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| Thread: Hating life itself. |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · «PREV / NEXT» |
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TDL
Honorable
Supreme Hero
The weak suffer. I endure.
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posted December 25, 2014 11:37 AM |
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I graduated from university two years ago and ever since I have lived in the same ****hole of self-doubt and social awkwardness. I also consider myself very introverted, having very few close friends and even then not caring enough to make contact with them on a constant basis. Also, I was the best student in my whole year, so I know how it feels to have the world under your feet in a discipline you don't like. And how the world crashes when you realize you do not really want to work the job you tried so hard for the past few years. Even upon graduation, I sought to earn a spot in one of the world's leading institutions in that sphere and continue my studies, despite not being overly committed to it, but I too was in a situation where the needs of many outweigh those of the few: I wouldn't feel right before my parents, one of whom was raising a toddler, so paying for education where I wasn't really devoted to seemed out of the question. Therefore, I believe I can identify myself with you.
Problem lies, however, in your perception of the world around you. How and what you make of the time you are given is yours to decide and yours alone. Family, friends and other people are there to keep you from straying away towards dangerous paths, but you alone may decide what you do. I learnt this lesson the hard way, instead of just listening to my father tell this a few years back when I was trying to decide my life.
Do not try to compare yourself to those around you. Ever. In your state of mind it will only make it worse, and seeing how you seem somewhat similar from what you posted, all the more so. This will only lead to more stress, self-doubt and, what's the worst, SELF-PITY. This keyword is "key" to realizing how to turn your world around. It won't be easy, hell, it may not even work in the short run, but if you prepare yourself, you will realize soon enough that wallowing in suffering by pitying yourself is what keeps you from moving forward. Just think of all the times you thought you were better than someone else, or someone seemed younger and managed to achieve something faster than you, you instantly started speaking to yourself in your mind "Why didn't I do this? Why does this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?". This is the main stopper between you staying in your past and moving on.
What I wanted to say in this post was mainly you need to find several anchors to tie yourself to this world. Something that brings you joy. Something that brings pain and suffering but tests you in ways you never imagined.
For me, those anchors came in the way of snooker and poker. While neither of those served me enough purpose to make a career out of either, I still decided to pursue my interests and potentially further myself as an individual by involving myself in highly competitive environment. In a way, it contradicts what I posted a little while ago in the paragraph above, but this just shows why even though it helped me settle down a little, it still kept me on edge and not completely out of the fray. Unwittingly, I entered a world where self-doubt and self-wallowing are at their peak, which hindered my progress, but through years of grueling experience (especially since I decided I wanted to play poker for a living at least for a few years), I came to these realizations which I currently try to post here in the form of advice.
I can still tell you I haven't decided what I want to do with my future, whether to pursue poker professionally or whether to go back to my studies, or maybe walk in a different way altogether. What I realized though is that when you are young and you have all the time in the world, you only need to seek out opportunities. Sometimes they won't present themselves to you, sometimes there will so many of them that you may not decide which one to go with. But you just need to look for them. If you see an opportunity with history and a second bachelors degree or something, go for it. Do not let self-pity take over you and just grasp the bull by its horns. I do know what it feels to live boxed-in and be perfectly fine with it. However, safety leads to complacency, and the latter always leads to stress (which is basically where you started at). Just try to break the barriers and you will see life is much brighter than your inner "painter" paints.
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kipshasz
Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's Darkside
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posted December 25, 2014 03:18 PM |
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Life isn't bleeping over!
do stuff! explore!
throw a bleeping dart at the map and travel where it lands for bleeps sake.
go onto some bleeping seminars or whatever. there are plenty of stuff to do, just need to put a little research into it.
I was all like "life sucks, bleeping swindlers everywhere" after I was screwed over for my job at the kraut's.
but bleep that. afterwards, I started kicking open every door. It doesn't always ends up well, but who gives a bleep.
don't give in to basterds giving crap.
something's over? good. this mean's there's room for something else, perhaps even more awesome than the thing which was just over.
I have my hands full at the moment. although I haven't worked a decent work week in a while, because lack of new clients. but who gives a beep.
I have other stuff to do. Like getting those child protective service broads lose their job because of their bloody incompetence.
I have some time to do some fun stuff, last Saturday I along with my wife went to a hike/seminar, which was awesome. we had a great time and learned about some wild edibles which can be found at my country in the winter. we also found some lichen which when boiled into a tea can cure the most terrible coughs.
there are plenty of bleeping opportunities out there. so go on, down some bleeping rakia or whatever it is you Bulgarians drink and grab the bull by the balls.
alternatively you can pack your bags and migrate here. the morons that run this former commie place are looking for some cheap labor 
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"Kip is the Gavin McInnes of HC" - Salamandre
"Ashan to the Trashcan", "I got PTSD from H7. " - LizardWarrior
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VokialBG
Honorable
Legendary Hero
First in line
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posted December 25, 2014 09:07 PM |
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I read all this twice. I still have now real solution. What describe things best is:
kayna said:
If I understand correctly, he's telling us he's a deep guy born in a family with shallow values ( where his whole family disagrees with him becoming a teacher instead of just his two parents ) and he is looking for more meaning in his life ( which is pretty much his work ). He sacrified his social life to uphold the monetary ideal of his parents ( rather than his own ) and now he feels truly alone and worthless even though he isn't worthless and we're all, to a certain degree, alone. Molding someone into another shape is a possibly dangerous process ; if it is more than he can handle, he will break. And that is the real danger. That is not to be underestimated.
I dont know anything now. I can't even have this break after the law, I can not relax, when I know that there is nothing after that. So i torment myself by finding solution and knowing what to do next. And I cant travel. No financial possibility, and not going to help anyway. Maybe if I knew what to do next...
I tried to speak with my parents. Ofc. they said that it is all my fault. I never expected something else from them anyway. Also called me good-for-nothing. Nothing unexpected again.
Again and again and again I was thinking over and over and over all the possibilities and all I see is that there is no real alternative. I lost to much time and energy in law and there is nothing left. Yes, I can always start a job that has nothing to do with law, but still I wont like this new job either. I just wanted to do something I like and this is just impossible for me now.
It appear that I have only 2 real solutions to escape from this for real:
1) Becoming millionaire via lottery;
2) Die.
The first one is nearly impossible so for the second one I have two possibilities:
1) I hold all this and somehow survive till I just get retirement, have some sad rest from all this and die.
2) Commit a suicide - I dont really have the guts for this.
The first one is hard to do and its going to be very painful and log process. The second one is much more humane.
I cant start new education. I just cant. I dont have the power, I dont have the time (I'll be much older when I finish it), I also do not have the willingness to close myself again for another 5-6 years and study-study-study. I dont even know what I want anymore...
Maybe I should start with the lottery.
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 25, 2014 09:28 PM |
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Maybe you could go to a trade school and learn a trade? That would certainly take less time than another university degree, and some trades have reasonably good pay. I don't know if that would interest you, though.
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Eccentric Opinion
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kayna
Supreme Hero
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posted December 25, 2014 09:53 PM |
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... Why don't you spend x amount of time not thinking about it at all. Don't think about the law, your future, expectations, etc. Spend a few minutes meditating, ask yourself "what is it that I want, beside work house money and pleasing people I don't even like" ? Then do it. You also need some fresh air. Go camping in the woods somewhere and bang your girlfriend there or whatever. Drink something ( without going crazy, if you've been sober all your life, it would be a shame to degrade your brain after all. )
Just take a sabbatical month without thinking or worrying about anything. You deserve it and also need to experience the mentality. Then resume your crisis one month later and see if your view has changed.
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kipshasz
Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's Darkside
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posted December 25, 2014 10:18 PM |
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kayna said:
... Why don't you spend x amount of time not thinking about it at all. Don't think about the law, your future, expectations, etc. Spend a few minutes meditating, ask yourself "what is it that I want, beside work house money and pleasing people I don't even like" ? Then do it. You also need some fresh air. Go camping in the woods somewhere and bang your girlfriend there or whatever. Drink something ( without going crazy, if you've been sober all your life, it would be a shame to degrade your brain after all. )
Just take a sabbatical month without thinking or worrying about anything. You deserve it and also need to experience the mentality. Then resume your crisis one month later and see if your view has changed.
give the lad a QP or something.
best advice yet.
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"Kip is the Gavin McInnes of HC" - Salamandre
"Ashan to the Trashcan", "I got PTSD from H7. " - LizardWarrior
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted December 25, 2014 10:37 PM |
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Rather than that of internet strangers, I suggest seeking professional advice.
Try therapy, will help you sort your thoughts out.
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Salamandre
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Wog refugee
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posted December 25, 2014 11:13 PM |
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Professional advice sucks. Anyone who saw a psychiatrist for enough long knows that is purely business based on our inability to confess our impotences, properly translated = the other's absolute indifference except when you pay them. Talk to anyone, internet or not, it is cheaper and healthier. Communicate.
Then pussy therapy, as Kayna said. Does wonders.
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Era II mods and utilities
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bloodsucker
Legendary Hero
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posted December 25, 2014 11:58 PM |
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If you're going on a soul hunt don't forget the Ayahuasca.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 26, 2014 12:28 AM |
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apart from money, I'm not sure if there is a real problem.
you don't really need to force yourself to do something, especially if it just to please some people. whatever you do anyway, some people will like it, some others will hate it, so don't give a damn (though it's too bad the problem is with your parents, you could make them understand you take the décisions for yourself and not them, but I don't know how they would react, it's hard to not have family support)
are you sure you are socially invalid? I had problem with that too, but if you find an activity you like, it seems to make communucation easier. and you may think maybe it's naturally easy for other people, but I think most of them aren't really that confident either, at least at the beginning. and those who seem really confident are often pretending. actually, people seem to be the most confident when exercising their professional activity. people seem to become much better at communicating when they know they are getting paid. I'm not sure profit is necessarily the reason, maybe the fact to be recognized as a valuable member of the society because you are getting paid, or maybe the fact that your job allows you to take a role, which means you don't have to reveal your true yourself? or maybe the fact that professional relationships mean that you don't imply yourself emotionally, it's not really a relationship actually, it's rather mechanical.
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Valeriy
Mage of the Land
Naughty, Naughty Valeriy
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posted December 26, 2014 09:24 AM |
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Vokial, I have to agree with others that opening up about difficult situations is a courageous thing, even on the internet. Reaching out for help in a personal crisis is a huge positive step. Do stop for a moment and notice that nobody here responded to you with hatred and shaming. All of us took our time to post our suggestions and experiences because we want you to be happy. That's maybe an hour for each person each to read everything and write thoughtful messages. If this shows something, perhaps it shows that your assessment about yourself (that your situation is shameful) may be incorrect. You've got to take this in and notice what people here think about you and your situation.
I will be very blunt. I think your situation is very difficult. But if you want to find a way out you will need to stop over-dramatizing it. Over-dramatizing is thinking black and white extreme thoughts like "life is completely ruined", "lottery and death are the ONLY options", "I am too old to change ANYTHING". Firstly, if you are asking for advice at least be open that other options may exist. And secondly, life is never black and white - just like there are different colours and different shades of gray, there are many different possibilities in every situation. Can we give you advice that will instantly undo your past and give you a perfect life? No. But can we suggest interesting new ways of going forward? I think yes. I think that your feelings of difficulty and depression are very real, but your exaggerated black and white statements are not. Feelings of dissatisfaction will push you to make changes, but dramatic exaggerations will keep you stuck.
It sounds like your parents trained you (probably by using intimidation, blackmail, shame and guilt) to ignore what makes you happy and instead to do what they say. It sounds like the typical "it's for your own good", "when you have lots of money you can do whatever you want", "once you are wealthy you will be happy" parenting style. Basically "in order to make you happy" they've beaten any sense of happiness out of you, and this was "for your own good". And now they shame you for not succeeding? Seriously, I suggest cutting any communication and dependence with these people as soon as you can. You will not find a way to happiness as long as you are in contact with the people who have essentially trained you to be unhappy. It sounds like they continue to train you to this very day. You will have to end their influence on you if you want to change the direction of your life.
I agree with others that your situation is probably not quite as hopeless as it seems to you right now. It is relatively common to choose an occupation that has little or nothing to do with a person's university degree. It is also possible to learn social skills - I'm speaking from experience - it is hard work, but doable and very satisfying when you start figuring it out. You have the advantage of knowing what it is that you actually love to do - history - so why not start by taking even a low-paid job somewhere where you get to work with your favourite subject. Don't aim too high, start low, even start on the bottom if you have to, but in your chosen subject area. If your well-meaning parents object, it is worth asking them whose life it is and then suggesting that they go snow themselves. Doing any kind of job in your favourite subject area, even with little or no pay, will both occupy your time and give you a very different perspective. Plus, doing things you love is one of the best ways of making new connections with people.
Reaching the point where life feels so unpleasant that you start thinking about ending it is a useful place. You can look at it this way: if you are almost prepared to die, you are effectively prepared to lose EVERYTHING. There are things you've always wanted to do, but you didn't do them because you were afraid of losing something. When you are prepared to lose everything, you are finally ready to do the things you've always wanted to do.
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You can wait for others to do it, but if they don't know how, you'll wait forever.
Be an example of what you want to see on HC and in the world.
http://www.heroesofmightandmagic.com
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Zenofex
Responsible
Legendary Hero
Kreegan-atheist
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posted December 26, 2014 09:51 AM |
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Salamandre said:
Professional advice sucks. Anyone who saw a psychiatrist for enough long knows that is purely business based on our inability to confess our impotences, properly translated = the other's absolute indifference except when you pay them. Talk to anyone, internet or not, it is cheaper and healthier. Communicate.
Then pussy therapy, as Kayna said. Does wonders.
That's the thing. The "professionals" will suck you dry to tell you things, 90% of which you know very well and 10% revelations which might be completely useless to your situation. The chance to get real help isn't high at all. Speaking from second-hand experience (close observer). There are multiple therapies that one can get for free, including the listed above, which are usually much more efficient.
@Vokial, you need to change direction. If you are not getting support from your parents, stop giving a damn about their opinion. That's easier said than done, right, but going down this road will probably not get you anywhere you want to be. In the end, you have to live your own life and since nobody will do it for you, nobody has the right to decide instead of you.
You seem to have a deep hole to climb but it's certainly better to try to get out of it than to sit on the bottom or let other people keep you there. It's not worth it. Give yourself some free time, spend the weekend somewhere out (wherever, just don't stay between the same walls for a long time), go through the job offers just for the heck of it, you might spot something interesting. Drop the idea about studying something else - it's just not necessary even from practical point of view and only puts extra load on your mind. You don't have to come up with a solution NOW (and you can't if you're in a depression so just don't think about it for some time), it's enough to unlock yourself from the "life is meaningless" pattern. For that purpose, ignore the "advices" of everyone who has contributed to your current state, they are not helping. If you have someone who cares about you and won't try to intrude you his way of thinking - speak to him or her, go out with him/her, whatever. Most of all, remind yourself that the problems are there to overcome. They are an unavoidable part of life, you can't bypass them, you have to get through them.
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted December 26, 2014 02:09 PM |
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ITT: People advising against seeking counsel from medical professionals.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted December 26, 2014 03:16 PM |
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Vokial, I just read something said that I think accurately applies to all schooling; "More than anything else, University and all schooling is about learning how to learn."
Maybe that reads silly but that was indeed the discovery I made about returning to night school while working a full-time job with lots of overtime. When I finished, (after long years of hard-struggle) about the only tangible thing I gained was that I found my mind fired-up about learning lots of new things and as a bonus, I also had many more creative thoughts, you know the "What if?"
From what you have shared, YOU have been very successful and now you know more than you ever have to date.  You do realize that some folks grow very old never learning to "re-evaluate" but viola, you are already there now. AND you have lots of life ahead! And what is life? To me it will always be...Loving and Learning.
You have your Health (and lots of youth left) and I can tell you from experience a sound body makes you a very rich man. I wish I could have another go. <L>
I think if you will count your blessings, shrug off the past and mistakes etc. (who is perfect?)and then claim 2015 as your year to discover your intended course in life you'll find the sun shines a bit warmer.
btw, I discovered I was perfect History teacher material very late in my life. So you're way ahead of me.
Anyway, I hope you felt some serious "friendship and understanding" and not just from me but from all hearts that have responded to yours.
A Happy New Year to you and yours.
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Galaad
Hero of Order
Li mort as morz, li vif as vis
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posted December 26, 2014 04:23 PM |
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DagothGares said:
ITT: People advising against seeking counsel from medical professionals.
This is probably because there are lots of fraud in this area, is well known psychiatrist gives medecine, psychologists wants you to adapt to society, psychoanalysts keeping you in their room for 20 years paying full price. Adrius probably found someone good, hence his recommendation.
Paying someone to focus on your problems is something I never did, but if the psychoanalyst is of good will and tries his best, it can benefit. I understand is normal for people to warn about frauds, but of course let's not make it a generality.
@Vokial : You're never too old to learn. Is only a matter of will. Not having time is bad excuse, as you can find/make the time.
Probably my post about theater seemed abstract, but really, I am sure you are someone who has a lot to offer.
Magnesium chloride btw, that you should be able to purchase on pharmacy, works better against depression than any medicine prescribed by doctors (that one should avoid at all cost, IMO). Just dilute it in water and drink it, I think a liter is enough for 6 months, just ask pharmacian I only did it once and not sure if I did it right.
Parental issues is one of the strongest impact in subconscious, I understand is very hard, I still have no diploma.
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Valeriy
Mage of the Land
Naughty, Naughty Valeriy
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posted December 26, 2014 07:30 PM |
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A comment about mental health professionals. From personal accounts I've heard there are all kinds - some very bad ones and some very good ones. They are just like chefs - some can't cook well and some make great meals. I wouldn't be ruling out professional help as a valid option, it can work wonders with a good practitioner. But it is important to not trust a professional just because they have a psychology degree or X years of experience.
I think that a good mental health practitioner talks to a patient like an equal, a bit like a knowledgeable friend who provides ideas and support. A bad one is likely to maintain superiority - doctor talking down to patient, and telling him/her what is OK / not OK, and how they should think and act. That's just replacing one bad parent with another.
Just like looking for a good restaurant, it can take going to several and trusting the taste buds. Same here - can take meeting several professionals and trusting the feeling about which one feels right.
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You can wait for others to do it, but if they don't know how, you'll wait forever.
Be an example of what you want to see on HC and in the world.
http://www.heroesofmightandmagic.com
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Salamandre
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Wog refugee
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posted December 26, 2014 09:44 PM |
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Well, not really. To become a great cook you have to pass exams, get diplomas, then people can't be fooled when they eat. To become Psychologist is a no man's land, everyone can open his business and claim he is good. Months ago I visited a famous hypnotizer because people told me she is awesome. Naturally all was pure business and when I looked on internet the only diplomas she had were "3 days of preparation with another hypnotizer", then "5 days with a famous psychiatrist". If you look close and don't let them fool you, almost always you will discover a fraud.
I mean, the STATE DOES NOT consider it as medicine. It IS NOT part part of the pay back medicine included in health care system. All the money you pay to a psychiatrist is gone, forever. Given that every of them is taking fortunes from patients, because otherwise it would look amateurish, at the state of depression you will add soon the one of poverty.
Me says: stay away.
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Zenofex
Responsible
Legendary Hero
Kreegan-atheist
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posted December 26, 2014 09:48 PM |
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Anyone taking into account how much these "professionals" cost? No? A hint then - in Bulgaria the average price is 25-30 euro per hour. The average salary for the country is 250-300 euro which is enough to get the basics to sustain yourself if you have somewhere to live without paying a rent - otherwise you virtually can't afford more than food, shelter and occasionally clothes. I don't know how much Vokial earns but he doesn't sound like a silver spoon guy. Do the math.
It's also interesting what you get for your money. Basically at the beginning nothing more than "depending on the problem, we might need several meeting, or several dozens on meetings, or more, it's early to tell". Nobody promises you anything. Because it's objectively not possible on one hand, even if the "professional" is a miracle worker with unquestionable morals or, on the other hand, because he/she just wants to squeeze as much as possible. You need a solid financial ground to proceed from this point on, otherwise it is very likely that the money which you will spend on the "professional" will make the things even worse. Cool, eh? I'm certainly not denying that this is an option but it's certainly not an universally accessible one.
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artu
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
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posted December 26, 2014 09:56 PM |
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Salamandre said:
Well, not really. To become a great cook you have to pass exams, get diplomas, then people can't be fooled when they eat. To become Psychologist is a no man's land, everyone can open his business and claim he is good. Months ago I visited a famous hypnotizer because people told me she is awesome. Naturally all was pure business and when I looked on internet the only diplomas she had were "3 days of preparation with another hypnotizer", then "5 days with a famous psychiatrist". If you look close and don't let them fool you, almost always you will discover a fraud.
I mean, the STATE DOES NOT consider it as medicine. It IS NOT part part of the pay back medicine included in health care system. All the money you pay to a psychiatrist is gone, forever. Given that every of them is taking fortunes from patients, because otherwise it would look amateurish, at the state of depression you will add soon the one of poverty.
Me says: stay away.
If you go to a crook, that would be your fault. And unlike psychologists, psychiatrists go to medical school just like any other doctor, that's why they are licensed to give prescriptions for drugs. If you do that without a proper diploma, you will go to jail.
When it comes to psychoanalysis, it's not about what he tells you anyway, it's about what you decide to realize and open up about yourself through that course. That's why it takes years.
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Are you pretty? This is my occasion. - Ghost
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Salamandre
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Wog refugee
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posted December 26, 2014 10:06 PM |
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It is a false assumption to believe that once you open to your self, understand the nature of your problem, things will go better. This is what they generally claim, otherwise they would not have any income.
Now, I didn't speak out of my butt here. Did a lot of research in that area, because of my sleep problem, visited some hundred of them, then many people in my job area periodically work with psychologists, and REAL results never come. While your money quickly falls aways.
When they go better, either they fall in love, or got a good job, or they found a way to repair relations with family, etc.
Basically, what we all know.
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