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| Thread: Talk About Your Father |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · NEXT» |
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted May 05, 2005 06:42 AM |
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Talk About Your Father
Anyone have any Father-Son or Father-Daughter stories they want to tell? I'll listen. Just start typing and when you hit the enter button, I'll read all about it. I look forward to whatever you've got between you and your Dad.
I sure do miss my Dad. I could write a whole book on the subject but suffice it to say that we don't speak much at all. He lives way down in Austin, Texas and I'm up north where it rains on the rhododendrons. He's down by the warm Gulf too far inland to feel any Gulf-effect weather but still gets a few showers related to hurricane spin-offs. They also have tornadoes down there while we simply get more rain and copius amounts of moss that somehow grows everywhere; even on the roof of your house. It's much cooler up here and he sees much more intense summer heat waves.
My Dad is a guy I've always described to people as a character straight out of a book/movie called the "Outsiders". He's a greaser; always has been and always will be. The only difference is he's a greaser with a horrible southwestern accent. His whole life has been spent working on cars and copy machines. He's never been anyone's boss as it simply wouldn't fit his profile. The man is a free spirit and often dreams of the day he could just ride off into the sunset on a dirty old motorcycle; no shaving, haircutting, or any jerks trying to tell him how to live his life. He once told me one of his favorite songs is called "Get a Haircut and Get a Real Job" because that describes him to a tee.
The problem with fellas like him is that they commonly drink. He always wanted to bond with me in an inappropriate way in my opinion. Whenever he wanted to be closer to me he'd say, "Son, you wanna go for drive? I'll buy the beer if you drive." When I'd ask where we might drive to he'd simply reply that "nowhere was a good start". I never did take him up on his offer because he always wanted to drink with me while driving and I never felt comfortable with that. It may have cost much of our relationship but I still hold true to my belief that it wouldn't have been a good thing to do. I have two brothers and they didn't say no. This didn't help either.
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Roses Are Red And So Am I
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Leo_Lion
Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
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posted May 05, 2005 07:41 AM |
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Consis, I like the idea of this Thread, I like it alot. My father is very different from yours, so it shouldn't surprise you that my stories will be different as well. I think though, that somewhere in there, we'll find similarities that are common to all men & especially our own fathers.
My dad learnt how to be a parent from the example set by his parents. Since he comes from a family of 11 children, you can understand how the parenting that he was exposed to would not always work with my sister & me. So, as I grew up from a very early age, it was pretty much hit & miss, trial & error, and learn as you go!
My dad was a teacher at the time, but wasn't making much money, so he would occasionaly take courses in order to increase his "earning potential". He would travel around many weekends and sometimes leave for weeks during the summer. My mom would take care of us during these times, but while she worked full-time as a pharmacist, we would either go to school, stay with a babysitter, or go to our grandparents' house.
Eventually, my dad got into sales and kept travelling from one city to another and from one town to another. He was gone just as often as when he was taking courses & teaching, but now he was making more money!  In addition, we would sometimes go with him on these trips, as his hotel rooms were often paid for by his company and meals were discounted too. That was really nice because I was getting a little older at this point and spending time with my father was always pleasant.
He has never been the angry type, but he always disciplined me or let me know when I was misbehaving. Although he is a very social person and likes to drink, he isn't the type to get drunk or act overtly stupid. So, as him & I would go to my hockey games or to special tournaments (on weekends here & there), we would always have a blast!  He would talk & party with the parents, while I played with my buddies.
This went on for years & years, as I have played hockey all of my life. We experienced the thrill of victory and the pain of defeat  . The strange thing is, what stays with me to this day, in regards to our time together around my "hockey life", is not the hockey itself...The thing that I remember most about playing hockey and having my dad around, was the DRIVES TO THE RINK & BACK.
Often we would talk, sometimes we would sing, and sometimes we would listen to motivational tapes. Being a salesman, my dad bought tapes that pumped him up to keep going out there & make a good living by selling products and services. I particularly remember a set called The Phoenix Seminars. As we would drive to far off cities, in order to attend another one of my hockey tournaments, I always looked forward to listening to these tapes with my dad.
They told stories of succesful parenting, business, and academics. They expressed messages of how to overcome obstacles, stay positive, and LIVE LIFE! My dad would stop the tapes from time to time and would we spend hours simply talking about how these things "made sense" and how we felt motivated after listening to them.
As I grew older and became more independant, my dad & I stopped taking those trips. We eventually stopped "really" talking at all. Sure we saw each other on a daily basis, but we just didn't "talk" the way that we used to. Eventually, my dad's company downsized and let him go, leaving him to jump from one sales job to another, over the next few years.
He was really stressed and for the first time in my life, I was worried about my dad. The man that I had grown up admiring, from birth to adolescence, now seemed human...he seemed vulnerable and real. But, just when I thought things were out of control, something great happened.
My dad & I started playing baseball together. We went out twice a week and played on a team of complete strangers. We started "talking" again and then my dad met a teacher from a local highschool. This man told my dad of teaching opportunities around the city and explained to him how many schools were offering full-time positions.
With renewed life, my dad left the world of sales and went back to being a teacher, after a 13 year hiatus. Oddly enough, all those courses he had taken when I was younger were now paying off, as he didn't start at the bottom of the pay-scale...instead, he started near the top!
Today, my dad works hard and helps other teenagers become responsible young adults and this makes him happy. Even though we don't play baseball together anymore, I still see my dad often and always tell him that I love him. If I could manage to do half as well raising my children, as my dad managed with my sister & I, then I will be happy. And knowing how excited he his to become a grandfather, I look forward to becoming a father myself and having him be a part of their lives.
I have so many more great things to say about my dad that I could write a book about it...so don't be surprised if I come back here and Post another long-winded message praising him. 
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*The end to no beginning...
*Take care, Leo
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted May 05, 2005 05:59 PM |
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Leo_Lion,
That was a good story about your Dad. I liked it. I didn't think it was long-winded at all. Feel free to post as much as you want about him(that goes for everyone else too). I'll make sure to give a filler post so that you can write as much as you want without being penalized for posting back-to-back.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted May 07, 2005 05:20 AM |
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If you're looking for a positively themed father-son story, then I'm sorry to disappoint you. Just in case you're unfamiliar with my DT accounts, then I'll say here that my relationship with my dad could be a lot better than it is. For your reading enjoyment, I will present a lesser story that doesn't have much about ugly family stuff in it.
I was around five or six years old when my father took me and my sister to check out Honolulu harbor one night. My mom always told my dad not to take us to the pier, as we might wander away and fall into the water. Being typical, my father secretly brought us out there that night. It was pretty dark, except for some lights that were posted here and there. I was on foot, while my dad carried my sister (who is three years younger than me). Apparently, I was unaware of those metal objects at the edge of the pier that people attach their boats to. I tripped over one of them and I fell into the water. I remember being submerged for three or four seconds until I felt my dad grip me and pull me out. When I was out of the water, the first thing I saw was my sister, who was on the ground crying (did my dad drop her???) Then my dad took me and my sister over to a condominium where he happened to store his work equipment and gave me a shower. Then we went back home; I don't remember much else after that.
Many years later, in the seventh grade, I wrote about this experience in a paper and got a good grade for it. I went home and showed the paper to my mom, and I found out she didn't know about what happened that night years ago. In other words, my father hid it from her all that time. Let's just say she was a little peeved over it, but luckily for my father, nobody got hurt.
-guitarguy
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Leo_Lion
Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
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posted May 17, 2005 01:13 AM |
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This will be a very short description of my father, as my first introduction was pretty long:
If I had to describe my father based on a fictional character, I would choose to compare him with Duke Leto Atreides.
As many fans of the Dune series will know, Leto Atreides earned the respect of those around him by treating them with a high level of respect and by being compassionate to their particular needs. He would also demand discipline and order, yet he would be willing to share a laugh & bend the rules.
As Leto Atreides' soldiers were loyal to him until the end, so it is with my father and his family and friends. Therefore, as House Atreides followed their honourable Duke from the safety of Calladan for the dangers of Arrakis, my family has always followed my loving father, willingly, whenever he chased new opportunities.
Lately, I have been forced to reflect upon my behavior online & in real life, and I can honestly say that I believe that I am following in my father's footsteps. He might have big shoes to fill, but I am learning directly from him and through him.
I believe that, like my father, I do good things for the people who are close to me and that I have a positive impact on those that I only meet briefly.
I also believe that, like my father, I am an honourable person and that I have earned the respect of those around me, even though I don't have tangible "power". And finaly, I believe that anyone who fails to recognize these things about me or who says otherwise, doesn't deserve to be in my presence and should be cast out like a Harkonen dog!
Obviously, I have come to a few conclusions about myself by looking at who my father is and I felt compelled to share them with you all. Feel free to voice your opinions with me...I welcome them.
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*The end to no beginning...
*Take care, Leo
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Conan
Responsible
Supreme Hero
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posted May 19, 2005 04:12 AM |
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I've been meaning to post here for a long time, but told myself that if I could not come up with the time to post something long, then it would not be true to him.
Well, I still don't like writing long posts so at least I'll try to say something since I love him so much.
My dad has always been the listener type of guy. He'd always listen and be there for me. He's highly intelligent so any and all input he could give me is always taken with great consideration.
He has passed alot of his values into me I must say, including those of family. There are many things I do like him and I'm proud of it. He likes word jokes and likes to spend time with close friends. He is not a social butterfly but the people he lets into his circle are there to stay.
He's very intellectual and logical person. He is an accountant and a very determined person. He went back to school at the age of 28 to do a bachelors and become an accountant to become someone and go somewhere. His determination for studies is probably why I am doing a Masters degree at this point in my life. I remember the long drives in the car when I was younger, him telling me about the merrits of education and the importance of values.If my values are as strong as they are now, they are due to him.
He is also quite a diplomatic person. He knows what to say to defuse a situation and usually is taken very seriously by the people he talks to. He will not say something to attract attention to himself - he will say it for a specific reason.
I guess this has become a longer post than I initially expected... but that's ok.
I'll conclude with the fact that I can only count on one hand the amount of fights I've had with my dad if any. Sure I've had disagreements, but that's normal and healthy. I think today he's quite proud of me and of who I've become - it gives me a good feeling thinking about it. I guess I was lucky to be graced to have him as a dad and don't know what I'll do without him. I guess I'll do my best, but I don't like to think about it.
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Your life as it has been is over. From this time forward, you will service.... us. - Star Trek TNG
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Leo_Lion
Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
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posted May 19, 2005 07:52 AM |
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Good Post, Conan.
It's nice to hear that your father was such a great influence on helping you become the man you are today...and the fact that he still continues to play an important part of your new family, is even better!
How is he dealing with being a grandfather? Your insight and experience might help me in the near future, as my father is very eager to take on that role. 
The length of your Post was spot on, by the way.
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*The end to no beginning...
*Take care, Leo
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DharcNemesis
Hired Hero
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posted May 19, 2005 08:00 AM |
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Guys get so mushy.....
My dad hmm well ignored me, no matter what I did to get attention, as teen did nothing but rag me out as adult still ignores me and he un-reliable as heck but guess what? I still love him heheh.
When I lost my cheating no good for nothing hubby, I was crying to dad and he said - "you have brains, beauty and a heart that many like to use as a doormat. It's rare to find all 3 in one woman and if your husband couldnt see that then he doesnt deserve you."
Guess my dad isnt so bad at all cause he's there when it counts the most...advise.
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The one and only Nemesis
Out of the darkness she shall come.
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Leo_Lion
Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
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posted May 19, 2005 08:04 AM |
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Now who's getting mushy, eh???
Seriously, though, that was a good story!
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*The end to no beginning...
*Take care, Leo
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted May 19, 2005 06:26 PM |
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Edited By: Consis on 19 May 2005
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Very Interesting Reading
I especially enjoy the differences and slight nuances ever-so-lightly eminating from each respective description. There be no shortage of character in this thread I can tell you!
~Guitarguy,
I am saddened to hear of the unsatisfying nature of your relationship with your father. I too am in the same boat as you. As I said, my father and I hardly speak to each other. I get a call from him maybe once every 6 months to a year. Reparations are definitely on my things-to-do list. I honestly don't know if I'd really care if he passed away; and I feel even more so for my mother. I loath that woman.
~Leo_Lion,
It's very good what you speak of. Your father is my goal in life. The same goes for Conan's father. I am trying every single day to be more like the father you have. My father wasn't even close to being like yours. Because I am so acutely aware of this and somewhat ashamed, I remind myself every damn day of the qualities I'd wished he'd had while I was growing up. I try my hardest to emulate the kind of man I would have liked him to be. No one was ever loyal to my father. Not a single person, not even my mother.
~Conan,
Oh such distinction your father seems to have. I'm trying to be more like your father as well. My Dad is the exact opposite of yours. My Dad dropped out of school in his freshman year of high school never to return; not when the kids moved out; and not now when he's old and grey. And it is exactly as some people fear with such poor education. He has never been seen as anything but less than quality in his work. He also has a very poor opinion of people who are highly educated with college degrees and such. He thinks they are snobbish, and arrogant, and selfish bastards. He always tells me how much he doesn't trust anyone with that much education. He says, "you can never really be sure if they aren't planning to stab you in the back to steal your job from you". My father is also absolutely not logical nor any sense of diplomacy. Diffusing a situation comes as an impossible task for this man. In fact he is often known to catalyze or exacerbate already inflammatory arguments. His greatest weakness without question is getting into fights. This is a man who has probably never started a fight in his entire life. The problem is that if he's insulted directly(and it must openly obvious - something as simple as saying "you're stupid") then he'll be the one to throw the first punch. He's been in jail as I'm sure you can imagine.
~DharcNemesis,
It sounds like your father has a good head on his shoulders. It makes me happy to hear that he knows he has a great daughter whom he loves dearly. I hope to instill the same love within my own daughter. Thanks for sharing
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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Leo_Lion
Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
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posted May 19, 2005 08:07 PM |
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Wow, that was a good bunch of replies, Consis! I especially liked how open you were to admitting how someone else's situtation was better than yours...as people don't usually want to admit their weaknesses or faults. 
But, as we have discussed this many times, you are a person willing to do these things and learn from them. You are willing to open up and examine yourself in front of all of us, in the search of becoming a better person.
I can tell you right now that if you keep doing these things, you will also become a better father, a better husband, and maybe one day, when you and your parents are ready...a better son.
I don't mean that last part as a shot against you, by any means...I'm just trying to say that you are showing us that you are on a path to becoming a better "all-around" human being. Now, all that remains is for you to make all of these things a reality.
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*The end to no beginning...
*Take care, Leo
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted May 19, 2005 08:50 PM |
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I'm Not Offended Leo_Lion
In fact I think you're on to something. I've been told and somewhat would agree that hatred of your own parents is a poisonous thing that will eventually consume your own honor. If only I had the foresight to know how it would affect me, then I could prevent it. But I am human; I have sorrow, shame, and sadness to come to terms with. All of which concern the two people who created me. It's a road not chosen, but instead is given to each of us. We don't choose who our parents are.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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bort
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Discarded foreskin of morality
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posted May 20, 2005 02:11 AM |
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"When I was a boy of 14, I thought my father was one of the stupidest mortals to walk the face of the earth; when I turned 21, I was amazed how much the old gentleman had learned in seven years."
-- Normally attributed to Mark Twain, although nobody can actually prove he said it.
Pretty much sums up my relationship with my Dad. Couldn't ask for a better one.
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Drive by posting.
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted May 20, 2005 02:49 AM |
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Bort replied, Consis would be so happy WHEEE 
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Dreaming of a Better World
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guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted May 21, 2005 12:01 AM |
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Quote:
"When I was a boy of 14, I thought my father was one of the stupidest mortals to walk the face of the earth; when I turned 21, I was amazed how much the old gentleman had learned in seven years."
-- Normally attributed to Mark Twain, although nobody can actually prove he said it.
A very touching quote. Too bad it doesn't apply to my dad at all.
I'll try to post another story soon, but I have to wait until my dad does something meaningful or noticeably positive.
*waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting...*
-guitarguy
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Leo_Lion
Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
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posted May 22, 2005 12:36 AM |
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What does your father do for a living, guitarguy?
Is he in the Navy or a native of Hawai'i?
My dad is now a teacher. As I said before, he used to teach many years ago, and then became a salesman for the Yellow Pages.
After a few years of selling, he became a Supervisor and then eventually, a Branch Manager. Basically, he ran the office that handled all of Northern Ontario's business. This was a pretty big thing, but when the opportunity to have the same job in Ottawa came up, he jumped all over it, despite the fact that it would take him away from his parents and from many of his brothers & sisters.
Working in Ottawa was a great opportunity of advancement for my dad because the Provincial Manager worked in his office and the National Office was 2 hours away, in Montreal. So, he got to socialise with all of the "big wigs" in the company and "get his foot in the door" for even higher positions.
Well, things didn't exactly go as planned...The Corporation decided to cut down on costs and downsize. So, as it happens everywhere else, middle management was the first to go. That left my dad unemployed, but with a sweet severance package.
He then found a sales job with AT&T and worked there for a few months, before he got offered another management position somewhere else. He took that and the nice pay raise , but it wouldn't last long either. That company closed down the branch where my father was working in order to "refocus it's investments". Once again, he was unemployed and had a severance (although much smaller this time) to hold him afloat for a while.
As the time before, he got many offers for sales positions, but the salaries were highly based on commission and at 40+ years old, my dad wasn't looking for more pressure in his life.
And as I said in my earlier Post, fate brought him back to a well-paying, stable, and satisfying teaching job. Now, he can take the summers off and enjoy the finer things in life, as he deserves them so very much!
For me, the moral of my dad's story is that despite all of the problems and obstacles that we may face in life, the end result is always positive, one way or another…you just need to have faith that everything will work itself out! I also learned that life is about cycles...making mistakes is natural, but learning from them is key. That way, when a similar situation arises in the future (as it surely will) you’ll be better prepared to handle & overcome it…like my father did.
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*The end to no beginning...
*Take care, Leo
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guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted May 22, 2005 02:29 AM |
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My dad as I know him
My father repairs ships and machinery at Pearl Harbor. He's been doing that for many years now, but I hear he used to have a job cleaning up airplanes between flights. Yes, he was born here in Hawaii. The following is about my paternal side; my maternal grandparents are not involved.
My dad's family is quite odd. They live up on the side of a mountain and are somewhat the antisocial sort. When my dad was young, his father was gruff and impatient, while his mother was quiet and weak. My paternal grandfather had very little tolerance for bad things that my dad and his siblings did, and came over very harshly as a result. My grandfather stepped all over his wife, my dad's mother. She was soft-spoken and always cowered when her husband beat up on her verbally. She simply did not defend herself.
My mom was up at my dad's family's house while they were dating together and she witnessed a lot of this stuff going on. That evening, my grandmother spilled a container of salt all over the kitchen floor, making my grandfather raise hell as usual. My mom recalls the kind of things he said: "You're good for nothing...you're a mess-up...!!!" He went on and on shouting curses and obscenities at my grandmother right in front of my mom and dad. My mom still remembers being quite disturbed by it.
My dad has inherited a bunch of his parent's traits, much to our misfortune. He is impatient and has not been good at being a decent parent. He used to slap me all the time when I did something bad or slightly bad. I quickly learned that I should avoid accidents like dropping my dinner plate on the livingroom carpet, lest I get him upset. He cusses from time to time too; that's typical since he works at a shipyard, not to mention the influence from his own father. My mom does not approve of my dad's quickness to judge and punish harshly, and she has bugged him about it all the time. My mom wears the pants in my house, figuratively speaking, so my dad takes on his mother's traits and backs off whenever that happens. Mom really makes it clear. My dad would only come down hard on my sister and I when my mom wasn't around, concluding each session with the warning: "Don't tell your mom." You can tell that he doesn't want to get caught and subsequently lectured by my mom, who can be very, very sharp-mouthed herself. Not that he listens to her in the long run, though.
At this point, my dad only gives me lectures when he doesn't agree with something. He no longer hurts me physically (at least not yet, so far). I remember how he'd grab me by my shirt collar back in my seventh-eighth grade years. He was rough, although not overly rough. He's nothing compared to that freaky abusive husbands on those crazy Lifetime movies.
My overall relationship with my dad is a bit stale, especially since I'm particularly negative about inheriting some of his annoying traits. My father is slow at speaking; he pauses a lot and takes a long time to think and spit out words. One sentence can take two minutes sometimes. I distantly relate to this because I often mess up on some words when I read out loud (even though I'm not dyslexic). I'm also a crappy math student, slow at doing anything from mental math to counting pocket change in a check-out line. I got that from my dad, as well. Perhaps the most annoying of all the traits I got from him is slowness. Slowness as in slow to react to certain things or perhaps the inability to think quickly and rationally in hasty situations. This is very hard to describe, but it is akin to when others seeing you as being "not all there." I hope I don't appear that way, because I am here, quite frankly. I have to try very hard to overcome these things; I speak faster and practice rational thought as a result. The math stuff is still a problem though. I know it's pointless to hate a parent just because of genetics, but it becomes extremely frustrating and so much of an obstacle in everyday life (and math classes) that I can't think of any other way out except to complain about it. Looks like I'm stuck.
Ladies and gentlemen, that's my dad.
-guitarguy
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted May 22, 2005 04:26 AM |
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Edited By: Consis on 21 May 2005
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Khaelo,
Quote:
Dad voluntarily gave Mom and us a huge lump payment rather than continuing alimony. He was far more generous than he needed to be.
This is a good man in my eyes. I want to be the same as him in this regard. I have told my wife many times that no matter what happens between us, if she ever decided she could not live with me then I would give her anything she and the kids wanted. I don't have much in the way of money or other such legalities of capitol worth. The house we live in and the first car we bought together were done on my outstanding credit rating and history. Technically all my valuables and holdings could be calculated as such. I might actually be the primary applicant with which a bank would look to if liquidation ever came to fruition. In a worst-case scenario I plan to offer all that I am and more. That's the kind of man I want to be seen as. I don't care if I have nothing but the shirt on my back if my wife left me. At least she and the children would know that I gave everything I possibly could for them. Much like your father, I want the foresight he had. Perhaps he knew his condition was dwindling and thought it the best time to give as much as he could while he was still capable and of sound mind. In my eyes, he is a good man for doing such and I want to be good in this regard as well. I think it's important for your kids to grow up knowing their father gave them everything he could when he was able.
If I might also please make a suggestion with regards to watching a person slowly deteriorate in front of your very own eyes. My cousin recently died whom I knew well while growing up. He had muscular distrophy and spent his entire life in a wheelchair. He lived much longer than he was projected by the doctors. He was a very lively character in my mind. When he died I felt a tragedy and became depressed. And it wasn't until I started following the speeches of Nancy Reagan talking about her husband that I began to find the ability to cope with the loss. I remember hearing her say, "I've lost him, he's gone now; where I cannot go". It was shortly before he died when he had completely forgotten all the people who loved him. It was very sad but I found strength in listening to her speak about how difficult it can be for a person to watch someone they love degenerate in front of them over a long period of time. It helped remind me that we aren't alone in this world. There are others who have grief as we do; sorrow much like us; and pain of the inner sort with which we keep buried deep in our hearts for the ones we love so dearly. Perhaps you too can find comfort by finding a few of Nancy's speeches and reading over them. I know it helped me. Maybe it could help you too.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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Leo_Lion
Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
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posted May 22, 2005 09:52 AM |
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Quote:
I don't know how many other people here at HC have watched someone's mental decline. I hope not many. It's painful.
I agree and can totally relate to this situation, Khaelo.
My grandfather (on my mother's side) passed away from Alzheimer's  and a brain tumour many years ago, but we had really lost him sometime before that.
I was extremely close with him and spent many weekends/entire weeks at his cottage fishing, swimming, and playing cards as I grew up...He was also named Leo and was my godfather, in addition to being my grandfather.
I didn't learn much from him, in terms of "how to be a better man", because we never really talked about those kind of things, but he was still a very important person in my life. He taught me a variety of things about the great outdoors that I still remember & use to this day.
Anyways, one time when my cousin & I were at my grandparents cottage for a week, my grandfather scolded us for joking with my grandma during a card game. He seemed to misunderstand the meaning of our jokes because he gave us heck for talking about my grandmother's "sexuality".
My cousin and I went to bed, perplexed by his inappropriate reaction, but we were later reassured when my grandma came to tell us that he had over-reacted because he was tired and wasn't used to staying up so late.
So, fine, right?
Wrong!
The next morning, as my cousin and I were preparing to go out on the lake to relax alone, my grandfather came over to tell me something. He said that since I had not apologized to my grandmother for my "obscene comments" the night before, that maybe I should have my penis cut off to see how it feels!
I immediately ran to my cousin, told him to get in the boat, and got us the heck out of there. After I told him about what my grandpa had said to me, my cousin and I decided to go to a nearby cottage and call our parents. My aunt came to pick us up and then we returned home without hearing anything else from my grandparents.
I didn't see or speak to them for the next few months, but I found out from my mom that my grandfather had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and a brain tumour. The doctors also explained to my mom that people who suffer from these diseases often get frustrated because they feel helpless. Their inability to keep track of conversations or make sense of reality, often leads to outbursts of anger or impatience.
Once I knew this, I forgave my grandfather without a second thought. My cousin, on the other hand, has never done so...and I am saddened whenever I see him and he speaks poorly of our grandpa...because it was NOT HIS FAULT.
Anyways, a few weeks later, my grandfather went into a coma and never woke up. He withered away and died a slow and agonizing death...but he was surrounded by those who loved him at the end.
Oddly enough, throughout the wake and funeral, I never cried. It's not because I was too young to understand or anything, I was a teenager after all! I just didn't feel like crying...I wasn't even sad! I knew that he was going to die months before it happened, so I had already made my peace with it. No one made a fuss about my behaviour, either, but I was curious as to why my feelings of love for this man, had not brought me to tears.
Well, a few years later, as I was resting in bed next to Ya-Wen, I started to think about my grandfather out of the blue. I remembered how much of my childhood had been spent enjoying life with him and recalled many happy memories from times we had spent together. And then I started to cry...
After years of being "ok" with his death, I was finally realizing that I missed him! As most people had expressed their feelings of loss at the wake or at the funeral, it had taken me years to do it...while I was lying quietly in bed.
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*The end to no beginning...
*Take care, Leo
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guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted June 16, 2005 07:37 AM |
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Imbecile Father
My father was trying to call home today after work, but he couldn't get through to our house. Over here, my grandparents and I didn't hear the phone ring at all. Because he had to burn well over a dozen quarters making over a dozen attempted calls, he was very pissed. He's always like that; this has happened many times before.
So when my dad got home, he started throwing his accusations at my grandfather, and then at my grandmother. My grandfather simply told my dad that the phone was acting weird today and that no rings were heard. My grandpa has a new hearing aide, so I knew he was telling the truth. Plus, I was with him next to the phone, and I didn't hear the phone ring either. My dad then went into the kitchen where my grandma was preparing dinner. All of a sudden I heard my grandma start to shout loudly; I ran over to check it out. My grandma is usually quiet, so if she's shouting that loud, I know there's something wrong. When I got to the kitchen, I saw my dad confronting her with yet another barrage of accusations. My grandma was really upset, and she really took to explaining to my dad firmly what she knew. My dad, of course, was not buying any of it and kept on targeting her. I threw myself in and defended my grandma's story, hoping it would help to settle things. It died down a little after that, and my dad's finally looking into fixing the phone. The whole thing was so unnecessary. I'm really used to seeing my dad fight unreasonably for losing battles.
I don't always show my grandma the love and respect she deserves, but it kicks me right in the teeth whenever I see my dad boss her around. I was glad to side with her during this petty argument. My father's too slow and stupid to treat my maternal grandparents reasonably.
My dad must think that life should be perfect. He gets so upset about the little things, yet he himself messes up all the time. He goes blaming people without listening to what they have to say. He only stops being a jerk when my mother is around to set him straight. Very little love is shown. It just can't be easy living with an imbecile father.
-guitarguy
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