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| Thread: A little love story |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · «PREV / NEXT» |
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted December 20, 2015 02:04 PM |
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Galaad said:
It's very typical to go into someone else arms after a break-up, some people can feel especially vulnerable at these times and I know some very beautiful women who then start to lower their self-esteem and they need to be reassured. It doesn't necessarily means she does not care about him, but from what you said it looks like she doesn't feel lust for him and MAYBE that is because he feels insecure in his inner self.
Well he didn't really break up with her. What he did was asking if she could work on her emotions because it's unbearable in the long run (which she agreed with). And what did she do? Find another guy who had no problems with "I will never love you". Of course he scored her for the looks, and then proceed on cheating her. What else would a guy who willingly accepts never to be loved do? Cheat. Of course. I am not sure what the hell she expect other than that.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Galaad
Hero of Order
Li mort as morz, li vif as vis
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posted December 20, 2015 02:11 PM |
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But you don't work on your emotions, you just get them, they're purely irrational. If he only scored her for the looks and nothing else I don't really see how it bothers him so much that she doesn't love him, how would she anyway in that case?
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted December 20, 2015 02:16 PM |
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it wasn't C. who scored her/cheated on her, it was the guy that succeded C. as her "boyfriend". Sorry for my confusing way of presenting the chronology, lol 
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Svartzorn
Known Hero
Dead struggling with death.
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posted December 20, 2015 03:33 PM |
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Edited by Corribus at 02:48, 21 Dec 2015.
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Your cousin is a wuss, Doomguy. The girl stays with him and "came back to him" because she can dominate him, she can toy with him.
He can either give her the "**** it" attitude and stay with her while seemingly disinterested or dump her and mind his life, which would be a lot better at his age.
Mod edit: Please use proper censoring.
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Death to the world.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted December 20, 2015 03:52 PM |
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Yep, my thoughts too.
His current girlfriend is simply a much more valuable person and a real diamond, even if a bit rough on the eyes (you can polish that stuff tho ).
Giving up on such a personality just to get some one on one action with the pretty one is pretty dumb.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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artu
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
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posted December 20, 2015 04:16 PM |
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Edited by artu at 16:16, 20 Dec 2015.
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I think most of you guys including the original poster despite his original post, reduced this into "looks over character" a little bit too much. In the original post, the girl was not just beautiful, she was also intelligent, talented, different. She was not a bimbo, her problem was (according to the cousin) emotional deficiency.
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Are you pretty? This is my occasion. - Ghost
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted December 20, 2015 04:22 PM |
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yes, that's correct. She's definitively no bimbo. She strikes me as a very cold person, though.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Galaad
Hero of Order
Li mort as morz, li vif as vis
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posted December 20, 2015 04:59 PM |
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Edited by Galaad at 17:04, 20 Dec 2015.
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Doomforge said:
Yep, my thoughts too.
His current girlfriend is simply a much more valuable person and a real diamond, even if a bit rough on the eyes (you can polish that stuff tho ).
Giving up on such a personality just to get some one on one action with the pretty one is pretty dumb.
It's not this.
He may be a wuss for not manning up with the artist chick (does not mean being a jerk -I've been a jerk with some ex-girlfriends, I can tell) AND for staying with someone he obviously doesn't love (sorry but being ashamed of your gf is a clear indicator of that) as there is no point in that. What is it, he is afraid of being all alone? Let me reiterate, his current relationship is doomed to fail one way or another, of course it's important to have mind connections etc but never forget it is important too that you feel physically very attracted to the person you're with (especially when you're a dude, duh), otherwise first opportunity of cheating with someone looking better will inevitably happen. IMO staying with his current girlfriend is being a jerk to her, because she probably envision a future he doesn't, thus is not being honest. You say when they are together they spend a good time, but then behind her back he tells you he starts dating his ex again and is having second thoughts etc, this is as said earlier a train-wreck.
The fact he is "missing on such a personality" is not relevant because in love feelings will always get the upside and his feelings tell him to go back to the artist and try to conquer her again (or rather totally). And yes as Artu kindly reminds us all, the artist is also awesome in other areas than her physical beauty. No one will ever be happy in his relationship if he thinks "that one is not perfect but it will do", she HAS to be perfect, that is IF he intends to get serious (marriage, founding a family, no need to go look elsewhere etc). Otherwise it is just being dishonest, not only with the person you're dating but also to yourself, and also bad on the self-esteem if you think you will never get someone stunning-looking and make silly comparisons with others or whatever, an area where your cousin seems to have issues already.
If there is one thing I learnt with women, is that they don't care so much how good looking a man is, is a crucial difference with us. Of course they can go crazy for the random Ken they met at the party, but this kind of scenarios is more likely to be just fun and adventure, not something that will last. I can assure you, behind the most extravagant bimbos I could see them on a totally different axis while in private, suddenly they become romantic and confess they are not happy with their love life, despite all the appearances when you see them at parties acting little total w*****.
Now to get back to the heart of the matter, what I understand from all this is that the artist is experiencing a VERY hard time to allow herself to give entirely her soul and body to another man after her past experience relationship that ended bad (the serious one). Someone acting cold does not necessarily means he's cold-hearted, there can be tons of reasons for being more reserved in society, friendship, or in sentimental terms as discussed here, and we got the reason there in the opening post. She is not ready to abandon herself totally again, and your cousin got to understand that and be patient, he has to earn her trust and confidence. Asking her to go see a psychologist because she can't tell him what he wants to hear is in my opinion anything but subtle. If he's really in love with her, he'll give her the time, and he will also do some work on himself, so that maybe HE can be the one helping her thus having her fall in love again, and HE'd be the lucky one (who will be able to show-off his gf to his friends, not that that would seem that important to him anymore).
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Zenofex
Responsible
Legendary Hero
Kreegan-atheist
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posted December 20, 2015 05:42 PM |
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Edited by Zenofex at 17:43, 20 Dec 2015.
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Yeah, but you have to ask yourself whether you are ready and able to invest potentially huge amount of emotional energy to get a relationship which is difficult from the start rolling without clear chances of success. Quite a risk. In the end he'll probably go where his dick points, do a mistake or two, or more, end up in a worse situation than before and THEN, if he can handle the outcome and has some brains left, he'll smarten up. For the future. Or everything could turn out great but frankly such boulevard-novel finales in such situations are extremely uncommon in real life.
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Galaad
Hero of Order
Li mort as morz, li vif as vis
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posted December 20, 2015 05:56 PM |
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Which is why my first advice was for him to get prepared for probable outcome and consider to get single again for a while.
Ps. All I say is based on RL experience. 
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted December 20, 2015 06:14 PM |
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Late on this, but:
Doomforge said:
but admits that she changed only a bit.
People don't change, not really. And your friend needs to be less shallow. You should knock some sense into him.
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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted December 20, 2015 10:41 PM |
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Galaad, you rise some good points there. But let's not forget, that physical side of a person can always be improved - for instance by going to the gym and with a good diet you can eventually end up with a better, more attractive body.
Whereas you can't learn to be cute, charming, loyal, warm, dependable, with hobbies and/or priorities that fit your partner. It's either there, or not.
From my point of view (Damn I'm old.. sigh) it's way better to invest in a person that has those "unchangeable" qualities and send them to gym (for example) rather than vote with your manparts and try to change someone who is either neurotic, or downright sociopathic. At best, she's "just" emotionally hurt by her ex, but repeatedly telling C. that she feels NOTHING AT ALL and expecting him to get over that... to me it's not even coldness, it's just weird.
It's one thing to say "I've been hurt by someone, I need time, but I want to give it a try", but what he heard was basically this: "i feel nothing to you, and I probably never will. But I kinda like you, and being alone sucks, so if you can accept me as I am - we can be together".
Meh.
"perfect" persons don't exist. One may want a perfect looking, perfectly cute, perfectly intelligent person with hobbies, priorities and lifestyle roughly matching yours, but how many people even meet such persons? And when they do, can they actually impress them? mostly NOPE, because such "perfect" people very often are so bored of constant adoration from their youngest years that they end up spoiled somehow. They either look for a wealthy partner, or look for some unreasonable quirks, or just follow whatever inflames their bored heart for a while.
Plus, his current GF isn't really fugly or anything. She looks cute. She just needs some workout.
The artist is no bimbo, she's very intelligent, well versed, smart, and very perceptive. She also has good taste, a very artistic soul. And she's beautiful. But she's (to me) a sociopath. Not worth it.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Drakon-Deus
Undefeatable Hero
Nixonite
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posted December 20, 2015 10:51 PM |
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Doomforge said:
It's one thing to say "I've been hurt by someone, I need time, but I want to give it a try", but what he heard was basically this: "i feel nothing to you, and I probably never will. But I kinda like you, and being alone sucks, so if you can accept me as I am - we can be together".
Meh.
"perfect" persons don't exist. One may want a perfect looking, perfectly cute, perfectly intelligent person with hobbies, priorities and lifestyle roughly matching yours, but how many people even meet such persons? And when they do, can they actually impress them? mostly NOPE, because such "perfect" people very often are so bored of constant adoration from their youngest years that they end up spoiled somehow. They either look for a wealthy partner, or look for some unreasonable quirks, or just follow whatever inflames their bored heart for a while.
Plus, his current GF isn't really fugly or anything. She looks cute. She just needs some workout.
The artist is no bimbo, she's very intelligent, well versed, smart, and very perceptive. She also has good taste, a very artistic soul. And she's beautiful. But she's (to me) a sociopath. Not worth it.
Yes. But... it's up to him. And you can't follow both brain and "heart".
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Galaad
Hero of Order
Li mort as morz, li vif as vis
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posted December 21, 2015 12:50 AM |
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Edited by Galaad at 05:22, 21 Dec 2015.
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Of course "perfect" people don't exist, I meant perfect for you. And yes, there will be some little things it's normal, and with time maintaining a relationship has also its share of work from both persons, I am certainly not denying that. It's two different things to have a "casual" partner and a serious commitment. Maybe the first step would be for him to know what he looks for at this time of his life. Does he wants to flirt with many women, or does he wants to settle. I know at 24 I didn't want to settle, I'm 29 now and I'm still not sure I'd want to. Is why I now precisely avoid to date a girl who would be too crazy about me knowing I can't give her much. It happened to me last year, a girl, very nice girl, a singer and comedian, not gorgeous but cute, smart, sensitive etc. But I directly knew I wouldn't want things to get serious with her even though I really enjoyed spending time in her company. I also knew she had a thing for me (she was sending strong signals) and I always acted as I didn't notice it, but once we were drunk and you know how it goes... Fortunately we didn't sleep together. Then the day after she messaged me for a drink. I was pretty confused, hoping it would stay a little flirt and no more. But when I met her later she gave me a huge kiss and seemed very happy and it was clear in her head that I was her new boyfriend. I should have directly told her I'm sorry but that I don't think it would work out between us, but I waited for a week or two, a small part of me was thinking "it's been some time a girl didn't feel like this for you, let's try it out and see what happens", that was a mistake. Hopefully we had a talk soon enough and could manage to end this in good terms without hurting too much feelings. I see this as a similar situation with the one between your cousin and his current gf, except that he is still "seeing what's happening" after (was it several?) months and what is happening? You open a thread here asking advice because of how lost he is.
If the only problem is as you seem to suggest a little extra weight and if she looses it everything would be solved, sure thing then he probably should stay with her and convince her to go to the gym, although then I hope he's AT LEAST Advanced Diplomacy.
But I doubt it's that simple, don't you? Doesn't he?
You mention the artist girl as a sociopath, well, without willing to go to much into bias and stupid generalisations, have you met many artists which aren't? I don't, I am one and I met many, including famous and successful ones, from autistic to drug addicts, you wouldn't even suspect. This again is another issue. It is though very possible that she might never feel anything for him and he will only hurt himself trying and failing, and at the same time will end something good he currently has, but is what he has really that good, if he's willing to end it first opportunity for something else he gets, no matter how small are the odds for him to succeed? Sounds desperate to me.
This is why I suggest for him to end a relationship in which he doesn't envision concrete future, because the more you delay the breakup the more painful it will be, and that will mainly be for that girl you depict as awesome since you said she loves him madly. And he should give his very best shot towards the artist, but as Corribus rightly points out, he has some work to do on himself first if he wants to up his chances to succeed.
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Drakon-Deus
Undefeatable Hero
Nixonite
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posted December 21, 2015 01:27 AM |
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Edited by Corribus at 02:48, 21 Dec 2015.
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Svartzorn said:
Your cousin is a wuss, Doomguy. The girl stays with him and "came back to him" because she can dominate him, she can toy with him.
He can either give her the "**** it" attitude and stay with her while seemingly disinterested or dump her and mind his life, which would be a lot better at his age.
Pretty much...
Mod edit: language censoring.
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Svartzorn
Known Hero
Dead struggling with death.
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posted December 21, 2015 02:42 AM |
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Godamn it, too long.
And it's late. Besides, I just played a ~2 hour HOMMIII game in which the last standing guy left while I had a solid position, was about to crush him.
Sooo... not in the mood you guys.
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Death to the world.
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Drakon-Deus
Undefeatable Hero
Nixonite
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posted December 21, 2015 02:53 AM |
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Svartzorn said:
Godamn it, too long.
And it's late. Besides, I just played a ~2 hour HOMMIII game in which the last standing guy left while I had a solid position, was about to crush him.
Sooo... not in the mood you guys.
Death to the world.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 21, 2015 03:36 AM |
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Doomforge said:
what do you think about this whole situation?
what would you do in his shoes?
Do you think that beauty enough is worth all of that?
it sounds like she's using her beauty to manipulate people. i've met people like her(both male and female), and from what you posted, it's plain to see it's manipulation.
not to mention, typical female crap that i've seen over and over again: she wasn't interested in him when no one else was interested in him, because she had the upper hand. meaning, because she was less emotionally involved, and because she was more attractive than he was(going from what you posted), she was the one in control of the relationship. and, as is typical, now that he is in a relationship with someone who values him, she values him more. at least, until they get back together, and she is the only one(again). then she will lose interest again.
beauty doesn't mean snow, and it usually comes with an emotionally stunted price tag. pretty people tend to have things handed to them in life(people will give them what they want because of their beauty alone), and so they tend to not develop the skills of say, caring about people so that people will reciprocate.
but at this point it doesn't matter. your cousin already screwed up, by cheating on this current girlfriend, and letting that manipulating snow back into his life. so there's nothing that can be done at this point, but let the problem run it's course again. hopefully, your cousin isn't a dumbass like mine, and learns his lesson the second time around.
in his shoes, i would've stuck with the current relationship. like i said, beauty doesn't mean snow, and usually comes with a hefty price tag. but this kind of thing isn't merely a beauty thing, it comes in many other packages; but all with the same result.
which is, snows and pricks who haven't developed adequate social relations, but only prey on people to get what they want.
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Drakon-Deus
Undefeatable Hero
Nixonite
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posted December 21, 2015 03:39 AM |
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Yeah so follow Svartzorn, fred: Death to the world. 
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Kayna
Supreme Hero
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posted December 21, 2015 06:49 AM |
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Not necessarily manipulation. Or at least the conscious type. Maybe she's so pretty she doesn't even know what not having a boyfriend is, and thus she just picks up the phone and calls back until she gets one, because it's normal for her.
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