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| Thread: Pertinent information about the US military |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · «PREV |
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SapphireRavyn
Promising
Famous Hero
Bird of Extreme Patience
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posted February 18, 2004 04:50 PM |
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OMG Gootch
As the wife of a Marine (notice I don't say "former", there is no such thing as a "former" Marine, lol) that, after a ten year break in service decided to rejoin the military and chose the Air National Guard I find what you wrote very funny. First, for those of you that don't know this the Marine Corps will not take you after you are 28, even for the Reserves, even under this type of circumstance so that was not an option. His best friend was in the Air Guard so since he felt the need to once again be part of the military, he joined. This makes him part of the Air Force now. He is pretty much a typical Marine and becoming part of the Air Force has been very difficult for him. I absolutely died laughing reading the Air Force oath, because many of the things mentioned there he has mentioned at home.
Just recently him and a few guys from his new shop had an interesting discussion that I got to be part of as my son and I were present. They were discussing going "out in the field" for a week long exercise. Glass, being used to doing things a certain way, started talking about splitting up duty assignments, who was gonna haul what where, who would be marking perimeters, setting up tents, bringing provisions (MRE's), digging a temporary latrine, etc. They all sat there and looked at him like he had just gone insane. Seeing there confused looks he asked well how do you do it. They answered that they loaded the shelters up on trucks took them out and set them up. That they would be sleeping in hard shelters with a hard floor, complete with hot showers and would have hot meal service. He just looked at them and said "well where is the fun in that? I can get that at home"
Oh, and they do use first names within ranks. The higher ranked officers are usually addressed with rank, but they quite often respond using first names. So I really keyed in to the Air Force and Marine oaths. Keeping in mind that he hears relentlessly about "you jarheads" and for the most part EVERYONE at his new base just calls him "Marine" not by his first or last name or rank, just Marine, lol. He is one to the core (and damn proud of it) so he doesn't mind though.
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It's not who wins or losses that matters, it's how you play the game. Honor before all else!
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The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted February 19, 2004 04:22 AM |
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I decided to have a change of heart regarding the Navy's oath of enlistment. Here it is.
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away four years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...Why not?"
I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stencilled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for the Waffen SS during the winter.
I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, ranks and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hours every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours.
I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice each fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues."
So help me Neptune.
Signature:_________________________
Date:________________
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Thank you SapphireRavyn for your kind words. You may want to find the nearest exit though. It's about to get ugly in here.
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redhawk
Known Hero
Gaurdian Supreme
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posted February 20, 2004 02:14 AM |
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Actually it was funny, I showed your post to my Brothers, who are both former sailors, they laughed so hard, they almost past out. Both agreed whole heartedly with you, they said you hit it right on the head. so hats off too you gootch. The oath that I swore means everything to me, I wasn't joking then, nor am I now when I think about that oath. Every thing else about the millitary needs to be taken with a grain of salt, or should I say sand. since it looks like I'm going back into the frying pan this summer. I am going to print out your thread and take it with me, so I can laugh when there isn't much else to laugh about, thankyou.........
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It's better to burn out, Than fade away !!!!!!!!
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The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted February 20, 2004 03:38 AM |
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In case you all ever wondered what the difference is between us
A captain and a sergeant happened to find themselves inside the same restroom while at work. They were both finished with their business at approximately the same time. But the sergeant went to exit the restroom without having washed his hands.
"Excuse me sergeant." said the Captain. "Aren't you forgetting something?"
The sergeant turned to regard him and replied, "No sir. I can't say that I am."
"Well sergeant," said the captain. "In OCS(Officer Candidates' School), we learned to wash our hands after we went to the bathroom."
"That's really interesting sir." said the sergeant. "In bootcamp, they taught us not to piss on our hands."
And with that, he left.
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The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted July 23, 2004 08:34 PM |
bonus applied. |
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As I approach the twilight of my service...
I need to get this way of life outta my head. Thankfully I found this program.
12 Step Program for Recovering Marines.
1. I am a Marine, and I have a problem. This is the first step to recovery.
2. Speech.
-Time should never begin with a zero or end in hundred. It is not 0530 or 1400 it is 5:30 in the morning(AKA God-awful early).
-Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed, and work out, get used to it.
-"F*ck" cannot be used to replace whatever word you can't think of right now, try "um".
-Grunting isn't talking
-It's a phone, not a radio. Conversations on a phone don't end in "out".
-Furthermore, the rest of civilized society isn't familiar with phonetic spellings. When you give your name over the phone it's "C-H-R-I-S", not "Charlie", "Hotel", "Romeo", "India", "Sierra".
-People will not know what you're talking about if you tell them you are coming from Camp Lejeune with the MWSS platoon or that you spent a deployment in the OCAC.
3. Style.
-Don't put creases into your jeans
-Don't put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
-A horseshoe haircut looks dumb, not motivating.
-A high and tight looks really dumb as well.
-So does a low reg, but not as bad.
-A hat indoors doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you like the rest of the world.
-You do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.
4. Women.
-Air Force girls are easy, very easy. Not all women are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Force girls.
-Being divorced twice by the time you're 23 isn't normal. Neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.
-Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks doesn't make "financial sense." It makes you a retard.
5. Personal Accomplishments.
-In the real world, being able to do pullups will not make you good at your job.
-Most people will be slightly distubed by you if you tell them about people you have killed or seen die.
-How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.
-The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.
6. Drinking.
-In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an intervention, not a "good for you" or "attaboy."
-That time you drank a fifth of Jaeger and pissed in your closet is not a conversation starter.
-That time you went to the combat medic school and practiced giving vodka IVs will also not be a good conversation starter.
7. Bodily functions and the human body.
-Farting on your coworkers and then giggling while you run away may be viewed as unprofessional.
-The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or how much it smelled.
-You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is.
-STDs aren't funny either.
-Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true.
8. Spending habits.
-One day, you will have to pay bills.
-Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.
-Spending money on video games instead of diapers makes you a fool.
-One day you will need health insurance.
9. Interacting With Civilians (AKA you).
-Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be normal.
10. Real jobs.
-They really can fire you.
-On the flip side you really can quit.
-Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal. Remember they really can quit too.
-Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
-Remember, 9-5 not 0530 to 1800.
11. The Law.
-Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from prison.
-Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and probably won't. In fact, most likely you will be fired about 5 minutes after they find out you've been arrested.
-Even McDonald's does background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to help you get the job.
-Fighting is not a normal thing and will really get you arrested, not yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you won.
12. General Knowledge.
-You can in fact really say what you think about the President in public.
-Pain is not weakness leaving the body. It's just pain.
-They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important than you. Be polite.
-Read the contracts before you sign them. Remember what happened the first time.
On a sidenote, the way it works for us military folk is that we have 8 years of service to our country. Most of us sign somewhere in the neighborhood of 4-6 year contracts for Active Duty. The remaining time is spent as "Inactive Reserve".
I find it odd that I have a greater chance of being sent someplace hostile as an inactive reservist than I ever did as active duty.
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Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted July 24, 2004 09:08 PM |
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ROTFLMAO
Bravo.
Somebody please give the man a red star. Maybe two.
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I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
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Khayman
Promising
Famous Hero
Underachiever
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posted July 25, 2004 11:38 PM |
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Better Yet
Quote:
Somebody please give the man a red star. Maybe two.
Forget the red star...give that man a gold bar! 
Hope your transition is a smooth one, brother. Peace!
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"You must gather your party before venturing forth."
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Svarog
Honorable
Supreme Hero
statue-loving necrophiliac
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posted July 26, 2004 10:50 AM |
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I decided to concentrate on more important stuff, so...
(Albeit my modest millitary experience, i've got it with the particular subject on the matter )
Sex
- Your marine friends won't be around here anymore to get you a girl.
- Potentially less "torpedo launchings" while in the bedroom alone without particular "target".
- (For some of you) NO more hanky-panky with fellow militia.
- From now on the uniform isn't going to be the only prerequisite in order to have sex.
- If you aren't either dead or retired by the time your service ends, enjoy sex and forget hwatever reason they expelled you for.
Hope that helped.
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
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