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| Thread: Having a crush over the internet - how to get into a relationship? |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 · NEXT» |
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 29, 2011 11:45 AM |
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Having a crush over the internet - how to get into a relationship?
Imagine the following scenario.
You've a crush on someone over the internet and you're to try to start a romantic relationship with this person.
However, you know nothing about the person, except for the behaviour he/she presents. You have a faint idea of the persons location, but you're not too comfortable trusting informations that may be years old.
So it's not like you can, say travel to Asia, or Texas, and start dating people randomly, trying to recognize traits, because, well, Asia, as well as Texas, is fricking huge.
So the question is, how would you solve this dilemma? How would you get into said persons life (IN A GOOD WAY!)?
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted March 29, 2011 11:49 AM |
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Edited by baklava at 11:50, 29 Mar 2011.
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Well the first step is to decide if you really want to date a 50 year old man posing as a teenage girl on the internet.
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 29, 2011 11:51 AM |
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Answer: Yes.
Reason: It's the personality I'm attracted to, as such the age and gender doesn't matter. Her/His age and gender will more be an indicator of what she/he might expect from the relationship, I suppose, but I'd really like to try and see if we can make it work!
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted March 29, 2011 12:04 PM |
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Well then.
I don't have much experience in hooking up with middle aged mass murderers on the internet but how hard could it be.
Just open a chat with him and say something like "I really don't mind the fact that you're probably a 50 year old man with psychopathic tendencies, I'd like to meet you (I'll dress up however you want me to)."
If it's, by some miracle, actually a girl, she might even laugh and reply with something cool, eventually giving you an opportunity to stop being a Platonic wuss and actually make sweet love to her. Or she'll scream and run away. If that's the case you don't need the snow anyway.
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted March 29, 2011 12:08 PM |
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Wait a minute.
Quote:
you're not too comfortable trusting informations that may be years old.
This is kind of creepy.
What's the story?
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 29, 2011 12:09 PM |
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There's a chat function here? I've been abusing the wastelands for all this time... and then... there's a chat function!?
Well, you said it yourself. I won't be doing this:
Written by Baklava
Quote:
open a chat with him and say something like "I really don't mind the fact that you're probably a 50 year old man with psychopathic tendencies, I'd like to meet you (I'll dress up however you want me to)."
Exactly because of the risk of this:
Written by Baklava
Quote:
she'll scream and run away.
Edit:
Quote:
Quote:
you're not too comfortable trusting informations that may be years old.
This is kind of creepy.
What's the story?
I'm not certain I follow. What makes it creepy?
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selcy
Famous Hero
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posted March 29, 2011 12:19 PM |
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How do you believe what anyone tells you when your entering into a relationship!! Whethers its someone you met on the internet or someone that lives down the road from you, you still have to believe what they tell you.
I know from personal experience the person you date or fall in love with isn't always the same once your together as a couple.
If you join a dating agency you an only go by what they have put on their application. So how is meeting someone on the internet so different. In some ways its actually better cos you get to know that person through the old way of conversation rather than sex. I actually know quite a few people that have met on the internet and are in successful relationships.
Any relationship is what you make it.
Just one question for Ohforfsake - Are you or have you ever been in a relationship?
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 29, 2011 12:20 PM |
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I think you've misunderstood the goal Superior. There's already a crush on one person, who's great, and the goal is to try and start a romantic relationship with said person, which I hope you guys might can give your input on/advice to.
Edit:
@selcy
I think that was very well put. There was really a lot of power behind those words. At least I think your arguments are valid and I think you're right.
Now about your question.. that's kinda private you know, but well, yes I have been. But that was a very very long time ago and not something where I even liked the girl.
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted March 29, 2011 12:30 PM |
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OhForF why on Earth would you want to date anyone from HC except for Kookastar and she's been gone for years and probably has children by now.
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted March 29, 2011 12:38 PM |
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Step one, ignore Superior's post and anybody else who thinks the only way of meeting people is to chat with random strangers on the street and ask for their phone numbers. (no offense, Superior.)
Step two: ask yourself: how far away does that person live? is there a comfortable connection between your locations? Are you actually ready to travel a lot? (since you're too young to think about moving in, obviously)
Step three: If the answer is yes (and let's face it, 95% of the time you should say NO, relationships over big distances are extremely hard to manage logistically and are pretty much only worth a try if you're completely mesmerized by the person and considering her someone close to your subjective perfection), start by suggesting a meeting. Nothing too serious, a visit in the cafe to chat, for example.
Step four: Analyze the target's behavior. If she's enthusiastic and starts planning when, you're safe to try. If she avoids the subject or says she doesn't have time/she's busy, you're pretty much done since this is a waste of time.
Step five: If you've actually agreed to meet, be prepared that the person may not be as interesting as you thought. She might be visually different, she might have some defects she has been hiding. She may also be boring in real life conversation. Don't get your expects up. Consider this a "let's see who this person really is" instead of "omg I have to date her zmg zmg". Be prepared for her not showing up at all.
Step six: once you actually met, don't make advances. Chat and see whether you can communicate easily. If not, it's a waste of time. If you don't feel the magic, it's also a waste of time. Only if you strongly feel attracted IRL to her you may actually think of the next step. Otherwise, say good bye and go home happy and free.
Step seven: If you're heavily attracted to the person, you should check whether it's mutual. Asking straight may work, or may not, depending how honest you were on teh internetz with each other. If you don't feel like it, invite her to your location for a followup coffee or something. If she agrees, you have chances. If not, sorry buster, she doesn't give a damn about you.
Step eight: Assuming you invited her, and she actually came, it would be a good moment to ask for her opinions. More experienced person will see without asking whether the girl is interested in him or not, but since you're pretty much experience-free, just ask whether she considers having something more interesting than plain friendship. Adding how nice you feel around her and how well you understand each other never fails, even if not true ^^
Step nine: If she agreed, mission accomplished. If not, screw it, find another one 
____________
We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 29, 2011 01:02 PM |
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To answer the question in the first post - I wouldn't. Long-term long-distance relationships don't work unless you're married or at least have been in a relationship for years. I'd say, "It's too bad someone I (would probably) like lives so far away, but it can't be helped." (Which brings up the question of how you can even get to a romantic attitude towards a person without even having met them.)
A bit of good advice is to turn the chessboard around. Imagine your roles are reversed. Imagine a girl you've never met saying she has developed a romantic interest in you and wants to get into your life. What would your reaction be? Unless you're very desperate and also willing to take the chance of 40-year old would-be rapists, you would think the idea unappealing and turn that girl down. (And before you say something like, "Well, what if she's desperate and willing to take risks?", do you really want a girl who's desperate and willing to take risks like this?)
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Eccentric Opinion
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted March 29, 2011 01:17 PM |
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There's nothing worse than choosing a boring and non-fitting girl over a brilliant and charming one just because the former lives close.
Although I agree that relationship over big distance is only worth it if you feel the person is pretty close to your perfection.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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selcy
Famous Hero
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posted March 29, 2011 01:25 PM |
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Quote:
There's nothing worse than choosing a boring and non-fitting girl over a brilliant and charming one just because the former lives close.
Although I agree that relationship over big distance is only worth it if you feel the person is pretty close to your perfection.
Well said Doomforge  .
I have found the perfect man and yes the distance thing sucks big time and at times it kills me but I know it will be worth it in the end  .
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 29, 2011 01:28 PM |
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Hey bak... you know, there are a lot of great people here at HC, right?
Thank you very much for your guide Doom! It's really nicely put and I agree with most things. I think I should mention this person doesn't know of my interest (I think). I suppose you describe how it's standardly and let me be straight right away, I'm blind for these kind of hidden codes of conduct. As an example, you write, if I understood correct, if a person says no to come up for a cup of cofee, there's no chance of a relationship. However, I remember I have often have had long chats with interesting girls and when they sometimes come up with a suggestion like this, I always say no. Not because I'm not interested in them, some were very very beautiful and rather interesting (nothing like this person though). No I said "no", because I was scared. And probably still am.
@Mvass
Your suggestion of trying to look at it, from her perspective, i.e. roles reversed, is so simple, yet so smart, that it boarders genuisy. I can't believe I haven't thought about that. Of course you're right. Having reversed the roles: Unless I so happen to actually be interested in this girl, who're making this suggestion, I'd turn her down right away. I am one of those persons who cowardly would rather like comfort than attempting letting someone in on my life on the promise of them wanting to do good things, together.
It's actually a way of life that has hindered me quite a lot and maybe it'd be the better choice to let her in. Maybe one day, I am this person. Reversing the roles back to the origanl: Maybe then, when I am this person, I can say that I'd actually ask. Because, as you say, chances are that she doesn't want someone into her life that she barely knows and have little to no interest in. However, doesn't this just produce argument for baklava's scenario of her running away screaming, rather than a way of starting a relationship with her?
Personal note:
1: I hope you guys will appreciate how I did not comment about my feelings on a mature rapist woman.
2: I know a lot of the small points Mvass is claiming can be provocating to some, especially since a part of your life is actually the opposite, but please, do not cloud this topic by taking single points and respond to each of them, without at least also giving an input on the topic itself.
I.e. shortly said: I am all in for good, fun, nice, etc. conversations between members despite how little it has to do with the topic, as long as you at least also try to give your input on the actual topic and don't drag conversations out to a degree where it starts to be the major part of the thread. I hope you all, including me, will respect this!
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 29, 2011 01:35 PM |
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Yes, it's quite possible (and not unlikely) that she'll run away screaming. My point is that it's easy to understand why and that you'd do the same in her circumstances.
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Eccentric Opinion
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 29, 2011 01:37 PM |
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As I said. I completely agree with you mvass.
Just to make my point clear. Eventhough your point is valid and probably true (there's a chance she might actually fancy me to some degree), it does not solve the problem, which is the goal of this thread, or at least coming with suggestion for solving it.
To be clear: The problem is: "how to start a romantic relationship with this person".
Edit:
I'd just like to tell everyone how I appreciate the nice tone and yet good level of seriousness they so far have shown in this thread. I truely do appreciate it, thanks!
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted March 29, 2011 01:53 PM |
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Write her an undying epic poem describing your love for her and how you wish to defile her.
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1910
Known Hero
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posted March 29, 2011 02:42 PM |
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Well I've had two notable Online Relationships. One worked and one didn't. One of them was from America and that lasted about two years. Simple how it started really. We were on a forum, we got to talking, added each other to MSN and we got to know each other even more and it just eventually evolved. Over time, instead of chatting via text, we went to Webcams. That's how it lasted as long as it did and then it ended and I, a while after, went out with somebody close to me and that ended in a disaster.
The second one, the one I am currently in, was very much the same except, instead of a forum, we met on Last.fm. It was shortly after my break up that ended badly and I was feeling down and was just chilling on Last.fm and I stumbled upon this unusual name. Out of curiosity I went onto her page and saw that our music taste was quite compatible, so I added her. Shortly after, we added each other to FB and then to MSN and then later to Skype where we then evolved to Webcams. I tried seeing her in July 2010 but that ended badly when I got stopped by Heathrow Immigration and then got sent back. However, we successfully met on New Years Day when I met her from the Airport and she stayed with me for 3 months until she went home last night. It'll be hard but we'll have to go back to the Webcams until I get enough money for a Work Visa and a Plane over there. I'm working my arse off to get the required money. I am very confident that this time, it'll work out.
For me, I can understand how you can get in a relationship with one another over the Internet. A neighbour of mine met her now husband over the Internet and their marriage is going quite well. A lot of people think that online relationships are nonsense but it's no different than face to face (well, with the notable difference being that you can't touch one another). The feelings are there though if you actually do love her as in not just for what you can feel and see but from their personality as well. That's how it started with me.
When you finally met them for the first time, it makes it so much more rewarding but you get more upset than usual when they have to leave. It's not as if I can just go down the road to their house, I have to get a plane to their country costing a Thousand or so Dollars. For me, it's no problem. I'm so very much committed to this relationship and eventually I do want to get married with her as she does as well. It's a relationship just like any other and it's entirely possible for anybody to get into one, just as long as they have the patience and will power to want to do it. For some, the distance can be a major problem as can communication as they might be getting up when you are going to sleep or vice versa. For me, it wasn't that much of a problem as I just switched my sleeping to coincide with hers so that meant I was waking up at night and sleeping in the day. There were some pros and cons with that in that if she went out with friends then I'd be up at 4 am all alone. At times it'd be stressful trying to find an in between but in the end it worked out for the best really.
So yeah, my relationship at the moment is going amazingly well and on March 18th we have officially been together for 1 year and it was good to celebrate it with her in person. A lot of people just think it's a joke but it's a relationship nonetheless.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted March 29, 2011 03:06 PM |
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Quote:
As an example, you write, if I understood correct, if a person says no to come up for a cup of cofee, there's no chance of a relationship.
Pretty much. If someone refuses something as "light" as a cup of coffee and a chat, it's a pretty obvious signal she's not interested at all.
As for the "scared" thing : People scared of relationships aren't ready for a relationship. I think you just weren't when you turned the girls down. It's ok. Still, not worth the pursuit - if the person is not ready, you won't make him/her ready by trying harder.
Quote:
Your suggestion of trying to look at it, from her perspective, i.e. roles reversed, is so simple, yet so smart, that it boarders genuisy. I can't believe I haven't thought about that.
I find mvass very wrong. This is because men and women differ a LOT and their emotional patterns are usually different. Trying to see the world through her eyes will always be misleading to you because you can't make yourself think or feel like a woman.
Don't even try.
I guess Selcy can give you a few reasons why shouldn't you try this route, too
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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1910
Known Hero
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posted March 29, 2011 03:44 PM |
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If it makes people happy then what is your problem? Sure, you don't like Virtual Relationships, but don't you go and start slamming people who do it. I do it and I'm the happiest I've ever been and yes I've met her and am going to again soon. What is your problem?
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