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| Thread: How to mess with telemarketers 101 (intro) | |
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted June 18, 2009 10:39 AM |
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How to mess with telemarketers 101 (intro)
In this class we will form a discussion based on input given by anyone here and me, on how to mess with telemarketers. I am looking forward to hearing your input, and I wish you all luck in making them feel either funny, disappointed, useless, happy, sad, angry, or whatever you want them to feel!
It is so easy to come up with ideas I was able to come up with 10!! I encourage you to either find new ways or elaborate on the ones given by anyone else. Also, report and try to record any instances and we will discuss how you did and laugh at their reactions.
1: Tell them how interested you are and when they ask for personal info they need to complete the massive order you rick roll them. They may not understand but many will. If you want, after the song is over if they are still on the line talk to them for a bit saying your getting your bank info or credit card then play the song again, repeat until they hang up.
2: just talk crazy stuff, seriously crazy stuff like this for example
Talk about how dinosaurs should be a part of the package.
3: Tell them "oh my gosh is this a prank?" when they say no tell them "this is so weird because I do the same thing for the same company!"
4: "Hold on I think my kitchen is on fire!! oh my gosh!"
a few seconds later of making bangs and screaming come back to the phone and say "hurry up please I have to try to put out this fire, so what were you saying? quickly if you dont mind"
5: "No thanks I no longer use sex toys"
at this time you can hang up or continue on to explain how you were under the impression that their product (IE satilite TV) was slang for sex toys. When they try to explain to you what it is make as many sexual connections and references as you can.
telemarketer: "No sir/maam, this product has a dish connected to your home and
you "omg that is so sick I have never heard of it called a home before.. Go on I might be interested in trying out this "satilite when the wife/husband is not around"
6: If it is a flat rate like $15 or so, tell them you have 14.50 in the bank but you want their product so bad. If they negotiate rick roll them.
7: Talk to imaginary voices like aliens or devils or something be creative.
"Did you hear that?"
"Hear what sir?"
"not you I am talking to snalvizdor... we hear something else on the line,please be quite I think it is a message from the dark lord"
"er... okay???"
"Silence woman/man!! If you stop talking I will buy ten of what you sell! We have awaited this message for 1000 years!"
8: "I don't think you realize who your calling! I am the (insert position name here for random company) (or follow this example)))
CEO of the corporation you work for and I don't see how I could be on your call list, let me talk to your supervisor immediately! You could say any company or position you want here.
9: sound very interested but make other noises like you are in the bathroom at the same time, occassionally saying, "yes yes, I am glad you called, one second plz"
10: "I'm sorry, but I don't love you anymore, we have to break up this isn't working out."
If you can, drag this conversation out long by using things like, "look, it's normal to be in denial. When I first heard your voice I thought I thought we would stay together but a couple of words later I was in denial myself... I am feeling we can work this out if you are willing to compromise with me"
If you use these or anything else make reports here!! If you can actually record it all happening wonderful, I will help you if you don't know how to upload it.
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What are you up to
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted June 18, 2009 10:43 AM |
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in my past experience through witnessing documented pranks, I always think it is funny to make what we call an "add on"
After you prank them, toss a water balloon or pie at their face, it is a good finisher!
Rick rolls are a good finisher over the phone with these people, so use it as often as you wish, or create a new finisher of your own.
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What are you up to
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Azagal
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Smooth Snake
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posted June 18, 2009 10:59 AM |
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Heehe you have some pretty nice ideas in there  .
I'd totally do that but thankfully I'm lucky enough to be in Tokyo a safehaven from all Telemarkt-terror.
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"All I can see is what's in front of me. And all I can do is keep moving forward" - The Heir Wielder of Names, Seeker of Thrones, King of Swords, Breaker of Infinities, Wheel Smashing Lord
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted June 18, 2009 11:06 AM |
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Good stuff man I'll have to take some notes
Here is another interesting solution.
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted June 18, 2009 11:08 AM |
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"Sir, your toner sounds very nice, but would you like to buy some of my impressionist paintings?"
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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veco
Legendary Hero
who am I?
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posted June 18, 2009 11:12 AM |
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Quote:
Here is another interesting solution.
first thing that came to my mind when I saw the topic
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none of my business.
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Ednaguy
Supreme Hero
My water just broke! No, wait.
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posted June 18, 2009 12:51 PM |
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Another thing you can do (which is less creative, but less time consuming) is to say "Could you just wait a second while I {insert verb here}?" and then just not go back to the phone...
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"Edna, there's a special, tiny, tiny place in hell, waiting just for you... "
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SwampLord
Supreme Hero
Lord of the Swamp
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posted June 18, 2009 12:58 PM |
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It's funny but kind of mean at the same time don't you think? They don't want to be obnoxious and irritating, they're forced to by circumstances. 
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They can take my swamp, they can take my town, but they will never take my FREEDOM!
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted June 18, 2009 01:57 PM |
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They don't even bother to check the time when they call. Plus you can't expect to call people in their leisure time - or even worse busy - to be thrilled about telemarketing.
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted June 18, 2009 05:25 PM |
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Edited by Celfious at 17:26, 18 Jun 2009.
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one time I said I don't have access to any money and they literally got personal and hostile with me.
I understand that it may feel like we are being mean or something but there are more nicer ways to do this stuff.
1: if you have a cat say "hang on hear my kitty purr"
Go on about how smart and unique your pets are, tell them they should check out the online videos because they are just adorable! Ask if they have pets of their own.
2: pretend to fall asleep on the phone with a progressive breath/snore
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What are you up to
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted June 18, 2009 05:30 PM |
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Edited by Celfious at 18:09, 18 Jun 2009.
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separate post because this one is not so nice.
1: insist you know them no matter what they say their name is. Get progressively more into your mode. A fun one would be throwing out comments like "so did you enjoy last night?" and go into any direction you want, "Oh your so kinky how did you get those background noises?
Maybe you will want to put on some background noises of your own and say "do you remember this one from last week?"
2: "Hold one a second. My goodness I am a psychic and I believe we have met for a reason!I am to save your life through this reading that is like a brick wall to me! "
Tell them whatever you feel like, don't be to crazy, tell the something like their boss stirps down to underwear and listens to them talk when no one else is around. "The boss is very obsessed with you!"
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What are you up to
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Kareeah_Indaga
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 20, 2009 04:28 AM |
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Quote:
Another thing you can do (which is less creative, but less time consuming) is to say "Could you just wait a second while I {insert verb here}?" and then just not go back to the phone...
I've heard of doing that, but not even giving them any indication that you're not listening--just put the phone down and let them do their spiel. Check it every few minutes to see if they've caught on and disconnected. Repeat until they do.
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Adventures in Helnith has moved!
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Mytical
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Chaos seeking Harmony
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posted June 20, 2009 01:02 PM |
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One of my favorites I've heard of goes like this. After learning that it is a telemarketer calling.. you say..
"Yes, I am sorry for calling at this hour but I heard such wonderful things about your product. The ... " make sure it is the wrong product. "Could you please tell me more?"
As they try (in vain) to explain that they called you, and that they are selling a different product you keep the act up. "No I am positive I called the correct number. Your product was so interesting on tv. It was 3 easy payments of 9.99 right? (or such)."
No matter what they say, keep up the act like it is a totally different product and you called them.
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Message received.
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted June 20, 2009 01:10 PM |
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"I'M PREGNANT!"
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Ednaguy
Supreme Hero
My water just broke! No, wait.
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posted June 20, 2009 02:07 PM |
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Ring, ring.
"Hi, it's Lukas. Who am I talkinig to?"
"Have you tried our new product, the..."
"FOOLED YA! This is just an automatic voicemail. Please leave a message after the 'click'"
Click.
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"Edna, there's a special, tiny, tiny place in hell, waiting just for you... "
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted June 20, 2009 02:20 PM |
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Edited by Adrius at 14:21, 20 Jun 2009.
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You could always just pretend they're a phone-sex line.
Like, right after they've finished introducing their offer you go "what are you wearing?" and ask them about their haircolour, age whatever.
And then you just go crazier and crazier, ask them to sound like a chicken or something and describe how much that turns you on.
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted June 20, 2009 02:25 PM |
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Classic  Though the automatic voicemail rocks
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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Kareeah_Indaga
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 20, 2009 11:33 PM |
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Quote:
"I'M PREGNANT!"
Extra points if you're a guy.
Try and order a pizza.
"Hello I'm calling to offer you a premium value on new life insurance--"
"Yes, is this Pizza Hut? I'd like a large pepperoni pizza, extra cheese, peppers, and a side order of breadsticks?"
"..."
*click*
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