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| Thread: How to talk to girls online... |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 · «PREV / NEXT» |
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Oldtimer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Please leave a message after..
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posted May 15, 2003 02:22 AM |
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I've been having some irritable bowels with constipation.
So I went to the doctor.
He said try Bananas.
I took me 4 days to figure out I was supposed to eat them.
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<PLEASE DO NOT WAKE THE OLD MAN!>
"Zzzz...Zzzz...Zzzz..."
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Saruman
Famous Hero
On academic leave
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posted May 15, 2003 02:32 AM |
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Oooooohhh.... I get it. Took me a minute though. *Sarcasticly* Aha, haha, hoho.
While we're on the subject...
3 guys are captured by cannibals. The cannibals agreed to not kill them if they went out, and found 10 of any fruit, and shoved them all up their a$$ without any facial expression. The first guy came with 10 apples, but made an expression of great pain on the second one, so the cannibals killed him. The second guy brough 10 raspberries, but on the last one he burst out laughing, so the cannibals killed him. Later, the first and second guy were talking in heaven. The first guy said "Why'd you start laughing? You were so close!" and the second guy said "I couldn't help it: I saw the next guy coming with 10 pine apples!"
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Thank god I'm an atheist.
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Oldtimer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Please leave a message after..
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posted January 29, 2004 04:09 AM |
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I was sitting in a tavern with this guy, talking about how loose the women were nowadays.
So he says to me, "Kids are too sexually active, I remember that before I got married I didn't have sex with my wife. How about you?"
I replied, "I don't know, what was her name?"
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<PLEASE DO NOT WAKE THE OLD MAN!>
"Zzzz...Zzzz...Zzzz..."
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted February 01, 2004 05:06 AM |
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Moderator: If you wish to point out spam, then don't make a post just to point it out. Either include it as a side comment or post it in the Tavern Feedback thread.
An example would be the previous 4 posts, including mine.
Btw, medusa's post wasn't spam. It was on topic. Please take the discussion of this post to Tavern Feedback. Do not reply to this post here.
Get back on topic.
Here's an example of how I talk to girls online.
Redsocksfan3: Hey what's up?
Girl: Not much, you.
Redsocksfan3: Not much. Man I'm hungry.
Girl: When do you eat dinner? lol
Redsocksfan3: Usually around 8pm or 9pm.
Girl: Man, that's late.
Redsocksfan3: Who you calling MAN?
Girl: You.
Redsocksfan3: Oh, okay well that's fine, then.
........
Wasn't that interesting? Okay so I'm bad at flirting.
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Go Red Sox!
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Dragon_Slayer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
toss toss toss
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posted February 01, 2004 08:29 AM |
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Yea i sorta noticed, lol! But why talk to girls online when they are much more frisky in person!
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Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
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posted May 14, 2004 03:14 PM |
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Hee hee.
I did the old copy and paste and e-mail Oldtimers story to all my mates.
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To err is human, to arr is pirate.
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted September 13, 2004 05:56 PM |
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But wait, there's more....
Bloodninja by bloodninja
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty **** of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't **** with me ****, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ****ing charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a snow anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate: Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate: Umm...Yes
DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja: How did you know?
Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate: ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate: What the ****?
DirtyKate: You perverted piece of ****
Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an snow?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this **** is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the **** is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see.
MommyMelissa: whatever.
I.F.: You ready yet? Im bearing to go!
SexyKarla17: Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look like?
I.F.: a Kodiac bear
SexyKarla17: ?
I.F.: Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount me
SexyKarla17: Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking your soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my way down your stomach
I.F.: I growl to warm you my cubs are near
SexyKarla17: huh?
I.F.: Bears get pumped when anyone is near their cubs
Sexkarla17: yhea hehe dont be silly..
SexyKarla17: I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off your pants.
I.F.: Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey now
SexyKarla17: hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking it off me slowly
I.F.: I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey is coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you
I.F.: I Growl again, and start to bite you
SexyKarla17: Yhea that feels good..ooooo...not too hard now
I.F.: I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood mixed with honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll.
SexyKarla17: what the hell?
I.F.:uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent.
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
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posted August 03, 2005 03:25 AM |
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Pan......I hope your kids didn't see that 
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To err is human, to arr is pirate.
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Saruman
Famous Hero
On academic leave
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posted August 04, 2005 12:09 AM |
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Very funny, Pandora, but I've already seen most of those on Bash.org.
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Thank god I'm an atheist.
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tigris
Supreme Hero
Supreme Noobolator
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posted February 18, 2006 11:31 PM |
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LOL nuff said.
i added this to my favorites just to get my spirits up lmaoooo
Pan ur the bomb
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Fofa
Famous Hero
Famous? Me?!
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posted February 21, 2006 06:56 AM |
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See, that's why I don't do that kind of thing at all. I don't even really go to chat rooms in the first place anyway.
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 25, 2006 04:35 AM |
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Quote:
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ****ing charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
That's good stuff there.
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Eccentric Opinion
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted May 05, 2009 01:21 AM |
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted May 05, 2009 09:32 AM |
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Yeah I remember this being funnier back when I read it the first time.
"They're neat" is still pretty damn funny though.
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Go Red Sox!
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted May 05, 2009 09:39 AM |
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Quote:
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ****ing charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
It's Blizzardboy's fault I laughed my ass off on this one 
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted May 05, 2009 09:40 AM |
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The HC rhinoceros madness continues - LOL that was a good one!
cybersex is scary @_@
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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alcibiades
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
of Gold Dragons
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posted May 05, 2009 09:54 AM |
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Quote:
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
That line just never goes old!
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What will happen now?
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted May 05, 2009 10:05 AM |
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Rhino of the month award for that line.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Anakrom
Known Hero
(Scroll) Out of the blue
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posted May 05, 2009 01:32 PM |
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Quote:
cybersex is scary @_@
Until now, it thought something like THAT canīt even exist. The world is MUCH more scary place now. 
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Result matters
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted May 05, 2009 03:48 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 15:49, 05 May 2009.
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that post from pandora deserved a QP. oh wait, moderators can't get QPs?
do you think that bloodninja was serious?
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