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| Thread: My friend Paul needs our help |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · «PREV |
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Peacemaker
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Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted September 01, 2003 11:03 PM |
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Thanks sis.
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I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
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Peacemaker
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Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted September 03, 2003 07:46 PM |
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An update on Paul's journey
Paul's service was last night. I could write pages about it, but will only give the highlights.
Everybody was there. The Lady Donna (Paul's wife) was wearing a flowing white garment with flowers in her long, black curls. She floated around all night, gently guiding the service, cordially responding to every condolence for the true horror of the loss of her mate, and catching everyone's eye, including Paul's no doubt. Her poise was utterly impeccable.
All of the immensely talented children and grandchildren spoke and/or played the piano. Several of us sang. Then many, many others got up and spoke about how Paul had made them stronger, better people, how he had saved their lives.
When it came Lady Donna's turn to speak, she was divine. Through her words flowed the deepest emotion, buttressed by a strength unimaginable to me. She showed us all the proper way to move forward through a last farewell to a mate.
The men in Paul's men's group started a drum session at the end that had everybody on their feet, clapping and stomping in time like a bunch of damn heathens. My brother and the drum leader from the men's group started a duel on single bongos they had around their waists that could have rivaled any Carlos Santa solo. It was truly, truly thrilling!!!
This went on for probably almost half an hour. If Lady Donna didn't get Paul's attention, that ruckus surely did. Many of us danced in the isles, and laughed, and cried, all at the same time.
Then we all gathered in a big hall, most of us soaked with sweat. We talked, laughed, ate and drank. The children all drew together in a pack and began running about the sanctuary on a lion hunt. New friends were made, old friends appreciated, and Paul honoured above all, the web of his life drawing us all in together. We were all there together for hours.
As the evening drew to a close, great dark clouds gathered there in the foothills over Boulder, harboring brilliant, electrifying flashes of lightning, boisterous booms of thunder, and then an exhilarating deluge of rain that brought many of us out on the front steps, to act silly and laugh and play in the downpour in our dress clothes. It washed us all clean I tell you.
We did it up right, guys. It was one of the most honest occasions I've ever had the pleasure of participating in. It was the perfect metaphor for Paul's essence.
HERE'S TO YOU PAUL! Thank you, from all of us, for the gift that was your life!
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I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
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Lith-Maethor
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Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
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posted September 03, 2003 10:23 PM |
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now THAT
is what I call a servise...
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You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.
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privatehudson
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The Ultimate Badass
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posted September 04, 2003 07:34 PM |
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Kinda makes you happy though you miss him, the way it should be. Well done 
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We're on an express elevator to Hell, goin' down!
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Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted September 04, 2003 08:25 PM |
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Well said PH. Thanks to you my sweet friend.
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I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
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Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted September 26, 2003 06:41 PM |
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Paul's wife Donna just sent me this little story.
Paul had never had a puppy before Wallace. So when Wallace got to be 5 or 6 months old Paul was very concerned that Wallace was still squatting when he peed. Paul used to take Wallace up into the bathroom with him to show him how a guy peed. Sometimes Paul would lift his leg. After about a week "Wallace started peeing like a guy".
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I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
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Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted October 17, 2003 12:55 AM |
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Paul's wife just returned from Florida, where they had a spreading-of-the-ashes ceremony in his old town. Donna generously gave me permission to share the following words of her eulogy with our on-line friends at HC. So here they are.
(I have taken the liberty of emphasizing a couple of paragraphs that I thought were particularly important for each of us to consider in the ways we love and live.)
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Donna's Oct. 11, 2003 Eulogy
...Many of you have spoken and will speak about Paul's life here in Florida, his life as Marsha's partner, his life as a brother, his mentoring, his fathering and his grandfathering. I guess I need to tell you about his last eight years with me and the kind of love that we shared.
Paul and I designed our wedding invitations and the invitations started out with the words "If you're very, very lucky you get a second chance" and we were very, very lucky indeed.
Paul and I met because one afternoon, a jaded, cynical divorcee of eight years decided to answer one more personal ad in our local newspaper. The ad looked interesting - this guy said he liked horseback riding, was a feminist, seemed fairly educated, and seemed like he knew how to love. I listened to the voice mail and this guy said many wonderful sensitive things.
The proper protocol is for the person responding to the ad to then leave a message telling the other person all about themselves. Well, as I mentioned I was slightly cynical after dating for eight years, and I appalled myself as I heard myself laughing into the voice mail and saying something like "if you really are who you say you are please call me at ------------, if you're not really real, please don't waste my time."
I thought as I hung up, oh well, nobody in their right mind would answer something like that.
I didn't know Paul.
He answered, we met for coffee at 6 p.m. a few days later, and at midnight we both realized that something profound had taken place.
We saw one another 4-5 times in the next two weeks and then Paul "broke up with me" because he felt guilty about what was developing between us because he was also seeing a woman with whom he felt a semi-commitment to, although she kept insisting that he meet other women (I thought she was very foolish).
Paul wanted to talk in person about his reasons, I needed some time to think about what had taken place, and so we met by a creek 5-6 days later. I had walked a difficult journey during my eight years of being single and went through some powerful changes, and I'd hoped I was "no longer crazy." So when Paul and I went to the creek I asked him if we really had experienced a very powerful sharing of who we were, I asked if I was projecting more than there was onto our relationship, I asked him if our values really were the same, and I asked him if he also felt like we were falling in love.
His answers were yes, no, yes and yes. I thought for a moment and said well this is your problem then. He solved his problem overnight, called me, and we started our life together.
I need to digress to let you all know why I've always referred to Paul as my bronze dragon, and what that means. I have read all of Anne McCaffrey's books, I'm an empathy junkie. Ms. McCaffrey developed a series of books which described a planet in danger who genetically developed an indigenous species of flying lizards into magnificent dragons who could chew phosphorous bearing rocks, and flame the deadly spores raining down on the planet before they could destroy plants, humans and animals. These dragons also were gifted with amazing empathic powers, they were brave, dedicated to protecting their world, they couldn't lie, they had no capacity for evil, and when they hatched from their eggs they searched the hatching ground for the one human being who when they looked into that person's eyes they would link empathetically with for their entire lives and that person became the dragon's warrior rider. Only the best, bravest bronze dragons became the leaders.
Paul was my bronze dragon and I was Paul's rider. And because of the link with the best and the bravest dragons, the bronze riders became the best and bravest humans. If their rider died, the dragons would go "between" - preferring suicide to the wrenching aloneness of the severed bond. If a dragon died its rider went mad. That was how we loved. So forgive me if I'm slightly mad.
And because I am slightly mad I use my madness as an excuse to challenge you all. When you love, give your partner your best. Love one another with heart, honesty, complete integrity, with your soul, mind and body. Anything else just doesn't cut it.
But the risk is this - when you lose that partner, it will rip out part of your soul.
And, both of you have to make a difference on your planet. Even if it isn't huge - just the simple act of making a difference in the people you touch at home, at work, and through your friendships. Material things are nice, but all they do is make you comfortable, they cannot generate safety in the world.
Paul's life was dedicated to making a difference. I am fortunate to work where I can make child abusers acknowledge their accountability for their actions and force them to hear the impact of the pain that they caused. I honored Paul and he honored me every day we shared. Each morning, as we shared our coffee, we would look at each other and say "life is good." Of course we disagreed at times, we both were strong people with our own preferences. But the empathic link always brought us back to the joy of the complete visibility that we gave one another.
So guys - I loved my bronze dragon, and together we learned that total acceptance and empathic love is possible between the honest and unafraid, and that a person who feels that he or she deserves a full life, also realizes that settling for anything less isn't OK.
(Paul and Donna at my house, Summer of 2000)
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I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
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kaiser
Tavern Dweller
für das Vaterland
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posted October 18, 2003 08:05 PM |
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i'm sorry for your loss
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Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted October 18, 2003 08:25 PM |
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Thank you Kaiser.
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I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
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Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted November 09, 2003 07:38 PM |
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Donna asks periodically if the Community is still reading this thread or responding to the eulogy. I think she finds it as comforting as I do that there are people all over the world who shared this terrible, painful, wonderful journey with us. So I am bringing the thread to the top and invite and additional comments.
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I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
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binabik
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posted November 10, 2003 05:32 AM |
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At least one person is still reading.
I'm new here so didn't see the original postings until just now.
A short story:
A few years ago I witnessed a pedestrian being hit by a car in the middle of an intersection. I pulled over and ran out there to help the lady. She was badly hurt and there wasn't much I could do except wait for help to arrive. I was basically just "there for her".
A few days later a neighbor who was a cop, told me she had died. I was surprised at how sad this made me feel. I really really wanted her to live.
She was a complete stranger and people die all the time, so why was I so saddened by this particular one? Because the short time I spent near her made her a real person, not some statistic. She became a fellow human being that I cared about.
The point to the story is that I don't know you PM, or Paul, or Donna. But your postings here turned all of you into real people. That's why you got the response from all the HC people.
So you can let Donna know there are still strangers from around the world thinking of her....this one about 1200 miles due east of Denver.
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Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted November 10, 2003 06:58 PM |
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Thank you Binabik. Your nature is revealed in your willingness to step forward and help a wounded stranger. This is a brave thing that many would have chosen not to do.
And Your kind words and wonderful story mean much at times like these.
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I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
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