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| Thread: What is a friend to you? |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted May 31, 2012 09:53 PM |
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What is a friend to you?
In this thread, I'd like if we share what criterias each of us have, before calling someone a friend. I.e. sort of a "personal definition of a friend".
I've personally, for some time now, being wondering, when is someone a friend? In principle I'd like to believe everyone is my friend, while I may not be everyones friend. So I think I made a definition which is suitable of this.
So for me, for now at least, a friend is a person who I'd like to spend my free time with, without any requirements or expectations about this person. For me to think I'm someones friend, would likewise require them wanting to spend their free time with me.
So what are your thoughts on friendship vs. e.g. colleagues, acquaintances, love interests, etc.?
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The_Polyglot
Promising
Supreme Hero
channeling capybara energy
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posted May 31, 2012 09:58 PM |
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Family definition: A friend is someone for whom one's ready to be run over by a bulldozer. Twice in a row.
That says it all, I think.
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted May 31, 2012 10:06 PM |
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Ehh I don't put too much weight on it really.
Everyone who I enjoy spending time with is a friend.
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NoobX
Undefeatable Hero
Now, this is a paradox...
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posted May 31, 2012 10:08 PM |
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A friend is someone that isn't like the idiots in my place.
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Ghost said:
Door knob resembles anus tap.
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted May 31, 2012 10:38 PM |
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I suppose it depends on one's expectations though I believe in varying levels of friendship. There are people whose company you enjoy but would not help unconditionally and neither would they. There are people who would do everything for you because they know that you would do the same for them. But in the end time is the ultimate judge. After all.. people you considered a true friend can betray you after years just like you can find unexpected support from people you considered distant.
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted May 31, 2012 10:49 PM |
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There are friends and there are friends. English does not differentiate between the two.
But you can consider people for whom you'd be willing to snow up your life for, friends.
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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The_Polyglot
Promising
Supreme Hero
channeling capybara energy
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posted May 31, 2012 10:51 PM |
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Quote:
...There are people whose company you enjoy but would not help unconditionally and neither would they.
Acquaintances
Quote:
There are people who would do everything for you because they know that you would do the same for them.
Friends
Quote:
But in the end time is the ultimate judge. After all.. people you considered a true friend can betray you after years just like you can find unexpected support from people you considered distant.
Irrelevant
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted May 31, 2012 10:57 PM |
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Not so. The point I was trying to make is that it's not always easy to tell who is a friend and who isn't. I like the way Joonas put it though 
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Map also hosted on Moddb
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Shares
Supreme Hero
I am. Thusly I am.
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posted May 31, 2012 11:43 PM |
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I've never considered myself rich in friends. This is most likely a result in my asocial and autistic tendencies and that I happen to use a definition that's very similar to Ohforfs; A friend is any person with whom I enjoy spending time with, because of them.
To this category I can count two people outside of my family, the first one is my old schoolmate and this girl. My schoolmate and I used to be two of the three bullied guys in school, even though it was much by choice for me. The other two were from another school were they used to be bullied, where most of the people in that school came from. These two were bullied by default. I, at least, had a choice, and chose to be part of this small group of outcasts, and to this day I don't regret it.
The new friend is a girl with whom I converse and communicate over the internets, and I have come to realize that we are rather similar in many ways, which is a feeling I have never really felt... it may also just be my brain decieving me, since I think I may be falling in love with her, and while these two observations may make me seem complacent and smug that is only due to that actually holding some truth.
Another category would be people that I just happen to spend time with since we share interests, but I would not spend any time with them outside of these interests. You lot (well... some of you... most of the people on HC I just don't care about at all) belong to this group of people, as do my classmates and actually most of the people I know, and most of the people that call me friends. I am far from a loyal person, nor am I always that gentle, and may very well just leave them be if our interests separate or if the social compromise feels to burdening and I know I have given people plenty of cold shoulders over the years, and I have been blunt more often than not. These people are more than acquaintances, but less than friends.
And do excuse me if I'm expressing myself in a difficult manner; it is just that I have spent time with people yesterday and most of today and spending time with people, even the people in the first category, is rather straining to me, and afterwards my social reserver can be exhausted, resulting communication that is less than adequate. I put this excuse here because I've rewritten this post twice now (making a total of three), and I still feel that I am lacking communicative prowess.
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 01, 2012 12:12 AM |
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Someone who bails me out from the trouble I am in from loansharks.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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carcity
Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
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posted June 01, 2012 12:23 AM |
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A friend is someone I'd go out of my way to help. Someone who relies on me like I rely on them. Someone I can be myself with. Someone I know would help me in a tight spot. Someone I trust completely. Someone who know who I am and still put up with me.
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Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
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posted June 01, 2012 01:06 AM |
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City!!!!!!!!!! Where have you been?!?! 
*A friend is someone who is bound to me but not as my servant, my foe but not my enemy, my lover but not my spouse. My death bringer, but also my life. My equal, yet different in every way, perfect.*
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"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted June 01, 2012 03:31 AM |
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They are the living. The rest are zombies.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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carcity
Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
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posted June 01, 2012 08:08 AM |
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@Ohforf, I think the reason there's been a lot of "I"s is that a friend is someone close to you, and therefore, the level of friendship is most easily described as how big sacrifices you're willing to make for them.
@Tsar, oh I've been around, I just haven't had anything exciting to post. 
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 01, 2012 09:46 AM |
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Someone whose company I enjoy and whose well-being and happiness I value highly.
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Eccentric Opinion
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B-E-T-A
Promising
Legendary Hero
Guess Who is Back?
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posted June 01, 2012 10:54 AM |
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Shares is my other self living somewhere else in this world. He got to be, cause the post he made in this thread earlier reflects my thoughts and position almost perfectly!
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There is no good or evil, only madness. The question is "Just how mad are you?"
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Azagal
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Smooth Snake
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posted June 01, 2012 11:31 AM |
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Somebody I can honestly laugh with.
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"All I can see is what's in front of me. And all I can do is keep moving forward" - The Heir Wielder of Names, Seeker of Thrones, King of Swords, Breaker of Infinities, Wheel Smashing Lord
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War-overlord
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Presidente of Isla del Tropico
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posted June 01, 2012 12:18 PM |
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I have always liked the saying: "A Friend will help you move house, a True Friend will help you move a body."
This realy helps indicate that friendship can, and in my case does, come in differing gradations. Also, I never count family as being friends. Family is a whole different category than friends and, to me, it's comparing apples and oranges. Same things go for romantic relations.
Let me start by saying that for all intents and purposes, I am a loner. I very much like being by myself. That's not saying that I dislike human/social contact, but I don't often actively go seeking it. And that is also the reason I can act very intruded upon when someone actively seeks contact with me when I am not feeling like having contact. All of this makes that having and maintaining friendships isn't the easiest thing in the world. Not to mention having a few habits that put people off.
Which does not mean that I have no friends, as I am by no means antisocial. However I do rank the people I have social contact with.
At the bottom of the ladder are acquaintances. These are the kind of people I am comfortable around for a limited ammount of time and in a certain frequency. When either or both thresholds are reached, I actively go looking for excuses to get away from them.
Next are people with whom I share a certain context with, be that certain interest we share like sports or hobbies, or class- or workmates. The kind of people who you see and don't actively mind seeing, in that context. They tend not to be the kind of people you (I) actively go seeking outside that context but are friendly enough with to have a little chat with when you meet them outside the context you know them from. These are the people I tend to rank as either "not-quite-friends" or potential friends.
Then comes the category of friends. These are the kinds of people of whom I seldomly mind them seeking contact with me or with whom I may seek contact with. They are the kind of people with whom a silence is rarely awkward. The kind of people you'd do things for without wanting to gain something from it and vice versa.
Lastly the category of true friends. These are the kind of friends for whom the passage of time has no meaning. The kind who you may not see for a very long time, but you get along with like it being only yesterday. The kind of people who, like said above, would help you move a body. That being said, those people are few and far between.
Now where I have plenty people in the first to categories, the people in the latter two are a handfull at best.
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Vote El Presidente! Or Else!
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Shares
Supreme Hero
I am. Thusly I am.
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posted June 01, 2012 12:46 PM |
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Edited by Shares at 12:49, 01 Jun 2012.
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Ok, I just want to establish the difference between asocial and antisocial, as the difference is both vast and significant for the discussion.
An asocial person is by no means automatically mean, awkward, weird or anything like that. Asocial simply means that a person enjoys social interaction less or enjoys less social interaction. While a "normal" person will likely like to spend time with friends at least several days a week an asocial person may very well be very satisfied with just seeing people once a week or so.
Quote:
Let me start by saying that for all intents and purposes, I am a loner. I very much like being by myself. That's not saying that I dislike human/social contact, but I don't often actively go seeking it. And that is also the reason I can act very intruded upon when someone actively seeks contact with me when I am not feeling like having contact. All of this makes that having and maintaining friendships isn't the easiest thing in the world. Not to mention having a few habits that put people off.
What War-overlord describes clearly seems to be on the scale of asocial. An asocial person is just more of a loner than normal, and this of course comes in scales, but to be considered asocial this should be of an extraordinary magnitude. To avoid ranking myself on such a scale I simply say that I have asocial tendencies, since that will simply place me on that particular scale, without any specific position in it or place me into an archtype too strongly.
Being antisocial is considered a psychological personality disorder (Antisocial Personality Disorder, abbreviated ASPD) and is almost synonomous with being a sociopath and/or a psychopath (as a reverse implicative relationship). An antosocial person may, and probably will, go to lengths to prevent social interaction, even between other people and will often get into extreme conflicts with society itself and may end up waging a personal war on society and social norms. An antisocial person will often show no regard whatsoever to the feelings of others, being highly unable to maintain any prolonged relationship, show no remorse after having hurt somebody, are prone to blame others or society itself for their actions and show no adherence to social norms of any kind (which also includes laws) and can often be very irritable or having a short temper.
EDIT: War-Overlord used the term correctly, but I have come to noticed that these two terms are often confused or misinterpreted. I felt that it was better to establish this before any such misunderstanding inevitably occurred.
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War-overlord
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Presidente of Isla del Tropico
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posted June 01, 2012 01:15 PM |
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Quite an important distinction, true enough.
And as much as it is correct, I am loath to use the term asocial. This has mainly to do with me being a native Dutch speaker. As in the Dutch language, anti- and asocial are practically the same word.
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Vote El Presidente! Or Else!
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