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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted November 30, 2010 10:38 PM |
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Quote:
Last year, with my then-girlfriend, I knew it was never going to last
Only with the benefit of hindsight. I needn't remind you about my/HC's ignored advice.
-Guitarguy
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted November 30, 2010 10:39 PM |
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Quote:
-Similar interests
-Similar political and religious views
-Mutual sexual appetite for each other (this typically is the one thing that takes care of itself)
-Similar intelligence
-Similar goals
If you're lacking even 1 of those 5, you're putting yourself in jeopardy.
This is a wise post, even if I don't agree 100% that even 1 of 5 lacking makes a problem.
However, truth is, sex drive weakens, and fascination diminishes in time (usually). Then people are left with incompatible characters, different goals, and they can't find a common language. That's why - imho - there are so many divorces after few years. People just get hormonally fascinated with each other, and when that ends, they can't form friendship, because they are drastically different in their needs and approach. And thus they fail.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted November 30, 2010 10:43 PM |
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William, I think that you really should wait when calling your feeling "true love".
Why? well, countless people declared that. And countless people got bored of each other a few months of years of saying that. Does it make those kinds of words credible? Imho - of course that doesn't have to apply to you - it's not credible as long as it's fresh.
Those words mean little imho. It's time that shows what's true and what is not.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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1910
Known Hero
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posted November 30, 2010 10:44 PM |
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Well if it doesn't work out (it will though, believe me  ) then you can be here to say "I told you so". 
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Disturbed-Gnu
Supreme Hero
Pro Bacon Vodka Brewer
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posted December 01, 2010 07:01 AM |
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You have snowed up priorities, you know that?
I don't think so. My job and education is most important because i'm going to do it for the rest of my life. That is what i'll be living of. Thats! why.
My dream is second because, when the dreams are acchieved, i can think of getting the real girl.
Then girlfriend. Because its nice to have someone you love and can talk with when your down and also to share everything with. I don't really need to explain why a girlfriend is important, you all know it.
Then sex, because its like, the best. (High Five)
Then friends, because, well, you know what friends are for (I guess).
Then booze, because i live in denmark, and booze is every weekend musts.
The familiy, because they can always help when everything else fails.
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Quote:
-Similar interests
-Similar political and religious views
-Mutual sexual appetite for each other (this typically is the one thing that takes care of itself)
-Similar intelligence
-Similar goals
If you're lacking even 1 of those 5, you're putting yourself in jeopardy.
Hmm, not jeopardy, but a one-night-stand! Usefull sometimes.
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted December 01, 2010 07:27 AM |
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It's still kind of messed up.
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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Disturbed-Gnu
Supreme Hero
Pro Bacon Vodka Brewer
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posted December 01, 2010 07:47 AM |
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Well, it works for me ;p
but what is it that makes you think its messed up?
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 01, 2010 07:50 AM |
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Quote:
You want:
-Similar interests
-Similar political and religious views
-Mutual sexual appetite for each other (this typically is the one thing that takes care of itself)
-Similar intelligence
-Similar goals
If you're lacking even 1 of those 5, you're putting yourself in jeopardy.
I disagree with that. I think, this is just beside what actually is important.
It's pretty much only a question of
a) open-mindedness and
b) priorities
No one is ever a finished person. Development still happens, hopefully, and relationships are not about finding a mirror, but broaden your perspective. This means, necessarily, that while there WILL be similarities, there also will be differences.
What does that mean in practise? Take political and religious views.
Persons A and B meet and fall in love. Person A gives religious and political views a high priority: A is dedicated. B is desinterested and gives it low priority.
Is that bad? No. Open-mindedness provided, B may start delving into things, since for A it's high priority, finding a stance. Or B may not and leave this all to A. A, on the other hand, may dampen priorities, "learning" as well.
Or say both give it high priority, but their views differ. Quite. Is THAT bad? No. Not necessarily. Open-mindedness provided, they may BOTH learn from each other, BECAUSE they give themselves highest priority, simply assuming that partner may have good points and good reasons to differ.
Of course, if both just try to keep and dominate the other with their differing views, it won't work.
Also, it gets streessful if you differ too strongly too often.
You have to be able to really talk with each other and LISTEN to your partner, which amounts to BEING INTERESTED in him/her and what he/she may have to say. If that interest wanes, if you cannot surprise each other anymore, if you don't provide any kind of challenge for each other anymore, the relationship is pretty much done.
Too much similarity will just become boring, too much difference will become too much of a strain in real life.
You might say, people are sets. With two people there will be an overlap. Ideally, the overlap provides the base from which the seperate sets are explored. The overlap must be big enough to provide a solid base you can fall back to in times of trouble, strain and so on. However, the not overlapping zones must be big and fascinating anough to provide development, adventure, and stimuli for both.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted December 01, 2010 10:55 AM |
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Quote:
Well, it works for me ;p
but what is it that makes you think its messed up?
Some drug over a family because "everybody else does that"?
Seriously? 
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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veco
Legendary Hero
who am I?
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posted December 01, 2010 11:14 AM |
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Quote:
The familiy, because they can always help when everything else fails.
unless they have a similar priority list
it's partly a cultural thing.
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none of my business.
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted December 01, 2010 03:45 PM |
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@JJ
Quote:
No one is ever a finished person. Development still happens, hopefully, and relationships are not about finding a mirror, but broaden your perspective.
Probably the wisest thing you've ever written, JJ.
This is true for interacting with people online, too, by the way. And I don't mean romantically.
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 01, 2010 04:50 PM |
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I will simply be honest and state that I have difficulties to find a short answer that doesn't come in the wrong tone.
I'm not quite sure what you are hinting at.
I have a slight problem bringing "interacting with people on the internet" in line with "having relationships with real people in flesh and blood", and while I agree with your statement in a very general sense, I don't think it's half as simple, since there are a couple of important differencies.
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted December 01, 2010 05:09 PM |
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I meant nothing complicated, JJ. Only that developing relationships (romantic, friends, buisness, online correspondences and what-have-you) are not simply about finding people who share exactly your views and interests; relationships are useful to broaden one's perspectives and as a means for personal growth. I think if people approached relationships with this in mind... well, there'd be a lot less fighting.
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 01, 2010 05:30 PM |
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Of course development and growth may happen as well through fighting. 
But sure, on one hand you look for confirmation and acknowledgement and on the other for the alien.
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted December 01, 2010 10:21 PM |
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Quote:
If one person is an atheistic socialist that loves big cities and doesn't want to have any kids and another person is an individualistic theist that wants to live in the mountains and have four children, you've got a problem.
A big problem
<IMO>True Love is a 'Decision' as much as it is anything, providing it really IS more than a flesh-feast.
Two common types of Love are; I love you IF you take good care of me. I love you IF you will write me poetry and always show me that I'm special to you. or; I love you because you always make me feel so special. I love you Because you're so kind and thoughtful. Because you are a good Husband and Father.
But what if you're not so nice for a stretch, a long stretch? Get tired of poetry or just get tired. Start stressing and have some anger issues. Become pre-occupied with a forced career-change. Get a disease that makes you "testy" or depressed?
All of the First loves are sweet and fun but one day 'One' will have to become; "I Love you in-spite-of"...your failings, your aging, your health..."you matter more than I"...'Decisions' every one of them at this stage. No emotional-high from mattress romps but a real-life friendship-sanctuary from the un-planned storms of life that binds two souls together at any cost, no matter what comes knocking on the door saying"this cannot be"
Another not-so-lovely word that helps define True Love is...commitment. Of course I have to 'decide' to commit and that has too be real too. Or in my experience, everything becomes very unreal...very fast.
ps...I had no poster in mind...just a lot of cuts and bruises.
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"Do your own research"
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 02, 2010 03:07 AM |
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Quote:
I love you IF you take good care of me. I love you IF you will write me poetry and always show me that I'm special to you. or; I love you because you always make me feel so special. I love you Because you're so kind and thoughtful. Because you are a good Husband and Father.
in that case you don't love the other person.
Quote:
No one is ever a finished person. Development still happens, hopefully, and relationships are not about finding a mirror, but broaden your perspective.
I agree with that, but how many people really search that? seriously, most people don't look for a love relationship to broaden their perspective, do they? they just want pleasure.
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Disturbed-Gnu
Supreme Hero
Pro Bacon Vodka Brewer
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posted December 02, 2010 07:03 AM |
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Quote:
Some drug over a family because "everybody else does that"?
Seriously?
Well, im not lucky with my familiy.
Quote:
unless they have a similar priority list
it's partly a cultural thing.
Heh, thats true.. I don't know their list, i think its just as messup up as mine
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 02, 2010 07:21 AM |
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Quote:
Quote:
No one is ever a finished person. Development still happens, hopefully, and relationships are not about finding a mirror, but broaden your perspective.
I agree with that, but how many people really search that? seriously, most people don't look for a love relationship to broaden their perspective, do they? they just want pleasure.
Isn't that a very pessimistic statement?
I'm rather sure that everyone seeks deeper relationships over and above pleasure, but people do not always get what they want, and "depth" is of course very much up to definition, while there is nothing wrong with pleasure, or is there?
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted December 02, 2010 03:39 PM |
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Quote:
Quote:
I love you IF you take good care of me. I love you IF you will write me poetry and always show me that I'm special to you. or; I love you because you always make me feel so special. I love you Because you're so kind and thoughtful. Because you are a good Husband and Father.
Quote:
in that case you don't love the other person.
100% correct. The problem is the way I typed that out is not seen in like fashion in RL and it is also focused on the essence of 'someone else' and not ourselves, so seeing what's what is not so easy.
I remember reading something like this; "When two people first get together their "deposits in the love bank" are fast and furious and the account is well in the black but as time goes on, these transactions will naturally diminish. Then, out of the blue, comes along another transaction with the love-bank called; a withdrawal.
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"Do your own research"
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 02, 2010 04:41 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 17:52, 02 Dec 2010.
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Quote:
Isn't that a very pessimistic statement?
I'm rather sure that everyone seeks deeper relationships over and above pleasure, but people do not always get what they want, and "depth" is of course very much up to definition, while there is nothing wrong with pleasure, or is there?
no there is nothing wrong with pleasure as long as you do not manipulate or sacrifice people to reach it.
let's say than some people indeed research deeper relationships, which is certainly the case, there are lots of different people on earth.
why do they search that? they almost certainly have something to gain. maybe that's just their way to seek pleasure.
by pleasure, I don't necessarily mean to enjoy yourself. for example you work to achieve something, and that achievement gives you pleasure. or you learn things, and that feeling of becoming more intelligent gives you pleasure.
how often do we do something (consciously) without any goal (even if that goal isn't obviously profitable to us?)
in that case, doesn't the goal become more important than the other person?
and how can so many people seek deep relationships when they seem to show so much superficiality themselves?
Quote:
100% correct. The problem is the way I typed that out is not seen in like fashion in RL and it is also focused on the essence of 'someone else' and not ourselves, so seeing what's what is not so easy.
I'm having a bit of trouble reading that. let's say, someone makes you feel good, but really, the other person doesn't do anything special to make you feel good, but it's just a reaction of your brain. and then, you build the image that this person makes you feel good, and sometimes worse, than no one else can make you feel that good. and then you become excessively possessive and jealous, not only that, but you become kind of disdainful toward other people because you are convinced they will never bring you as much pleasure as your chosen one.
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