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DagothGares
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posted January 25, 2009 12:56 AM |
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Quote:
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You can't control that...
Control what? 
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You can't talk rationally when in love. You can try to, but you feel what you feel and there is little to be done about that, now is there? All you can do is control how you look on the outside and if it's put to an extreme level: hello there shrink!
Sorry, I'm not following you. When was rationality brought into this anyway?
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I never advise anyone to have the "I can't live without you" in their minds. I'm not even sure if girls want that so there
Oh, this has nothing to do with being rational?
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TheDeath
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posted January 25, 2009 01:00 AM |
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Hmm... by that definition even buying a pack of flowers is 'rational' 
However, obviously you only talk about rational if there's also an irrational component, which there wasn't.
By the way, the "I can't live without you" doesn't happen out of the blue -- it happens because of YOU. That is, I advise people to NOT do it before it is set loose (that 'mentality' I mean).
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DagothGares
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posted January 25, 2009 01:03 AM |
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and this mentality can be controlled?
Unless we either break ourselves down, saying "it's not going to happen, it's not going to happen." or suppress that part of ourselves, I see no other option and I consider neither options as really viable...
Maybe some people are 'just that kind of person'... In fact, I think that by suppressing those feelings, that they can come out more violently and with... more damaging... effects...
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TheDeath
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posted January 25, 2009 01:07 AM |
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and this mentality can be controlled?
Unless we either break ourselves down, saying "it's not going to happen, it's not going to happen." or suppress that part of ourselves, I see no other option and I consider neither options as really viable...
No actually, it is the other way. You don't need to say "it's not going to happen", you actually need to not say "it's going to happen". 
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Maybe some people are 'just that kind of person'... In fact, I think that by suppressing those feelings, that they can come out more violently and with... more damaging... effects...
Who said anything about suppressing? Take smoking -- you don't have to suppress it if you don't go deep into it.
My advice is: never get so down deep from which you can't back up. But it's not like this thing is going to damage anyone else but yourself (mentally obviously).
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DagothGares
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posted January 25, 2009 01:15 AM |
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Alright, I think I see what you mean...
But you can't control your thoughts, Death. Not without rigorous training/ brainwashing/ medicine, you can not control your thoughts. You can't think for two minutes straight about a white tissue without thinking about something else.
DON'T THINK ABOUT A RED WAGON!
You're probably thinking about a red wagon, now
Our thoughts aren't machines you put codes in. You can try to learn to not consider your options with a woman, first time you lock eyes with, but if you talk with her a few times and she's really pretty and smart, then you have a problem. You WILL consider your options and you MIGHT place her slightly above you.
And you may not even do that consciously. Maybe you have an emotional problem, like having a low self-esteem. I myself know that when you have that, you put your friends slightly higher than yourself. Sometimes, a person puts a love interest even higher than that. BANG! She's on a pedestal without you fully realising it yet
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TheDeath
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posted January 25, 2009 01:20 AM |
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Well you are right partly with that (if you want further with the Red Wagon analogy, see this ).
My main point however is to always be pessimistic. Yes you won't be as excited (not sure if it's a always good thing, that is in all cases), but at least no huge disappointment and no "change" of your normal 'routines' or whatever you call your normal activities or stuff like that.
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DagothGares
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posted January 25, 2009 01:21 AM |
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Ah, yes, I have no problem with cynicism. It's something I try to uphold, but it's hard...
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rubycus
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posted January 25, 2009 01:40 AM |
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Just on a side note: In Norway we have two different words for the english expressions beeing "in love" and the true "love". Those are forelskelse and kjærlighet respectively. Though most of you don't understand norwegian, you are able to see the difference of those two words I hope To me "beeing in love" means the same as having a crush on someone, am I right? And to love someone is a much deeper feeling with a wider meaning. So it kind of confuses me since you guys use the same letters to describe two different emotional cases.
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winterfate
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posted January 25, 2009 04:24 AM |
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@Rubycus: That happens in Spanish as well...but the differentiation is between "caring" and "loving" someone. 
@Doomforge: I don't think she did it on purpose. It's not like I was being obvious about it either...
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veco
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posted January 25, 2009 11:12 AM |
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Quote:
@Doomforge: I don't think she did it on purpose. It's not like I was being obvious about it either...
You're not the only one, hehe
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Doomforge
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posted January 25, 2009 11:24 AM |
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well, she just treated you as a classmate to have a chat with, nothing more, I guess.
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emilsn
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posted January 25, 2009 05:42 PM |
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@Rubycus
I am from Denmark we got the exact same words: Forelskelse og Kærlighed. But being in love = forelskelse - But having a crush is in my opinion more psysical than feelings. And kærlighed is beyond forelskelse.
But well.. how would you other people define In love? Because I find it very hard.
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JollyJoker
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posted January 25, 2009 06:02 PM |
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Quote:
Well you are right partly with that (if you want further with the Red Wagon analogy, see this ).
My main point however is to always be pessimistic. Yes you won't be as excited (not sure if it's a always good thing, that is in all cases), but at least no huge disappointment and no "change" of your normal 'routines' or whatever you call your normal activities or stuff like that.
On the contrary. You always have to be optimistic. You don't want outine, and what you don't want for sure is permanent diappointment as a routine by being pessimistic.
Yo could just as well sleep through your life. No disappointment, after all.
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TheDeath
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posted January 25, 2009 06:30 PM |
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If someone is to say "I wish I was 'smarter'" (actually, pessimistic, not smarter, but it's what they say though, which isn't exactly right), then it is the optimists to say it, if they are disappointed. So they wish they were 'smarter' or 'I wish I known it before' -- but they still give advice to others to follow their 'mistakes'... really interesting
The disappointment (if it is obviously) always far exceeds any kind of optimistic good feeling you had: either it is because it's a lot more crushing since it's the REALITY, either because it happens NOW (and the happiness is in the past).
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JollyJoker
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posted January 25, 2009 06:52 PM |
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The disappointment (if it is obviously) always far exceeds any kind of optimistic good feeling you had: either it is because it's a lot more crushing since it's the REALITY, either because it happens NOW (and the happiness is in the past).
Nah. You see, with your attitide no one would do anything because there's aways the chance of being disappointed. The problem is, thougj, that since everyone's life is limited you basically have disappoinment guaranteed (i.e. some day your life will be through, and ou don't want zo say then, WHAT, that was all?). So with 0 ure to fall, you've just try for the wins and who cares about losses.
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TheDeath
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posted January 25, 2009 06:59 PM |
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I know what you mean (in romanian we call it "prostia omenească").
However the thing here is to learn to differentiate when to be pessimistic, and when to be optimistic. Somehow like shifting your attention based on past experiences (notice for example, how for many people the "second date" is more pessimistic!), however this doesn't mean you have to start from scratch with experience zero. Take someone who just scammed you because you were overly enthusiastic about something. Does everyone get scammed the first time? You don't have to start from scratch, you can ask e.g: someone's advice (let's say, your parents told you not to 'fall' for that).
In love at least, especially when you don't think much about it (like: what to do if in situation X? like it is common in young people), it is better to be pessimistic. Not overly pessimistic, but not DENYING to yourself -- like when you know "something's fishy" or "I should have seen that coming" or other expressions you hear so often. Many over-optimistic people DENY stuff until the very end they hear it as an official. Why do it? You're just hurting yourself.
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JollyJoker
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posted January 25, 2009 08:24 PM |
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I think that the problem is just EXPECTATION. The more careful you are, the more important the actual try becomes. Instead of trying to guard against all kinds of disappointment, resulting in high expectation when you actually do something, not expecting anything but just doing it and looking what happens is the better strategy here.
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Asheera
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posted January 25, 2009 08:41 PM |
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Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
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Doomforge
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posted January 25, 2009 08:47 PM |
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I always kinda expect the worst possible outcome.
That way, I am:
a) positively surprised if it ends good;
b) not disappointed at all if I fail (since I expected it).
It works for me.
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JollyJoker
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posted January 25, 2009 09:07 PM |
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Question: if you always expect the worst possible - why do you do it? I simply wouldn't in that case.
That girl will steal my heart, and I'll never cme over it. Ah heck, who cares. Rollercoaster? The thing will crash and I'll die. Ah, it will be worth the fun. Me, a pet? Will be dead after a week. Ah, so what? Makes no sense to me.
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