|
| Thread: Humour, puns & Stand-up Comedy |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 · «PREV / NEXT» |
|
emilsn
Legendary Hero
|
posted May 14, 2008 09:47 PM |
|
|
Loreal: Because your worthless!
____________
Don't walk behind me; I may not
lead. Don't walk in front of me;
I may not follow. Just walk
beside me and be my friend.
|
|
Moonlith
Bad-mannered
Supreme Hero
If all else fails, use Fiyah!
|
|
posted May 14, 2008 10:20 PM |
|
|
I would say this qualifies as humor, although I could be mistaken:
Hilarious
____________
|
|
DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
|
|
posted May 14, 2008 10:22 PM |
|
|
Moonlith... That was disturbing...
nice 
____________
If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
|
|
Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
|
|
posted May 14, 2008 11:06 PM |
|
Edited by Lexxan at 23:07, 14 May 2008.
|
Oh gast, daarom haat ik Idool zo hard.../ Oh,
brother, that's why I hate Idol so much...
You found that desturbing, see Red and Valentina shatter their Idol hopes...
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!
|
|
DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
|
|
posted May 14, 2008 11:09 PM |
|
|
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhh... Lexxan, that was too painful to watch, man... Watching that too long is Masochism.
____________
If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
|
|
Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
|
|
posted May 14, 2008 11:11 PM |
|
Edited by Lexxan at 23:17, 14 May 2008.
|
Which one? He or She ?
EDIT: Good job Moonlith
@ emilsn: It's a start 
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!
|
|
DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
|
|
posted May 14, 2008 11:12 PM |
|
|
He (this is almost spamming)
____________
If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
|
|
DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
|
|
posted May 14, 2008 11:29 PM |
|
|
I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I!
For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is.
As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.
Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours.
They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.
That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.
Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq.
Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.
Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out.
My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.
Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.
It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.
Someone had to add Monty Python...
____________
If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
|
|
Gurnisson
Known Hero
|
|
posted May 14, 2008 11:33 PM |
|
|
Nothing is more funny than Monty Python 
____________
|
|
DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
|
|
posted May 14, 2008 11:33 PM |
|
|
I agree... Absurd humor rocks
____________
If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
|
|
emilsn
Legendary Hero
|
|
posted May 15, 2008 02:39 PM |
|
|
American Idols = sick thing.
And Lexxan, I am just getting started!
____________
Don't walk behind me; I may not
lead. Don't walk in front of me;
I may not follow. Just walk
beside me and be my friend.
|
|
Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
|
posted May 15, 2008 05:41 PM |
|
Edited by Lexxan at 17:44, 15 May 2008.
|
Hans Teeuwen... Again...
I wanna be black
oh yeah "'k versta er geen zak van, jongen" means "I don't understand what you're saying, son"
EDIT: also see the Meiden van Halal pwnage
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!
|
|
DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
|
|
posted May 15, 2008 05:47 PM |
|
|
Before our reputation is utterly destroyed by the genius madman aka Hans Teeuwen, I will post the IMHO best dutch comedian (subtitled off course)
Alex Agnew
EDIT:I've seen it... And I s'pose that it's funnier if u speak dutch... But still
Edit2: The chicks of Hallal... that was total ownage (why does evryone write pwnage?)
____________
If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
|
|
Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
|
|
posted May 15, 2008 11:25 PM |
|
|
@ Gares: Agnew is good, but he's not my favourite
@ emilsn: Show us your best 
@ The other: C'mon people, post your funny stuff...
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!
|
|
DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
|
|
posted May 15, 2008 11:27 PM |
|
|
Well... Determining which is the better comic is probably like determining whether DC or Marvel is better... (Yes, Elvin, I'm quoting you)(I doubt he's listening)
____________
If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
|
|
Gurnisson
Known Hero
|
|
posted May 15, 2008 11:31 PM |
|
|
|
DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
|
|
posted May 15, 2008 11:35 PM |
|
|
Belgian inferiority complex
It's kinda true... We ppl from Belgium put almost evry other nation on a pedestal (except me (and Lex?)) I'm so glad they had this in subtitles...
____________
If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
|
|
Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
|
|
posted May 15, 2008 11:46 PM |
|
|
@ Gares: a bit short, but muxh better than the former one
@ Gurnisson: Monty Python
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!
|
|
DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
|
|
posted May 16, 2008 12:00 AM |
|
|
|
DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
|
|
posted May 16, 2008 12:13 AM |
|
|
|
|
|
