|
|
Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
|
posted September 18, 2008 05:02 PM |
|
|
Hehe, my joke posted at CH 
____________
|
|
william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
|
|
posted September 19, 2008 09:12 AM |
|
|
|
Lol! Very good jokes here.
|
|
Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
|
|
posted September 19, 2008 03:52 PM |
|
|
What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up!
Types of computer viruses
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.
Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.
PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".
Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.
Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.
____________
|
|
TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
|
|
posted September 19, 2008 03:56 PM |
|
Edited by TheDeath at 15:56, 19 Sep 2008.
|
LMAO Quote:
What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up!
I have to retaliate
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
|
|
Disturbed-Gnu
Supreme Hero
Pro Bacon Vodka Brewer
|
|
posted September 19, 2008 06:22 PM |
|
|
I'll keep going on with women discrimination jokes 
A guy found a genie in a bottle, and ofcourse the genie gave him 1 wish only.
Guy: Allright i wish a highway-bridge from Texas to England!
Genie: Errh, don't you think that's a too big wish? I mean, do you really need that? Isn't there anything smaller you would like to wish?
Guy: Hmm, i have a thing i really whant to learn!
Genie: And what is that?
Guy: I really whant to understand women!
Genie: Allright, how broad would you like the bridge?....
|
|
Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
|
|
posted September 19, 2008 06:40 PM |
|
|
Hehe, I think that one has been said twice in this thread
____________
|
|
TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
|
|
posted October 04, 2008 07:25 PM |
|
|
A guy goes into a police station with a sheep. A cop tells him: "What are you doing with this sheep in here? Go with it to the Zoo!", and the guy leaves, probably following the cop's advice.
Later on that day, the cop sees the man with the sheep trying to get across the street. Cop: "Didn't I tell you to get this sheep to the Zoo?"
Guy: "I did, now I was going to get it to a movie..."
|
|
Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
|
|
posted October 04, 2008 07:40 PM |
|
|
John didn't know what to buy his wife for her birthday, but he remembered that she'd like to go somewhere expensive.
So he took her to the gas station.
____________
|
|
Mamgaeater
Legendary Hero
Shroud, Flying, Trample, Haste
|
|
posted October 04, 2008 07:57 PM |
|
|
Quote:
Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
I think i had this
____________
Protection From Everything.
dota
|
|
Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
|
|
posted October 04, 2008 07:58 PM |
|
|
lol are you serious? That was a joke
____________
|
|
Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
|
|
posted October 04, 2008 08:00 PM |
|
|
Heh... It's very old and very cheap but still:
What do men and the letter "Q" have in common?
Both are a big zero with a tail. ^^
And other one from good old times:
The fox gets to know that the bear has a Black List. He skulks up to the bear and asks him stuttering:
-Uhhh... Bear,... er do you, er really have a Black List, do you?
-I do.
-And... well, you are going to kill, er everyone who is on it?
-Yes.
-Eh... Am I on it?
-You are.
-And you are going to... er kill me?
-Yes.
-May I please say good bye to my family?
-All right, do it quick.
The fox goes home, says good bye to his family then returns to the bear who tears him apart.
The wolf also heard something about the Black List and feels rather uneasy about it, so he too decides to talk with the bear.
-Good day, bear. Say, do you really have a Black List?
-Yes.
-And am I on it?
-You are.
-Oh... so I guess you are going to kill me?
-Indeed.
-Can I go home to say good bye to my family?
-Yes, but be quick.
The wolf does so and when he returns, the bear tears him apart.
The bunny is skipping happily around in the forest and meats the bear.
-Hey, Bruin! D'ya really have a Black list and kill everyone on it?
-Yes.
-Wow. And say, am I on it?
-You are.
-Would ya just delete me, eh?
-Of course.
____________
Incidence? I think it's cummulative!
|
|
Mamgaeater
Legendary Hero
Shroud, Flying, Trample, Haste
|
|
posted October 04, 2008 08:09 PM |
|
|
Quote:
lol are you serious? That was a joke
well not the virus as called but some time ago my computer was infested with virus's AND ANTIVIRUS's
The antivirus's tried to eliminate eachother, and virus's ran rampant and i had to send the computer in to repairs... I could barely surf the internet...
edit:
A fishermen once got some salt in his ear and now has pickled herring...
Please don't kill me
____________
Protection From Everything.
dota
|
|
mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
|
|
posted October 04, 2008 10:01 PM |
|
|
Quote:
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Why don't women need a watch?
Why would they? There's a clock on the stove!
Why does a woman wear white on her wedding day?
To fit in with all the other kitchen appliances.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
[actually, never mind. HCM me if you want to know the answer.]
No offense to anyone.
____________
Eccentric Opinion
|
|
DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
|
|
posted October 05, 2008 06:12 PM |
|
|
Why can't an elephant ride a bike?
Without thumbs, he can't ring the bell...
____________
If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
|
|
Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
|
posted October 06, 2008 03:17 PM |
|
Edited by Asheera at 17:04, 23 Oct 2008.
|
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
Every solution breeds new problems.
When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity. For every week you are away and get nothing done, there is another week when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.
Programming errors which would normally require one day to find will take five days when the programmer is in a hurry.
Quit while your still behind.
That OSM thread about employment and such reminded me of this joke:
Baxter Conners
Vice President
Company 203
203 Wall St.
New York, NY 10015
Dear Mr. Conners,
Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your bank.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Company 203's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
Sincerely,
XXXXXXXX
____________
|
|
DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
|
|
posted October 23, 2008 05:57 PM |
|
|
How do you make an italian shut up?
Tie his hands together 
____________
If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
|
|
DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
|
|
posted October 28, 2008 06:47 PM |
|
|
Okay, this is for the nerdy peeps out there!
A teacher enters the class room and writes "ludus linguae" on the blackboard.
The optimist says: "yay, it's time to play games!"
The pessimist says: "aah, nuts, we're going to study languages"
The realist says: "ow, yay... Another latin course" 
____________
If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
|
|
Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
|
|
posted October 28, 2008 06:57 PM |
|
Edited by Asheera at 18:05, 31 Oct 2008.
|
Haha ^^
This reminds me of:
Three guys are in a dark tunnel. The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel, the pessimist sees the darkness of the tunnel, and the realist sees the lights of the train that comes. The train driver sees three idiots on the tracks.
A programmer and a car engine mechanic have a conversation:
Programmer: If I had designed a car, it would have had a much better performance and would have used only half of the fuel.
Mechanic: If you had designed a car, each time the driver uses the break, a message would appear on a screen: "Are you sure you want to break?'"
____________
|
|
Mamgaeater
Legendary Hero
Shroud, Flying, Trample, Haste
|
|
posted November 04, 2008 10:02 PM |
|
|
what do you call an idiot with power?
A president
____________
Protection From Everything.
dota
|
|
Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
|
|
posted November 05, 2008 06:22 PM |
|
|
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said.
____________
|
|
|
|
This thread is pages long: 
