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| Thread: The President has been kidnapped by ninjas |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 01, 2008 06:31 AM |
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The President has been kidnapped by ninjas
Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the President
Actually, this is a serious thread. Imagine that the US President, Vice President, Speaker of the House, and President pro Tempore suddenly disappear without a trace. For whatever reason, the US decides to appoint you as President for a four-year term. Congress then sends you a message that says that it will pass any bill that you will submit to it.
You are sworn into office. How do you go about picking a Cabinet? How about dealing with the economic crisis? The War in Iraq? Other issues? In short, what do you do?
And no, you can't resign.
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Eccentric Opinion
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antipaladin
Promising
Legendary Hero
of Ooohs and Aaahs
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posted December 01, 2008 08:11 AM |
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To make sure we rid ourselfs from the area of crime and war i declare a marshal law,enhance police reqiuitment,and have more seaver standerts.
my spys will do everything much better,taken terriotorys like iraq and aphagnistan will send a partion of tere resources to the state as a payment for our help.
Threaten Iran tat if it only blinks at the wrong side i will cut there eyes out.
disable religion.
enforce my disablement.
they who cought conducting rituals will be excuted momenterily.
increase my payment.
counqer terirtorys.
after half of the middle east is mine,i will proclaime myself Emperor of the world.
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types in obscure english
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Geny
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted December 01, 2008 10:05 AM |
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Quote:
How do you go about picking a Cabinet?
Of the top of my head: I'm thinking Bruce Springsteen as Secretary of State.
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted December 01, 2008 10:55 AM |
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Holy crap what if ninjas get me too 
I'm making a giant concrete wall with guards, lasers and giant mutated patrolling bears around the White House.
Then I call the troops back from Iraq to defend me.
I'd put Chuck Norris as my secretary of defense and appoint Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Batman and Stephen Hawking at other offices. I'd also hire pirates as my personal bodyguards.
And even that wouldn't make me safe...
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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Geny
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted December 01, 2008 10:57 AM |
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You could always just kill yourself - that way the ninjas will never get you.
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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doomnezeu
Supreme Hero
Miaumiaumiau
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posted December 01, 2008 10:58 AM |
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I'm guessing you mean the US.
Well, as a president, I would quietly wait for the puppeteers to come make me an offer, like every sane president does.
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eugen_cosmarul
Famous Hero
hey
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posted December 01, 2008 11:00 AM |
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Quote:
I'd put Chuck Norris as my secretary of defense
Quote:
And even that wouldn't make me safe...
Blasphemy  
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Mytical
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Chaos seeking Harmony
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posted December 01, 2008 11:06 AM |
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In all seriousness, you probably don't want to know. My actions would be at best contriversial, and at worst probably make many other dictators look like boy/girl scouts.
My FIRST order of business would be to start bringing all US troops, no matter where they were stationed, home. My second order of business would be to yank the 'golden parachute' for those big companies, and use the money to start up small competing companies. Next would be to retroactively 'fine' any business that outsourced jobs, and give tax breaks to any company (forein or not) that created jobs in America. Every company, without exceptions, would be visited randomly several times and every one of their workers would have to produce legitimate IDs.
However, legal immigration would be made easier. Marijuana (spelling?) would be made legal and taxed. As would prostitution (and not just on the outskirts of Nevada). I would fund alternative fuel experiments, and fund American Automakers reasearch (only) into more fuel efficient cars.
I would set aside 100 million dollars. Any individual that completely ends our dependance on oil for cars AND other energy areas, would receive that AND still maintain the rights to the technology. Other things like cures for cancer, aids, etc would also be rewarded with a similar ammount. Universal health care would be implimented and prices strongly regulated to keep costs down. Profit would be fine, 500% markup would be not.
And that would be in my first week.
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Message received.
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted December 01, 2008 11:14 AM |
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Please watch.
It'll explain a few things.
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted December 01, 2008 12:03 PM |
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I'd hire some Pirates.
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted December 01, 2008 01:16 PM |
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The ninja's are also doing scientific experiments on him as well
Like on Independence day when the aliens did some interesting experiments on the big dude
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
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posted December 01, 2008 02:03 PM |
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Quote:
I'd hire some Pirates.
And watch them get slaughtered by Ninjas?
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted December 01, 2008 02:16 PM |
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Quote:
Quote:
I'd hire some Pirates.
And watch them get slaughtered by Ninjas?
Who said I'd hire them for fighting? 
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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Darkshadow
Legendary Hero
Cerise Princess
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posted December 01, 2008 02:34 PM |
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I'd hire some Pirates.
And watch them get slaughtered by Ninjas?
Who said I'd hire them for fighting?
No one did, cause both, ninjas and pirates would get slaughtered by Chuck Norris
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Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
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posted December 01, 2008 02:37 PM |
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Edited by Asheera at 14:38, 01 Dec 2008.
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WRONG.
From the awesome ultimate site of information Uncyclopedia:Quote:
4. Ninja can kill chuck norris, and did in the war of 1812. they just want us to have some thing to mindlessly worship
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Darkshadow
Legendary Hero
Cerise Princess
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posted December 01, 2008 03:00 PM |
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see?That's what happens when you let 12 year olds edit wiki sites 
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 01, 2008 03:33 PM |
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This was supposed to be an OSM-serious thread...
Okay, so I'm taken into the Oval Office. I have my aides call up Paul Volcker, Alan Greenspan, Robert Rubin, Lew Rockwell, and a few others, and I'd have them advise me on economic policy. Then I'd have Robert Gates to Defense, and have Ron Paul, Colin Powell, and George Shultz to advise me on foreign policy.
Then I would order all subsidies to be eliminated, and any new ones to be reviewed. Immediately, I would also eliminate all tariffs, quotas, and price and wage controls, including the minimum wage. Then I would order all troops in Iraq and Afghanistan to come home, and start closing down bases around the world, as well as cutting aid to Israel.
I would then lift the moratorium on stem-cell research, and legalize all voluntary exchange and contracts between individuals (including prostitution, same-sex marriage, and marijuana). Then I would cut spending on the army, though keep it the same for the navy and air force.
Then I would raise the gas tax, pairing it with an income tax cut. I would raise the retirement age. Then I would repeal the PATRIOT Act, and stop all torture and secret prisons.
Then would come the more major reforms. Immigration reform would abolish sanctuary cities and allow the deportation of anyone found to be an illegal immigrant, as well as taking away birthright citizenship. It would also expand the guest worker program, and allow anyone with a marketable skill to get a greencard. Health care reform would pay for some percentage of all expenses, depending on the expense and the person's income - but never 100%. Then I would fund education more heavily, add merit pay, and promote separate classes for advanced students.
I would then abolish the electoral college. After that, the heavy work being done, the country would hate me now , and I would wait for additional changes to come up.
Mytical:
With all due respect, I hope you never become President. Price controls? Stopping outsourcing? Universal health care? No. Though all the other things sound quite reasonable.
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Eccentric Opinion
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antipaladin
Promising
Legendary Hero
of Ooohs and Aaahs
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posted December 01, 2008 10:42 PM |
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i was really sirouse though...
also note that if u have 5 bucks and chuck noriss has five bucks chock noris has more.
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types in obscure english
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 01, 2008 10:48 PM |
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Yes, because if you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, then you really have $0 and Chuck Norris has as much as he wants.
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Eccentric Opinion
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted December 01, 2008 10:52 PM |
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Quote:
and I would wait for additional changes to come up.
And with the abolition of minimum wage, you can just sit back and watch your country's standard hit the rock bottom and corporations making themselves a successful, healthy, feudal environment filled with all those jolly little 90-year-old (you raised the retirement age) people human resources getting repressed by police (which already practiced beating techniques on all those immigrants you finally allowed them to hate) for protesting for low wages and legal junkies clashing with their kids on the streets at night, along with black and Hispanic underground illegal rebel movements   (oh and, since there's no universal healthcare, goodbye kidneys ^^)
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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