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| Thread: Music Tastes > METALHEADS ! |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 · NEXT» |
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LegendMaker
Promising
Famous Hero
The Metal Specialist
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posted June 15, 2006 06:32 PM |
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Music Tastes > METALHEADS !
Quote:
Heavy Metal is the law that keeps us all united free
A law that shatters earth and hell
Heavy Metal can't be beaten by any dynasty
We're all wizards fightin' with our spell
<<Heavy Metal Is The Law>> by Helloween (from <Walls Of Jericho> 1985)
Welcome, fellow MetalHeads ! 
I started this thread to gather all HC metal fans in a hopefully <Good Friendly Violent Fun> (as Exodus used to say) atmosphere, to share our experiences, knowledges and discuss our favorite music niche ! 
You can read a short summary of my own personnal metal story in this thread, where I originally noticed I wasn't the one in this forum. As the original Exciter line-up used to say :
<Long Live The Loud> !
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Juggernaut
Hired Hero
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posted June 16, 2006 08:18 PM |
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Iīll make a brief statement expressing my view of R nī R.
Most rock journalism is people who canīt write, interviewing people who canīt talk, for people who canīt read.
As for the music goes: best thing around!
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dread_knight
Known Hero
Converting Vegetarians
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posted June 16, 2006 09:44 PM |
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Do almost 10 years of playing guitar 6 of them on electric guitar, together with 7 years of listening to metal and 1 year of performing metal counts?
If it does count me in 
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LegendMaker
Promising
Famous Hero
The Metal Specialist
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posted June 17, 2006 04:35 PM |
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Welcome and hail you both !
About journalism, I think it's true for any given domain. You can tell how serious (or, most often not serious) the journalists are whenever they treat a subject you know very well yourself. The mass audiences don't know any particular subject too well, which partly explains how much journalists can full of **** them time and time again. It's not just true for metal or music. The news are the best example of this, actually.
Recent examples ? Well, in no particular order :
 The other day, I was watching the news on TV and they were doing a report about the late trend in movies : super-hero comic books adaptations. Misinformation all the way : according to them, Stan Lee is an artist (he is in fact a writer and can't draw to save his life), Spiderman's web fluid was always a part of his powers (this was invented for the movies, it's always been an artificial device in the comic), and Stan Lee created the character on his own (it was in fact originally designed by Jack Kirby, then developped by Lee and original artist Steve Ditko).
In any and all musical shows in France but ONE (Nouvelle Star, which is french adaptation of the Pop Idol concept), they want the audience to believe the guests play <<live>> even though any musician can tell easily it's playback all the way. A guy plays guitar madly on stage, but there's no guitar parts to be heard. There are no microphones around the drums, which means we couldn't possibly hear the drummer even if he actually played. The bass isn't plugged anywhere. And you can hear at least 3 different voices at the same time, while there's only one <<singer>> on stage...
According to mainstream medias, <<metal>> must have ceased to exist at some point during the eighties... Since they keep pretending Nirvana <<revived it>> in the early nineties ! LMAO
Just before writing this post, I was watching MTV. A so called rock charts show. Number one was called something like  >>Bullets For My Valentine<< and I saw their patheticly cliché clip. Worse, I heard their so-called song. Man, them false ones would dare ANYTHING, those days !  You gotta hear it to believe it. The song (called your tears don't fall or something equally dull) consisted mainly of typical commercial ballad material. Post-grunge <<pop-rock>> as they call it. Very girly, very, very glam and dull. Then, out of the blue, the gay starlet singer switched his voice to a pathetic excuse for a lame imitation of a death growl for like 10 seconds, while the music switched into an indecent ripp-off of a typical good old thrash riff. 10 seconds later, they were doing the gay trendy thingy again. Next chorus, same masquerade. Even worse : this time there was also a solo almost completely ripped off Dave Mustaine's solos for Kill Em All. Almost, because it included some Maiden quotations as well. And this **** band is called original by the journalists !
Man, I wish I had a machine gun in my hands and all the Mansons of the world lined up in front of me 
PS : I've been playing the guitar and writing my own songs in my own metal style for almost 16 years, myself. 
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Juggernaut
Hired Hero
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posted June 17, 2006 06:19 PM |
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Fun that you mention the part about Nirvana. Iīm a Guns n roses fan*
and when Nirvana hit it big with Nevermind everyone expressed a somewhat "washed up" attitude towards Guns. Big epic songs like November Rain and Estranged was to much and the more reckless stuff like Coma and You could be mine was to much.
So people who claim Nirvana "reinvented" Rock n Roll need a kick on the nuts. Nirvana is grunge nothing else, maybe a bit of punk with the chords going and the D-beat.
* Guns n Roses 88-93
93-??? Rose and hired guns without talent.
Just wanna set it straight: Nirvana are a great band.
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LegendMaker
Promising
Famous Hero
The Metal Specialist
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posted June 17, 2006 06:41 PM |
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So were Guns N Roses in 1987.
Beyond that, well, just a commercial trendy band. <Appetite For Destruction> is a brillant album I still love to this day. But <Use Your Illusion> was hardly inspired. 
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dread_knight
Known Hero
Converting Vegetarians
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posted June 17, 2006 07:32 PM |
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I don't like Nirvana too much anymore, I work in the guitar section at a music store, and all I hear kids who come to pick guitars play is smells like teen spirit. Drives me crazy.
And the bands who we should thank for pioneering Rock n' Roll and metal is definetly Pink Floyd and Led Zepplin who I don't like too much (Led Zepplin I don't like, I'm a big fan of pink floyd) but they pulled it off. It goes way back before GnR.
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LegendMaker
Promising
Famous Hero
The Metal Specialist
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posted June 17, 2006 07:46 PM |
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Pink Floyd and Led Zep ? 
Dude
Can't you spell BLACK SABBATH  
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Rhodan
Adventuring Hero
from Holland
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posted June 19, 2006 11:58 AM |
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'Slayer' is also pretty tough to spell... (=
But, I must say, HAIL!
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Jebus
Promising
Supreme Hero
TheJester akaJeebs akaJebfoo
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posted June 19, 2006 02:39 PM |
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Edited by Jebus at 14:40, 19 Jun 2006.
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Quote:
Nirvana are a great band.
sorry to correct you but...
Nirvana WAS a great band... (and great is stretching it)
Nirvana was/is popular for that generation of teenagers who find it cool to sing about guns. We were listening to it when I was in highschool and they still play the same ol`crap on the radio.
Nirvana was grunge not metal... and thanks to them, all we see today is 4 chord wannaby grunge (today called metal) bands that don`t last 2 seasons.
Black Sabbath? you said it bud...
followed by 15 years of listening and playing Metallica
and now a hellovalota Godsmack. (dissapointed in their last video though)
(and I thought this was a metal thread... Zepellin and Floyd have no place here!  )
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"You went over my helmet??"
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okiesolidarity
Known Hero
right brain/left brain wizard
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posted June 19, 2006 06:01 PM |
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Quote:
Nirvana was/is popular for that generation of teenagers who find it cool to sing about guns. We were listening to it when I was in highschool and they still play the same ol`crap on the radio.
Nirvana was grunge not metal... and thanks to them, all we see today is 4 chord wannaby grunge (today called metal) bands that don`t last 2 seasons.
I am sensing a big anti-Nirvana sentiment here. I never considered them metal (their stuff is more punk/new wave, if you ask me...I hear a lot of pixies, flipper, young marble giants, and the melvins when I listen to their stuff). And no, I don't blame them for the wave of crappy bands that followed - I blame butch viggs and his bubble-gum production of Nevermind, the worst Nirvana album imo.
Black Sabbath, hell yes. Led Zeppelin was a pioneer of some early metal, though pink floyd, notsomuch.
Metallica has been on a steady, downward slope to the crapper since the Black Album.
Guns 'n Roses can suck a fat one. Everything after appetite is garbage. The only good thing to come out of that mess is buckethead, and his solo stuff is better.
Metal has been dying, i feel, for a couple of reasons. The first, obvious one, is 80's hair-metal, and the overall movement towards glam and commercially successful albums. Let's face it, when a type of music starts to catch on the record execs find a way to make a more marketable version, and then pitch it to the masses until everyone is sick of it. To the people pointing their fingers at grunge, that movement would have never caught the ears of teens at the time if they weren't fed up with all of the cheesy metal hedonistic crud that was playing on the radios right before it.
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LegendMaker
Promising
Famous Hero
The Metal Specialist
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posted June 20, 2006 05:34 AM |
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Army Of The Immortals
Welcome and hail to Okie and Jebus ! Been expecting you.
Rhodan is more of a surprise, since he previously made his hilarious "i have music tastes but i'll keep 'em to myself" post in the general Music Tastes thread... lol Welcome and hail to you though !
Glad to see we have some interesting and healthy discussions starting. To prevent it from losing focus, I'll do my job as metal specialist / historian :
Slayer has nothing to do with METAL pionneers. As in, bands / ppl who contributed to create metal as a music form. They had some historical impact, but much later on. Slayer is one of a handful of THRASH metal pioneers in the early 80's). Not metal itself.
Before anyone mentions them, Deep Purple's first album went out in 1968, but don't let that fact fool you : it wasn't AT ALL the same band we all know for <<Smoke On The Water>> yet. They only switched from their original dull pop-rock blend to their highly successfull Sabbath-inspired style a few years (and albums) later.
The oldest song I can come up with on a historical point of view that can be objectively seen as metal (before metal itself existed) is a Paul McCartney song included in The Beatles ' double white album in late 1968. It's called <<Helter Skelter>>. I highly recommend it even to folks who think Beatles was only pop-rock. It has a very, very loud bass line ; a real hard guitar riff (with an impressive disto for the time being) and Paul actually screams on that one.
You need to see things in context. The late 60's saw several bands and artists, both new and already famous, do harder and harder rock. The happy happy, dance-and-twist-along feel of prime rock 'n' roll was slowly but surely losing ground. At this time, The Beatles, the Rolling Stones, the Doors, Pink Floyd, Mc5, Steppenwolf, Jimi Hendrix and others were all incorporating harder tunes here and there in their respective rock/pop mixtures. The Doors' <<Break On Through>>, Hendrix's <<Purple Haze>> or Steppenwolf's legenary <<Born To Be Wild>> are other noticeable examples of this latent collective inspiration of a harder form of rock. But these were always exceptions and experimentations. Noone seriously considered basing a new music genre on that marginal direction.
Led Zeppelin went one step ahead in that direction in early 1969 with their eponymous first album. It's been called "heavy metal" by a number of critics at the time, because that expression was trendy back then. It was originally associated with all the hippy / rock counter-culture that was at a peek back then around social phenomenoms like the movie Easy Rider and the Woodstock Festival. But in retrospect it really is the first genuine hard rock album in music history. No one song is actually heavier than The Beatles' <<Helter Skelter>> and other preceeding seminal pieces. But what's completely new here is the fact that it's a whole album focusing on that kind of sound.
Off that album, the hit single <<Communication Breakdown>> in particular highly contributed to a then-newborn tradition of a certain structure of songs. A very similar structure had been previously used for Steppenwolf's <<Born To Be Wild>> and has been continued and deepened by Black Sabbath's <<Paranoid>> hit single the following year. The impact of that album has been major. Its unexpected commercial success crystalized the interest of the record companies and many bands in that new brand of harder rock.
BLACK SABBATH is by far the number one most influential metal band of all times, and much more than that. They are the first actual metal band in history. They defined the genre, and even the vast majority of subgenres that have been much later created as spin-offs of the original genre are mainly inspired by Sabbath's early 70's visionnaire works.
Formed in 1968, they have existed under a succession of dull monikers like Earth until they settled for Black Sabbath in mid-69. Contrary to what one might think judging by the release dates only, they have not been that influenced by Led Zep. They already had their distinctive style and composed some of their seminal songs before the first Led Zep album went out.
Thing is, Sabbath lacked the business connections of a Jimmy Page (ex YardBirds) to produce their album themselves. History having a tendency to repeat itself, the same thing happened around the creation of thrash metal 10+ years later : though Metallica's debut was the first thrash album ever released, less "connected" thrash bands like Slayer and Exodus were active before Metallica was even formed. So that factor is to take into account as well.
At any rate, there is a before and an after Friday, the 13th 1970 (Black Sabbath's debut release) in metal history. The album was ready several months earlier, but was held back for this symbolic release date. The title-song <<Black Sabbath>> alone pretty much prefigured almost all of what would follow for the 30+ years to come after that. This album is a milestone. The guitar sound ! The ultra loud bass. The innovative riffing. The complex song structures and overall powerful songwritting. The accoustic guitar interludes. The grim, heavy, beautifully dark tone, atmosphere and inspiration ! This is what metal is all about. That friday the 13th, Black Sabbath shouted Let there be metal ! And there's been metal eversince.
But it didn't stop there. They reigned supreme as unquestionnable leaders of the first wave of heavy metal they had bred all along the first half of the 70's. They've released no less than 4 other seminal albums in 2 years and a half. All of which still shine bright amongst the most influential albums in metal history.
It's an undeniable fact that there has been a before and an after 1991, not in actual metal music history, but in the history of how metal is perceived by the mainstream audience. Unquestionably, Nirvana's Never Mind, Metallica's Black Album and Guns 'N Roses Use Your Illusions have been the three major reasons for this.
Before that year, true metalheads were a parallel community. The mainstream audience was either pointing the finger on them or scared ****less of them. We were "savages"> or we were listening to / playing "noise" for whoever wasn't in metal. After the massive mainstream success of these three bands that year, and the greedy influence it had over almost all metal bands at the time, metal merely became a niche amongst others in the mainstream marketting.
Nirvana wasn't metal ? Listen to <Bleach> (1989). Listen to <<D7>>. And tell me that again !
<Never Mind> didn't include any complete metal song. But each song contained metal parts. It's always the same commercially-driven structure : big nasty metal riff (intro) > sweet as candy accoustic guitar arpege with almost whispered vocals over it (verse) > big nasty metal riff comes back with almost aimless screaming vocals over it. Repeat twice. So basically, it's the prime influence of any number of lame wave after lame wave of ballsless bands socalled "new" metal we've been enduring eversince. This can hardly be denied on a historical and technical point of view. Quote:
In our eyes you're immortal-
In our hearts you'll live forever-
In our eyes you're immortal-
In our hearts you'll live forevermore
Manowar's <<Army Of The Immortals>> on <Hail To England> 1984.
ADDIT : That said, metal was never dying. And it never died ! Maybe you don't know the 90's and 2000's real metal bands, Okie. But they DO exist !
Thanks for your time !
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okiesolidarity
Known Hero
right brain/left brain wizard
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posted June 20, 2006 08:30 AM |
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As long as we're doing Heavy Metal 101, here's my two cents on some of the subgenres of heavy metal:
doom metal - let's face it, metalheads, sometimes you like it fast but sometimes it's better slow. Doom Metal takes its cues from Sweet Leaf, and not as much the Sabbath Song, if you catch my drift. Often referred to as Stoner Metal (though many metalheads are anal enough to distinguish stoner metal as a separate subgenre), there's an added emphasis to the slow, unending, down-tuned pulse of rock-awesomeness that is the riff. A prime example of this subgenre is "Sleep", who essentially sound like Sabbath at half-speed.
thrash metal - taking big influences from the up-and-coming hardcore scene, thrash metal is often thought of as metal in its purest form: fast and furious. Taking a step away from the more sombre beginnings of metal, trash is about kickin @$$. Thrash metal is given most of the credit for introducing the double-bass pedal to the metal mix. Often confused with speed metal, which is also fast, but not nearly as much about kickin @$$. Some thrash bands include (early) Metallica, Anthrax, Overkill, and Slayer.
death metal - kinda like thrash on crack, if you can imagine it. Focusing even more on crazy, atonal solos, bizarre tempo switches and blast beats, paired up with lyrics that are generally metaphors concerning death (who would've figured?). Early Pioneer of this genre was the band "Death". Other prime examples are Necronomicon and Necronomitron (the latter of which gets no respect and is often confused with the former)
progressive metal - aka dinky metal. Just kidding. Linked to progressive rock (here's where pink flloyd falls...they are not metal, though), if there were a petition for how metal is essentially classical music for the modern man, these guys would be in the front of the line saying that they're the defenders of the throne. Take two cups of music theory and three cups of ridiculous guitar-playing and you are somewhere near progressive metal, typified by bands like rush, queensryche, and more recently, mastodon.
glam metal - aka hair metal. Definitely the most marketable metal of the 80's, this is probably the most formulaic of all metals (guess you can tell I'm a hater). Catchy meldoic hooks, poppier progressions, and silly costumes/makeup are the distinct features of this subgenre. I will credit it for one thing: attracting more hot women to shows. Examples of glam metal include van halen (possibly the only one i can stomach because eddie is ridiculous), aerosmith, guns 'n roses, and motley crue.
grindcore - taking even more cues from the hardcore scene, grindcore is kinda like thrash, except much more offensive, both lyrically and tonally (or atonally). There are big ties to punk (especially the crusties), and often a more anarcho message, coupled with what is possibly the most invasive noise imaginable...friggin great stuff. I would list some of my favorites but I don't think we're allowed to cuss on the boards.
industrial metal - what happens when you give metalheads synthesizers? Some of them manage to narrowly escape the next subgenre, and instead create some heavy craziness with drum machines, and synths that we now know as industrial. Popular examples of this subgenre include KMFDM, Ministry, Rammstein, and Pain.
nu metal - aptly named as one of the newest incarnations of metal (though purists may argue that its really the bastard child of the supremely vague "alternative rock"), this subgenre takes a lot of influences from hip hop, funk, and industrial and mixes them together into something that is often garbage, but sometimes golden. Birthed in the mid-90's by bands like Korn, Deftones, and Faith No More, this subgenre quickly became one of the more mainstream-friendly ones, inspiring acts like Linkin Park and a bunch of other crappy bands that get played to death on hard rock radio stations.
there are more subgenres to cover, but my fingers are getting tired, as are my eyes.
And don't act like I haven't listened to Bleach over a hundred times, Leggie  . Yeah it's inarguably got a lot of metal moments, but they moved away from that sound by the time grohl joined the band (though oddly enough, grohl released that album PROBOT a few years ago that's essentially a tribute album to all the metal bands he loves, featuring vocals by a ridiculous line-up of metal singers).
Also, when I say metal is dying/dead, it is only in the way that i say punk died, in that it was stolen by a bunch of dinkos and applied to a bunch of chumps by the masses who wouldn't know quality metal if it bit them in the arse. I know there's still solid stuff comin out...i listen to a goodly chunk of it...just have to make sure that when I'm talking to someone about metal they know more than Limp Bizkit.
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted June 20, 2006 03:13 PM |
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I'm not really a metal fan, and I don't care for songs where the extra loud and fuzzy distortion completely overwhelms the melodic qualities that make up listenable music. That's why I can't listen to Disturbed and some hardcore monster-screamo bands out there. I'll mostly settle for Linkin Park and some stuff by SOAD, mostly because they have flexible sounds. It's hard to explain. Apart from them, though, I tend to stick to other genres.
Get the expanded Fables of the Reconstruction CD and listen to R.E.M.'s "Burning Hell". Not quite the metal you'd expect, but it's awfully hilarious and fun!
Is work of Vinnie Moore considered metal? I think that guy's awesome. His fingerwork is amazing; he's truly gifted as a guitarist and composer. He's classically trained and is really good at melodic scales. I have Mind's Eye and Time Odyssey, his first two releases from the mid 80's. I'm left tranfixed by his music every time I play the records.
-Guitarguy
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okiesolidarity
Known Hero
right brain/left brain wizard
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posted June 20, 2006 08:11 PM |
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Quote:
I'm not really a metal fan, and I don't care for songs where the extra loud and fuzzy distortion completely overwhelms the melodic qualities that make up listenable music. That's why I can't listen to Disturbed and some hardcore monster-screamo bands out there. I'll mostly settle for Linkin Park and some stuff by SOAD, mostly because they have flexible sounds. It's hard to explain. Apart from them, though, I tend to stick to other genres.
I think it's easy to explain: you prefer more tonal music. I find it a little silly that you label more atonal stuff as "unlistenable", as I know plenty of people who listen to atonal music, or "noise", exclusively. I think if you'd actually spend the time to listen to those crazy metal records more carefully, you'd hear a lot more going on, chromatically, than you may initially give credit. Personally I think Linkin Park and SOAD are too cleanly produced, with the vocals bumped way too high in the mix (and I am sick of all of these LA rock bands ripping the SOAD vocal melodic progressions...it was cool for one song, not as a schtick for multiple bands to use for every song). But really, pretty much every type of music is "listenable" if you are immersed in it enough and start to get an ear for what's going on.
Quote:
Get the expanded Fables of the Reconstruction CD and listen to R.E.M.'s "Burning Hell". Not quite the metal you'd expect, but it's awfully hilarious and fun!
REM is alright...they have never and will never blow my mind. It's fun stuff for a lazy afternoon I guess, but musical visionaries?...ehhh
Quote:
Is work of Vinnie Moore considered metal? I think that guy's awesome. His fingerwork is amazing; he's truly gifted as a guitarist and composer. He's classically trained and is really good at melodic scales. I have Mind's Eye and Time Odyssey, his first two releases from the mid 80's. I'm left tranfixed by his music every time I play the records.
dude can shred better than 99.9% of the guitarists out there, and that makes him pretty metal in my book.
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Jebus
Promising
Supreme Hero
TheJester akaJeebs akaJebfoo
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posted June 21, 2006 12:03 AM |
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Quote:
Listen to <Bleach> (1989).
Listen to <<D7>>. And tell me that again !
...not even if you had me tied up and were slowly cutting off my eyelids...
limp bizkit had more elements of heavy metal than nirvana.....
____________
"You went over my helmet??"
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LegendMaker
Promising
Famous Hero
The Metal Specialist
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posted June 21, 2006 12:25 AM |
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Okie, are you american ? I don't mean it in a bad way. But I can't help but notice that beyond a FEW unavoidable british legends, your references are always american. You also forget the two major metal categories of the past decade or so : black metal and power metal. Both of which are essentially european. It's a sad and, to me, insanely unbelievable fact that most americans are not aware of the existence of culture beyond their own frontiers and markets. And I'm SO glad to NOT be american for THAT !
Europeans know american culture very well, in comparison. I for one look at culture as a whole, and metal music as a world wide whole as well. It's such a horrible waste to lose half or more of what you could enjoy for such trivial matters as nationality. You just CAN'T afford to ignore such metal gold mines as Germany, Norway or Sweden ! And there are very important bands in many other countries as well.
With this tremendous lack of data, taken out at random (because actual music history certainly knows no such thing as frontiers), you're missing the whole picture. Especially since the vast majority of actual metal has been happening OUTSIDE of the USA for the last 15 years or so 
I'm not pointing the finger on you in particular, Okie. But really, when I'm talking metal with some dude, I NEED to know if he knows better than America inc. !
@Jebus : Foo, you would not be the first, nor shall you be the last, to change his mind radically on a band or album after I FORCED the guy to use his EARS instead of his PREJUDICES to judge it !
@GuitarGuy : Vinnie Moore is a guitar-hero. That's a metal niche, though one of the farthest removed from core metal brand. Often drifting somewhere between hard rock, hard FM and progressive music with or without classical influences. How about prime Yngwie Malmsteem (Rising Force era), Marty Friedman, Jason Becker, David T. Chastain or say, Axel Rudi Pell ?
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dread_knight
Known Hero
Converting Vegetarians
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posted June 21, 2006 01:25 AM |
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This is old but I'll post it anyways because it's ontopic.
There is a beautiful princess trapped in a castleguarded by a dragon. Here is the end of the story with different kind of metalheads as knights.
* POWER METAL The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
* THRASH METAL The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and snows her.
* HEAVY METAL The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and snows the princess.
* FOLK METAL The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
* VIKING METAL The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
* DEATH METAL The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, snows the princess and kills her, then leaves.
* BLACK METAL The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.
* GORE METAL The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, snows the princess and kills her.Then he snows the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he snows the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and snows it for the last time.
* GRIND METAL The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...
* DOOM METAL The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
* GOTHIC METAL The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duett by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell's eternity.
* PROGRESSIVE METAL The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
* INDUSTRIAL METAL The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes anobscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
* SPEED METAL Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.
* CHRISTIAN METAL The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."
* GLAM METAL The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
* BATTLE METAL The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.
* NU METAL The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
(Copy+Pasted material, I am no responsible for faul language )
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LegendMaker
Promising
Famous Hero
The Metal Specialist
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posted June 21, 2006 01:44 AM |
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That's excellent, Dreadie !
Thanks for sharing.
PS : Did you originally write it, or found it somewhere ? And in the latter case, where ?
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted June 21, 2006 01:45 AM |
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Funny stuff, DK.
Quote:
REM is alright...they have never and will never blow my mind. It's fun stuff for a lazy afternoon I guess, but musical visionaries?...ehhh
It was kind of a joke, actually. R.E.M. just decided to make a metal-ish track because the guitarist bought a fuzzbox that morning. That's why it's funny; R.E.M. doesn't do metal.
Long live the Rickenbacker! 
-Guitarguy
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