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| Thread: Our lives are the stage |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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Father
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posted December 26, 2008 06:25 PM |
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Edited by Father at 20:53, 21 Jun 2009.
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Delete this thread
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Once Bitten,
Twice shy,
Be careful,
This one has sharp teeth.
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted December 26, 2008 06:53 PM |
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That is just beautiful. Never have I had such a relationship as you described with your son, but then again I'm European 
I'm definitely interested in hearing more and before you ask, no, I haven't had such an experience with anyone.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Totoro
Famous Hero
in User
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posted December 26, 2008 07:05 PM |
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Such experiences are the salt of life. I wish I could live in emotional life like that all the time.
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted December 28, 2008 11:56 PM |
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Ah, nevermind, I'm probably one of those guys whose heart strings are easily plucked...
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted December 29, 2008 02:07 AM |
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Edited by Adrius at 02:08, 29 Dec 2008.
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Wow... that's quite a story 
Almost sounds like a movie you know 
Hmm... I've never experienced something close to this I'm afraid. But then again, I'm kinda blessed having my loved ones so close. My life's been kinda steady, no major events...
Thank you, these kind of stories makes you value what you already have.
I wish you all luck.
/Adrius out
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted December 29, 2008 02:12 AM |
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Wow, that's honestly one of the best stories I have ever read. I feel so happy for you. That would have been a dream come true. And yes, it does sound like it came straight from a movie. That's what makes it so great imo. 
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted December 29, 2008 03:37 AM |
bonus applied by angelito on 29 Dec 2008. |
Edited by baklava at 03:39, 29 Dec 2008.
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It's...
Dude. It's wonderful. It really is. Haven't noticed this thread till now.
I don't know... Maybe it's my current mood or something that made this so touching. But it's a beautiful story, and well told too. Well done.
We need more fathers like that.
I vote for part 2.
Uhm.
I'm not the one to open up on public forums but, eh, I feel somewhat indebted now...
So anyways.
My father is a... drinker. Not one of those hang-out-in-undershirts-and-beat-up-the-wife drinkers, but still, an alcoholic. Though he tries real hard to get me and the family everything we need or want, he has those mood swings every once in a while, which hampered our relationship quite a lot and which I've always been weak toward - the feeling of rage constantly clashed with my inability to confront him (a mixture of fear and unwillingness to fight my own father, I suppose) and I usually retreated to my room and cried (there goes my forum reputation, right down the toilet... I did tend to get kinda sensitive in stressful situations involving my close ones. And actually, this entire story revolves around that), leaving the rest of the family (mom, grandfather and grandmother) to deal with the situation. It escalated and got real bad a few times, but it usually sorted itself out a few days later.
So I had this fight with him about half a year ago, over future schooling, never mind. Word by word, it got serious and ended up as described above. We hadn't talked for a while after that.
'Bout a week later, I'm hanging out with my girlfriend in the park, when the cellphone rings. I see it's dad.
"Yes?" I say.
"Get home. Now," is the reply I hear.
That was kind of unusual, especially since it's only around 9:30 PM, and besides, we haven't talked in a while. I quietly say "Ok" and hang up.
The phone rings again. Dad. "Maybe I wasn't clear enough. Get your ass home AT ONCE," he says, in a repulsive, demeaning manner. By his voice I can tell that he's drunk.
In a clear, cold voice I respond: "I said ok. I'll be home in ten minutes."
My girlfriend is there, right beside me. "What is it?" she asks worriedly, seeing the strange look on my face. Maybe it was her stare that changed me there and then, maybe all the energy from my rage went into defeating my fear and neutralized it, I don't know. The thing is that the feeling of fear or inability to confront him simply wasn't there. That's the girl I love, I say to myself. Who is he to take me away from her, out of sheer, drunken maliciousness? Maybe something urgent happened, I think for a second, but then I discard that idea. He would've told me that over the phone. No, he was just trying to embarrass me in front of my girlfriend and thus teach me what he saw as a lesson. I know his mentality when he's drunk.
And I don't like it. And most importantly, for the first time, I feel like actually doing something about it. "Problems with dad," I tell my girlfriend after a pause. "More of them." She knew we hadn't talked in a while, so she feels it's serious. As I walk her to her bus station, we hardly tell a word to each other. I think about everything that could happen, running all the different scenarios through my head. She understands. We reach the station, kiss, say goodbye and she leaves.
Then I turn around and head home. I don't feel malicious anger, just the need to show my teeth and stand up - not against my father, but against the other person, the drunken man which takes over him when he succumbs to his weakness. Images of his past drunken deeds flash through my head. This is just the drop that spills over the glass. I sense that I need to do something and that it's the right thing to do.
I arrive at my house, take a deep breath and enter it. Grandpa tells me that dad went to sleep. I enter his and mom's room and, in a cold voice say "Get up," loudly enough to wake him up. He opens his eyes in confusion, apparently he had just fell asleep (he does fall asleep pretty fast when intoxicated), and after a few seconds he does get up and stare wildly at me.
Mom arrives at the scene.
"What's going on?"
"Apologize," I tell my dad.
"What?" he says.
"I said apologize. To me. Now."
"What happened?!" mom repeats.
"My father was rude. Very rude. Over the phone. For no reason at all. And he will now apologize, I don't care how drunk he is," I reply, not taking my eyes off dad for a second. I'm startled about what I'm doing, but there's no going back.
"Am I hearing this right?" he says.
"Come now... What's wrong with you both? Come on, we'll discuss in the kitchen," mom says. "No need to fight." She goes on with similar sentences which I hadn't payed much attention to. There was no place for common sense at that point.
We all do go into the kitchen and then things get interesting. Mom offers me something to eat. I'm not hungry. She makes me sit down in a rather firm voice, and puts a plate in front of me. I don't know why. Maybe she thought that a meal would ease the situation. Dad sits down too and asks me, trying to control his anger, how can I talk to him like that. I ask him the same. I tell mom what he said. He denies and says I'm lying and that it wasn't like that at all (apparently she was in another room when he called me). I tell him that it's him who's lying. He asks me if I'm calling him a liar. I ask him if alcohol got into his ears as well as into his mind.
He laughs. He accuses ME of being drunk since I'm standing up to him. I ask him, "Why? Cause I'm not running away this time? If your courage lies only in brandy, mine doesn't."
So he stands up and tells me to show him my hand. I do. He looks at it and tells me to hit him with it. I say I won't. He starts calling me, in a typical drunken manner, "a pussy". I tell him, as calmly as I can, that sometimes, I'm ashamed that he's my father. So a bit of his rage spills and he tells me to get up from the table, out of his sight and march to my room.
I say I won't since it's actually not his house, but my grandparents' and that it's only them that can tell me where to go inside it. Then he snaps.
He tries to hit me with his fist, but I catch his arm firmly and stop it. I do not hit him back. I feel that it's the most important thing in the world that I do not hit him back. Then mom stands between us and breaks us apart. The grandparents wake up, hearing the noise, and come to see what happened. They get quite pissed too and start yelling at him. Mom tells me it really is best that I go to my room now. So I do.
So me and mom are in the room, talking about what had just happened. After a half an hour or so, the grandparents went back to sleep and the door of my room opens. It's dad. It seems that the entire situation sobered him up a bit. He approaches and tells me to stand up. I do, ready to stand against him again.
But he just stands there, looking at me for the longest time.
And then... he hugs me, with tears in his eyes. No matter what, that's the most sincere hug I ever got from him. I'm stunned but, after a while, I hug him back.
"You... you stood up," he tells me. "You stood up against me like a man. And you didn't cry. That's the only good thing about this... about all of this... You didn't cry."
At that point, mom started weeping too (she's one of those strong types of women, she basically never does that). I looked at the man hugging me with tears in his eyes, proud that I'm not crying. I looked at my mom in tears. I realized the absolute, idiotic pointlessness of all of that, the entire patriarchal view on growing up. The entire notion of strength, of manliness, of such tradition. But I indeed didn't let out a tear. I felt completely dry. All those years, I've been oversensitive about family matters, and then, when everyone around me was so shaken, and I was as dry as a hollow log, I knew that I wouldn't be able to let out a tear again for quite some time, if ever. I hugged mom, too, and then we had the only family hug I can remember.
I never did realize why it meant so much to my father. To me, having to fight your own parent is a hundred times worse than a bunch of tears. I dislike those who cry too much, about unimportant matters, but I also hate those "tough", macho types who act like they've been eating anvils or something.
But, it happened as it happened. That fight, as senseless as it may seem, brought me closer to my father than ever, and indeed he acts far more peaceful and calm since then. He still drinks, alright, but he never seems to be malicious. We hang out in a friendlier and more equal manner, discuss some tough issues about life, love etcetera and, all in all, it seems that his fatherly personality prevailed over the drunkard, at least for the time being. Maybe that's because he accepted me as his equal. I don't know.
And though I'm really not sure about how a simple fight can change a man so much, I'm sure of this - this single event explained to me more about life than more or less anything else I've ever been through.
Now that I think of it, I don't remember if dad ever actually appologized for that phone call. But it's not like it matters.
Haven't really told it as wondrously as you did, since it's kinda late now, but you can get the essence Especially this being the first time I'm telling anything personal around here.
Right. Again, I'd really love to see the second part of your story And don't judge our forum by inactivity, as you can see sometimes it takes a while for people to dig stuff up.
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 29, 2008 03:46 AM |
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Bak, you're a hero. I'm serious. Good job. I don't know what I would've done in your situation.
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Eccentric Opinion
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted December 29, 2008 04:00 AM |
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Alright, bak, that was really brave...
Though, maybe it was bound to happen, once, I don't know... I'll not spoil the story with some afterthoughts and encourage this thing.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Moonlith
Bad-mannered
Supreme Hero
If all else fails, use Fiyah!
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posted December 29, 2008 06:07 PM |
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Conclusion: Know the person you are marrying before getting kids with him / her Judge a person for what he or she is rather than for how he or she acts to you.
In any case, even I have to admit those are very touchy stories - and I'm not easily stirred. Nice !
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 31, 2008 04:51 AM |
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SF sounds  . I'm glad that everything turned out well.
Quote:
Indeed I was just about to give up on this whole forum and thread thing all together. You have kept me around a bit longer I guess.
No, don't leave! You're a good poster.
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Eccentric Opinion
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted December 31, 2008 04:52 AM |
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What a bastard that SF guy is. If I was in your situation, I probably would have smashed the guys face in. That guy is a sicko but thankfully he is being dealt with by the authorities. It's great to hear that your son is moving in with you.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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phoenixreborn
Promising
Legendary Hero
Unicorn
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posted December 31, 2008 05:17 AM |
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Father I would urge you not to give up on the forum. I didn't even see this post until today, not sure why. So if it's been around for four days and I come here every day, and I didn't see it, I'm not surprised there aren't many responses.
Thanks to Bak and Father for sharing such personal details. I know I'm not ready to go public with stuff like that.
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted December 31, 2008 01:14 PM |
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The good thing is that you didn't even see the bastard, else I recon you'd need one hell of a breathing technique not to kill him on spot...
Your family went through some hard things, man. Thank you again for sharing that with us, especially this harder second part of the story. Every one of these stories gives us a bit of life experience.
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 01, 2009 03:01 AM |
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I suspect that other members - this is certainly true for me - don't have such enormous challenges in their lives. To post in the OSM in general, you need only one thing: an opinion. But to post in here, you need a story. And not everyone has that kind of story.
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Eccentric Opinion
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winterfate
Supreme Hero
Water-marked Champion!
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posted January 01, 2009 03:02 AM |
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@Baklava and Father: Inspiring...just inspiring.
I'm glad it all worked out for you two. 
Maybe some day I'll talk about something personal.
Maybe.
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If you supposedly care about someone, then don't push them out of your life. Acting like you're not doing it doesn't exempt you from what I just said. - Winterfate
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted January 01, 2009 05:34 AM |
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Ugh....
I don't like how you chose to use the word "father" as a Username. There is something about the way you present yourself that bothers me.
To me "Father" is not a pronoun, but rather a word people like to use when they want to appear a certain way....usually not consistent with whom they really are.
You write well.....a little too well if you ask me.
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Roses Are Red And So Am I
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Binabik
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted January 01, 2009 06:08 AM |
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Ditto what Consis said, every word of it.....
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 01, 2009 06:38 AM |
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And the downer/pessimist brigade arrives!
Consis, what are you trying to imply?
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Eccentric Opinion
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phoenixreborn
Promising
Legendary Hero
Unicorn
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posted January 01, 2009 06:31 PM |
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To what purpose? It's not like Father is asking for money or something.
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