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| Thread: I'm not just a jerk in this forum |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted December 31, 2010 11:31 AM |
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I'm not just a jerk in this forum
I'm one in real life.
Share your shameless stories and I'll share mine.
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Demonge
Known Hero
more than meets the eyes
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posted December 31, 2010 11:39 AM |
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A couple of days ago, my son (baby) fell on the ground and hurt his head on a table.
To make him forget the pain, I took him in my arms and threw him in the air, to make him fly.
Unfortunately, I was just below a big wood beam in the living room, so he knocked against the beam the same place he first knocked against the table.
I know, I know...
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Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat!
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted December 31, 2010 11:58 AM |
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I am guilty enough to admit that I chucked at that. Oh man..
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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Demonge
Known Hero
more than meets the eyes
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posted December 31, 2010 12:27 PM |
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But I love him.
Truly!
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Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat!
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted December 31, 2010 05:38 PM |
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"Jerkiness is in the eye of the reciever" but;
I'll give three.
1. A co-worker is in a testing-room. He is alone and the whirring of the test equipment creates the fan-blowing-on-you-nod-off feeling. I very quitely stalk my prey and peek in. He is standing and looking nearly asleep. I release the beat-up metal bucket and it cart-wheels through the air before landing with a terrific bang that echoes in the small room like several gun-shots. His eyes became the size of half-dollars and he ducked nearly to the floor. For quite a while he would not speak.
2. Maybe on the same day, I walked silently up behind another co-worker running a test on a battery. His nick-name was "Tree" because he was 6'6". Again, he is alone with his thoughts and whirring is going on all around him. He is unaware I have used my Indian skills to have my mouth very near this right ear. Right when he brings down the long heavy test-leads to "contact" the electrical posts of the battery for the test; I...make a loud zzzzztt! sound. He cussed me the rest of the afternoon.
3. We were watching a movie, when I turned to my daughter who was sitting on the couch with me and asked her if she would like some Ice-cream. She said; "yes daddy". I then said; "Good, get me some while you are up". We still laugh about that one.
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War-overlord
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Presidente of Isla del Tropico
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posted December 31, 2010 07:20 PM |
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Don't know how old your daughter is, but that will stop working eventually.
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Vote El Presidente! Or Else!
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted December 31, 2010 07:59 PM |
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Oh God, Demonage. That's horrible.
About as horrible as me conspiring with one or two other people I know to slowly turn the rest of the people we know against one another. Ruining 2 dating couples relationships (They deserved it. No one should be that close), having said couples not to talk to one another for the next three days, and destroying two or three teachers rooms all at the same time... I didn't think they would actually do it... I swear that I only made the plan!
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 31, 2010 08:01 PM |
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my sister often calls me daddy too 
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The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted December 31, 2010 11:49 PM |
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Great Stuff
So I was 18 years old and taking my senior year over again. Yeah yeah yeah, I was am a brilliant underachiever who graduated high school with a 1.6 G.P.A.
We moved from Chicago to the suburbs so my little sister, who was about to become school age, wouldn't have to be subjected to the cruel and sadistic Chicago Public School system. On one level, I was happy for her. On another level, I was resentful at her special treatment. And on even another level, I was hateful about moving from the hard streets of Rogers Park to the cushy, fairy-tale land of suburbia.
I wore my chip on my shoulder at my suburban school with its little snot-nosed, stuck up suburban teens and dared anyone to try and knock it off. I was on the verge of eighteen, but as some of my older pictures attest, I had a baby face and no one believed my true age.
So we were playing sixteen inch softball for gym class. Softball is similar to baseball with some glaring exceptions. The pitcher tosses the ball underhanded, you can't steal bases, and it's possible to foul out. If you don't know anything about baseball, don't ask for clarification from me. I'll poke you in the face if you do.
I was pitching for my team. I insisted on being the pitcher and many a time I nearly came to blows with other boys over the position. I was ready, primed, and itching for anyone of them to take the first swing. Alas they never did and backed down, muttering under their breath about what kind of a dick I was.
We were losing this particular game, badly. My outfield sucked and couldn't hit a relay to save their life. On this one particular play, I lost it. Ball got hit out to the outfield. The bumbling idiot bobbles the ball, loses it, struggles to pick it up. I've got runners rounding bases and I'm turning a deeper shade of purple screaming obscenities at my outfield to get it together.
The throw finally comes. The batter's rounding third. I catch the ball and turn to tag him. He's out of reach and at full speed. I know I can't catch him but I start towards him anyway. So I get up to full speed too and as soon as he crossed the plate I heaved the ball at him as hard as I can. It hit him squarely between the shoulders. He lost his balance, stumbled, and fell down. Btw, this is clearly a violation of at least five different rules of the game, not to mention sportsmanship. I didn't care.
Immediately, the air got sucked out of his side. Guys started murmuring, "dude. kick his ass" to him. I laughed to myself. I had forty pounds on this kid, who looked like the lead guitarist of some glam rock hair band. To his credit he had bulging biceps from weight lifting but his skinny legs were a testament to his neglect and vanity. I salivated at the prospect of roundhousing him at the knee should he give me some lip. He got up and acted as if nothing happened. Wtf?!
To my credit, I approached him a few weeks later and apologized. I was clearly in the wrong. To my surprise he told me he didn't know I shouldn't have done that. He thought that softball's rules could be flexible enough to include dodgeball's rules. We had a laugh and carried on with the rest of our lives.
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted January 01, 2011 12:12 AM |
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Quote:
Don't know how old your daughter is, but that will stop working eventually.
 It stopped that day. As a matter of fact both of my kids tried to get me with it. That old "what goes around comes around"
@Fauch She still calls me daddy
@Gooch Man, that took me back. "Hit the cut-off man!!!" I played everything except pitcher...too much work
Speaking of dodgeball did you play "Bombardment" in Chicago? It's where two gym classes go head to head in the gym with like 10 dodgeballs till one guy is left standing. Man I loved that game. I was good at hitting what I threw at so I was often an early target. I found it was pretty much impossible to dodge six balls thrown at you at once.
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"Do your own research"
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted January 01, 2011 12:16 AM |
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Hehehe... Try 20. Massive bombardment competition.
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted January 01, 2011 12:18 AM |
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Quote:
Hehehe... Try 20. Massive bombardment competition.
I'd cheat now and just use my magic
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"Do your own research"
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted January 01, 2011 12:21 AM |
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Quote:
Quote:
Hehehe... Try 20. Massive bombardment competition.
I'd cheat now and just use my magic
Fireball!
Alright, enough of the off topic stuff. Time to think about other horrible things I've done to people.
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted January 01, 2011 03:52 AM |
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Details foobums! Less machine gun rattling off all the nasty things you've done and go into more detail about your dastardly deeds! By golly I'll have a one hundred response thread yet!
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mamgaeater
Legendary Hero
Shroud, Flying, Trample, Haste
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posted January 01, 2011 04:00 AM |
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one hundred responses is a bit ambitious gootch, you sure you can do it?
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Protection From Everything.
dota
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The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted January 01, 2011 04:07 AM |
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My gut feeling about the human need for confession and absolution says yes. Barring that for those who lack a conscience, publicly reveling in what kind of a jerk they've been in the past at the very least will make for entertaining reading.
Edit: When tripe like Dragon Cave can net quadruple that amount, hell yeah we can get one hundred responses...especially if I rub a certain genie lamp....
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted January 01, 2011 07:27 AM |
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I think everyone has the capacity to be a first class dickhead, and I'm no exception. For the most part I'm a cynic and a misanthrope and I treat a lot of people with either obvious disinterest on a good day or naked disdain on a bad one.
Yet for some reason, people seem to seek out my approval or friendship, even though I do my best to make it pretty clear I've no interest in providing either one. Go figure.
More to follow if I can find it in myself to recall any particularly woeful example of my piss-poor attitude when it comes to interacting with other human beings.
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pei
Famous Hero
Fresh Air.
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posted January 03, 2011 01:39 AM |
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Hello my name is pei and im a jerk 
Last week we had no air conditioning at work. We were doing lots of extra-hours and i was tired. The girl on the next side of my box has huuuuuge melons and suffers from heat a lot. She always dresses like a nun, all covered up, i guess itīs cause men are always drooling over her. I gathered all the remaining cold water from the water dispenser because usually drinks a lot of water. Eventually she started to rant about it. I wanted her to loose some of her cloth but she fainted instead. I felt bad until the day after that day when she came with a nice cleavage.
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Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted January 03, 2011 09:25 PM |
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Quote:
I'm one in real life.
Share your shameless stories and I'll share mine.
No shamelss stories you don't already know about, man.
Happy Birthday to You,
Happy Birthday to You,
Happy Birthday dear LF --
Happy Birthday to You.
I know you don't ever respond to e-mails -- you probably don't even read them anymore. I thought I'd let you know you missed my 50th in November. Was hoping you'd pop up on my doorstep as a surprise!
Talk soon -- JK
P.S. Don't forget to update your profile
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I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted January 04, 2011 03:33 AM |
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It's a shame you only ever drop by when Gootch doesn't reply to your emails, PeaceMaker. This place could use an infusion of new old blood.
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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg
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