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| Thread: Discworld RP (IC) |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 · NEXT» |
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Geny
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted June 14, 2013 01:45 PM |
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Discworld RP (IC)
Think of a turtle. Imagine its head. It's riddled with wrinkles. Two eyes are set deep in this head. Two weary eyes, staring in front of themselves showing the way to the rest of the body. Let's look at that body. Move you gaze along the shell of the turtle. Notice the tiny dents all along its carapace. See the tiny pillars on its back... Wonder what the heck are they. Satisfy your curiosity by looking up and realize that those aren't pillars, but instead the feet of four elephants. Think for a moment how big the turtle must be to accommodate all of them. Notice something on the backs of the elephants. Move your gaze higher and see a whole world riding on the backs of the elephants standing on the back of the turtle. Realize than the size of the elephants and in turn the size of the turtle, named Great A'Tuin by the people it carries, moving through space with so much on his back.
Now that you had a moment to compose yourself, realize what a waste of time all that was, considering that our story has nothing to do with the Great A'Tuin. It has, however, everything to do with the world it carries. So look again at the huge Disc on the backs of the elephants and zoom into it. Hear the faint pop as you enter its atmosphere. Experience the anticipation of the unknown as you pass through a thick layer of clouds. Feel the rush of the wind as you exit said clouds and see the whole world spread out before you. From the icy mountains on the far end of the Hub to the warm seas of the Rim. Marvel at the deserts, forests, mountains, plains and everything upon them. See a bright light somewhere in the distance and ignore it as you move on to the beginning of our story. Where does it begin, do you ask? Look around you. See that black spot on the horizon? Come closer to it. Closer still. A little more. Welcome to Ankh-Morpork - the greatest metropolis on the Disc.
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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War-overlord
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Presidente of Isla del Tropico
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posted June 14, 2013 02:38 PM |
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Wolfram leaned upon his shillelagh and gazed upon the city of Ankh-Morpork in the distance. He had been there before, many times even. For some reason, he always ended up there. Not a bad thing per se, as there was plenty to do and see there and eventually there was always someone there leaving with whom he could tag along.
Wolfram had lost the caravan he was traveling with two days ago, though he suspected they had purposefully ditched him when he had stopped to inspect the wares of a shop in a village they passed along the way. He didn't mind much, though he was initally glad for their company along the way, soon Wolfram had found out that most of the men and women and other folk of the caravan were dreadfully boring. They did not want to hear any stories, not want to see any sights or do anything interesting. All they cared about was the trade of their goods. He never did find out what it was they traded.
Wolfram stuffed his pipe, lit it and started strolling towards the city. He suspected he could keep himself fed and watered for a good number of days with the stories he heard and lived since he was last there. He wondered how many of his favorite dives were still in business.
He smacked his lips a few times and decided that he was thirsty. And picked up his pace. "I could do with a good stein of ale right about now." he said to himself between puffs.
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Vote El Presidente! Or Else!
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master_learn
Legendary Hero
walking to the library
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posted June 15, 2013 08:56 AM |
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Brian studied at the Tourist guild new ways to make a fake newspaper page,fake signs or just fake coins.
His last report to Lord Vetinari included a tourist from Muntab,a man,who probably knew the answer to the famous Muntab question.
He wanted to make friends amoung the people working for the newspaper,the Trade guild and in the Night Watch.
He also studied some words from the languages used in the city,to be prepared to offer some of his works to a variety of customers.
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"I heard the latest HD version disables playing Heroes. Please reconsider."-Salamandre
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The_Polyglot
Promising
Supreme Hero
channeling capybara energy
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posted June 16, 2013 12:25 PM |
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*pop*
Bilious felt horrible. On top of all the usual trappings of his profession, he now experienced a violent bout of motion sickness. Did this god business never stop? Argh, how he hated it all. Why did hangovers suddenly need a god of their own? It's not as if people only started getting hangovers like yesterday - ish, right? He wasn't actually sure how long he'd been doing it, which should have felt strange if he wasn't dealing with all da cr@p for as long as he could remember...
'Oh god, oh god, oh god, WHY?!'
Did he say that out loud? In any case, it perfectly summarized his feelings. It just wasn't fair!
'I'll never toush tha' shtuff again, I shwear, jusht make dis go ahwaaaaay!'
Wait a minute, that wasn't me at all! thought Bilious, suddenly alarmed. That means... With all the haste he could muster, Bilious half lounged, half fell in the direction of the voice, a move which looked as though it was carefully honed to the limit of his ability, and clamped his hands over a hiccuping sack of flesh in what seemed like no time at all... just a second too late.
'Oh god, 'elp me jusht dis onc-mmmphg'
The unwitting prayer of every drunk everywhere hit Bilious like a sledgehammer, even as he tried in vain to silence the fool. He curled up into a ball, and took it as stoically as he could - which meant he didn't cry out that loud - , promptly vomiting on the man who despite smelling like a winery, and sporting a nose that would have made a traffic light proud, now got up without as much as a stumble, confused.
'Oh, It must have been not nearly as intoxicating as Pete thought! Worst hangover ever, my grape-fragranced behind! Just wait till I tell the gang! Ah, their faces when they realize I won the bet!'
The priest of Bibulous all but felt the copious amounts of wine he was now entitled to drink free of charge in the Drum, when he realized he was no longer alone.
'Hey, you! What the hell do you think you're doing here?! This temple is strictly off-limits to drunken louts ever since the Big Bang of the Year of the Arrogant Aadvark! Get out!'
'You idiot! - Bilious managed to gasp between bouts of vomiting - What in the name of counterwise wine did you think when you chugged the entire day's supply of Bibulous' Ceremonial Scumble?! Do you have any idea what torment you just condemned me to?!'
'What do you mean?' the priest asked, flabbergasted.
'If you ever dare to summon me again, I'll DROWN YOU IN MY VOMIT, you scumbag!'
'What do you mean, summon? Oh my, haven't you had too much to drink last night!' the priest chuckled
'That... is... my... POINT! I am Bilious, the Oh-God of Hangovers! I never drink! In fact, I just saved YOU three months in bed!
The priest suddenly went pale. 'Bu-bu-bu-but you're just an urban legend! No-one really believes in you, certainly enough for you to suddenly manifest yourself, right?...'
'Get out of my sight! And remember: Not a single drop! A deal's a deal!
And with that, Bilious succumbed to the fireworks going off in his head. His last thought before everything went black and he was submerged again in the all-too-familiar sea of pain was:
'I've got to get a new job!'
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Kareeah_Indaga
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 16, 2013 04:43 PM |
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Anatolios scowled at the herder. "No, no, no, that's utterly ridiculous. I won't pay that; it isn't as if I want the whole goat after all."
The goat herder finally threw his arms up in exasperation and trotted his wares away; Ana, dismissing the man with a huff, set off in the opposite direction to find a more reasonable person to deal with. He checked his list as he went, watching the goatherder disappear around a corner through his headgear. The headgear—for it was nowhere near mundane enough to be called a hat—drew a number of looks as he went, being comprised mostly of lenses, mirrors, and the eyes of various creatures including crow, alligator and the yellow-footed one-winged zebra.* But he ignored the looks in favor of his list; aside from the goat head, he still needed three silver pieces that had been in the armpit of a dwarf for exactly twenty minutes and six ounces of clear, pristine water from the river Ankh.
(Non-natives to Ankh-Morpork—including Anatolios himself, at one point—could be forgiven for thinking this last was the simplest of the components. Natives to the city and people who had actually seen the river in question were much savvier as to the difficulty of obtaining clean water from the Ankh.)
*which was actually more closely related to the antelope than the zebra, but only a handful of biologists on the Disc cared.
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Adventures in Helnith has moved!
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Geny
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted June 18, 2013 05:25 PM |
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@Wolfram
As Wolfram entered the city he noticed that not much has changed since your last visit. In fact, not much has changed in Ankh-Morpork in a long time now. The city operated awkwardly, but steadily for a while now and the current Patrician - Lord Vetinari, made sure things went on this way.
Of course, the most obvious thing that remained unchanged was the smell. The smell of the city was the source of the residents' pride and visitors' astonishment. It was truly unique. One could say the air stank, but he would be as wrong as a man saying that pulling your nails out one by one was inconvenient. In fact, there is no word in English language to describe the smell of the Ankh-Morporkian streets and no linguist ambitious enough to come up with one. As he became accustomed to the smell, Wolfram inspected the rest of the city. He knew most of it by now. There was the street of Small Gods, still filled with little shrines to all kinds of deities a man could think of it. There was a lot of loud animal cries coming from the street and the air smelled faintly of fresh blood. There was the Guild district with the impressive buildings of the Assassins' Guild, Thieves Guild and Merchants' Guild occupying much of the space, some minor Guilds occupying the rest of it and the Alchemist Guild occupying the cobbles around a big hole in the ground.
Wolfram looked up and saw the towers of the Unseen University hover in the distance. Next to them stood the Tower of Art. It was the highest building in Ankh-Morpork, possibly in the Disc. Every time Wolfram left the city he was certain the thing would be lying in rubble by the time he got back and yet it still stood, more out of spite to all the doomsayers than out of architectural stability. As he was looking up at the Tower he almost bumped into two Watchmen. It was then that he noticed that there were more of them than he remembered, but all they did was proceeding so it hardly showed. Seeing the lawmen made Wolfram glance in the direction of the Shades. He knew better than to go in there. Even in broad daylight getting mugged was the best thing that you could wish for in the Shades. Finally, he got to the Tavern district. He was glad to see that all of his favorite watering holes were still intact. There was the Troll's Head and the dwarfs' little basement, some other ethnic establishments and of course the Mended Drum - the most infamous and the most popular tavern in Ankh-Morpork.
@Brian
Brian's studies were suddenly interrupted when a breathless runner boy approached him and told him that he is summoned to the Patrician's Palace.
@Bilious
As Bilious stumbled through the Street of Small Gods trying to fight his nausea, he saw a man kneeling at the shrine of the Great God Om. Through the fog in his mind Bilious only hardly managed to hear the believer's frantic prayer.
"... I promise, oh Great God Om, ... this sacrilege ... find heroes ... get help ... so help me you."
The man, who was dressed in simple robes, got up from his knees and walked very swiftly in the direction of the tavern District.
@Anatolios
Getting into Ankh-Morpork was not a problem. The same could not be said about staying conscious after inhaling some of its air. When Anatolios recovered from the initial shock, however, he saw roughly the same picture as Wolfram. Among all the men running around he saw two man in breastplates with shiny badges walk calmly around the city.
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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master_learn
Legendary Hero
walking to the library
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posted June 18, 2013 06:11 PM |
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Since the guild's situation was very near the Palace,he just walked straight to it with the boy.
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"I heard the latest HD version disables playing Heroes. Please reconsider."-Salamandre
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The_Polyglot
Promising
Supreme Hero
channeling capybara energy
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posted June 18, 2013 06:18 PM |
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Bilious silently cursed his adeptness at having and handling hangovers - instead of 3 months' nice rest in a quiet bed somewhere, he was up and about after a mere half hour or so. Unable to un-summon himself, he clumsily, slowly took to the streets, hoping that he wouldn't be called upon again anytime soon.
The street he found himself in stank nearly as bad as he did, which incited him to at least try to look around. It seemed full of small-to-medium sized buildings, most of which either grew trunks, or had vaguely trunk-shaped appendages tacked on to them - Bilious learned not to trust his eyes, (Which kept insisting that the buildings swayed and jostled for example) but purplish trunk-things could very well be en vouge in the city he was currently stranded in, as far as he knew. Who was he to judge, really?
As he was somewhat aimlessly struggling along, he heard another prayer, or chunks of it anyway. Thankfully, this one must not have been addressed to him, as he felt no adverse side effects, and it didn't reverberate on a bone-deep level.
'... I promise, oh Great God Om, ... this sacrilege ... find heroes ... get help ... so help me you.'
God... sacrilege... That was a godly sacrilege indeed, drinking the whole bottle of Scumblaaaargh - that's better... heroes... help...Thassright, I 'elp the snows, how else could they keep up... hehe, without me, all of them'd be doomed... even Cohen...
I wonder though... helping a God, that's kind of a job, amIright... Gods can't have 2 jobs at once, everyone's just the God of Something... No-one's the God of Something And Also That Other Unrelated Thing... I bet if I do that one, I won't be the snowing God of snowing Hangovers... Airtight logic, that, amIright... I'm a flippin' genius, that's what I am, not just some unlucky SOB...
And with these thoughts, the momentarily self-confident Bilious took off at a kind of limping trot, after the priest.
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Geny
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted June 19, 2013 08:09 PM |
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@Brian
Brian followed the boy to the Palace. When he entered the Oblong Office he saw the Patrician sitting in front of a desk filled with stacks of papers. One of them looked strikingly similar to the last report Brian sent. Now since the Patrician was in the middle of a paper and did not yet address Brian, we should take the opportunity to describe the Ruler of Ankh-Morpork.
A long time ago the people of Ankh-Morpork got fed with mad kings acting like the tyrants they were and organized a rebellion. As a result of the rebellion, the king's family line was all but destroyed and a Patrician took his place. Of course the Patricians were as much mad and tyrannical as the kings before them, but at least they didn't flaunt their power so all in all it worked out pretty well for everyone*. The current Ruler - Lord Vetinari, had been in the office for quiet a while. He was a firm believer in equality and the One Man, One Vote theory. He was the Man so he had the Vote. Still, he was not a cruel man. He did not take pleasure in torturing people. He did it on a regular basis, of course, but he did not enjoy it, it was just part of the job. And most importantly he looked nothing like a king. He was thin, simply dressed and almost Spartan in his needs. So all in all, while people feared and hated him** they were also quite certain that as far as Rulers go he was the best they could hope for.
The Patrician raised his head from the papers and glanced at Brian.
"Ah, Brian. I hope I find you in good health." There was nothing special in his tone, but somehow Brian got the distinct feeling that the Patrician could find him in any health he wanted. "I see that you take great interest in tourists. That must mean you know something of foreign countries. Tell me, Brian, have you heard of Omnia?"
* Although no one managed to get the king to confirm this statement. On the other hand, he didn't try to rebuke it either.
** Not out loud of course. At least not for very long.
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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master_learn
Legendary Hero
walking to the library
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posted June 19, 2013 08:39 PM |
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Brian was careful as usual in the presense of the Patrician to answer fast and shortly.
"Yes,Sir!"
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"I heard the latest HD version disables playing Heroes. Please reconsider."-Salamandre
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War-overlord
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Presidente of Isla del Tropico
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posted June 19, 2013 09:14 PM |
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As tempted as Wolfram had been to head to the Mended Drum straight away, he did not. Firstly because his thirst had been to great to make it over there. Slaking his thirst with some of the brew of streetsellers had been hit-'n-miss experiences in the past*. Secondly, he wished it to be known that Wolfram the Wanderer, storyteller extraordinaire, had returned before he went there. That way his stories would be in more demand. And the best way to start that rumour is to appear in some of the more low-key taverns first.
So he headed into the first tavern he noticed, which went by the name of Fox' Burrow. Wolfram did not know of this place, which suited his purpose fine. The portly man behind the bar looked as typical a saloonkeeper you could hope to find and it was reasonably filled with patrons considering the hour of day. Wolfram walked up to the bar and ordered a beer.
The proprietor eyed him warily while he pulled the drink, untill Wolfram fished enough coin out of his pockets for this beer and a further one and handed it over to the owner. "For this one and the next" Wolfram informed him.
"Ye're not from around her, are ye, Stranger," the owner stated, indicating that not only was this dive low-key, it was also lowbrow. Not that it mattered much.
"No, I am not," Wolfram admitted resting his stick against the bar and he began regaling the tale of his journey here, carefully enhancing and strecthing the interesting and exciting parts and downplaying most of the tedious boredom the reality had been. Soon he had the ears of most of the patrons there.
*It could be a quality beer you find off a streetseller, but it could just as likely be some vile poison that neither troll nor dwarf could stomach.
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Vote El Presidente! Or Else!
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NoobX
Undefeatable Hero
Now, this is a paradox...
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posted June 22, 2013 07:35 PM |
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"That kid doesn't have what it takes to be a fighter; you are a good teacher, he is a bad student", I keep telling myself. Honestly, the kid couldn't hit a snail if you put it in front of him. I'm not the one to get frustrated easily, but now... Now I need a beer, yes, a nice, cold glass of beer at the Mended Drum. It was about two weeks since I've visited it last time. "Who knows - maybe something interesting will happen?"
Anyways, working as a fighting tutor can get hard sometimes; there are a bunch of these untalented, wannabe-tough little kids with whom I waste my time. Although I get paid, I don't enjoy working with them... I want something big to happen! Something big which would include me, too. If only my wish could come true...
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Ghost said:
Door knob resembles anus tap.
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Geny
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted June 22, 2013 09:35 PM |
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@Brian
The Patrician nods slightly before continuing.
"And you are keeping an eye on tourists and such, correct? Then could you tell me why your latest report did not include one Omnian visitor to our city?" The Patrician raised his eyebrows slightly, but before Brian could find the words to answer he raised his hand in silence. Then he steeped his fingers together and looked at Brian over them. "Of course, this is a big city and you can't see everyone. Still, it is not acceptable and I expect a full report on him in the soonest. In fact, maybe you should approach him openly and see why he's here. It shouldn't hurt. I hear he's on his way to the Mended Drum. Try not to miss him."
The Patrician held his predator-like gaze for a moment and then returned to the papers on his desk.
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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Mytical
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Chaos seeking Harmony
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posted June 22, 2013 10:19 PM |
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Lupo was disappointed. He had won his last arena bout, but it had been way too easy. With a purse full of winnings he had decided to see if Ankh-Morpork had anything more challenging. He lived for the next challenge, the next fight, to find a warrior who could finally best him.
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Message received.
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master_learn
Legendary Hero
walking to the library
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posted June 22, 2013 10:47 PM |
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"Thank you,Sir,I am on my way to meet him."
Brian went to the door with the intention after leaving the Palace to reach Mended Drum as soon as possible.
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"I heard the latest HD version disables playing Heroes. Please reconsider."-Salamandre
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Kareeah_Indaga
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 22, 2013 11:55 PM |
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((Shhh...nobody tell Bilious about the Greek pantheon. XD))
Taking out a kerchief and clipping it over his mouth and nose to combat the smell of the city, Anatolios headed down the street of Small Gods, wondering if this...uniquely scented city had a temple or shrine that didn't need the heads of their goats...
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Adventures in Helnith has moved!
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Geny
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted June 23, 2013 06:10 PM |
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@Ethan
Ethan knew the city well enough and got the Mended Drum without trouble. It was still early on and the sun was up, so there was no troll bouncer at the door*. Ethan came in and took in the atmosphere. It was your regular tavern - dirty floors, filthy mugs and warm beer whose taste combined well with the city's smell. There weren't many patrons at this time and the bartender occupied his time by spreading the layer of dirt on the counter more evenly with his rag.
@Lupo
When Lupo reached the city gates, he found them closed. He heard muffled voices from the other side of the wall.
@Anatolios
As Anatolios walked through the Street of Small Gods, he noticed that not all shrines were used to sacrifice innocent animals (for example, Pank - god of nature and mischief only accepted animals who were undoubtedly guilty of something), but also virgins, money, alcohol and even dutiful, but incredibly stupid sons.
While he watched the shrines in amazement he saw a young man in plain clothes speeding through the street and another man limping after him and clutching his head in pain.
*Buying enough sunscreen to keep a troll operating in the sun was more expensive than letting a thief or two inside. Anyway, that didn't happen a lot because of two reasons: thieves work at night as a rule and any member of the Thieves' Guild was always welcome to come and collect the yearly fee. Thieves who tried to rob a place without the Guild's permission found out that troll bouncers were the last thing they should worry about.
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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Kareeah_Indaga
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 24, 2013 02:21 AM |
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Momentarily distracted, Anatolios watched the pair go past. The number of thieves and cutpurses in this city really was astounding, and that one was bold enough to assault that poor fellow in the messy toga in broad daylight. Tut, tut, this was a problem...maybe he should invent some sort of anti-thievery cream, yes, that was a brilliant idea! But he'd need to find a thief to test it with, and as one had just so obligingly marched past, maybe he should apprehend the fellow and save himself the trouble of finding one later. In fact, where had the fellows with the badges gone? This city had some form of law enforcement, he recalled...
But a glance around the street with his unusual headgear proved that the fellows in the shiny breastplates had vanished. Tsking to himself, Ana set off at a trot after the pair, looking around as he went for more of the men with badges to direct after the thief.
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Adventures in Helnith has moved!
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War-overlord
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Presidente of Isla del Tropico
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posted June 27, 2013 07:18 PM |
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Though the patrons of the Fox' Burrow would listen to his stories with rapt attention, they were none to keen on paying for any drinks other than their own. Wolfram finished his second beer near the end of his story and decided to try the walk-away ploy. He failed misserably. Making an excuse to go find bedding for the night, the patrons and the man behind the bar bade him farewell.
Though the night was still young when he walked out, Wolfram was in half a mind to call it, the night that was.
But down the street there was merryment coming out of another establishment. So Wolfram decided to give it another try before he retired for the night.
The next moring Wolfram woke up by the light of the sun poking through a rather small window. He didn't know what time it was but he hardly cared. His job tended to require very little being on time. The bed was thoroughly slept in and the way the bedding was thrown to the side on the other side of the bed, Wolfram suspected he had not slept in this bed alone. The details were fuzzy though and with him being thirsty and his mouth being wooden, he suspected he had had plenty to drink last night. So his foray into the second bar must have been a succes.
Wolfram gave it some thought wether he should try for some breakfast and decided to chance it. If he got to sleep here, he must have been succesfull. As he dressed himself, he found a stain in his cloak he didn't recognise and his coinpurse felt entirely to heavy for having had plenty to drink last night. Wolfram shrugged and grinned, good times were had, it appeared.
With his shillelagh in his hand he made his way down the stairs into the common room. The lead-weighted head felt familiar and comforting as he held it, as he still did not remember much of the previous evening. There was a not-unatractive woman trying, somewhat in vain, to clean one of the tables. When she noticed Wolfram, she smiled widely and gave him a conspicuous wink.
"Would you like some breakfast, deary?" She asked him.
"I would love some." He replied, not about to turn down some more free food. And very much suspecting this woman to be his bed-partner last night. Wolfram shrugged mentally at the suspicion, he had spent worse nights.
"I'll see if I can whip you something up in the kitchen then." She gave him another wink and dissappeared behind a door near the bar.
With his stomach filled with bread, eggs and some ham, Wolfram had left the tavern. When the woman, he still had not quite caught her name, inquired if he would return that night, Wolfram had replied* that nobody truely knew what the future would bring.
He had spent most of the day perusing shops and marketstalls to see if anything caught his attention and wether he could afford that thing.
Untill he got thirsty again and noticed he was a little lost. He figured he'd be able to orientate himself from the Mended Drum again and slake his thirst at the same time. Wolfram knew from experience that he could always find his way to the Drum when he was in town** and with little more thought decided to do so.
* Mystically since for some reason people seemed to love that kind of carry on.
** Most of which entailed smelling which way stank the least and then not heading that way.
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Vote El Presidente! Or Else!
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Geny
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted June 27, 2013 08:53 PM |
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The owner and bartender of the Mended Drum observed his patrons throughout the evening. Some of them came in rather early. Most of them just needed a head start on the rest of the customers, although there were a couple of oddballs, like the one sitting in the corner trying to write poetry. The owner couldn't understand what kind of man would come to the Mended Drum looking for inspiration when it was a well known fact that all you could hope to find there was trouble.
When darkness started to fill the streets, the tavern began to fill up. All kinds of folk came to the Mended Drum to wet their throats and skin their knuckles. Warriors, heroes, mercenaries, thieves, in short everyone who liked to live on the edge of the blade. Then the owner saw a familiar face. He recalled that the man called himself Wolfram the Wanderer. The owner did hear that he came back to Ankh-Morpork the day before and was hoping he'd drop by. Wolfram's stories drew a nice crowd and when enough alcohol was consumed some detail of his tale sparked an argument which quickly flamed into a quarrel and then engulfed the whole tavern in a big fight. And everybody knows that any decent bar should end its nights with a brawl.
The evening was turning out to be a jolly one when things started to get weird. First, there came a man too young and too plainly dressed to fit in. Worst of all, he didn't seem to have a weapon of any kind. He stood in the middle of the room looking at the faces of the customers in confusion. He was followed by a man who stumbled into the Mended Drum rather than walked in. He had the look of a man who should be on his way out instead of in, but than again many of the customers did. Lastly, there was a man with such a strange device on his head that would leave even dwarfs scratching their beards in confusion. And then it began.
"Citizens of Ankh-Morpork! Please listen to me!"
Surprisingly, the chatting stopped as the patrons all looked at the young man in the middle of the room. Most of them were weighing their throwing knives and axes and trying to decide which part of his body they would hit first.
"I'm seeking help! My town is at a great peril!"
Around this time the door opened and Brian went inside, but everyone were too busy taking aim to notice him.
"Omnia's presence itself is at risk, and I fear that if nothing done the rest of the Disc will not be safe as well! Please, noble heroes, help fight this evil!"
No one threw anything. This was amusing. Of course, no one put down their weapons either, because it could always get even more amusing if the man ended up with a knife in his foot.
"What in it for me? There riches in Omnia?" Asked Hrun, the great barbarian hero.
"Umm... not really... we're a bit poor..."
"What about beautiful women? Any need saving?" Hrun kept at it, knowing that every adventure should end with either a chest of gold, a saved virgin or both. After which the chest was quickly relieved of its gold and the girl of her virginity.
"Well, not exactly... but you get to save the world!"
"This Thevold... she is virgin?" Asked Hrun who had troubles keeping more than one thought in mind at a time.
"Well she certainly wasn't taken to bed, if that's what you mean!" Dusty the thief replied with a chuckle. The room echoed with laughter.
"You make fun of me?!" Asked Hrun standing up and flexing his muscles.
"Please help Omnia!"
"Not you, just your brain!"
"Heroes, wait, I beg of you!"
"No one laugh at Hrun!"
It is a well known fact that whenever two people start a fight in a bar the first few hits they throw will always land on a third party who will in turn punch a fourth party who will kick a fifth party who will throw the sixth party into the seventh party and so on until everyone is involved. Scientists and philosophers all over the Disc tried to explain how trained warriors always miss their targets like that, only to give up under the pretense that they have better things to do than worry about bar fights, like for example trying to determine whether there's intelligence present on a world so far from the Disc that you can't even see it at night. They reasoned that it would be much easier to steal it from there than develop one of their own.
In the middle of all this the young man from Omnia stood almost crying.
"Please, stop! I've got to save Omnia! Won't anybody help me?"
"I'll help you," answered one the big shouldered patrons, "I'll help you get out of my way!"
The Omnian got thrown out of the door where he left lying sobbing on the cobbles.
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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