searching for softspot as I have noticed that some members here (Read TOH players) are pretty touchy about the whole thing.
And I'm not really thinking pro's and con's about TOH. It's time/money decision entirely for me.
Just Can't join right now.
It's all your decision how seriously you take it and also it's up to you how much you enjoy it.
I just tried to prove that anything can be said to be childish or just joke, like posting in the board.
Same goes to TOH too.
It's all subjective thinking.
And I would never drop off saying that I go to garden during game against you. I would just use some excuse instead. J/K
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Catch the vigorous horse of your mind.
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted November 28, 2001 03:43 PM |
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Don't make me feel completely
****ed up. :-O
I brought up one topic, we finally ended up talking about another thing. Again, my question was if for you there's a clash in the worlds you want to live in and the one you want to live in (the online thing is closest to it)
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Milena
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