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| Thread: Black Shop Opening: |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted December 09, 2004 03:57 AM |
bonus applied. |
Edited By: Consis on 8 Dec 2004
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Black Shop Opening!
Welcome to all who are looking for the best Cursed items, Black Magic spellbooks, contrived torture devices, and faithful Evil Sidekicks. We also have an assortment of Dark-Gift savings cards that are good for one demon ritual of summoning. Please feel free to check out the wares and spell components section. Their's a Grey-Moon sale happening every hour on the hour at the foreboding stroke of midnight.
We also have some promising new imports such as:
 Lycanthropy-in-a-bottle
new medium sized Bag-of-bones (good for thrice your normal skeletal gooning)
Cursed gauntlets of food-sanding (can only be removed by eating all the sand)
imported Sword of Fumbling (guaranteed for unlucky combat)
Book of the Dead (introductory lessons to becoming a necromancer)
Aged Armor of the Black Knight (good for dueling the average casual 'goody-two-shoes')
All items come with a respectable/preferred curse of some appropriate measure. No refunds accepted but returns are welcome. And as usual, always a little something for the kiddies, plenty of halloween masks and cursed pumpkin carriers that ensure candy transportation directly to your own pockets(good for up to three holiday seasons).
I'll be your Shop Keeper. Enter at your own risk
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Roses Are Red And So Am I
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted December 09, 2004 01:20 PM |
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I was hoping to see things like Jerry Curl and Menthols. You should specify that next time.
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Go Red Sox!
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted December 09, 2004 03:30 PM |
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Edited By: Consis on 9 Dec 2004
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Special Order
...**listens to the customer and walks to the back of the store for a moment,
...then returns holding a small cardboard box**...
"Okay sir, I've a one-time only special for you today. I have a specially crafted 'mint-flavored Jerry-Curl Witches Wig'.
You didn't specify the color so I assumed you wanted black. Since we all know that Witches are constantly chewing their own dreadfully bad hair, this might at least help with her breath! The curse is that the Witches' breath will smell fresh for an entire week! Ha! That may not sound like a curse to you but take my word for it when I tell you that this will be quite torturous for her. I'm sure she'll lose plenty of sleep trying to counter the effects of the curse.
Aside from its intended purpose, I'm sure you can come up with a more creative use for such an item. That'll be 3 golds please."
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted December 13, 2004 10:58 AM |
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Quote:
We also have some promising new imports such as:
Lycanthropy-in-a-bottle
new medium sized Bag-of-bones (good for thrice your normal skeletal gooning)
Cursed gauntlets of food-sanding (can only be removed by eating all the sand)
imported Sword of Fumbling (guaranteed for unlucky combat)
Book of the Dead (introductory lessons to becoming a necromancer)
Aged Armor of the Black Knight (good for dueling the average casual 'goody-two-shoes')
How much will all this stuff cost me?
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"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted December 13, 2004 04:35 PM |
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Edited By: Consis on 13 Dec 2004
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Another Customer!
**rushes out from the back room after hearing the bell above the front door jingle**....
Lycanthropy-in-a-bottle
...costs 10 golds and a promisary note stating you agree to return, in three days, with a finely woven Fur Sweater made from werewolf hair
new medium sized Bag-of-bones (good for thrice your normal skeletal gooning)
...costs 7 golds and a map of your hometown cemetery
Cursed gauntlets of food-sanding (can only be removed by eating all the sand)
...costs 5 golds and a clay sculpture worth no less than 3 golds
imported Sword of Fumbling (guaranteed for unlucky combat)
...costs 20 golds and two iron ingots
Book of the Dead (introductory lessons to becoming a necromancer)
...costs 15 golds and power of attorney
Aged Armor of the Black Knight (good for dueling the average casual 'goody-two-shoes')
...costs 50 golds and the phone number to your hot(good looking) sister
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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Leo_Lion
Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
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posted December 14, 2004 05:50 AM |
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It's not for me, it's for a friend...really!
Any sort of voodoo dolls of Supervisors or of Managers? Sort of a Xmas thing, you know. Getting one for a buddy of mine at work...not for me...seriously!
Stop looking at me like that! Why are you picking up the phone, Consis? Are you calling the Police? Oh no, not again...Where's my union rep?! 
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*The end to no beginning...
*Take care, Leo
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TheRealDeal
Promising
Supreme Hero
Foobum* of Justice!
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posted December 14, 2004 07:14 AM |
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I would like one Book of Death, and one summon pedestal please.
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*We all know the that Foobum is the class of all that is Cake.
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted December 15, 2004 04:18 PM |
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Business As Usual...
**Glances over Leo_Lion's shoulder at TheRealDeal**...
"Half a moment sir! I'll be right with you."
**Returns to business with Leo_Lion**...
"Alright then, voodoo dolls eh? We've lots of those. But you'll need to come back with a description for my tailors in the back of the shop. They'll custom-make the dolls to the correct specifications for you. That's also an extra fee for their labor and skill.
Come back with a good description of the persons you want the dolls made after. It'll cost you 12 golds/doll plus an extra 3 golds/doll for custom-made labor. Total for you will be 30 golds. The curse for these beauties is that you must use a few of your own crusty boogars. That leaves you with a 25% chance of having to suffer the effects yourself. And don't forget to bring your money bags !"
**Waves to TheRealDeal**
"Aye sir, I'm ready for ye. 'Book of Death and a pedestal for summoning' you say? Hmm, I don't have control over such a powerful being!! You can't simply tell Death what to do! Ee's in charge round here! But I do know someone that you might could make a deal with to maybe gain favor with such a powerful being. There's bloke in town what goes by the name of "Lich_King". I hear that liches are good drinking buddies with the ole DeadMan himself. Of course, he'll probably want your soul or something to that affect. But hey if ye want it bad enough there be no stoppin you eh? Har, har, har...right!
Have a good day now yah hear!"
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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gorman
Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
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posted December 16, 2004 09:44 AM |
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I was curious to if you had a book with minor hexes? You know, cat got your tounge? Or frogs popping in a person's mouth when they try to speak? Or when they right all the ink rushes out at once? More for comedic purposes.
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When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted December 16, 2004 09:53 AM |
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I'll just make do with a book of death.
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"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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Romana
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Thx :D
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posted December 16, 2004 12:44 PM |
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yeah and i'll be fine with the latest Care Bear-collection (plushies that is..)
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The darkest skies show the brightest stars
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted December 16, 2004 04:17 PM |
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Edited By: Consis on 16 Dec 2004
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Busy Day!
**seemingly flustered**...
"Hmm, it must be getting close to the holidays around here. There's plenty of customers and to spare.
Gorman, we've a full array and assortment of gag-related gifts ranging from re-usable Whoopy Cushions of Death(good for at least three Nutcracker performances) to Zombified X-ray goggles(undead eyes in place of your old ones). I have an entire section devoted to such favorable trinkets. It's over there**points to three rows over from the front desk**. You'll find a bunch of open boxes with the picture of a bat on the cover. Help yourself."
**Unapprovingly glances toward Trogdor and begins to sigh**...
"Sir, can't you read the sign?" **points above his head to the large readable black and white poster**
"THIS STORE AND ALL RELATED PRODUCTS ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF THE GRIM REAPER"
"I understand that you want to be cool/popular and bring the Grim Reaper to meet all your friends but he's a very busy....uh....entity. The boss doesn't simply make those kinds of house-calls....NEXT!"
**Begins to smile with a large nefarious and suspicious looking grin**...
"Romana,(begins to whisper as he leans forward in secrecy) I think I've just the thing for you my dear. If you keep it a secret, I'll let you in to see my special collection of rare and particularly evil items in the back of the store. I've a clerk waiting for you, right this way please madamn."
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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gorman
Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
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posted December 16, 2004 07:38 PM |
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*roams the shelves and finds a book dedicated to Slippery shoes, popable eyeballs and other nasty pranks*
Here we go shopkeeper, I'll take this!
*hands Consis 1,000 gold for the book*
May I test it to see how the hexes work?
*before recieving an answer I cast Butterfingers on Consis before leaving cackling evilly as everything will be slipping out from his hands for the next week*
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When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case
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TheRealDeal
Promising
Supreme Hero
Foobum* of Justice!
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posted December 16, 2004 08:04 PM |
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Well.. could i have a Naked Picture of RSF? I Know the grim reaper is busy, but he might as well give me this
I would also like one popcicle of Blood please.
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*We all know the that Foobum is the class of all that is Cake.
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted December 16, 2004 08:12 PM |
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Huh?
Quote:
I would also like one popsicle of Blood please.
"Does this look like a grocery store to you?! Go somewhere else if you're hungry. This is a store for cursed items only!"
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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TheRealDeal
Promising
Supreme Hero
Foobum* of Justice!
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posted December 16, 2004 08:15 PM |
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Well you forgot the Picture, which is pretty much cursed indeed!
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*We all know the that Foobum is the class of all that is Cake.
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LordZXZX
Famous Hero
Overfished
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posted December 17, 2004 02:57 AM |
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I'll hace a pair of Cursed Sand Gauntlets. Im gonna slip it on somebody's hands while he's asleep
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Romana
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Thx :D
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posted December 17, 2004 10:10 AM |
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* Feasts her eyes on the ultimate evil collection of My Little Pony, Charmkins, Care Bears, etc etc *
OOhh yeah that'll do just fine
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted December 17, 2004 05:04 PM |
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Edited By: Consis on 17 Dec 2004
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Business As Usual
**Hears LordZxZx place an order from the front desk**...
"I'll be right with you sir! You're gauntlets are on their way!"
**Turns toward Romana feeling great pride and recognition**...
"Indeed they are Madam. The world has never seen the likes of such incarnations. They will know these evil little monstrosities when touched by the cuddly goodness that are in each of these sinfully alluring toys. Once held, the person will forget about everything else, enabling me to conquer the world. They'll be too busy hugging and playing with their new toys. By the time they realise I've conquered the world, it'll be too late! Mwahahaha!"
(devilish grin) "Would you like to buy one?"
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted December 18, 2004 04:44 PM |
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QP applied: nice little shop you have here Consis, and nice to see you're working such long hours to make it a success!
edit: bumped
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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