|
| Thread: Corribus's Top Ten List of Bathroom Faux Pas |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 · «PREV / NEXT» |
|
Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
|
posted April 08, 2011 11:41 PM |
|
|
QP for JJ for finding a flaw in Corribus'arguments 
|
|
Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
|
|
posted April 09, 2011 06:44 PM |
|
|
I was testing him to see if he was paying attention. 
____________
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg
|
|
OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
|
|
posted April 09, 2011 07:07 PM |
|
|
QP for JJ for paying attention!
____________
Living time backwards
|
|
blizzardboy
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Nerf Herder
|
posted April 13, 2011 04:47 AM |
|
|
Quote:
4. He who looks down. On the one hand, I suppose this could be a good thing. After all, it can do nothing but help with aiming. On the other hand, there's something that comes a little to close to autoerotic about scrutinizing your member while you're peeing.
As a member of this category, I feel the need to defend my position.
Although I may occasionally be staring at my penis, the vast majority of the time I'm looking at the yellow waterfall that I'm creating on the interior wall of the urinal. There are even times, when I'm bored enough, where I might rotate my cannon left and right in order to create a surreal, shifting waterfall effect.
____________
"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us."
|
|
Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
|
|
posted April 13, 2011 05:37 AM |
|
|
Yet another interesting fact about blizz revealed! I must say that I cannot wait for the whole biography.
[To my amusement, however, I do the same thing. Dare I draw any conclusions from that? I wonder if there is a school of psychoanalysis out there that makes personality inferences from pee-patterns?]
|
|
CondomRoller
Tavern Dweller
|
|
posted April 13, 2011 07:17 AM |
|
|
|
You forgot Gay Bathroom Sex.
|
|
alcibiades
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
of Gold Dragons
|
|
posted April 13, 2011 07:29 AM |
|
|
lols 
____________
What will happen now?
|
|
Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
|
|
posted April 13, 2011 05:54 PM |
|
|
Quote:
Yet another interesting fact about blizz revealed! I must say that I cannot wait for the whole biography.
[To my amusement, however, I do the same thing. Dare I draw any conclusions from that? I wonder if there is a school of psychoanalysis out there that makes personality inferences from pee-patterns?]
actually, corribus is the one who forgot to wash his hands, but he project his own flaws on other people 
|
|
Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
|
|
posted April 14, 2011 09:31 PM |
|
Edited by Corribus at 05:48, 15 Apr 2011.
|
Alright, as if the Bathroom Faux Pas couldn't get any more numerous, I just experienced a head-on collision with #11 and #12.
11. Showing Neighborly Affection
When two men go to a movie theater together, there is a well-known social maxim that states that two males must leave a free seat between them. The reason for this is that everybody knows that when two men sit next to each other in a movie theater, they are perceived to be gay. This latter fact is not a social principle - it's based on a damn law of physics. It's true: Newton wrote in his 1706 work Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Homosexualica that "The probability per unit time of a two males being perceived by strangers as being homosexual, H, scales inversely with the square of the distance between their penises, D." That is, H = k/D^2, where k is a constant of proportionality that depends on such factors as clothing style, general fastidiousness, and tendency to speak with a lisp.
Have you ever used a restroom with exactly three urinals, and noticed that while the two on the ends are absolutely filthy, complete with piss-lakes underneath them and gum stuck into their drain holes (never understood this - why to people spit their gum out in a toilet when there's a garbage can two feet away?), the center urinal is always so spotless that you know you could probably spread peanut butter all over it and lick it clean without having a moment's worry about catching a horrible disease? This is Newton's Law at work.
That's right, the social requirement for males to leave a seat empty between them in a crowded movie theater carries over into bathroom etiquette as well. If you walk into a bathroom and you see a man using a urinal, you never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, use the urinal directly adjacent to him. You must always (I cannot stress this enough) leave a buffer zone of AT LEAST one urinal in distance between you and the next nearest pee-er. And more is better. This rule applies even if the last urinal remaining is one directly adjacent to a urinal currently in use. In this admittedly awkward circumstance, it is much better to wait politely for another urinal to open up than to elbow yourself into a forbidden space. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a bathroom with like twelve empty urinals and some ape comes in and starts using the urinal right next to me.* Are you frickin’ kidding me? You wouldn’t sit down next to a stranger on an empty bus, so why would you start peeing next to a stranger in an empty bathroom? The next person who invades my personal bathroom space like this is getting peed on, that I vow!
[Important note: this rule is relaxed slightly in the case of urinals separated by barriers, and relaxed even more in completely enclosed stalls. In these cases you are permitted to use an adjacent toilet if, and only if, it is the only remaining choice available. Otherwise, the normal rule applies.]
*Often, this also involves conversation. Violations of Rule #1 and Rule #11 often go hand in hand.
12. Holding a Conference Call
I would like to start this one with an important disclaimer: No, I'm not making this up.
So I'm in the bathroom a few minutes ago, doing.. well, you know.. and I hear the door to the restroom open. Immediately I become annoyed, because I have, through an exhaustive process of experimentation, determined the one bathroom stall in my whole building where I am least likely to be interrupted in mid-push. My GI tract is very bashful, and I can only complete a poo-mission under cover of complete silence. This means isolation. Thus, you'll understand that when someone comes into the restroom while I'm already sitting on the porcelain throne, this means I have to wait until this person finishes and leaves. (See my rule about holding your breath.) It also usually means that my little half-evacuated poo-friend gets sucked up back inside me, hiding himself like a frightened turtle.
Anyway, I'm sitting there with my eyes bulging out of my head (both from pushing and holding my breath simultaneously) and this guy comes in. Which would be frustrating enough because of the delicate position I have to hold for the several minutes it's going to take this person to do what he needs to do (even longer if he’s a reader). But it got worse, because I can tell he's talking to someone. Already now he's violating rule #1 about talking in the restroom. This isn’t going well and I'm getting mad. And trust me, you never want to piss off a scientist in the bathroom.
This anal spore proceeds to the stall next to me (another violation! See #11), closes the door, unbuckles his pants and sits down.
Then I hear him (nothing else better to do than eavesdrop) say something to the effect of "No, mom, that’s not the date I had in mind.”
It hits me: this guy is actually talking on the phone while he’s taking a dump. To his MOTHER!
Yeah, I’m sitting there, seething, and he’s making vacation plans. I hear the dreaded plop-plop and the sounds of urine piddling into water. Toilet-paper unrolling, wiping and then a toilet flush. All while having a conversation over the phone.
Seriously? What the hell is wrong with people? Can’t you call them back? Better question: do you really want to hold that thing close to your ear and mouth after it’s been in a toilet stall with you? Ick.
|
|
Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
|
|
posted April 14, 2011 11:22 PM |
|
|
|
you plan to release a scientific book about bathrooms?
|
|
Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
|
|
posted April 15, 2011 12:25 AM |
|
|
|
You guys are the test audience.
|
|
Azagal
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Smooth Snake
|
|
posted April 15, 2011 01:58 AM |
|
|
Haahaha this is pure gold.
Porcelain Throne:grin..
____________
"All I can see is what's in front of me. And all I can do is keep moving forward" - The Heir Wielder of Names, Seeker of Thrones, King of Swords, Breaker of Infinities, Wheel Smashing Lord
|
|
Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
|
|
posted June 17, 2011 01:33 PM |
|
|
|
Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
|
|
posted June 17, 2011 02:17 PM |
|
|
By the way...
Quote:
Corribus's
Shouldn't it be.. Corribus' ?
____________
We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
|
|
Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
|
|
posted June 17, 2011 03:07 PM |
|
|
Quote:
You are really going to love this one. Gives a better understanding of the public restroom issue.
http://www.cracked.com/funny-4928-public-restrooms/
LOL, my work computer rejected this website for the reason that it's "tasteless". Sounds like just my kind of thing! (But I'll have to look at it later.)
|
|
mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
|
|
posted June 17, 2011 05:07 PM |
|
|
Quote:
Shouldn't it be.. Corribus' ?
No, actually, "Corribus's" is correct, because "Corribus" is a singular noun. To make a singular noun possessive, you always add "'s".
____________
Eccentric Opinion
|
|
bLiZzArdbOY
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Nerf Herder
|
|
posted June 17, 2011 05:10 PM |
|
|
The exception is if it's a figure of antiquity. Such as: Socrates', Jesus', Confucius'.
____________
"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us."
|
|
mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
|
|
posted June 17, 2011 05:24 PM |
|
|
There isn't much consensus on that. I've seen it done both ways.
____________
Eccentric Opinion
|
|
Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
|
|
posted June 17, 2011 06:03 PM |
|
Edited by Corribus at 18:05, 17 Jun 2011.
|
More potty humor, less grammar discussion please. 
Now, in honor of this great thread's revival, I give you
13. Hotel Accomodations
More of a suggestion than a faux pas, really, but I've heard it said that if you don't tip the maid in your hotel, you risk having your toothbrush used as a toilet scrubber. Is this true? I never tip the maid but now I know that I won't be leaving anything in the restroom for the maid to screw around with if she's pissed at me for not leaving a few quarters on the bureau.
And speaking of hotel restrooms, you ever walk into a lobby restroom only to find a hotel employee sitting there on a stool handing out hand-towels or offering to pat cologne on your face? WTF is that? As I've stated before, I'm a complete isolationist when it comes to restroom politics. I don't want anyone handing me a towel, I don't want anyone trying to make me smell good, and I don't want to comb my hair with something that's been sitting in dark blue sanitizing solution since the building was constructed fifty years ago. And I sure as hell don't want to tip a guy whose job it is to sit there and listen to me pee. Really, nothing freaks me out more than leaving a bathroom stall and having a guy in a cheap tux ask me how my day is and offer to help me clean my hands. :shudder:
|
|
Truly_Cursed
Adventuring Hero
Unchained
|
|
posted January 11, 2012 03:59 AM |
|
|
Revived.
So true.
____________
Insert something witty here. No seriously, do it. Now.
|
|
|
|
