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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted July 09, 2008 10:45 PM |
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Well, that almsot deserves a peanut. Or an SRT... I always forget which one's which...
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Darkshadow
Legendary Hero
Cerise Princess
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posted July 10, 2008 12:30 PM |
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The defence asks Doctor questions:
Defence: Did you do autopsy (spelling?) to Mr.Hill at 11:00 AM?
Doctor:Yes
Defence:And was he alive back then?
Doctor:No, he sat in the table and wondered why I am doing an autopsy for him.
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted July 10, 2008 08:51 PM |
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Darkshadow, that one is nerly like these:
-Why the snake is happy?
???
-Hey, the snake isn't happy at all.
or
The bunny was walking in the forest and soapsuds. (you could insert any insane words for "soapsuds", I just chose one from the dictionary by random)
But anyway, I myself value insane and painful jokes. (and it's not irony  )
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted July 10, 2008 10:19 PM |
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No, DS's joke actually made sense. Those were non-jokes.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted July 11, 2008 01:54 PM |
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Edited by Galev at 21:44, 13 Jul 2008.
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Oh, and:
-The time of death: 15:24...
-What? Aren't we dissecting?
Edit:
The chippy mum goes home with clenched fists.
-What mommy has in her hands?
-Nutty, nutty!- say the small chippies cheering.
-Nope, nope -she shakes her head.
-Then acorn, acorn! -they tell skipping.
-Nope, nope.
-But then... what mommy? -ask the little squirrels totllay clueless.
-Spasm.
[what a shame English has the 'nut' word for all those stones, it took me a while to come up with acorn ]
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Incidence? I think it's cummulative!
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted July 15, 2008 08:07 PM |
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New joke to keep the thread alive 
A student is at an important exam, and doesn't know much. The Professor asks: "Do you even know what an exam is?"
Student: "Yes, the thing when two intelligent people talk"
Professor: "And what if one of them is an idiot?"
Student: "The other one won't pass the exam..."
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ElectricBunny
Known Hero
Pimp My Box
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posted July 16, 2008 03:42 PM |
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There was a couple who wanted to get a guard-dog. The wife went to the store and discovered that all the guard-dogs had been sold out. Then the manager tells her that he has a Scottie dog which knows karate. The wife says: 'Karate that chair.' The scottie dog breaks the chair into pieces. The wife then says: 'Karate that table.' The dog smashes the table into splinters.
The wife buys the dog and comes home. She tells her husband that the scottie dog knows karate, upon which the husband says: 'Karate my ass!'
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted July 18, 2008 03:57 AM |
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Female logic
If you put a woman on a pedestal and want to protect her from the crowd, you're a macho.
If yu stay home and do all the housework, you're a wuss
If you work too hard, you neglect her.
If you don't work hard, you're a bum
If you tell her how good she looks, it's called sexual harassment.
If you say nothing, it's called manly indifference
If you cry,you're weak.
If you don't cry, you're insensitive.
When you love female shapes and sexy underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're gay.
If you love a woman that shaves her legs and stays in shape, you're a sexist.
Otherwise, you're not romantic.
If you buy flowers, you want something from her.
If you don't, you're not thinkingabout her.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her, anymore.
If you want too many times, you're a pervert.
Otherwise, there's someone else.
When she stays single, it's called independance.
When you stay single, it's called fear of commitment.
If you talk dirty on the phone, you're a huffer/ hisser. (don't know the english word)
When she talks dirty on the phone, she gets paid a dollar/minute.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted July 18, 2008 08:52 PM |
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Thank you for keeping it alive with good jokes. Not as if it was "my" topic, but I really like it.
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted July 18, 2008 08:54 PM |
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I guess it's time to move this to the Tavern, no?
I'll HCM Oscarius first because it's his thread, maybe he'll HCM the mods
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Oscarius
Famous Hero
*sleepy*
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posted July 18, 2008 09:44 PM |
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Dont worry, if u like u can move to anywhere u like, I've nearrly stopted posting now, just reading.
(But I can HCM a mod then)
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Need moar avatars!
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted July 18, 2008 09:58 PM |
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Edited by Galev at 21:59, 18 Jul 2008.
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There's a new coat-hanger in the class and a note on it says: "Only for teachers." Some days later there's an other note bellow: "And for coats as well."
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Lord_Evil
Famous Hero
Evil lolcat
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posted July 18, 2008 10:42 PM |
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Two blondes in a restoran.
Blonde 1: hows the coffee?
Blonde 2: its not coffee, its tea.
the waiter comes and asks: hows the juice?
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted July 19, 2008 12:13 AM |
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1st: Ha-ha!
2nd:  I wanted to post here a simple gag but the meal 'poppy-seed noodles' just does not exist in English and the dictionary offers me a practical phrase: <vermicelli dusted with ground poppy-seed and sugar> That's a joke in itself
[if you are interested, the gag was:
-How was the <vermicelli dusted with ground poppy-seed and sugar>, dear? -It was <vermicelli dusted with ground poppy-seed and sugar>? Than it was bad.]
3rd: This signature thing is really out of controll now...
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Incidence? I think it's cummulative!
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted July 20, 2008 07:15 AM |
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uhuh
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted July 27, 2008 01:19 PM |
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Edited by Galev at 22:27, 28 Jul 2008.
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Now, that unfashioned joke ruined our happy thread
I'm not going to let that
Three men -an Englishman, a French and a Hungarian- are talking about pronunciation.
"It is realy confusing some times" says the Englisman. "We write vehicle and say 'viik3l'." ['3' is meant as the upside-down letter "e" as a phonetic symbol]
"Oh really, that's a problem?" says the French "We write down: Qu'est-ce que c'est. And say 'kesk3se'"
"Hey, then what about Hungarian" says the Hungarian "We write down 'Mit tetszett mondani?' and we say 'Eh?!'"
[the Hungarian sentence means: Sorry I couldn't catch it.]
If you don't catch the joke, in Hungarian we almost always pronounce as it's written down.
Sam is talking to Rakhel, dying.
"Rakhel, you were here beside me when the nazis took our first shop?"
"I was there with you."
"And you were beside me when they took us to the concentration camp?"
"I was there with you."
"And even when they closed our second shop, you were beside me, weren't you?"
"Oh yes, I was there, with you."
"And now, next to my bed, when I'm dying, you are here with me."
"Yes I am."
"Rakhel, Rakhel, you done't bring me good luck."
Edit:Yay! It's in the Tavern! Yay Thank you *make a curtsey to the one who moved this thread*
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Incidence? I think it's cummulative!
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted July 28, 2008 10:37 PM |
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Quote:
Edit:Yay! It's in the Tavern! Yay Thank you *make a curtsey to the one who moved this thread*
I HCMed Pandora and she moved it, so the courtesy should go to her
I think someone needs to change the rating of this thread (since someone seems to have rated it poetic by abusing his powers  ).
anyway:
At elementary school the teacher asks: "Children what does the pig give us?"
Kids: "Meat!!"
Teacher: "Very good. What does the chicken give us?"
Kids: "Eggs!!"
Teacher: "Very good... What does the cow give us?"
Joe: "Homework!"
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted July 28, 2008 10:51 PM |
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That's Goood, even though I knew it.
It makes me think however:
"What does the pig give us?"
"Meat."
"What does the cow give us?"
"Milk."
"What does the chicken give us?"
"Flue!"
There was a placard at the canteen telling us not to eat raw chicken meat
The teacher is asking little Mary:
"Tell me an animal that guards the house."
"Dogy!"
"Tell me an animal that eats the kitchen waste."
"Pigy!"
"Dear Mary, a big girl like you should not add an "ee" at the end of the names of animals. Now, tell me an animal that carries weigh."
"Donk!"
ps: And the curtsey goes to Pandora
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Incidence? I think it's cummulative!
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mamgaeater
Legendary Hero
Shroud, Flying, Trample, Haste
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posted July 29, 2008 05:47 PM |
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a friend of mine asked me how he could lose some weight so i told him
"write down everything you do tommorow and i'll help"
so in two days he comes back with the list.
What i did
8:00 wake up
8:01 lift weights
9:13 walk to work
11:45 eat lunch
11:50 work out
3:00 stop playing sims
3:01 eat a pizza
3:02 go to sleep
(needs some polish i know but i made it myself.)
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Protection From Everything.
dota
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zamfir
Promising
Supreme Hero
Allez allez allez
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posted July 29, 2008 07:04 PM |
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- How to call a man who ate his parents?
- A cannibal?
- No, an orphane.
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5 Times TV
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This thread is pages long: 
