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do I have something to lose?

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do I have something to lose?

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I also believe that all guys around my age are losers. ALL OF THEM.

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It's my philosophy that people do stupid stuff all the time.
It's my philosophy that love is one of the things that make people do things.

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I'm kind of in a bad way right now.  I'm sure it will pass but for now I need to share my depression with everyone else.  I don't know why.  I just do.

During the months of April and May my work was pretty slow.  The head honchos decided that rather then have all these workers here with nothing to do, why not lay them off until the fourth quarter when things pick back up.
I was one of those candidates.

I didn't mind though because it was like a mini-vacation for me.  I got the chance to do more things that with my schedule I wouldn't normally be able to do.

I also met someone.  Kind of a fluke.  I had just gotten home one Saturday night around 1:30 in the morning when my phone started to ring.  I heard some noise in the background and then this voice popped on.
"Hiiiiiiii"
I thought that was weird.  I didn't recognize the number or the voice on the other end but being the curious guy I am I responded.

"who is this?" I asked

"My name is Jasmine.  You want to come hang out with us?"

"Uhhhh, who are you and...better yet, where are you?"

This conversation went on for a while and eventually we both hung up.  
Weird.  Then, she calls again the next day to apologize for acting like a fool to me.  A complete stranger.  I asked if she wanted to hang out for real, minus the drunken stupor.

The next Tuesday we went out for dinner which lasted about four hours before I had to take her home.
We hit it off and continued to see each other nearly every day for about a month.  We saw movies together, went out to eat, went shopping, hung out at my place, shared laughs and conversations.  We shared everything with each other and it was going great.  Three weeks into it she called and told me that she had something on her mind.  I asked her what and she told me that she loved me.  I was ecstatic!  I was falling for this girl as well and I couldn't have agreed more.  
From then on it seemed to get better.  She liked me for me and that's all I really ask of anyone.  Sure I have a few bad habits.  I tend to be a bit lazy, I eat a lot of junk food, and I put things off sometimes (part of the laziness I guess).  

About five weeks into seeing her I got a call from work.  They wanted me to come back.  I sat down with Jasmine and told her I was going back to work which was good and bad.  Good, I'd start bringing home a paycheck again.  Bad, I'd see less of her.  I work afternoons and she lives an hour away from me.  Getting off at 10:30 at night and then driving out to her place wasn't at the top of my to do list.  I wanted to sure but rising gas prices didn't help either.
Instead I would call her from work and we saw each other on the weekends.  We still did things together and had fun.  Another month went by and then another.  

Towards the middle of July we stopped going out and doing things as much.  I still live with my parents as many of you know and I've been setting money aside each paycheck so I can get a place of my own.  Most of our dates were at my house either watching TV or a movie.  We would either make something quick to eat there or go get some fast food.  Not very exciting but I didn't have as much money to work with.  I was trying to save more.  I told her this from time to time but she never seemed to be bothered with it.  

Last weekend however changed things.  I brought her back to my place as usual but this time my parents intervened.  They lectured me...in front of her...about how I shouldn't have brought her back here because it was a waste of gas and I don't have that kind of money.
There was a bit more to it but I won't go into detail.
My dad had brought a new refrigerator home so I helped him unload it off of the trailer on his truck and left my girlfriend and mom alone.  Big mistake.  She told Jasmine I was in debt and that we should have stayed on her side of town so I could save money.  By debt, my mom is referring to my bills which were really no one else's business.  I have bills everyone does.  I pay mine.  I hardly call that debt.  Many MANY people have it much worse then I do.

I talked to her about it and even though the whole day was kind of sucky and the mood was killed, we still enjoyed each other's company....I think.  We laughed and kissed and hugged and then I took her to Starbucks and we hung out at her house for an hour.

The next day our parents met.  Something that we had been planning for a week.  We all went to church and then out to eat.  Jasmine's dad told me he wanted her back by 6:00 that day so we had two hours with each other.  At 5:00 we got on the road and she fell asleep in my car.  I got her home, she woke up, we kissed and I left.

Last night however, I got the call.  I didn't expect it but it happened.  

I pulled into my driveway from work and saw a text message on my phone.  It said, "can you talk?"
I replied, "on the phone or online?"
She said, "whatever is easier for you"
I figured whatever.  I'll just call her.  We talked for a few minutes.  She asked how my day was then out of nowhere she said, "I don't know how to say this but this isn't working.  You and me."
I was shocked.  My mouth was dry.  I didn't know how to respond.
I don't even remember everything I said.  I know I told her I don't give up easily and maybe we could work things out but it was useless.  She said it was a great summer and maybe we could still be friends.  That was it.
I was devastated.  I really did love her.  Now it's over.

What is love?

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That situation has already resolved itself, as you can probably tell by looking at the post date.

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Oh, God, I love her!
Words cannot describe how I enjoy talking to her!

Also, I'm not in love. It's totally the platonic kind of love. You know, friendship. It's all good, sweet and innocent.

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