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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted May 20, 2014 06:48 PM |
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Edited by meroe at 18:54, 20 May 2014.
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Oh Lord, well next time you have a mammoth dream Joonas, give us a heads up and I will clear my week to read your post 
In my dream I had this adorable little black and white kitten. No idea where it came from or how I ended up having it. Oh it was so adorable, snuggling up in my arms to sleep.
Anyway after a while I figured I had to feed and water this creature. But the food I had the kitten didn't want. Pesky little thing was choosy.
While trying to encourage it to eat some stuff, I noticed there were two more kittens hanging around.
Next thing I know there are at least 10!!!! And I started to panic. Who was going to care for the kittens while I went out to get food??? They were just multiplying like crazy.
Then I woke up. I swear its because of all this discussion on kids recently. Beginning to scare the c**p out of me.
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Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted May 20, 2014 07:40 PM |
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It's an omen!
You must get a kid before you go crazy cat woman!
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted May 20, 2014 07:46 PM |
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What and feed them Friskies ????
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Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted May 31, 2014 08:11 PM |
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I just had a really bizarre dream and I want to write about it here before I forget.
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For some reason, I was in the UK, and it was election time. And instead of campaigning normally, each party's MPs and MP candidates organized into groups based on party (all the Conservatives were in one group, all the Lib Dems in another, and so on), and they entered an giant old abandoned mine - the parties were competing to see if they could find out why the mine had been abandoned and where the missing miners were. The mine had been abandoned several years ago, and some of those who worked there had never been found. I entered the mine with a group of Conservatives, and as we went deeper into the mine, I talked to them about how they shouldn't be conservatives and how they should be libertarians instead.
We didn't see any miners, dead or living, as we went deeper, but we did see some things we didn't expect - after a certain depth, the mine stopped looking like a mine and started looking like some kind of research facility. As we looked around, we lost radio contact with the other parties' groups (we all had radios so we could communicate with each other if anything went wrong). Then we came across a large room with a big sealed door. We saw the other parties' candidates standing around it, inspecting it (they seemed to have come into the room from the main entrance, while we quietly came in through some side passage and were hidden behind some crates. Then we heard a loud rumbling behind the sealed door, then it broke in half and crumpled, and from behind it emerged about 20 normal-looking orangutans led by one giant vicious-looking orangutan. He immediately inspired terror, and the politicians (including the ones hidden with me) started to panic and run around screaming. The orangutans attacked the candidates, viciously tearing them to pieces with some superhuman strength. After nearly all the politicians had been killed, marines from Half-Life burst into the room from the main entrance and started shooting at the orangutans. They may have gotten 1 or 2 of the smaller ones, but these turned out to be magic orangutans, and they killed all the invading marines, then left through the main entrance.
At that point, I realized that the mine was a cover-up for some kind of research facility, and the researchers had awakened the giant Orangutan and most of them had been killed by him. The remaining few sealed him behind the door and fled. Now we had done something that let the orangutan break free. I thought I'd die if I tried to leave the mine, so I decided to go deeper with the few remaining MPs who had somehow survived by staying quiet. We entered the door behind which the orangutan had been sealed. We came across a large room without proper walls (unlike in the research facility where the walls were normal walls, here the walls were the natural rock you'd expect underground). On one wall, there was something that looked like an even more giant version of the giant orangutan hanged on the wall in a crucifixion position. We looked closer and discovered it wasn't a real body of an orangutan, but an arrangement of torn-off human limbs that had been placed into the shape of an orangutan and had become similar colors (as if they had been painted or something).
Then the orangutans entered the room we were in, and I thought we were doomed. I don't remember what happened next, but the giant orangutan started talking, and was talking about the Image of the Orangutan, indicating what was on the wall. He told us that the image of the crucified orangutan was his creation. I asked him how he made it. He approached me and the Conservative standing next to me, and mimed ripping our legs off. I was going to die anyway, so I thought I might as well ask, "Why doesn't it look like a bunch of bloody body parts? Why does it have the normal orangutan colors?" The orangutan replied, "It is because of the sea." Then I looked at the crucified orangutan-shape, and there was a giant glowing seashell where the head had been. The living orangutans became agitated - and then I heard a group of men yell "For the Drowned God!" and men in Viking garb emerged from deeper inside the mine and charged at the orangutans. There was battle, and in the commotion, the few surviving politicians and I managed to flee.
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Eccentric Opinion
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artu
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
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posted May 31, 2014 08:34 PM |
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mvass said:
I entered the mine with a group of Conservatives, and as we went deeper into the mine, I talked to them about how they shouldn't be conservatives and how they should be libertarians instead.
Oh boy, that was golden. I just laughed out so hard at this. In your dreams, mvass.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 01, 2014 05:21 PM |
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i only remember one thing: gg allin in a kiddie pool filled with human feces. he was swimming around in it.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 01, 2014 09:21 PM |
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Edited by fred79 at 21:23, 01 Jun 2014.
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ok, dozed off, had another one. this one much better:
can't remember before coming out of the club or bar, but it had been an all-nighter. i opened the door and entered into the nice, warm sun. i strolled out into the parking lot, to my car, naked except for a pair of boots, feeling the warm sun and cool breeze on my skin. i wasn't myself, i was somebody else. so, i got in my car, which was a primer black hotrod(no idea the make and model, an older car though, 60's i think), and drove away. a cop car passed me going the way i had just came from, so i pulled into a parking space, cut the engine, and proceeded to pull on a pair of black underwear and a black shirt(i was a punk, i think); knowing that the cops were gonna turn around and pull me over. they didn't, they pulled over to a curb and started to harass a bunch of punks that were loitering outside some store in the same parking lot i was in. then, i'm guessing gary oldman's "sid vicious"(from "sid and nancy"), came over to the scene, shirtless, with a 20ft long board, and started whacking the cop car with it(i could hear the "whunks". i laughed a little, thinking "that sid, he really don't gaf."
so anyway, i couldn't find my pants(i guessed i had left them at the club/bar), and proceeded to get out of dodge. i drove to my(not strictly mine, anyway) girlfriend's job. she was cooking fries in one of those little mini-shops that don't have much kitchen room, and the food is directly delivered to customers out the window(like at a carnival). it was me, some blond dude, and some black dude. we were all close friends. and apparently, we all shared the same girlfriend, a BEAUTIFUL woman, who i can not even begin to describe(she looked better than jessica alba, with a hotter body, if that's possible. dirty blonde, lightly tanned, ****ing gorgeous). she was pissed at all of us for some reason(i'm guessing something having to do with last night?), but they were the only two apologizing, i was just watching them apologize and trying not to laugh at them. so anyway, they won over her affections again, and she got off work, so she joined us outside her business. we were laying on the car, and the black dude was going to **** her first(i guess), when i took her to myself, and as she straddled me, i was convincing the black dude, "man, she'll **** you better tomorrow, she'll be missing you, so she'll be better in bed." some **** like that. anyway, he got excited by the idea, she was laughing, and he no longer had a problem with me going first. so i got her out of her top, her beautiful tits are in my face, her smell is all over me, intoxicating me, i'm pulling her short-ass shorts off, grabbing her ass, getting about ready to put my dick in her, when MY ****ING COUSIN CALLS MY PHONE AND WAKES ME UP.
you better believe i called him all types of mother****er when i answered the phone. i haven't had a dream with a woman THAT bad-ass since my teens. i could've cared less if i blew a load in my pants while dreaming, it would have been worth it.
man, i'm still mad at my cousin. what a waste of a perfectly good nap. at least it was still entertaining.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 26, 2014 06:05 PM |
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Edited by fred79 at 18:10, 26 Jun 2014.
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interesting dream. i was living in a ghetto, and i couldn't get a job; so i was looking for ways to make money. i was hanging out with a group of guys, the thuggish type; some were real people from my past, and some were unknown to me personally(if i remember right. they could've all been real people i have known, but i think Method Man was in there as a drug dealer, lol). so anyway, we're sitting around outside, just kind of hanging out, like groups do in an inner-city ghetto. i remember seeing a kid named Vega(last name) in the group(a guy i knew in the army), which didn't make sense because he was about as thuggish as i was the Queen of England. a drug dealer came up to the group, trying to sell or recruit people(again, i think this character was Method Man). i considered for a second, needing money and being flat broke. but i(and everyone hanging out with me), said the apparently usual thing of "naw, mayne". we had all seen the after-school specials on T.V., and knew drug dealing was a dangerous business, where you could die, especially in an inner-city ghetto(lol, no ****, we were all apparently pussies, and not thugs at all).
the drug dealer laughed quietly(and perhaps scornfully), like he expected this kind of sissy **** from us, and had indeed, dealt with it before. he went on his way. this was all out in front of our chunk of the apartment complex we were living.
so we were hanging out, and i was bouncing employable ideas off of the group, and we were discussing where i could find work, when they started rapping(lol, don't ask me how it started. i don't ****ing know.  ). when there was a break in their rapping(which signals someone else to take over), i jumped in with my supposedly fly ****. they started making all kinds of noise(as rapping groups are prone to do when somebody spits out some talented(aka, DOPE) ****. ). they started telling me that i need to write that stuff down, i could sell my lyrics to a rapper. and i went inside to find some paper and a pen before i forgot the words.
when i came back outside, they were all out behind the building, still just hanging out. so i was about to start up another rap session with them, so that i could put more than a few lines on paper. and they started getting nervous, because a couple of(i guess REAL hoods), was coming over to the group. these "real" thugs apparently acted like Deebo from the movie "Friday":
so, these two were something to be feared, supposedly(judging from how the rest of the group clammed up fast). these two were mid-size, not huge like Deebo, but they were known to carry guns, and have killed people with them over very minor things. i was reaching up onto our 2nd-story porch(from the ground), searching through our stuff for a gun, which i alone had somewhere in a pile of clothing. the two came up behind me, and were threatening me to give them money, of which i had none of. one was tugging at my shirt, not knowing what i was rooting around for. but i couldn't find the gun. so i jumped down off of whatever i was standing on, and turned to face them. they were telling me to give them "dough". i told them i didn't have any, and other members of my group spoke up, telling them that i didn't have a job, and was broke. so they get upset, thinking that we're trying to **** with them; and one of them reaches for his waistband to get his gun. the rest of my group is terrified, and i know if i don't do something, i'm dead.
the guy pulls out a snubnose revolver, and fires off one shot just after i grab his arm to deflect his aim. using my grip on his arm, i swing him around into an iron fence, where he collides brutally. i swing him back, and swing him into it again, this time wet crunching is heard, as i am destroying this guy's head and torso. the rest of my group is too shocked for a couple of seconds to move, then they grab the other guy en masse, and start ****ing him up as bad as i'm ****ing this guy up. i'm continually ramming this guy into this iron fence(the kind with the 2-inch thick squared-off bars and spikes on top), really making a mess of him. blood starts getting everywhere; we kill these guys so violently(and they apparently have so much blood in them), that we are all literally SOAKED in their blood, we are all red, our clothes are completely saturated in it.
then we hear the cops coming, and we take off. we dodge through the ghetto, with the cop cars right behind us, driving over the sidewalks and grass(somehow we were no longer just outside the back of our home, but around 200 yards from home). so, we get some distance(lol, we outrun cop cars apparently), and are able to make it inside where we live. i had to have made it in last, because when i get in, they are all trying to clean the blood off their bodies and clothes, with their clothes still on. they have a hose hooked up to a faucet, which is in the living room for some reason, it is a squared-off shower spot, and it is tiled, with a little lip around it, so that the water runs down the drain, instead of into the carpet in front of the couch. they are spraying water and blood everywhere, in a panic, and i have to tell them to "aim the ****ing hose at the wall, you dumb mother****er!" so the guy does, and the red spray off of his clothes and skin start running down the wall, instead of splattering all over the carpet.
then i wake up. pretty interesting dream; i don't remember having any like this before. in the ghetto, yes. but not trying to get 7 or more of my buddies to clean up after a couple of horrendously bloody murders, albeit the defensive kind.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted July 07, 2014 05:49 AM |
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i had all kinds of horrible nightmares today(i didn't wake up until 2pm). i can't remember any of them. i just remember struggling to wake up; i wake up, then drift back off to sleep before i can become fully conscious, and find myself right where i left off, in the nightmare. it was like swimming up out of black mud, then sinking back under(and screaming until my mouth filled up) before i could get a handhold. those dreams were like ****ing drowning in black mud. horrible and terrifying.
oddly, as soon as i awoke completely(some hours after the nightmares), i knew exactly what time it was. 2pm on the nose, before i even looked at my clock. very weird start to my day.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted July 08, 2014 01:59 AM |
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i dreamt i was in a game of "Call of Duty", only the people i had to shoot were the bad guys from "Killzone". after i shot them, they turned into clumps of hair and dirt.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted July 11, 2014 07:47 PM |
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Edited by fred79 at 19:53, 11 Jul 2014.
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you guys suck. how many more times do i have to post here before someone else does? 
apparently, heat brings on crazier dreams. i can only remember so far back, so bear with me. it was a saturday, and i had just arrived at an army post for the first time(i had joined the army), and i made my way into and through the building i would be living in, to the room i was going to stay. i remember thinking, "it's saturday, i won't have to check in until monday", as if the army was a 9-5 job or something. so, i'm checking the room out, it was smaller than some other room, so i was going through the building, trying to find a room that i liked. nearly everyone was gone, out partying probably, but i ran into some people here and there. anyway, i found a huge room, that had a window with a great view(the room that i went to initially had no windows, and was more of a bigger closet, than a room). i decided to take that room. the room had many doors, around the outside walls, leading to other people's rooms, and hallways. i started opening them all, to see where they went. i opened one, and some girl was holding a towel or robe open that she was wearing, showing her body off to a guy sitting on a couch. i tried to shut the door before she noticed me, but it was too late. she covered herself, giving a tiny little amiable shriek, with a smile on her face, like she was embarrassed, but pleased that someone else had seen her naked, and was also amused by the situation. so, i went around the other doors, opening them, seeing where they went. i came to one door, when i opened it, the room on the other side had the same layout as the one with the naked girl; it indeed looked like the same room, with the same couch, but the girl and guy were gone. in the room in place of them, was a medical bag, a stainless steel table or chair, and an array of what looked like torture tools and devices set out in a tray on a table next to the table or chair. i ventured into the room, and was looking at the tools and whatnot, when i realized that if someone found me in there, i would probably end up in strapped in, and be subject to whatever experiments they were doing on people. i heard someone coming, and i was just about to make it out of there, when a guy in a lab coat walked in. he spotted me, and the chase was on. and i mean it was full on, the building that i had been going from room to room, was now some kind of secret hospital that performed all kinds of crazy experiments on people. so i slammed the door behind me as the guy was running for me, and soldiers and more men in lab coats were chasing me down this hallway, that kept widening. i kept throwing things in their way as i ran past things; boxes, gurneys, etc. they were cursing and yelling, and sometimes they were within inches of catching me. i was running full speed, terrified out of my mind at what would happen if they caught me. i was opening doors and shutting them behind me, going through some kind of maze of doors and rooms(every room had multiple doors that led to multiple other rooms with still more multiple doors), and i somehow made it to a loading bay down on the ground level. i started running down a street, and suddenly there were regular citizens here and there. i had made it to a waterfront area, and there was some kind of festival going on. but i could see the lab coat guys coming for me still. the soldiers hung back.
one lab coat guy, the main doctor(i somehow knew), had grabbed ahold of me, and was trying to wrestle me to the ground. i overpowered him, breaking his arm, and gouging his eyes out with a pen that he kept in a breast pocket. i was stabbing him on either side of his windpipe with the pen, going for his jugulars and carotids, so that he would bleed out faster, so that i could keep running. somehow he ended up in an electronic wheelchair(which he had been in all along, you would think), and i flipped him and his wheelchair over the side of a dock, and into the water. i held him under(he kept struggling up for air, which he got one breath). i remember now that it was kevin costner, the actor. anyway, i kept him under, and drowned him. i left him there, and all of the regular civilians seemed absolutely oblivious to any of this. it was like none of it was happening around them, and that neither i nor the people chasing me even existed.
so, i was tackled by another guy, this one a soldier(i guess after me killing the head honcho, they decided that they were needed, now). i gave him the same treatment as the doctor; gouging his eyes out with my thumbs, and stabbing him in his jugulars and carotids with a stick i had found on the ground. i didn't drown this guy as well, because we were in the middle of the street. i left him, and took off running back into the hospital, as i was too exposed outside, and nobody was helping me anyway. i passed by a bunch of military vehicles full of personnel that had been released after me(i was sneaking past them, they never saw me go back into the hospital). anyway, so now i'm back in the hospital, and i put on a lab coat to try and blend in. but somebody eventually recognized me, and the chase was back on. this time, i headed UP, instead of down. i opened a window, and i was stories up, maybe 15, i don't know. but i could fly. and fly i did, right out that window, just before they were about to grab me.
so, now i'm flying, and trying to put distance between myself and that hospital. i knew they would still be looking for me, and could get the chase airborne if they wanted to, so i flew faster and faster, and made it out to sea. not long after i passed a rocky cliff leading down to the ocean, that i saw something in the water. it was ****ing HUGE. it was some kind of monster, with long tentacles that ended in spiked suckers(kind of like a deep-sea giant squid, only as big as a mountain) that were facing up, meaning the spikes were sticking out of the water. the spikes were as big around as trees, and about 30 feet long. but this monster wasn't purely natural, internally, it was a machine. so that would make it a cyborg monster of gigantic proportions. it's longer tentacles(the ones without spikes) extended far out into the ocean, past the spiked tentacles. they extended out into space, as the ocean dropped away shortly past the spiked tentacles, to give way to space(the world in this dream was apparently flat. either that, or outer space was swallowing the world gradually). the ocean water dropped away into black space. as the bio-mechanical creature was "reeling" it's tentacles in(you could hear a near-deafening CLINK CLINK CLINK that you would hear from a gargantuan roller coaster as a coaster was going up the main drop), and i knew that earth was toast, once that thing gathered itself for it's attack.
i was flying back to earth, around the giant creature, to warn the other superheroes(i was a superhero, apparently), when we all decided to leave earth(i guess we were communicating telepathically), as there was nothing we could do but save ourselves. i flew into some small escape-pod-like ship, and as soon as the window came down, it took off. the g-force was incredible, i remember it picking up speed faster and faster; my body was getting smushed back into the seat, my head was locked back, my face was sliding back, the whole nine.
then i woke up.
i had had a dream earlier, that was just as fantastic, but i was awakened before it could finish, and i couldn't get back into the dream, so i forgot it. this dream i posted was the second one i had, after that one.
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted July 17, 2014 12:25 PM |
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Had a short moment of lucidity last night.
Was standing outside with some guy pestering me when I realized I was dreaming. Closed my eyes and imagined him away, didn't work. I sighed, opened my eyes, swept my hand at him and said "go away".
Guy gets hit by a shockwave and flies off into the horizon.
I look at my hands and go power-mad, like full "mwaahahahhahaa yeeeessss!!" (I'd go villain immediately if this was real life I guess). Too excited and I wake up immediately.
Ah well 
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted July 20, 2014 01:14 PM |
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Edited by fred79 at 13:16, 20 Jul 2014.
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dreamt that i was in france. i was learning to speak french by saying phrases. there was a gathering of some sort, that i and my family was a part of. it started raining, then snowing, and then it started raining hail. day had turned into night pretty suddenly, the day had become a winter storm at night, where not one minute earlier, it had been sunny out. as everyone was making their ways to different buildings for shelter(we had all been outside), i noticed some hail coming down that was shaped weird, like broken-off chunks of something bigger. i was looking up at the sky, into the snow and hail, and sproradic huge hail started coming down. every 10 seconds or so, basketball-sized hail was coming down from the sky, and it seemed to want to crush my head, as i was having to bob, weave, and duck. i kept trying to mention this to my family, but they were preoccupied, trying to enter some building. i noticed that next to the observatory that they were trying to enter(on a hill not far from a city street), was a stream of melted snow, pouring down along a gouge in the hill.
i remember hearing a narrator(apparently i was inside a movie) say, "and as that water poured down, the bedrock was weakened."(or something like that, my memory of the dream is starting to fade).
so, the "bedrock" cracks, and suddenly, an ocean is pouring out from underground(apprently, the core of the world is pressurized ocean). it is so huge, this eruption, and so powerful, that it sweeps me up, ahead of the water, to where i wasn't even touching it at the start. then after the initial pressure subsided as the breach was now flowing down the city street, i sank into the water, which was warm, and crystal-clear. i was turned around, looking back, for any sharks that might swim up out of the breach, and try to eat me or any of the other people that were now riding this wave down into the city. no sharks, just crystal-clear water. for being such a powerful and earth-rending substance, it was pretty peaceful. i remember feeling like i was on a ride at a waterpark, with warm and very pleasant water.
i turn around in the flow downward(satisfied that i'm not going to get eaten by any sharks), and am noticing that we are all now close to a highway overpass; the downward tidal wave is rushing us along under it. i am looking up at the concrete bottom of it, and i'm wondering if i'm going to be crushed up against it. i figure, that i am going to die for certain, by being crushed against something by the water. i see an opening, a crack next to a building and the overpass. i make my way to it, and shoot out of it just as the tidal wave closes on the bottom of the underpass. i guess the other people got crushed or drowned, maybe not. so, i shoot up out of this crack, and land on the street, next to the downflow. everything is peaceful, i am standing on a very new-looking(or just well-kept) city street in paris, and watching this ocean flow downhill, past me, and directly under this overpass(btw, the day had come back. it was sunny and very nice out). the water is still clear, but now obscured from the whitewash. it looks like a waterfall, that flows across the ground. then suddenly the water is gone, like it was a solid piece, not the whole ocean. it was like a train of water, that had a beginning and an end(but it had only been a piece). so i'm standing there, and now there are people walking around(previously the city was a well-kept ghost town). a cop that is wearing an 1900's police uniform is looking at me weirdly. i walk up to him, and he starts talking to me in french, in what sounds like a question. he looks pretty stern. i repeat one of the phrases that i've learned(or maybe i put them all together, i can't remember now), and suddenly he is smiling warmly at me, in a very welcoming manner.
then i wake up.
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NoobX
Undefeatable Hero
Now, this is a paradox...
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posted July 31, 2014 11:24 AM |
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Edited by NoobX at 11:38, 31 Jul 2014.
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The following dreams were copy-pasted from another forum where I originally posted them:
The year is 1929 and I work as a private detective in Chicago. I've received a message that a new mafia boss has just started operating in the area and that he wants to take me out. Instead of running, I decided that it would be better if I went to kill the mafia boss before he kills me, and that's what I did a few days later.
In the evening I managed to slip into his hideout dressed as one of his henchmen. I found my way to his office where he was sitting with two other mafia bosses, probably discussing their plans. I pulled out my gun and gave each one a headshot.
The building started to shake as a giant creature rampaged through the street and I've made my way to the window to take a look at what's happening. The creature was probably over 20 meters tall and it just crushed anything it got in contact with, but as I was thinking about what to do now the creature crashed into the mafia HQ and I was sent flying in the air somehow...
... I woke up (!in the dream!) on a grassy hill with many of my classmates running downhill towards a river. It was a sunny late spring/early summer day and everyone was just having fun. As we continued going down, the area around us turned into a forest and one by one my classmates started disappearing. In the end there were only two that didn't disappear, but they both drowned in the river :-/
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So, I'm the protagonist of an RPG game. As with every game, the protagonist has to do some quests in order to achieve his goal... and mine was to take down some evil lord who is responsible for destroying my country. The evil lord resides in a great mansion built in a different dimension, and the only (rumored) access to that dimension is through a temple altar in a city ruled by various sorts of outlaws, brigands, thieves and assassins.
To prepare myself for a journey like this one, I trained in the arts of both fighting and magic. I learned how to kill and how to steal. I knew when to hide, when to run, when to sleep, when to strike, when to relax... I forged my own sword, crafted my own shield and imbuned them with magical runes. My armor was made out of the finest leather in the land and was reinforced with the top quality steel plates. The devilishly good looks allowed me to *ahem* charm many women and obtain valuable information from them. All in all, I was a pain for anyone who stood in my way.
I arrived at the city gates in the early morning. The sun could never be seen through the dense clouds that covered the land. Actually, the weather itself never changed - it was always foggy and dark, yet it never rained and there weren't any storms; the wind was cold and you could smell death in the air. I carefully infiltrated the town and made my way to the temple which was looking more like an abandoned ruin due to the lack of people to take care of the building. A bunch of thieves ambushed me from behind, but my magical powers were sufficient to kill them instantly. After the encounter, I made my way to the temple's altar. However, it turned out that there was no portal there, so I decided to go deeper into the temple and see if I can find something there. There were many corpses lying on the temple floor, most of them rotten away. At the very bottom of the temple, in a room with the most corpses around I found an interesting purple crystal. As I picked it up, the corpses came to life and attacked me. I took them all down and destroyed them by the means of magic. Meanwhile the crystal turned to green and a hole appeared in the wall. I put the crystal into the hole and a portal appeared on it.
Not wasting any time, I rushed through the portal and found myself in a hallway. On the other end of the hallway a beautiful girl was standing ready to strike at any moment. She was a brunette, had long wavy hair, and she was about my height (tall), maybe around the age of 26; she was weilding two long daggers, and was partially naked - she only had some cloth around her most intimate areas. Not wanting to fight her, I slowly approached her and asked why is she there. I could see that it wasn't in her best interest to fight me, but she attacked anyway. I narrowly dodged her strike, and I quickly stabbed her with my sword. She fell
down and was loosing much blood. I cast a strong healing spell on her and hoped that she would live.
... Well, I woke up then, but I fell asleep again, and lucky for me the dream continued from where it stopped.
The girl regained her conciousness not too long after I treated her wound. She got up and hugged me. I asked her why she did that and she told me that the evil lord put her as a guardian to his mansion and that she only accepted that duty out of fear for her life. She said that she would guide me through his mansion, and I was like:
"Oh, really? That's cool."
"'Cool'? What does that mean?"
"Uh, it's something that, uh, my people use to say instead of 'fantastic'" (yeah, I kinda forgot that people in the fantasy worlds don't use slang xD)
"But before we continue... I would like you to" *cough**cough* "me"
"Heheh, are you joking by any chance?"
"Oh, you'll find that I'm very bad with jokes, but am excellent with the real thing"
"Just what I wanted to hear, sweetie! C'mere!"
I ripped her clothes off and grabbed her *cough**cough*...
We've had a most beautiful *cough**cough**cough*
... And the evil lord? Yeah, who cares 'bout him!?
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Ghost said:
Door knob resembles anus tap.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted August 07, 2014 09:36 PM |
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Edited by fred79 at 21:46, 07 Aug 2014.
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more cannibalistic leatherface family/town dreams. society had fallen, and there were survivors in rag-tag bunches. some peaceful scavengers trying to make due; other, more aggressive raiders who would kill to get what they need; and, the cannibals, who ate people as easily as scavenged food(and in fact, hunted people).
i was with a group initially, we had found a series of underground tunnels leading from a bunker. the tunnel we were traveling in led above ground, into a concete tube that had damage holes in it. a raider group was passing by just outside, and i hushed the group and motioned for them to be still.
i watched a helicopter land at the entrance/exit of the concrete tunnel, and as we all ran(the presence of a helicopter meant danger, somehow), i got seperated from the group through the tunnels(we may have all split up, so that if "they" caught anyone, it wouldn't be everyone).
i ended up coming out of a subterranean tunnel, up into what looked like a more modern(but still wild-western by the layout) town, or neighborhood. although there wasn't many houses or buildings to call it a neighborhood OR a town. anyway, as i crept around, looking for clues to what kind of inhabitants were living there, i stumbled upon a meat locker/kitchen of sorts, where a family of people were chopping up human remains, apparently for food. so, cannibals.
i was spotted, and the chase began. for some reason, i was an old man, and not my current age. this became easily apparent by how difficult it was for me to run for long stretches. regardless, the mid-western flatlands that i had discovered the town in were gone, to be replaced by more hilly country, akin to the appalachians. they were using dogs and 4-wheelers to chase after me. apparently, the cannibalistic hicks from texas are the same kind from the mountains.
for some reason, during the chase, i wasn't frightened at all, i just had a sense that i should keep moving to avoid being caught. it only seemed to be necessity to keep fleeing(even though they were probably going to cut me up alive before they ate me, lol).
so, i'm seeing leatherface and his dad mostly, everyone else isn't getting close enough. i see them closing the distance, and i jump off of a dirt road that i was running on, and slide down a hill, and under some leaves(it's autumn), where i hide as some of them pass. the dogs run past, somehow not smelling me, and 3 or 4 of the 4-wheelers. they stop not far down the road though, reasoning that i am hiding, as i couldn't have gotten farther. one of them leaves a 4-wheeler on the road, and gets off to search. i creep out of my leaf pile, make a wide berth, and come up behind the 4-wheeler. just as they spot me, i jump on, and take off. i've got the thing wide open, going balls to the wall, and they're still gaining. so i make a detour off of the road, and into some really dense(not to mention, really downhill) woods. i'm trying to find a 4-wheeler trail, and i end up finding one. i barrel down this thing at full speed, not bothering to brake or even ease off the accelerator, because if i wreck, at least i'll be dead before the cannibals get to me(hopefully). but they're not far behind, junior(leatherface) in fact, is flying off of rocks and ****, straight through the heavy woods, after me.
seeing him, i decide to ditch the 4-wheeler path, and copy leatherface by flying over boulders and downed trees, where i quickly wreck. i am hurt, but far from dead, and not even crippled. i'm up and running as fast as an old man can, and now they are right behind me. i come up to a ledge of sorts(i'm climbing trees now, and moving from tree to tree, most of them damaged by some storm). i'm stopped, and i hear leatherface's dad call up at me, "this here's a drop-off, son. take a look over the ledge; it's a long way down. you might as well give up." he then laughs. so, it's off a "cliff" part of a mountain, or directly down the tree, to awaiting cannibals. easy decision.
i jump from the tree and right over the ledge, giving them both fingers on the way down. junior(leatherface), takes off in his 4 wheeler, right over the ledge as well, apparently to meet me at the bottom. i guess since he was riding something that is faster than a human, he could get there faster(lo and behold, he "accelerated" past me about 20 feet away, so he was indeed going to get ahold of me at the bottom ).
anyway, i land, and now i'm watching in third person as i get up, and am continually chased by leatherface, who is now on foot. i'm watching this from behind both of them. the dream fades, and i wake up.
----
so my question to the armchair psychologists here at HC is: why is leatherface(a monstrous cannibal who wears people's faces and favors a chainsaw as a means of expressing his feelings to people) chasing an old-man version of myself? besides the fact that he wants to eat him, of course.
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted August 07, 2014 10:11 PM |
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I had a curious dream. Me and some comrades were stranded on the roof of a building, where we knew we would face our ultimate enemy in a few hours. I know we had done something to piss him enough to come full force against us but my memory us hazy.
The place was.. unusual. On one side there was the cockpit of a fallen airplane, most of its equipment having been destroyed or not working particularly well. After a message from our enemy, we had limited success in contacting the outside world. I don't think we needed to anyway. Within view there was an appartment with a couple of doors from which we would be stormed and there was also an opening in the back. If someone came from there we would not see them coming until it was too late and we could hardly afford to disperse as we expected LOTS of enemies and we could not risk getting divided. The good news was that this opening was from a passage not many knew and it was unlikely to be used against us.. still..
There were also problems in the team. One fellow in particular, with the attitude and looks of Belkar from order of the stick. He was your enthusiastic 'heroic' sociopath that would happily murder your enemies but was a loose cannon when he was not out in the fray. He did not like the odds, we had an argument and he decided to leave. Great. We kept up the pace, we had no time to waste and there were lots of preparations to be made. I vaguely remember some helicopter fire and a few enemies bursting through the doors. The helicopter did not stick around and the enemies came in small waves, manageable. I don't think we had firearms, it was close and personal, with whatever weapons we could find. And then.. I hear noices from the passage in the back. I knew we were screwed. I ran that way to meet whatever came our way and saw.. the place having been barrikated with palletes, an army of zombies(wtf?) slowly passing through and our deserter friend taking them down as they came. Damn. He had done a good job, achieving a lot with what little he had in his disposal. We would not be overwhelmed, at least not anytime soon. I don't know how long that battle lasted. We were barely standing by the time this was over and none of us were dead. I woke up.
...and returned to sleep, being returned to the beginning of the dream but knowing the forces we would face and where they would come from. Also, this time we had enchanted daggers, amongst which one that had a chance to destroy a zombie outright. Noticeably smaller compared to the rest but I couldn't resist. I don't think I saw the dream up to its conclusion, last I remember was battling zombies and being annoyed when the dagger failed to kill them outright. Dammit!
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted August 08, 2014 01:15 AM |
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Chance weapons, the ridiculously small odds of a miracle, never useful, always take them 
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted August 24, 2014 02:34 PM |
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One day I was sitting down drinking some tea when I got enough of a certain country/rebel/russia conflict. Next thing I know I'm trailing a small, three truck military weapons convoy through forested mountains leading to Russia in the no man's land. The convoy was moving slowly as there was no real road there so I could easily keep track on foot while staying hidden in the underbrush. The convoy reached a narrow pass, only hundred meters in width. A short, precise volley of fire from both of the mountainsides annihilated the personnel and as soon as it was over two men in irregular uniforms ran to the trucks and stopped them from rolling forward. In five minutes four more men, appeared from the woods, no doubt scaling down from the mountainside ambush spots. The bodies from the convoy were tossed aside and the men prepared to mount the forward truck for transit. I walked out of the bush and walked up to them. Or as far towards them until they noticed me and started shouting in russian.
"Kuulostaks mie vittu ryssältä, saatana?" I shouted back to them, causing some confusion. "Do I sound like a fucking russian to you?" By now the men had surrounded me, five with their rifles at the ready and the one with the beret facing me.
"Why are you here and who are you?" His english was very good and his manners were sophisticated. Clearly a highly educated man. The others were a mixed bag, one who looked like he could have been a student at a college, two physical workers and three I couldn't be sure yet. "Chain him." the leader said and turned away. The one in front of us hanged his rifle over his shoulder and snapped handcuffs on me.
"Woah, woah," I jumped in front of the leader before the others could hit my knees from behind. "I just wanna talk man." He stopped. I continued. "If I wanted to do something wouldn't I be holding a gun to your head right now?" I paused for a very short while. "Instead of having these handcuffs on?" He looked down at my hands that were no longer there. I loaded a sidearm next to his temple, the slide of the pistol let out a metallic echo to the woods. The others froze.
"You're an airist, airists don't carry guns."
"This isn't mine." I dropped the magazine and loaded the pistol again. "But because I'm here to talk I'm being nice and giving this back to you, okay?" I give the magazine and weapon back to him.
"Fine but you're staying chained." He signals to roll out and the three men left over climb into the first truck's bed. I make a short detour to the brush next to the truck and jump up there too. I sit next to the men and hold in my fingers a five-fortyfive casing. It has a STIHL stamping at the bottom. The one looking like a student takes note of me.
"Yes, they are all like that. Everything that goes through here." The one next to me also speaks up, he has a heavy accent.
"German Steel, yes. Good steel, good for Russia, good for us."
As they find enough space to turn the trucks around we head back the way we came from. As we turn I can see a small jeep between the trees.
"Someone's watching us."
"Where", the man with the accent asks.
"Behind us now, in the woods." The trucks roll back up the hill that leads into the pass and we can see the car flash from between the trees again. I jump out of the truck and take off downhill. At the same moment the first truck comes into a stop and men in digital camo uniforms surround it.
"So, you're jumping in with the enemy then." A man standing in front of me now asks. He was the one in the jeep. It's Russel Crowe.
I raise my cuffed hands. "Hardly voluntary" We get into the jeep and lead the, now US controlled, convoy to a small operational base in the mountains.
When there I get off the jeep and see a friend of mine(who was in spec ops btw). "Mitäs sie teet täällä?/What are you doing here?"
"Kävin kattoo ku en saanu miestä kiinni, että mitäs se oikein puuha ja löysin tän./I went to check out your place when I couldn't contact you that what the hell were you doing and I found this." He shows me an envelope, sender: 'Everstiluutnantti/Lieutenant Colonel Valkama' "Ne halus siut tänne./They wanted you here."
"Minkä helvetin takia? Ei miulla oo mittään erityistä ossaamista tänne./Why the hell would they want that? I don't have any special skillsets suitable for operation in this area."
"Sanosin, että ihan riittävästi ku mies on jo täällä ja tehny kosketuksen yhteen konfliktin osapuoleen./I'd say that you're good enough seeing as you're already here and you've made contact with one of the parties." We head to one of the contemporary halls set up. Once inside I take out the casing from my pocket.
"See this, it's all coming from Germany. All this going on, it's just a theatre while the germans are making a killing selling to the russians."
At the other side of the tent there is collection of steel tables and shelves with various instruments. And a small oval shaped cylinder with a protruding smaller cylinder. A scientist with already white hair is making adjustments to it.
"You're kidding, right?"
"Aaah, you noticed, it's a small scale mushroom device. We want to close the pass through here."
"You see this?" I push the casing in his face. "You're already arming both sides and now you want to nuke them?" I facepalm. "What's the fallout field?"
"One thousand times three thousand meters. Just enough to close the pass."
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted August 24, 2014 02:55 PM |
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Shrooms!
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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blizzardboy
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Nerf Herder
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posted August 24, 2014 09:42 PM |
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I had a sad dream the other night. I was hanging out with this all-black kitten, and I picked him up and I see this giant millipede beneath him. For some reason, when I saw the millepede, I took it to mean that the cat was going to die a slow and painful death, so I smashed the kitten's skull with my fist. It didn't die right away and it was laying there twitching with this panicked look in its eye and blood coming out of the side of its head. Then it occurred to me that the kitten wasn't going to die in the first place. I said "I'm sorry baby" and I smashed its head again and its pupils dilated. Then I woke up. 
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"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us."
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