|
| Thread: Are friendships temporary? |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
|
Nocturnal
Promising
Supreme Hero
|
posted January 30, 2012 11:30 PM |
|
|
Are friendships temporary?
I've been questioning this for a long time. And what I've lived upto now suggests my conclusion is a true one.
Now, this is not a personal thread. I am asking a general question to everyone. And explaining why I came to question this with my personal experience first.
First I had my cousin (call her Z). A female two years older than me. She was my closest friend since my pre-primary school to my entrance to university. I was also her closest friend. We would miss each other when we didn't meet for a week, would speak on the phone every night, etc. Then she got married. And stopped -simply stopped- calling me and seeing me altogether. I even asked her why, she simply said that she got married.
Then in university, I have met a person (lets call her W) who also become my closest friend for 4 years. We have gone everywhere and done everything together. Then she met a boyfriend who wanted her to stop seeing all of her friends because he didn't have any friends. And she did. Now they have seperated. But I don't have that love or trust to become like we were in the old days. I've seen she could easily drop me for a lover.
I also had another friend in the same period, we lived in the same house with him and we are from the same town (call him X). And when he graduated and moved back to his town, he became a stranger.
Then I've become close to another (call her Q) . And we are close friends since 2 years. We live in the same house now. She said multiple times she was not like them, and she would never do the same thing when she finds a lover. 2 months ago she did find one. And here it happens again. She doesn't even come home. And when she comes, she doesn't even come to my room and have a cup of coffe with me.
All of us, X,Q,W and me were also classmates, met in university.
So after all this, as I've said, I've come to conclude that majority of the people think friends are people you have fun when you get together and that's it.
Is valuing friendships more than just fun-buddies a thing that will bit you in the ***? Are friends people you use to have fun for some period in your life and drop when you pass to another period and pick new ones? Do you still see your old friends, and are close to them the same? Or did you experience this kind of things too?
____________
|
|
Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
|
|
posted January 30, 2012 11:36 PM |
|
|
I'm too tired to give a strict, distinct answer, but when we get to the nitty gritty: yes, Friendships CAN be temporary. Like everything they need to be nurtured and fed pretty occasionally in order for it to exist. Large events, usually graduating, moving or (in this case) wedding can break the patterns that usually keep the friendship intact, letting it waste and undo itself.
So, the short answer to that is: yes.
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!
|
|
Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
|
|
posted January 30, 2012 11:52 PM |
|
|
Naturally, what one expects from a friend and what one wants a given relationship to be is a case-by-case kind of thing. Generalizations just don't work here.
Proper, lasting friendships do exist, though. I have three really close friends, all of whom I've known for six to nine years. None of them live around here anymore, so I don't see them too often, but when I do, that makes up for everything. I know the "boyfriend disapproval" thing will never be an issue either, as shown by experience.
You should just choose your friends more carefully, is all.
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
|
|
Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 12:08 AM |
|
|
find a wife before your friends : problem solved 
though yes, it seems that friendships are very easy to sacrifice sometimes.
|
|
selcy
Famous Hero
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 12:11 AM |
|
|
True friends are like stars
Just because you don't see them doesn't mean they aren't there.
True friends are hard to find and I would rather have one or two good friends than a lot of friends that are only there when they want something. I have found this out the hard way and now when they expect me to come running I stand my ground.
____________
|
|
Nocturnal
Promising
Supreme Hero
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 12:30 AM |
|
|
Quote:
You should just choose your friends more carefully, is all.
I already do. Anymore being careful would lead me to being a sociopath. I'm really very selective in this matter.
Quote:
find a wife before your friends
I guess you have forgotten something 
Quote:
True friends are like stars
Just because you don't see them doesn't mean they aren't there.
True friends are hard to find and I would rather have one or two good friends than a lot of friends that are only there when they want something. I have found this out the hard way and now when they expect me to come running I stand my ground.
Nicely said. That's why I never choose to be that crowd person. Just choose carefully one one or two people. Then this happens.
Care to tell how you came to this conclusion too? As I've said, this is not a personal thread about me
____________
|
|
Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 12:44 AM |
|
|
Lovers come and go, friends stick to you. For better or worse. lol.
Sever contact long enough and they become strangers (literally, they changed)
____________
"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
|
|
meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 01:27 AM |
|
|
Well the difference is friendship takes a back seat when you meet your partner. You can still have friends, but your partner is now the most important person, not your friend/s.
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
|
|
gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 04:21 AM |
|
|
To say yes would be wrong, since there are people who will be your friends your entire life (close or not, they'll always stick out/ up for you), but then to say no is to be equally as wrong, as you will have fall outs that spoil friendships and ruin relationships. there honestly is no right answer, no absolute truth, to your question. Who knows? A friend might one day feel lonely and call you out of the blue after a year because they remember you and miss spending time with you, it's completely unpredictable.
Let yourself stay open, don't let your brains or heart spill out but stay open, and let others come into your life. Don't have just one close friend who knows your secrets, share yourself with others who you feel close with, and you won't feel abandoned. You'll miss your friends, for sure, but it will not be crushing and you won't have only yourself to turn to. And questions like "Are friendships temporary?" will not cross your mind... At least, that's what I would want to say, but you will always regret having to let go and will always ask yourself if there is something that could have happened or something that could have been done to keep the person with you. It's only natural, and it's only natural to realize that you will need to let these people live their lives as they need to, and sometimes this will be without you. Loss is part of life, and everyone must learn to deal with it in their own way.
____________
Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
|
|
Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 04:33 AM |
|
|
|
Unless you're immortal, all relationships are temporary.
|
|
Zenofex
Responsible
Legendary Hero
Kreegan-atheist
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 08:08 AM |
|
Edited by Zenofex at 08:10, 31 Jan 2012.
|
|
"Friends" who stick with you just to pass the time away are not really friends, but rather... drink-mates for example. They are good to have in times of boredom but not reliable in the long run. "True" friendship means someone who you can rely on and who in turn can rely on you and not only for a few months/years. Of course every person has his life and problems and should not be expected to put them aside just because of you - not in every instance at least - but stopping the communication just because someone told him/her to do so - like in your example - doesn't sound very... dedicated.
|
|
JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 11:51 AM |
|
|
Friendships are not temporary. Buddy-whatever-ships are.
This is where English fails since there is no differentiation between friend and a true friend. Friends come and go, true friends never leave.
Quote:
Unless you're immortal, all relationships are temporary.
Sometimes I can only bow at the awesome of our modship.
____________
DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
|
|
Nocturnal
Promising
Supreme Hero
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 12:39 PM |
|
|
The problem for me is not that drink-buddies as Zenofex put nicely do not turn out to be true friends. The problem is the people you thing are true friends for a long time, share your everything and shares his/her everything with you suddenly goes out when he/she finds a lover, or moves to another town.
Quote:
Friendships are not temporary. Buddy-whatever-ships are.
This is where English fails since there is no differentiation between friend and a true friend. Friends come and go, true friends never leave.
You cannot foresee the future, so upto that point you trust the person. How are you supposed to know that this person you regard as a "true friend" will depart from your life with no good reason as if you were a "buddy-whatever"?
Like my last example in my op. The girl would cry saying "I can't find a better friend than you. You are my dearest" etc. And? What happened to that now? Not even asking how I am when she comes home.
Or my cousin. We practically born into our friendship, and had been the biggest supporter of each other for 18 years. And when she got married, I turned into a stranger for her. Even my parents are disgusted with her behaviour and doesn't accept her home. She caused me to suspect everyone since than.
Quote:
but stopping the communication just because someone told him/her to do so - like in your example - doesn't sound very... dedicated.
Exactly. That's when I've seen her true self. But how is one supposed to understand that person would do such a thing in 5 years where she had been a truely sweet and loving person. This sudden changes are what makes me question how people regard relationships.
Am I the only one coming across this hypocrites? 
____________
|
|
Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 02:30 PM |
|
Edited by Fauch at 14:38, 31 Jan 2012.
|
who did they marry? maybe they are insanely jealous husbands?
are they satisfied with their lives? it could be hard to talk about it, they just got married, and everyone expects them to be happy, but what if it isn't the case?
Quote:
but stopping the communication just because someone told him/her to do so - like in your example - doesn't sound very... dedicated.
it mostly proves that this guy is really important to her. though he sounds more like the kind of person you should avoid, but...
Quote:
I even asked her why, she simply said that she got married.
lol. what is awesome is that people NEVER have a good reason. but they are too afraid to tell you you were just a tool, even though you don't mean anything anymore to them??
|
|
Berubo
Tavern Dweller
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 02:52 PM |
|
|
Wow after seeing this thread, I'll treasure my friends and my cousins more. They may all change after graduating and working and marrying. Damn I am scared of the future
____________
|
|
OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 03:02 PM |
|
|
I imagine my stance on friendship might be rather unique, but I've not been very fortunate with friends anyway.
For me, friendship is not a question of what I can do for you or what others can do for me, it's not about spending time together, shared interests or having someone you can share everything with. It's not about having someone you trust.
So I suggest doing what you want in stead of caring about what others do and don't do.
|
|
Nocturnal
Promising
Supreme Hero
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 03:52 PM |
|
|
Quote:
Quote:
but stopping the communication just because someone told him/her to do so - like in your example - doesn't sound very... dedicated.
it mostly proves that this guy is really important to her. though he sounds more like the kind of person you should avoid, but...
Let me just say the reason she dumped him was that he has beaten her. And I have warned her time and time again although I was heart broken, but of course she didn't listen. Love blinds some people really.
@Ohforfsake
Well, this is unfortunate on one hand. I see that you didn't have a dire need for friends in the past, which is normal, cause the environment seemed strange to me; everyone beating everyone. Why is that? It's like you were in a boxing school. I know for sure, I wouldn't also want anyone from that environment to be my friend. But the unfortunate thing is things you do with friends you love double the joy of the thing if it was done alone.
On the other hand, you may be fortunate. Because if they would turn out to be hypocrites like mine, it hurts really. Wasting years for some people, and they disappear when they find a boy/girl. I mean in the end, a selfish person lives more happily then a sentimental and over-sharing person. And all that joyful experiences I've mentioned turns into charades.
But we can't know which one would your potential friends would turn up to be.
Putting it more simply, we are at the same age. You say you don't have any close friends, I say I thought I had plenty but turned out they were not and I'm left with disappointment and sacrifices made in vain. I think I would prefer yours. Wouldn't you?
EDIT: Why did you erase all that, man? I read it, it was nice that you shared all that.
____________
|
|
Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 03:55 PM |
|
|
@Forfy I read it all just out of respect, and your conclusion was a little contradictory imo. To want someone to share everything with but not necessarily to trust, smells fishy. But mayhaps that's what friends are truly for.
My friends pirded on trying to solve my problems, it was annoying, I did resent them for it, and they resented me a little for resenting them. (openly of course) Since "They were only helping"
Hence why I try not to 'over-step' my boundries.
____________
"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
|
|
OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 04:13 PM |
|
|
Quote:
everyone beating everyone. Why is that?
I was thinking about giving the standard "kids will be kids" reply, but I'll try to be a bit more detailed. In short that's what some people find exciting.
I have always been the kind of guy who'd make statistics out of everything. Ranking everything, who's tallest, who's smartest, who's strongest, who run fastest, etc. Not only in real life, but also in games. E.g. in doom 2 I would have the monsters battle eachother and then I'd rank their strength in accordance to how I wanted it to be. So I always used to put people in boxes and I do that with many things still, that's why I really enjoy simple soccer manager games.
I happened at that time in my life to find it exciting who was the strongest person and if anyone contested my conclusions I'd make an observation (get into a fight) to check it out, if I could. It was the same for everything pretty much.
Not that I thought about it like that back then, back then it just came natural to me. I wanted to know what kids in kindergarden was strongest, who was most beautiful, etc.
Actually when I think about it, I think it was also around the time I first fell in love, when I wanted to find out who's most beautiful. Actually for some reason that's how I often find myself falling in love, oh well nevermind that.
Anyway, actions for whatever motivations repeated sufficiently turns into habits. I had already made my conclusions, but it had become my way of life and I think when I tried to change this way of life I left an opening for someone to come in and use me as a tool to get some kind of dominance. When that dominance was established the continued bullying was likely either a result of, again, bad habit, or a lack of concern about the subject being bullied, i.e. me. It was probably both though, considering I believe I was the bully a few years before those events, and I had neither.
Quote:
But the unfortunate thing is things you do with friends you love double the joy of the thing if it was done alone.
When I was younger it was all about joy, fun, entertainment for me. At least it was all about what emotions I could be offered. Now it isn't.
I do however agree that I have experienced an enhanced amount of pleasure from doing stuff together with someone. I just find if something is really important for me, it's not because of how it may make me feel. Feelings are means to an end, not the end, or purpose, itself, in my opinion.
Quote:
Because if they would turn out to be hypocrites like mine, it hurts really.
One of my points was that from the perspective of the friend who's currently trying to establish contact with me, I might very well be the hypocrite. Because to him we were awesome friends, then I went away and when I came back I changed.
Quote:
Putting it more simply, we are at the same age. You say you don't have any close friends, I say I thought I had plenty but turned out they were not and I'm left with disappointment and sacrifices made in vain. I think I would prefer yours. Wouldn't you?
Honestly, I think I'm pretty indifferent about those two situations. I don't think we've the same view on these matters and as such I believe I don't have any close friends, because ultimately, I don't want to. Somehow I think my past has always reflected this. While from what I can understand, you'd like to have friendships equal or superior to those of your past.
It doesn't mean I didn't feel betrayed when I failed to reestablish those friendships back in the past with people I felt I had wronged or with people I genuiely thought to be my friends. It's just that after having been on the other side of the spectrum, the side where I don't want said person as my friend and after having done a good an honest attempt, it was pretty much sufficient for me and today I wonder if I'd even ever notice any ended friendship.
Edit:
Quote:
EDIT: Why did you erase all that, man? I read it, it was nice that you shared all that.
To avoid creating a wall of text when trying to be serious so people might actually read what I write.
Quote:
@Forfy I read it all just out of respect, and your conclusion was a little contradictory imo.
Well I may not ever have experienced what other calls true friendship, who knows. There are a few people I consider as friends, which I guess I myself hardly know what means.
|
|
The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
|
|
posted January 31, 2012 04:26 PM |
|
|
| |
|
|
